It starts off interestingly, but then spirals out of control and slathers on the Monkey Cheese randomness. No blatant errors, but you've tried so hard to be interesting that you've hit boring from the other side.
Date: 03 Oct 2013 16:59
Number of posts: 60
RSS: New posts
I would counter that and say that the ads don't go over the top.
I do want to point out, though — modifying a human body to run off of carbon dioxide instead of oxygen would require pretty extensive modifications to every cell in the body, not just the circulatory and respiratory systems.
This feels like a quest from a Fallout game, in a good way.
Hm. There's a fair bit I like about this, coupled with stuff I really don't care for. I feel the ads are kind of silly, but not in an out of control way. That said, I'm not sure it's a good silliness. I like the Citrox ones, but Caffeine Club ones read somewhat off. I'd recommend looking at SCP-186 as an SCP similar to what you're going for.
I also feel there is some tacked on stuff. Most notably the reacting to what people say bit. This is underdeveloped, unconnected to the other anomalies, and doesn't really add much to the article. It would be cleaner without it. The containment procedures are also off. In addition to the same problems as with the first incarnation of the Rumor Mill, it's unclear why the Foundation is containing this onsite. Wouldn't it make more sense to round up all the affected individuals and just contain them (separated, of course) at some Foundation site? Also, 5km perimeter is ambiguous. Do you mean a perimeter with length of 5km, or a perimeter in a circle with radius 5km? Each has the Foundation stationing a gargantuan number of armed personnel. 250 if it's 5km in length, and a whopping 1571 if it's a circle.
You had me at:
Slaves in countries like Columbia, Chile and Florida…
Reminds me of the Rock-And-Roller Cola Wars, but taken OTT (for those who remember the 80's).
As a Floridian, seconded. We might as well be a separate banana republic with some of the stuff that happens(and, coincidentally, might have a little bit of truth in there since Florida is reported to have a lot of trafficking compared to most states).
I'm especially liking how each side is intentionally trying to attract demographics that can be pitted against each other. While there's so much emphasis of them being enemies, I get the idea in the back of my head that both sides manufacture the war to mutually benefit each other.
Wait a sec…Florida's a country???/
I think commercial skips are becoming popular these days. This one was interesting in the way 2 corporations would try to destroy eachother. Oh well, sarsaparrilla was a bit OTT compared to citrox. +1
P.S: I'd drink citrox and smash sarsaparrilla bottles for those tickets :D
No way! Sasparilla FTW.
Who needs to float when you don't even need to breath?
Not breathing won't help you to avoid get burnt by my citrox flamethower™ (only for 60 tickets, can you imagine that?).
I won a Carl's Caffeine Club Incindiary Grenade(tm) in the super sasparilla contest.
Being filled with hydrogen doesn't sound so good now, does it?
Am I the only one who prefers Citrox's lesser known product: Orange Oblivion™?
…are you fucking psychic? I swear to god, I was going to include an addendum where that was a product that was going to be introduced.
I have no words… seriously, I can't think of anything to say right now!
I had no idea that you were considering that exact same name. I got 2 other names for Citrox Products, but for the sake of preventing spoilers, I might PM them to you
MORE CARL'S CAFFEINE CLUB!
BIRCH BEER BLAST!