Finally! It's done!
Here it is!
Feedback is much appreciated.
Finally! It's done!
EDIT:Here's the new version. Now, bring on the critique!
Here it is
…If anything, this is even worse. You clearly have no idea what memetic actually means, your dog is still a boring superanimal that kills things for no reason, your tone is still terrible, and the tests are frankly hilariously bad (D-Class was sent in a box, D-Class was disguised as a… vacuum? What does that even mean? Was he inside a vacuum-sealed bag, or dressed like a vacuum cleaner? Was he disguised as the endless reaches of space?).
In short, this idea is bad and it's not going anywhere.
He was in the vacuum cleaner
You do understand that's really, really, really stupid, right?
At least it's shorter. :/
(I would call it an X-Dog)
Anyways, I'll try and sit back and look deeper into how successful SCPs are created.
Anyways, thanks for the help.
My critique? It's shorter because I used up a lot of energy writing that first one, the first one was quite extensive, I have faith that everyone else can point out some things that I probably missed about this, I've previously stated my solid opinion on this matter1, which is a sentiment that I believe others in this thread share, and I have a massive headache and my godamn Ibuprofen is taking forever to kick in.
I don't think this can work as an SCP, but you really want to try, I recommend making it a more obscure animal, like a kiwi, or a capybara.
That wouldn't change the fact that it's an X-Man animal.
Oh, I know. I'm just trying to encourage him to at least be imaginative with his choice of animal.
I'll try to change the animal.
Personally, I'm not sure changing the animal would have that much impact on the idea itself. Sure, it's good to be imaginative in regards to the species, but it might break suspension of disbelief if it's a little too obscure, to the point where it might make one question how the Foundation happened to encounter such an animal.
There was another thread mentioning biodiversity. As Wogglebug said, as far as anomalous animals go, your neighbor's dog exhibiting odd behavior would be easier to notice than a monkey 50 miles away from human civilization.
Edit: Not to say that it's a bad idea, per se. But while cats and dogs are on the cliche list, I'm not entirely sure obscurity of a species would possess that much weight in an article.
Uhh, okay then.
There's some mixed opinions here, so I'll just leave it as is.
…What mixed opinions are you possibly seeing?
Personally, I'm not sure changing the animal would have that much impact on the idea itself.
I recommend making it a more obscure animal, like a kiwi, or a capybara.
…No, I'm pretty sure both of those people were saying that it's not a good idea, one of them just offered that maybe you should change it to a more obscure and underdone animal.
I'm changing this dog from X-Man to more memetic.
This is just that terrible tiger idea with a dog and slightly different superpowers. I really don't see what you hope to accomplish with yet another dull superanimal when you saw what happened to the last one.
Both of your addendums (addenda? addendi? -someone please correct me on this xD-) can be summed up in one sentence a piece and tossed in the description. And please, find a way to keep this from being a particularly vicious pokemon if you're gonna keep at it. I can't see any other crit that hasn't been given, so I'll stop there. Better luck next time.
The proper Latin plural is addenda; since it is functioning as a word in English, addendums may be acceptable (my dictionary likes it, but my spellcheck doesn't).
- Collapsibles are meant for hiding things that:
- Require a higher security clearance level, in-universe, or:
- Are very long.
- You need spaces between each paragraph. Press enter twice instead of once. Honestly, how this keeps escaping people is beyond me.
Other people have presumably covered the actual content issues better than I could. The thing is, if your idea and/or tone are bad, people will just figure that you are an inexperienced writer. If your spelling or grammar is wrong, people will just assume that you're sloppy.
But if your formatting is bad upon posting, I can only assume that you are either utterly oblivious, or are uninterested in actually making something that people might have the patience to read. That is why, even if they clearly can't be assed or are unable to do anything else right, I urge people to format their pages in a reasonable, readable manner.
This is just a thing that kills you for no reason, and frankly it sounds less like an SCP and more like something Gary Gygax would have come up with in 1978.
In fact, now that I think about it, it's pretty much a displacer beast.
I would highly encourage you to take a creative writing class before you try writing for this site - your sentence structure is frankly horrendous.