A basic SCP draft, I read a lot of the comments in the "What Scares You" thread about isolation, and it brought this on. I know that tone needs to be totally reworked, but I'm just looking for feedback on the idea.
I would upvote. The only thing you need to change is the thing saying "if not sell supplied, starvation and dehydration." I believe you mean well supplied. Just a friendly hint. I will keep checking for more errors, but so far so good.
The article whose posting you have encouraged is something that's already been done, and has been done better. You might upvote, but I suspect almost noone else would.
As I'm not staff, I can't order you around, but I suggest to wait until you get more experience and perhaps an article or two of your own before you hand out advice.
Sorry, but this is bad.
The article's idea has been done already, and done better - we have a number of objects that let the person entering pass into altered space. SCP-860 is a really good example you should read.
Barring that, the execution here is also awful. The tone of the article is rather poor. I won't point out every example, but this
. The floor gradually becomes sand, with rocks scattered at random intervals. No trace is left of the wood that previously resided there. The light on the ceiling rises into the sky and appears to get larger and brighter until it resembles the sun at midday.
is among the most blatant. Have you ever seen an article from a scientific journal written like this?
There's also the thing you never bother to define SCP-1243-2 - the first mention of it in the article is
The desert that the subjects report themselves being in appears to be nearly infinite. Expeditions have been mounted by well-provisioned Class D's and none have reached the end of the desert, or any sign of activity other than that of SCP-1243-2.
and even the later mentions just address some of its properties, as if we were to adivine what it is somehow.
Subjects entering SCP-1243-1 eventually die, as there has been no exit found by those inside of SCP-1243-1. The entrance to SCP-1243-1 seals itself once subjects have entered and shut the door. The door unseals itself once all subjects inhabiting SCP-1243-1 have expired. SCP-1243-1 is found to have returned to its normal dimensions and there is no trace of any physical material that entered SCP-1243-1. Recording devices are rendered inoperable the moment that the last subject in SCP-1243-1 expires.
Though it's a valid way for the object to work in the SCP universe, from the point of view of well, writing a bit of science-fictioney creepypasta, i'd say that all of this is stupid and arbitrary.
First of all, why seal the door - it'd make considerably more sense for it to appear as a normal attic again, just with the signals sent by the devices inside emanating from somewhere inside the room. Second of all , why have the devices cease operation for no reason? Them recording until they run out of power seems much more likely. It's not a good idea to slap more and more anomalous properties onto something unless they fit in a bigger scheme of things, and this is something that doesn't appear to do that - looks more like an author copout.
This bit of advice is slightly more subjective than the rest of what I have written here, but still.
Overall, unless you can pull a very very compelling twist, I heavily doubt it has any chance to succeed. I advise you to work on a different idea.
Ugh, I don't know why I didn't think of 860 when I was writing this…
Ok, I see what you're saying about the tone, lack of definition, etc…
In my defense, I did say in my original post that the tone needed to be totally reworked, I was just trying to get the idea written down.
But the other issues I get. Oh, well, I had another idea for an SCP anyway, guess I'll work on that instead.