Here is my draft, first tab only. I'm not satisfied with a lot of this. I feel like my containment procedures may be a little sparse. If I decide to do further work on this, I'll probably consult someone with a more in-depth knowledge of neuroscience. But the main things I'm looking for critique on is, a) does it make sense? b) Are there areas with notably bad tone? And of course, c) Does this concept work?
a) It does
b) None that I could notice
c) Yes, it definitely does
Just two things, though:
1) Why is there a prohibited date for testing? You could use some explanation in there
2) What's on the notebook? If it's not relevant to the SCP itself, you could at least add "The contents of the notebook were unrelated to the object in itself" or something along the lines of that
Also, it may just be my fixation with AWCY?, but I think this looks like something that might be created by them
I know you're disgruntled with it, but I think it looks pretty good if you review those two things!
- I put that in back when I was considering including a testing log of some sort. As I progressed, I decides that it would clutter up the article more than it would help it. I suppose what I'll do is include a short addendum about an incident that would merit this.
- I…completely forgot to expand on that point, thank you for pointing it out. I'm going to include snippets from this notebook that imply that the kid had made this device, and accidentally killed himself while testing it.
- I'm not going to make it AWCY? GOI-based SCPs don't do well when the group is just tacked on at the end, especially with AWCY? It wasn't supposed to be AWCY? at the conceptualization, so it won't be AWCY? when it's done. The point of the object was supposed to be up to interpretation, something along the lines of the kid was either jealous of the kids at the school and constructed the device for that or he was a religious fanatic who believed that they needed to be "cleansed" by God's work, and believed that the TEST would make him holy. Or something. Anyways, that is what the notebook was supposed to be for, had I remembered to write it.
There's some things about this that are bugging me:
- You say "radio", but I have a feeling you mean some other things.
- This is contained in a Faraday cage which would imply electromagnetic radiation… but you also say that this somehow only "broadcasts" to a specific region. This seems to contradict itself.
- "Broadcasts a program"… I do not think that word means what you think it means.
- I'm on the fence as to whether the effects are interesting enough, but the last one seems to be really silly from where I'm standing.
- The addendum is so heavily censored it may as well not even exist.
@Tiefling: This doesn't have anything to do with AWCY? and suggesting that he tack on a GOI for no reason is really poor advice.
- I probably could use some help with more correct terminology.
- I chose the Faraday cage because I read that it blocks radio waves. Upon review, I realized that it was pointless to use this, as the object doesn't activate itself.
- I'll try to expand or tweak the effects more to make them more clear.
- How do you mean? I made sure to only censor names.
It needs more work definitely, thank you for this feedback.