SCP-Draft: Laggy Mirror
I may be overeager on this, but I'm jumping into the fray fairly quickly. Possibly even too quickly.
This is my first proposed SCP. Let's see how this goes.
SCP-Draft: Laggy Mirror
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» SCP-Draft: Laggy Mirror
A mirror that causes paralysis?
Not my cup of tea, I suppose.
Was actually going for less paralysis and more torn apart.
(The idea was that looking in the mirror causes 'lag', which ends badly for those involved. For example, I get stuck trying doing a jumping jack while my arms are going up, and I keep telling my arms to go up. When the lag stops, my arms go up… and all the way around, tearing muscles and skin, since the command was sent repetitively over the paralysis bout.)
Any suggestions on making that more clear?
The tone of the article implies that it causes paralysis. You might want to spruce that up.
You are the second person today who has said something along the lines of, "it's probably too early but I'm doing this anyways". Three guesses what happened to the other guy, and the first two don't count.
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX should be kept in a Secure Containment Cell at Site 26.
Why is "Secure Containment Cell" capitalized, and more importantly, why that particular phrasing? I've never seen that terminology used anywhere else on site, and wording consistency is a huge bonus when you're writing something that's part of an existing library.
Footage of the cell should be reviewed weekly. If maintenance of the camera or movement of SCP-XXXX is necessary, no fewer than three personnel should enter the Cell and cover it with a weighted sheet. The above portion of the procedure should be performed blindfolded, and should be rehearsed several times beforehand using a stand-in for SCP-XXXX of the appropriate size.
There's a lot of logical fallacies here.
- If looking into this mirror causes bad things to happen, why isn't it always covered? And not just covered with a thin sheet, but with something more solid. Like, taped down.
- Is there any reason it's three and only three people that can enter the room? If you tell me it's because that's what SCP-173 said, then I will be very disappointed.
- Mirrors do not reflect infrared radiation. Why don't we just do this in darkness and give our maintenance crew infrared goggles?
Then, while in transit or during maintenance, SCP-XXXX must remained observed by at least two personnel at all times to prevent observational cessation caused by blinking.
Yep, definitely too much 173 on the brain. This is a killer when it comes to downvotes.
Description: SCP-XXXX is a full-length standing mirror currently measuring 45.05 cm in width, 155.10 cm in height, and 18.42 cm in depth.
My, grandma, what suspiciously precise rough measurements you have. You also have inconsistent significant digits going on here.
When supporting stand is unfolded, […]
There should be an "its" in there somewhere.
[…] SCP-XXXX has a depth of 45.05 cm. Its frame is northern red oak with decorative carvings along the sides. A signature on the back of the frame and distinctive decorative motif points to [REDACTED] as its creator. SCP-XXXX displays no unconventional properties when not in view of a living organism with sight.
"distinctive" is a subjective term, and the last sentence is a misplaced fragment that should be part of the next paragraph. It should also be worded better.
When not in use and unobserved, SCP-XXXX will rotate to face the nearest living organism with sight or, if no organisms are present in the room, the nearest entryway. If SCP-XXXX is covered, once unobserved, cover will be on the floor beside it, neatly folded. SCP-XXXX shows no reaction to nonliving viewing devices or living organisms without the ability to see.
So now the cover thing makes sense. However, it also unfortunately makes it lame, because items that throw fits if you don't use them aren't well-received.
When visually observing SCP-XXXX, living organisms will feel compelled to continue to study themselves. Subjects will also be compelled to perform “active” motions, such as jogging in place or jumping jacks. Nonhuman subjects have substituted exerting activities appropriate to their own physiologies, such as tail or trunk swinging.
Yeah, what I just said. Compulsions are boring; the best hooks are the ones where you realize the subjects in question are voluntarily doing something horrifying.
Subjects will react violently to all attempts to break direct visual contact with SCP-XXXX. After viewing SCP-XXXX for a certain amount of time (of a duration between twelve seconds and four minutes) subjects report unresponsiveness in limbs and face. Duration of time until symptoms report appears to vary quadratically with body mass, with human durations at approximately 150 seconds. Mus musculus, the most common laboratory mouse, is estimated to feel these symptoms at approximately twelve seconds. (Estimation is necessary due to lack of communication and is based on appearance of later symptoms.)
"quadratically"? Seriously? "Duration until symptoms manifest is directly proportional to mass of subject."
As a side note, general tonal issues. Bigger words doesn't make something more clinical or scientific, it just makes it technobabble and hard to read.
Approximately twelve seconds after first symptoms, subjects will visibly stop moving periodically. Subjects have been seen in poses impossible to normally hold, such as being suspended in the air. Subjects will then have sporadic bouts of active movement, followed by repeated freezing of variable length. Active movements after short bouts of inaction are mostly without incident: long bouts of inaction, however, are often followed by torn muscles and ligaments. Subjects report being fully aware during their periods of inaction and still compelled to move. All orders sent to limbs unresponsive during bouts of inaction are executed immediately after the bout of inaction ends. Repeated orders appear to compound in magnitude, even if the resulting action should not be physiologically possible. Unconsciousness and removal from SCP-XXXX’s vicinity does not appear to end SCP-XXXX’s effect, as subjects upon waking will violently attempt to return to SCP-XXXX.
Soooo many words.
After the application of Class A amnesiacs, SCP-XXXX’s effects are mostly neutralized, though observers of subjects note that the subjects are both more active in their daily habits and more likely to admire themselves in reflective surfaces.
Amnestics aren't magic restorative drugs, they are drugs that cause memory loss. How losing your memory would affect this just doesn't make sense. Also, even more compulsion nonsense.
SCP-XXXX’s surface does not need cleaning. All particles on its surface are absorbed over time. It has been noted that blood is absorbed nearly instantaneously, while other particles take longer.
This seems silly and unnecessary.
Addendum 1: Testing of SCP-XXXX's effects suspended indefinitely after it was found that SCP-XXXX grew [REDACTED] cm in height, [REDACTED] cm in width, and [REDACTED] cm in depth after a particularly large amount of blood was absorbed.
Why the redactions? All they do here is break the flow and make this hard to read.
Addendum 2: SCP-XXXX will prioritize human-sized entryways over others, but has been observed to face mouse-holes if other options not present in room. SCP-XXXX will ignore windows as possible entryways.
Meh.
Addendum 3: Personnel are highly discouraged from drilling rodent-sized holes in SCP-XXXX’s containment. SCP-XXXX is not an exterminator. Personnel found drilling rodent (or any other size) holes in SCP-XXXX’s containment will be reprimanded.
This and other instances that imply that Foundation are highly unprofessional, idiotic pranksters who treat potentially world-ending artifacts as toys or playthings is called "LolFoundation" and would be grounds for an immediate downvote by itself. Don't do this.
Summary
It's a mirror that compels you to look at it then does weird things to time and space around you. It's also using ten words when five will do, and is just generally not an entertaining read.
Thanks for your criticism. Fixed (or attempted to fix) some of the flaws you pointed out. Just wanted some clarification on some things.
2. Is there any reason it's three and only three people that can enter the room? If you tell me it's because that's what SCP-173 said, then I will be very disappointed.
Three people seemed like the logical number for camera maintenance. One person to fix the camera, two to watch in case one blinks. I wasn’t thinking specifically of 173, but I’ve read it before (obviously) so it might have had an effect.
3. Mirrors do not reflect infrared radiation. Why don't we just do this in darkness and give our maintenance crew infrared goggles?
Because I had forgotten that fact. Now part of the containment protocols.
Compulsions are boring; the best hooks are the ones where you realize the subjects in question are voluntarily doing something horrifying.
Regarding the compulsion, would the subject suddenly wanting above all to look in the mirror still be a compulsion?
Because that might have been terminology error on my part. I meant for the subjects to suddenly want to see themselves in the mirror a la Narcissus (which is why they reacted violently). (Removed the attractive element anyways.)
"quadratically"? Seriously?
I did originally have it be a linear proportionality, but humans are 3000 times as massive as the common mouse. I was having problems coming up with a linear equation that had the results I wanted for time and mass or just going quadratic, and apparently I made the wrong choice.
Working on the wordiness thing. I’m finding it pretty hard to describe the concept I wanted.
What I was going for was video game lag, when your character freezes in place and you keep on giving, say the walk forward command, only to find that the character has walked all the way forward and is now walking into a wall.
Amnesiacs aren't magic [reset buttons].
The idea behind the amnesiac sections was that the memory of the mirror was enough to want to go back. The removal of the memory of the mirror would remove wanting to go back to it. Some of the issue might be the terminology problem from earlier.
This seems silly and unnecessary.
The absorption of particles was an attempt to have the mirror feed on the blood from its shattered victims. I didn’t want that to be entirely in the addendum.
LolFoundation
Removed Addendum 3.
Thanks for your feedback, and I'm guess I'm at the very least glad it wasn't explodingly atrocious.
Though I have a hard time judging from the feedback if the concept appears to unsalvageable, I will continue nonetheless.
Three people seemed like the logical number for camera maintenance. One person to fix the camera, two to watch in case one blinks. I wasn’t thinking specifically of 173, but I’ve read it before (obviously) so it might have had an effect.
Why? Because having more than one person counteracts its effects? If that's the case, then you need to state so; it doesn't say that right now.
Regarding the compulsion, would the subject suddenly wanting above all still be a compulsion?
Because that might have been terminology error on my part. I meant for the subjects to suddenly want to see themselves in the mirror a la Narcissus (which is why they reacted violently). (Removed the compulsion anyways.)
That's precisely what a compulsion is, something that you wouldn't normally do. Whether you are aware of the compulsion or not is irrelevant.
I did originally have it be a linear proportionality, but humans are 3000 times as massive as the common mouse. I was having problems coming up with a linear equation that had the results I wanted for time and mass or just going quadratic, and apparently I made the wrong choice.
I did not say "linearly proportional". I said "directly proportional". Big difference.
What I was going for was video game lag, when your character freezes in place and you keep on giving, say the walk forward command, only to find that the character has walked all the way forward and is now walking into a wall.
I get that, but it just doesn't click very well.
The idea behind the amnesiac sections was that the memory of the mirror was enough to want to go back. The removal of the memory of the mirror would remove wanting to go back to it. Some of the issue might be the terminology problem from earlier.
Yeah, but at the same time you also say that people who are affected are permanently affected no matter if they are given amnestics or not. So why bother if that's the case?
The absorption of particles was an attempt to have the mirror feed on the blood from its shattered victims. I didn’t want that to be entirely in the addendum.
It's kind of lame, to be honest. The base concept has a shred of potential, but you're drowning it in unnecessary detail.
Though I have a hard time judging from the feedback if the concept appears to unsalvageable, I will continue nonetheless.
It's not beyond saving, but you have a lot of work to do.
Why? Because having more than one person counteracts its effects? If that's the case, then you need to state so; it doesn't say that right now.
There didn't need to be more than one person observing it to counteract the effect. I just considered one person blinking to be a period of nonobservation, which would have resulted in the cover being removed. So two people are to watch, since the instance of two people blinking at the same time is much more unlikely than one person having to blink.
That's precisely what a compulsion is, something that you wouldn't normally do. Whether you are aware of the compulsion or not is irrelevant.
Thanks for the clarification. The current draft now has no mental compulsion. Since I need a reason for people to still be looking at the mirror, I'm going with "physically unable to stop looking at their own reflections." until I can think of something better.
I did not say "linearly proportional". I said "directly proportional". Big difference.
I might have a problem with that response. While yes, directly proportional means mathematically that one variable is always the product of a constant and the other variable (without any y-intercept) and linearly proportional merely means the variables fit into a linear function, equations of directly proportional variables are a subset of linear functions.
They're different, but in the same way squares and rectangles are different. The reason I didn't like a direct proportion for body mass to time was because of the fact humans are approximately 60 kg to the 20 g mass of a mouse: For any directly proportional relationship, that means time to lag humans would be 3000 times the time to lag a mouse. Which would mean that if it takes a mouse half a second to be caught, a human would take 25 minutes for a human.
Yeah, but at the same time you also say that people who are affected are permanently affected no matter if they are given amnestics or not. So why bother if that's the case?
Well, the permanent effects of the mirror post-amnesiac was being more active and liking mirrors, while the effects pre-amnesiac was violently trying to get back to that particular mirror, and it made sense to me that the Foundation would try and counteract this SCP's effects so it had some ideas where to start if similar SCPs were found in the future. Still, it is a little convoluted as you pointed out, so I removed that section.
It's kind of lame, to be honest. The base concept has a shred of potential, but you're drowning it in unnecessary detail.
I've been told I have that tendency. Working on refining the base concept differently.
I might have a problem with that response. While yes, directly proportional means mathematically that one variable is always the product of a constant and the other variable (without any y-intercept) and linearly proportional merely means the variables fit into a linear function, equations of directly proportional variables are a subset of linear functions.
They're different, but in the same way squares and rectangles are different. The reason I didn't like a direct proportion for body mass to time was because of the fact humans are approximately 60 kg to the 20 g mass of a mouse: For any directly proportional relationship, that means time to lag humans would be 3000 times the time to lag a mouse. Which would mean that if it takes a mouse half a second to be caught, a human would take 25 minutes for a human.
Yeah, I get that. I'm a science graduate too, but at this point you hit the solid wall at which scientific accuracy becomes a detriment to your narrative rather than bolstering it. It's not 100% correct, but it makes sense in an executive summary (which is what I imagine most SCP articles to be) and you don't bog your average reader down in minor details.
That said, this is the least of your worries when it comes to this draft, so I'm not going to pick on it.
I am still very new here but i shall provide my critique anyway.
Maybe it helps.
If maintenance of the camera or movement of SCP-XXXX is necessary …
Might wanna state that there is remote video observation necessary before this sentence.
If SCP-XXXX is covered, once unobserved, cover will be on the floor beside it, neatly folded.
Consider re-writing this. It sounds very clunky.
Duration of time until symptoms report appears to vary quadratically with body mass
Seems like the word you were looking for here is "scale".
Actually there are a lot of sentence that do seem just a bit off, in their choice of words or sentence structure, and i feel the scientific tone
is not represented very well because of this.
I would recommend going over this, cleaning up the tone issues.
When visually observing SCP-XXXX, living organisms will feel compelled to continue to study themselves. Subjects will also be compelled to perform “active” motions …
Double usage of compelled here. I recommend finding a synonym or merging the sentence.
Is there any way i would be able to guess the maker of the mirror ?
Like knowing some real world folklore or similar stuff ?
Cause if not i would recommend hinting it in the addenda somehow.
Redacting things without making it possible to halfway guess the retracted content
is kinda offsetting for me as a reader.
Lastly i would cut addendum3.
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page revision: 0, last edited: 05 Dec 2015 04:09
