I did write this in the space of four hours, and while I'm proud of how I did, and how much I did, and how the whole thing came together (original idea was about half of what's there now), I was nursing a half-pot of coffee the whole time. So near the end, I feel things got a bit shoddy. I'm not great at writing dialogue, and have a very poor theory of mind, so making characters come to life was a bit of stretch.
Edit: Very Jack-and-the-Beanstalk-esque, and the opening bit, with the two dead men, is sprung from another tale I'm trying to put together, but can't seem to make work. I feel it fit well enough here.