Got an idea in my head about something that communicates via a victim's heartbeat. It evolved into this. I hope you like it :)
Date: 27 Aug 2012 19:05
Number of posts: 18
RSS: New posts
Not feeling this one; I think the interview log is the main problem for me. Something about the way the tone shifts: it's like you go from something that's being menacing and taking over a person's body (albeit in a quirky way) and then get all chatty, digressive, and conversational with it. It kind of sucks out any tension that had been built up previously.
Which would be forgivable if it paid off somehow, but we don't wind up learning anything about 1868 from the interview that wasn't covered in the description. That said, there's nothing particularly wrong with the idea, and I could see myself upvoting some version of this. Just not the current version.
I'll work on it in a bit, when my internet's more stable.
EDIT: Didn't take as much time as I expected; I think the tone now has it not being nearly as amiable as before. How's it look?
Basically the same. After looking at it again, it might be more that I just have a problem with the existence of the interview. Four of the last five responses from the SCP are all denials of information ("Do I have to explain this every time?" "I'm not really in the mood to explain," "really, I just had to do a lot of thinking," "I'd like to leave it at that"), and then the researcher's note at the end just says that no information is to be had. It's like, so why did you even make me read this? You could have just stuck the researcher's note in the description.
That's fair, I suppose. I personally enjoy the interview, though; would it work better if I just removed the closing note?
EDIT: Did so myself because I never really liked that paragraph.
'Dr. Eriksson: I apologize. I didn't mean to intend that there was anything wrong with it. I'm just curious as to the mechanics.'
I believe that 'intend' should be 'intimate'.
No, seriously, what.
"Insinuate", yes, that works, but "intimate" most certainly does not. Because "intimate" is not a verb.
intimate (third-person singular simple present intimates, present '''Intimate''', verb; participle intimating, simple past and past participle intimated)
*(transitive) To suggest or disclose discreetly.
*He intimated that we should leave before the argument escalated.
That said - what would happen if we hooked this up to someone in a vegetative state?