The third (well, fourth if you count interludes) tale from the Old Man in the Sea canon for the NYC2013 contest. Please note that the 'I' in this tale is not the same as in any of the others. That'd be weird. Anyhow, thanks to everyone (Wilt, Roget, & Snow and a few other folks from chat) who provided feedback. Responses are much appreciated.
Date: 03 Feb 2013 03:41
Number of posts: 9
RSS: New posts
One odd thing, to me, is that this appears to be a simple culture, with gods of wind and land, yet the narrator of the story uses words such as traipse, extinguished and pinnacle. They just seem out if place in a culture that sends young men up mountains to test their manhood.
Still, well written. Upvoted.
It is also strange that this narrator from the simple culture speaks English.
That was sort of the principle I was going for. If its not unreasonable for the thing to be presented in English, then I figured it'd be alright if they used some somewhat more advanced forms of words, especially those relating to important things within their culture (journeys, mountains, etc.). I do get Dok's point though.
Very nice. Was a little 'eh' at first, and then once the… you know… showed up, holy crap, was that some vivid imagery. Just what I'm looking for. +1'ed