I really would like a critique. What did I do wrong? What did I do right? Any changes you think I should make? Should I go ahead and post it?
Is it salvageable or should I scrap it and move on to something else? I'm kind of on the fence and need impartial advice.
At the moment, I think only an exceptional execution with a strong twist could really save this. I would suggest you at least put this aside and try something else, then maybe come back to it after having written a few more articles.
SCP-XXXX was recovered when a female passenger attempting to depart from [REDACTED] Airport was found to be carrying medicinal materials and was unable to produce a notice from her family physician. The materials were confiscated as being an unknown security risk. An undercover Foundation agent recognized that these vials did not contain insulin and dispatched them to Site 17 for research and analysis. The unknown female passenger was unable to be located.
Pretty sure you have to, you know, tell someone your name in order to buy an airplane ticket.