SCP Foundation

I had a strange dream a while back and ended up writing down some of the imagery therein. I thought about trying to make it into a full short-story but never really got around to it. I've been reading SCPs for a long time but never really considered making one until now, so I thought why not just turn that dream into one?

Here's the sandbox, let me know what you think works and what doesn't: http://scp-sandbox-3.wikidot.com/metalgearsamus

Thanks in advance.

Hmm, this is a bit rough but you definitely have something here.

First off, remove the redactions. In this scenario, they don’t really serve any purpose. They just feel obtrusive, so just say the name and location of the castle.

You have a few clinical tone issues throughout, most notably overuse of saying non-clinical terms in quotation marks to make them sound clinical. That can work maybe once per article but it’s just too overused in this one. “Such basic things” was also a phrase that stuck out as out of place.

The dialogue wasn’t bad, but it definitely did not feel like someone from the 15th century. Try using more antiquated diction (and be careful not to make it faux-antiquated) to make it feel more authentic.

The ending was fantastic, perfect use of understated implication. Good luck!

Wow. I posted this, got super busy, then forgot to check back on it until now, lol

Thanks for the feedback, Modern_Erasmus. I cleaned up the language a but, as per your suggestion. I still have to tweek the dialogue a bit, I think, but I figured it's changed enough to warrent a bumb.