I've created a -J SCP I've called The T.O.A.S.T.E.R. I'm currently refining some of the interviews before I put the in the sandbox. This is meant to be silly and goofy and I hope it gets a laugh or two. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Be honest, be brutal, and most of all: enjoy!
Here's an idea, what if you made it the polar opposite of pesterbot? An overkill robot who only cares about cooking breakfast. If so, it'd use a flamethrower to toast toast, the saw to cut toast in half (as well as the plate), and it would shoot a missile filled with butter at the toast, getting butter all over the place.
Oh I love this. I'll try running with it and seeing where it goes. You, sir, are a genius, a poet and a scholar.
Okay, the T.O..A.S.T.E.R. Mk II is up and ready for your scruitiny. Let me know what you think.
Hmm… I like it. It definitely got a few chuckles out of me. So far, it has five problems with me.
- It has the number (#) parenthesis. While I find it realistic to an official document, others find it stupid and annoying. Easy fix though.
- That D-class. I dunno, something just seems off about his dialog. It seems like he's reacting to a really bad stubbed toe, not an arm being cut off.
- T.O.A.S.T.E.R.s name shouldn't be in the interview. It should be SCP-#-J. Easy fix.
- That question at the bottom of the interview. That shouldn't be there.
- It seems too… Short. Just a little. Could you find a way to make the description a few sentences longer? Oh! Or add a recovery log, where the house it was found in was filled top to bottom with toast and other breakfast products?
Eitted and altered.
1. Yes, that was an easy fix. Sorry for the mistake, I thought that was the propper vernacular on this sight.
2. Rewrote some of his dialog and editted others. I think he sounds more panicked… (?)
3. Yes, another easy fix.
4. Cleared out the afterthought
5. Added a short description of the T.O.A.S.T.E.R.'s capture. The last line bugs me a bit, and I might rewrite it.
Thanks for all your help Fantern.
I was actually referring to this:
I would like my hand back you psycho fucking robot!
I don't think I would be like that. I'd be more like "OH GOD, THE PAIN!" and stuff… But that rewrite you did was an improvement. Now, onto the recovery bits.
When they arrived they found that SCP-#-J had already made toast for all the residents within the house, resulting in three casualties and one orphaned teenager suffering from a severe eye irritation from strawberry jam.
This… I'm not a fan. I don't really find recently blinded orphaned children/teenagers funny. I'd highly recommend thinking of something else for that.
Oh, and just a fact check, Pop-Tarts have lotsa fiber.
Sorry, I saved the wrong version. The teenager bit and the D-class dialog are from the wrong version of the SCP. Sorry, I wasn't paying enough attention.
Edit: concerning the Pop-Tarts: Damn it. Gotta find something else for the T.O.A.S.T.E.R. to hate… maybe waffles.
Feel like you could rewrite a few lines that sound clumsy ('on it's opposite side' strikes me as a really awkwardly phrased sentence).
The interviews really made me laugh. I'd upvote.
Okay, I've rewritten a sentence or two in the description, changed the taboo breakfast to muffins. I think I'm going to go ahead and post this with the other -J SCPs.
Um yeah… so how do I do that?