SCP Foundation

Sometimes it feels like lightning strikes my brain and I just write soooo much at once. The SCP: A set of anomalous objects, with much potential for integration into the Universe's lore. I hope. I'd love co-authors.

Here it is: http://scp-sandbox-3.wikidot.com/j-david-m
What should I change? Where do you guys see potential, as in integration into the scp-universe, with this? What should be kept hidden? What should I elaborate on? Any grammar fails? I'm german btw. Any more ideas for this set of objects? Want to be a co-author? How does that even work? Heck! I don't even know how to blackout text! How does one do that? Should I do it? I like you all. Very much. It's 2 a.m.

Should I really handwrite stuff for this SCP? Anyone want to join on creating such thing?

I moved your thread summary content to the first post and trimmed it above, OP, since it was taking up a lot of space on the forum listing. Try to keep thread descriptions under 7 lines so you don't visually crowd out other people's threads. ~Zyn

You sure wrote a lot. I really think you need to make everything more concise or at least more structured.

Update: There will be an update to this SCP-draft in a couple of days. It's just that I could not find much time last week.

I also wanted to ask for an opinion on the background story for this SCP (will be incorporated with next update).

Update: The update is out now!

The conceptual fix is out! Please reply here to discuss it.
What else is there left to do with this SCP-draft? May I dare to ask if it's ready yet?

http://scp-sandbox-3.wikidot.com/j-david-m

There has been another update to my draft: http://scp-sandbox-3.wikidot.com/j-david-m

I fixed some wording, hoping to tackle its flow, but there is still lots to do. I'd love some help with rephrasing most long sentences. Especially towards the end of the article.

I'm also looking for people interrested in making handwritten documents to be inserted as images. My handwriting just doesn't look photogenic enough.

Progress will be slow though, because school is picking up speed. But I'll have time to work on this scp in a week's time. Hope to read your feedback then!

Well, that took longer than I hoped. Didn't have much free time for half a year I guess.
Anyway, I did some general-tweaking here and there, changed the appearance and readablility slightly. Also, I elaborated on the concept a bit more. How does it read now?

I've been told I need to fix the flow, but to me it reads fine. Maybe because I don't natively speak english? Can anyone describe to me what disturbs the flow in my text and point out where improvements can be made?

Thank you.

Draft: http://scp-sandbox-3.wikidot.com/j-david-m

I spent a day looking over this piece and trying to figure out how to go about this. I wanted to do line-by-line, but as it is I struggled to make it to the end of this skip. This skip was messy with run-on sentences and janky wording- so I'm going to focus on the concept here.

This is a box with living papers, aggressive bacteria, and no real source of interest to be found. It's a crate of danger.

The issue here is that nothing within this article makes me care about it. It's similar to a little kid coming up to you and showing you their teddy- it's great and all for them but… it's just a stuffed toy. You, as an outside observer with no ties to this stuffed bit of fabric, have no reason to care.

Box o' danger is a pretty transparent concept, and that's hard to write in an interesting way.

My advice to you is this; take a step back, breathe, and take advantage of the Ideas and Brainstorming forum. This concept is very transparent and- in my own opinion- unworkable in its current state. Your best shot is to take this back to I&B/the metaphorical and literal drawing board.

Ok, here's my take on this draft.

Concept: At first I was a bit confused, but after a couple reads, I understood your SCP for the most part. You might want to make the description more concise so that people can better understand what you're going for. The idea itself has some unique points, but is also has a LOT of points. I think this SCP could benefit from less components, as they only make it seem more complex instead of more interesting. An example of this would be SCP-3824-1, which is a tad superfluous and doesn't add much to the story.

Layout: I think this article would do much better if it were more condensed. I'm not saying have one big block of text, but maybe combine some sentences into paragraphs. For example, the "Special Containment Procedures" is a bit tough to read because its just a bunch of separate sentences, and I can see how some readers might be put off by that. Also, I found some of the information in "Summary of Findings" redundant with what you already had in the description. I would suggest merging those two sections into one, or at least cutting some content from the Summary.

Wording: The wording seems pretty good. One thing that would benefit from a change however is:

a potentially deadly memetic effect applying to subjects with any type of bad conscience

I understand what you are going for, but I think the "bad conscience" bit could be replaced with something more scientific. "Displaying immoral behavior," for example.

Overall, I think this SCP needs a bit of work. The concept works for the most part, but would benefit from some slight revision in terms of its anomalous properties. The writing could use some tweaks as well.

I don't know if this point was made yet, but it seems more like a story than an SCP file. This is scene in "Victims of SCP-3824-n (SCP-3824-4) are categorized as light Biohazards and must be incinerated within 2 hours after their demise". The way you state "their demise" seems as if your are writing a horror story. It sort of gives off a dramatic affect. It is also seen in "Its most dangerous anomaly is a potentially deadly memetic effect applying to subjects with any type of bad conscience when entering its vicinity". The beginning of the sentence sort of gives praise towards the SCP, and implies feelings of admiration. Try to have a more clinical tone. And what does it mean to "have a bad conscience"? Also, what is the purpose of the imaginary spheres if anyone can penetrate them? Sorry if i come off as disrespectful, I am just trying to help