It turns out writing these are a lot harder than I expected, but after spending way to much time thinking about it I ended up with this. I realize there's a lot of touching up to do in terms of getting the tone right (and fixing a few grammar mistakes) and I have to finish the picture, but before I committed to getting it to 100% I wanted to see if there was any hope for this in terms of the content. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
This is suffering from a lot of issues, least of which is the fact that that collapsible is completely unnecessary.
- The record itself reads like a generic magic item. There's nothing interesting to it at all.
- You make vague reference to a human who is somehow connected to said record, yet expunge anything and everything that could possibly make him interesting.
- The Foundation does not pander to the requests of humanoid SCPs in containment. Why we allow him access to continue to do whatever anomalous thing he's doing is completely beyond me.
- Various spelling and grammar mistakes, as well as questionable tone.
In short, you're all over the place yet don't explore any single part of it enough to be interesting. Do try again.
Thanks for the advice, this has really been driving me crazy. I now realize that is is all over the place, but having thought about it some more, I think I might be able to fix it if I go into more depth - here's what I am trying to go for (please forgive any mistakes, I wrote it very quickly):
I think I need to expand more and expunge less.
That's more understandable, but now it feels more like a tale than a SCP to me.
That was the other problem I was dealing with - I figured I would add the explanation as a tale, but I'm having a really hard time getting the SCP to a) sound coherent while b) having some mystery behind it (i.e. not giving too much away) and c) allowing people to understand the SCP as a standalone.
Hmm… If the researchers always forget the previous tests because they technically never happened, how could they conceivably compile an SCP article about him?
Being inexperienced myself, I'm not going to say that pulling this off is impossible, but I will say it's probably best left on the backburner until you are more savvy with the general style of the site. A tale however… That could be worth a shot. I'd definitely read it.
The way I see it, SCP-XXX-02 is a man who claims that on the following Tuesday he will communicate with his past self, because he remembers it from when he was younger. Evidence (SCP-XXX-01) suggests that he will be successful, and they attempt to exploit it each week they are aware of it. At the end of each communication the timeline resets so that his new memory suggests he will communicate (for the first time) on the following Tuesday. As such they are never able to get any results, because it will always happen the following week.
SCP-XXX-01 is special because for whatever reason it is immune to the timeline changes, and exposure to it grants some immunity as well. The reason for it's classification as an SCP is wrong and only a side effect of the changing timelines.
Eventually SCP-XXX-02 will (in site lingo) terminate, and his past self will have nothing to communicate with, thus making it so the time travel never happened in the first place (apart from the timeline recordings created by SCP-XXX-01). The way I envisioned it, this is an incredibly common phenomenon (for instance 10% of people experience it at least once in a non existent timeline) that leaves no trace, because in a sense it never happened.
The SCP that has been compiled (at least in regards to SCP-XXX-02) only exists in the current timeline, which will end on the following Tuesday. There are some weeks when he's been in containment for two years, and others where they never found him. This is simply one possible outcome that will never have happened once the cycles end.
That's very, very clever. I hope you can pull it off, to me the concept alone is intriguing.
I'd suggest taking this idea to the IRC chat. A little help from the experts will go a long way, especially with something like this. I'd still like to see a tale as well, though.
If I may ask a question, if testers can't remember testing him because of the ongoing historical rewrites (the JFK explanation), how does anyone remember that the record changes songs? Is this an effect of the record it's self or an oversight?
That is the main effect of the record - people exposed to it/recordings are aware of the changes made to it. They are not, however, aware of any of the other changes made to the timeline. As such, any observer would assume that the reason the record is anomalous is because the song changes, and not for the real reason (the fact that it records changes in the timeline, albeit in a very minor way). I'll be fixing everything up this week if I manage to get to it.
Gotcha. I love the idea of this item. It's so simple. I personally like the back story to it…but it feels like you're giving a bit too much of it's mystique away (am I saying that right?)
That's one of the issues I'm dealing with - I don't want to give too much away, but if I also don't want it to look like there's a 'magic' record and a 'super special' person who's totally [REDACTED] and can also do [EXPUNGED]. We all know how that will work out, so I need to find a happy medium.
Not sure if I've seen something like this on the site before, but what I am sure of is that this needs much revision. The description is a bit too straightforward. Try adding something to really make this SCP stand out aside from its central properties. If you look, most SCPs seem to have multiple effects/abilities, or at least a central one that produces interesting and/or variable results.
Also try to add a little more mystery to it. So far there's next to no info that's censored which really kills interest. Now the anonymous band playing the music does spark a little intrigue, but it can't act alone. What drags readers in is the unknown or info that appears to be too sensitive. Always leave a few questions unanswered; it can mean the difference between a interesting SCP that may be subtly horrifying/mind blowing and one that's overall uninteresting and self-explanatory.
…. this is almost completely bad advice. Who are you, exactly?
- Descriptions are suppose to be straightforward. That's half the point of a clinical tone.
- "multiple effects/abilities" can also turn out to be muddled and confusing, which is what's happening here. A tight focus is far more viable when writing a SCP.
- There is too much censorship in use here, not too little.
Longish time reader who just officially joined.
I worded my first point horribly. I suppose what should have been in place is "the description makes the SCP look too bland and uninteresting."
Second point: I was definitely wrong, my apologies.
Didn't click on the drop down link. Now I see what you mean.