An Ambitious SCP - SCP Foundation

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An Ambitious SCP

Whipple 15 Apr 2018 23:01

I've got an SCP that is heavily influenced by the idea of Scranton Reality Anchors and the science behind them, that explains how they work, and a C-K Class Reality Restructuring event, who wants to contain the Foundation

http://scp-sandbox-3.wikidot.com/whipple
I need a lot of feedback, since this is such a huge project. I want it to be pristine before I go mainlist

I moved your thread summary content to the first post and trimmed it above, OP, since it was taking up a lot of space on the forum listing. Try to keep thread descriptions under 7 lines so you don't visually crowd out other people's threads. ~Zyn

Last edited on 16 Apr 2018 05:17 by Zyn Show more

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Whipple, 15 Apr 2018 23:01

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Re: An Ambitious SCP

CardinalSin 16 Apr 2018 00:10

(I'm sorry I if come across as insulting, that is not my intention)

Whoa whoa whoa…whoa

You can not post something like this on the main site as it would get down-voted off almost instantly. Your tone on most of the article is horrible; this is a government document, not a fantasy novel. Secondly, the way both the doctor and the SCP talk to each other is just awful. Again, these people working here are supposed to be professionals and wouldn't be getting this personally involved with any SCP like this. Thirdly, and this goes back to the first point, a document of this nature is a finalization of all information recorded and therefore adding revisions like you did does not make logical sense.

Have you read the guide on how to write an SCP? That should greatly help you on you endeavors for this article.

I hope this critique finds you will and you have a nice rest of your day.

Last edited on 16 Apr 2018 00:19 by CardinalSin Show more

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CardinalSin , 16 Apr 2018 00:10

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Re: An Ambitious SCP

Whipple 16 Apr 2018 00:19

Hahaha

That's why I posted it here my guy. I know it's shit, but I want it to work

The only point I'm going to disagree with is the revisions, since several SCPs use it. Your post just kind of confirmed some stuff I already knew.

I'm looking for more advice. I'll work on getting the interviews to be more professional and the middle logs as well. I'll reread the guide again.

The title is "an ambitious scp" I'm not trying to make something simple, but I need to know how to make this work, so thanks :D

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Whipple, 16 Apr 2018 00:19

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Re: An Ambitious SCP

CardinalSin 16 Apr 2018 00:29

Tbh a humanoid SCP like this just leaves a bad taste in the mouth. Based on what the foundation is capable of I don't think anything of this nature could serious damage. Plus, people who have been on this site longer probably won't tolerate a humanoid with powers like this, it's been done to death and would only serve to bring up bad memories for some people.

But that's just my opinion. If you really think you can pull it off then go for it! Hammer away till you get it right lol.

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CardinalSin , 16 Apr 2018 00:29

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Re: An Ambitious SCP

Whipple 16 Apr 2018 00:32

This would be a major change but is there something you would recommend I change it to from a humanoid. A sentient inanimate object or an animal would be possible but take a lot of revision. I'm working on the tone right now because it's way off, but is a humanoid going to kill the article?

I appreciate the quick reply :)

Last edited on 16 Apr 2018 00:34 by Whipple Show more

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Re: An Ambitious SCP

CardinalSin 16 Apr 2018 00:35

It might, especially with the personality you've given him up to this point. I suggest you read SCP-547-D. I'm not one-for-one comparing yours to that monstrosity but I think you may be able to see where similarities can be drawn.

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CardinalSin , 16 Apr 2018 00:35

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Re: An Ambitious SCP

Whipple 16 Apr 2018 00:45

I would for sure need to cut stuff like this if I kept him a humanoid

You’re pretty smart doc, I didn’t think anyone could figure out that I was messing with you guys. [SCP-#### swipes his arm over the glass front of his containment cell and the plexiglass folds like paper] But you clearly had me read there. Good job [pause as SCP-#### approaches Dr. Adams] You wanna know something funny Doc? It’s only been 2 hours since I entered this cell, but you’ve lived through almost a whole day. I don’t only have you trapped good doctor, I’ve had total control over everything that happens on this continent, but this is as far as your smarts can take you.

But if I cut down on it I think it could work.

And I see the comparison. It's a super typical character model for Scips and in hindsight is super fucking awful. I'll keep him less formal but I need to cut the cocky personality. Thanks

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Whipple, 16 Apr 2018 00:45

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Re: An Ambitious SCP

Whipple 16 Apr 2018 00:50

So far I'm working on fixing the personality of the SCP and Dr. Adams, and formalizing the document. If anyone has any other ideas, I'm still looking for help.

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Re: An Ambitious SCP

CardinalSin 16 Apr 2018 00:54

The best thing I can tell is to never make it where you humanoid SCP has somehow "bested" the foundation. The reason being is that every researcher at the foundation is at the very least a genius and with how many people work for the foundation and what things they currently have contained, being shown up by what appears to be some smug jackass will not look good lol.

Last edited on 16 Apr 2018 00:55 by CardinalSin Show more

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Re: An Ambitious SCP

Whipple 16 Apr 2018 01:06

I made some modifications to the tone of the article and flattened the personalities of Dr. Adams and SCP-####. I want the story to remain the same, since the point two biggest themes of the article were supposed to be-

The science of Humes and SRAs
An anomaly trying to contain the Foundation and getting btfod

If the second needs to change then it will, but it was the original idea I led with. If you have any advice on specifics or major changes, please feel free. I probably won't be offended.

I also am thinking of trying a militant personality for ####

Last edited on 16 Apr 2018 01:06 by Whipple Show more

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Whipple, 16 Apr 2018 01:06

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Re: An Ambitious SCP

CardinalSin 16 Apr 2018 02:49

How's it coming my dude?

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CardinalSin , 16 Apr 2018 02:49

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Whipple 16 Apr 2018 03:06

I've made some major revisions and I got it critt in the #thecritters chat. I feel like I'm getting there. I've shortened it to 3 tabs, and turned the first person writing into audio logs attached to the file, as well as doing some work on the camera section.

http://scp-sandbox-3.wikidot.com/whipple

If you or anyone has some finite advice It'd be appreciated, but I'm going to bed for now. Thanks for checking in :D

Upon some re reading I might put the interviews in collapsibles since they seem too obstructive

Last edited on 16 Apr 2018 03:11 by Whipple Show more

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Whipple, 16 Apr 2018 03:06

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