Well, after my first try not going very well, I made something different as a second try.
How bad was that?
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I don't really understand what you're trying to do here….. It's a road that copies itself onto nearby grounds? Or trick people into thinking that?
It is theorized that through suturing the area with ██████ particles the locations where SCP-XXXX appears are no really ‘replaced’ but ‘covered’ with a fake layer of space, which is a copy of the original space occupied by the original SCP-XXXX.
This sentence really confused me. You can't have a layer of space, space isn't something you can contain like that. Theoretically space is volume, which means that space is everywhere. I think you're trying to say something like a layer of particles? I don't really understand. Try rewording.
the transformation only occurs when no mammal (or 4 known species of bird) is looking
Humans are mammals too you know. Which means that when a human looks at it it wouldn't transform, but another sentence
All the instances of SCP-XXXX have a constant low-level telepathic field which affects humans and some other high hominids, regardless if the location is in its active or already transformed.
I got really confused. Might want to explain more.
I have studied last year that gravity is also theorized to be a force capable of 'twisting' space, instead of actual atracction. I don't know but if that was true, I think that layers of 'space' is not so absurd sounding.
The next thing is actually a typo, I meant to say that the transformation don't happen unless unovserved at the moment of the change. Like I wrote seems to say that it won't be transformed while observed. Thanks for warning me.
I don't understand your last point, regarless I'll change it if you say so.
Thank for the help.
Okay, first off:
[…] these roads located in [DATA REDACTED, [DATA REDACTED], [DATA REDACTED], [DATA REDACTED], [DATA REDACTED], [DATA REDACTED], [DATA REDACTED] […]
Just use one [DATA REDACTED]; it exists so that you don't have one long line of black boxes (or, in your case, [DATA REDACTED]s). There are numerous other spelling, grammatical, and formatting issues, but I won't try to list them all here.
In general, this suffers from the same problem as your last attempt: What makes this SCP interesting? It's a road that apparently copies itself, which is all fine and good, but there has to be something else to really grab the reader's attention—the "wow factor", if you will. Maybe an example can do a better job than I can:
The first time I read SCP-882, I wan't particularly impressed. Oh? It's a giant hunk of metal that makes noise but doesn't make noise? That's cool, I guess. And sure, people eventually want to throw themselves into the gears, but it didn't really grab my attention. At least, not until I read the interview. At that point, the fact that people wanted to throw themselves into the gears really got me.
That said, your SCP has a similar effect in that it makes people want to walk down the road, but I think there are two main problems:
Anyway, I hope that helps. Good luck.
Thank for pointing those thing out. But, wow, did I commit that many grammatical errors?
Also the compulsion to look and go to the object was intended to be something meant to affect humans fully in order to hide itself, no make them go crazy. Through I think I could twist it like that if needed.
About having no hook in this SCP, do you think is somthing I can add, or should I write another thing? Would something like a group of unnidentified individuals, or beings, being able to use the replicated roads to move between locations, help the article?
Thanks for helping me.
I can't remember everything that caught my eye, but you kept putting "the" in front of times (e.g. "the 11:42 PM", or whatever it was), among other things.
As far as what you could add or change…I don't know. If I were you, I'd just give it some more thought. Don't rush it, just let an idea come to you. You could also wait and see if anyone else has some suggestions or ask over in chat.
This draft is so choked full of technobabble that I can't even understand what's going on. You really need to cut down on terms like "telepathic field" and what on earth does "suturing an area" entail?