I really like the idea of this, but the tone of the interview threw me off. The agent's narrative voice vacillates between formal and informal so often that it disrupts the story. But I do think you have a cool idea so no vote for now.
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I agree, the interview log was not a strong point in the article. Also, the idea as a whole reminds me of those twisters in old Looney Toons episodes that follow the characters around. Not too great…
(account deleted)Kinda bland, in my opinion, and the interview could use a lot of polishing.
SCP-1352's enclosure is located in an isolated valley of the Amargosa Range.
Wikipedia informs me that the Amargosa Range is located in Nevada along the eastern edge of Death Valley, but it shouldn't be assumed that the reader knows that - unless the person reading the article grew up in that region, spends a lot of time there recreationally of professionally, or is the Undertaker, odds are they've never heard of it.
The entity is permitted to wander around the premises of the enclosure.
It's a tornado. How are you going to stop it from roaming? Harsh language? If the idea is to restrict it to this area, you really ought to explain how.
The enclosure is 25 hectares
"Hectare" is not a standard metric unit. Square kilometers are the preferred unit for surface area.
All personnel are allowed to interact with SCP-1352, but only during breaks or otherwise not performing any tasks.
This is just plain silly.
"Hey, boss, can I go play with the tornado?"
"Did you finish your TPS reports?"
"I'll finish 'em after supper! Super-swear!"
but they shift with the "mood" of the entity.
"Mood" does "not" need to "be" in "quotation" marks.
and the entity will attempt surround the person/s
You're missing a word there.
If excited, wind speeds and funnel size rapidly shift between the 60 and 100 km/h parameters. In an angered state, the funnel grows to proportions similar to those of F5 tornadoes. The entity will then attack with debris thrown at speeds excess of 300 km/h.
Remind me, why do we let just anyone wander in and play with the tornado again?
Unusually, the funnel doesn't increase or decrease in size when this occurs
Contractions are bad tone.
and solving simple problems i.e., matching objects.
"I.e." means "that is". You mean to say e.g. - i.e., "for example".
We just played with him like a dog until the Recovery teams showed up, which I think was thirty minutes later. Besides, bullets can't do shit on him so why bother.
Again, you really need to explain what a "Recovery Team" does to lure a tornado into captivity. Did they lay down a trail of Beggin' Strips or something?
Final thought: This is actually a good idea that I'd like to see improved upon, but as it is the writing is just too sloppy.
You know, I think this could be good if the Foundation did analysis and found that it wasn't actually displaying signs of intelligence or playfulness, and was just exerting a mental effect on people that causes them to be disposed to viewing its actions in that light. Because the article right now reads that they're actively trying to think of it as a pet, which is kind of silly, because they would do their darnedest to explain it from a neutral standpoint.
E: Author, while this might end up sticking in the low positives (at least for a while before being deleted after a slightly embarrassing slide through the negatives), I strongly recommend doing further revisions of this to accommodate the suggestions people have made, particularly considering that this still has a substantial number of downvotes. This could be a much better SCP than it currently is.
Art blog | Personal/political blog | I'm un-retired from the SCP community. Go check out Regicide, my Homestuck fanfic, too. | Death to America.
Oh hey, this is back. Call me crazy, but I like tornado puppies. Do do the polishing up other users have pointed out, but you still get a +1 from me.
Same here, +1
But i think it went a little too far with the "Playful" thing.
It needs to be implied, not forced.
Dr. ████: Please recall how you captured SCP-1352
Please add a period to this oh god it's killing me.
Neutral for now. The base idea I enjoy, it's mainly the tone in the interview that rubs me the wrong way.
I like the concept, but you need to act upon the suggestions offered.
+1, though. It has potential.
The concept of this is ok, but it needs a helluva lot of work on this. The execution wasn't very well thought out.
So I won't rate good nor bad.
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Art blog | Personal/political blog | I'm un-retired from the SCP community. Go check out Regicide, my Homestuck fanfic, too. | Death to America.
Just out of curiosity, what prompted the assigning of a masculine identity to the sentient atmospheric phenomenon?
besides, bullets can't do shit on him so why bother. In the end, we managed to lure it into the holding container, but someone had to stay with him, or else he'd get mopy and make another ruckus.
I like how it's not even consistent.
That said, it's just about OK since it's the debriefing of an agent. It'd be worse if it was so in the main document.
I distinctly remember this one, even key points of the document. Did someone do a rewrite of it or something?
/forum/t-648210/scp-1352#post-
page revision: 2, last edited: 30 Oct 2017 00:04
