I decided to give it a try after listening to some particularly inspiring music.
I recognize the story seed that this came from, but this is… honestly not very well done. I knew it was in trouble the moment you said "blackness"; that's a universally poorly used word that is almost always associated with bad fanfics.
I'll work on it. Very few other words come to mind when thinking of space.
"Deep within the gulf of space, the vast emptiness between stars, a tiny island of air and light drifted forward. The Erikson, the first interstellar starship equipped with a hyperdrive, was an emissary from the world of men."
I just wrote that in two minutes. Come on. :|
I'm am going to rewrite the HELL out of this thing until it is perfect.
Good, because it sucks as it is. There's a lot of flesh monster scarRRRy things already. This needs to be good for it to get an upvote from me. That being said, it wasn't bad enough to get a downvote