SCP Foundation

Draft is here, under the second tab 'You Don't Remember Me?'
The name may change, I'm just having a hard time thinking of something good that wouldn't give away too much about the tale.

Okay, here we go. Backlog-addressing time, so this is a quick read. Here are my thoughts:

Small quibbles:

• I was living with my mom- dad was > should be dash, not hyphen, and no space between it and the words. Also, should it be "Dad" since it's being used as a name?
• there before just… shows up > verb tense change?
• she trusted too easy. > easily?
• I overheard two of 'em talking about one doctor in particular, who matched the description of someone I've been looking for. > seems… unusually convenient. Also, wasn't it mentioned earlier that the person the speaker swore revenge on was an MTF member?
• But I remember. I don't know why, but I did. Call it fate if you want. > I mean… I'd call it more contrived narrative. Also, why didn't the Foundation check up on these people? If it's possible at all for amnestics to fail, it's important to confirm that the procedure worked. Otherwise, the Foundation just looks sloppy. If the mother continues to deteriorate and the kid is stressed, the Foundation should have realized and fixed that mistake.
• Also, I'm a little curious as to why the Foundation didn't run a background check on this person before hiring them. Helping out during an emergency isn't the same thing as going through an actual job interview. Seems like a huge oversight on the part of the MTF commander.
• "…And how lucky am I, that you managed to survive too? > I agree. It feels pretty contrived, in all honesty.
• The MTF won't suspect anything when they arrive here, what's another broken body in the pool of guts to them? > well, for one, a good crime scene investigator/whoever's in charge of the autopsy would probably be able to figure out that some injuries were intentionally inflicted as opposed to the result of whatever accidents were happening earlier.

I dunno about this. I'm personally not a huge fan of the standard "revenge plan that doesn't really help the protagonist borne of traumatic experience during preteen years" setup, and it feels like a lot of this plot is kind of contrived. The reveal at the end is clever, but I'm kind of left thinking, "this was so avoidable!" rather than "wow that was a good read".