I fixed the "Item" location solamente per te. Plus you should put that link in the discussion, not in the page.
Date: 06 Nov 2013 12:11
Number of posts: 58
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Licence it has been used under: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/
Ok, this a tunnel that manifests people from ilinois while they sleep. The idea is solid, the grammar is good, and the tone is flawless… My problem is that this needs a hook. Really, all what this needs is something for people to care for it. As an article, it fits all the expected standards, but there's no hook, and that's usually what makes me upvote. Still, I'm really impressed.
E: I just noted you've been a member for 8 days, and I'd like to use you (the Author) as an example of what happens when a newbie actually follow the rules and guidelines.
I'm glad I've managed to impress, and I'd love to be used as an example! That's high praise indead, thank you.
The lack of a hook did get pointed out in the forum, so I'm not expecting this to wow people in terms of the concept. If all I've succeeded in doing is getting the tone and writing right for my first attempt, I'm very pleased indeed.
Edit: one thing that I wasn't prepared for was how difficult it is to describe a paranormal event in clinical language. It really was an interesting and challenging exercise!
Edit edit: had a verb go walkies.
My problem is that this needs a hook.
This, I like it but I don't like it enough to +1 it.
That's okay. I'm glad to have pulled off an "I like it" rather than an "it's awful" on the first attempt. Thank you!
Well, you're one of those 1 every 100 new members that succesfully write a page, and that obviously deserves a "I like it".
As my grandfather once told me (May he rest in peace): "Keep doing things like that and you'll go far, kid."
EDIT: To hell with the hook I'm giving a +1, you deserve it
It's not dramatic, but it's thorough and engaging and there are no visible flaws in the joinery that I have to overlook to believe that this is a document produced by the Foundation. By SCP standards it's a fairly modest anomaly, but I really like how you brought it to life and even gave it a little sting of small, personal horror. This may sound like faint praise, but make no mistake, this isn't just passable, it's well done.
Thank you Lexagon, that's really encouraging! It's not faint praise at all: I figure that not everything the Foundation contains is going to be an incredible, mind-blowing mystery/horror. Sometimes they'll just have something modestly weird that needs containment, and I'm happy for this to be one of them.
Thank you for the +1.
As Mechaelite said, it needs a hook. Also, I don't see the point in Document-SCP-406-A, it doesn't add anything to the article. Maybe if she appears in the tunnel later, it would A:Give a purpose to the Document and B: Give an interesting hook.
A part from that the idea is good, grammar is good, the hook would make it perfect. +1
"Maybe if she appears in the tunnel later"
That's an interesting thought. What if the dead old lady comes walking through the wall years later? She'd most definitely be an anomoly. Especially if she was…changed in some way.
I wonder, though: would she be treated as part of SCP-406, or would she get a classification in her own right? I'm guessing it depend on how drastically she had been changed and whether she was a threat because of it?
An idea for the future or for someone else, though; I think I'd best build up some experience before tackling a humanoid SCP.
For me personally, this doesn't need a hook. The idea and execution are solid enough to have a place on the mainlist for me. The fact that Foundation personnel have no clue what's causing this and just decided to say "you know what, fuck it, who knows why this thing is here. we'll fly them back to America and be done with it" actually makes me enjoy it MORE. But I appear to be the minority.
Agreed. Sometimes things are just mysterious. And while I appreciate the fact that many/most new SCPs have some sort of embedded or background narrative, not all need to. Some things just ARE.
Giving bearhugs to the unsuspecting since 1872.
That sums up my thinking perfectly: this thing just is. It's a seemingly random and inexplicable anomaly. They can't explain it, but they don't have to: they just have to contain it.
And when they tried to explain it…they ended up putting a drill through an old lady.
A lesson, perhaps, to stick to secure, contain and protect, and not try to meddle with "explain"?
It's competently written, and the note at the end works, but there's no narrative here. It's a tunnel where people emerge who fell asleep several thousands of miles away. I'm not going to downvote since it's a solid execution, but it doesn't really do much for me either.
I'll give a +1, just barely. It's a solid shortie, and Drewbear's right. There's nothing wrong with this one just being an anomaly. I reckon all of the anomalies that were forcibly created by mad scientists and artists and would-be-profiteers probably caused a couple of these "simple" anomalies as a necessary backlash.
This article is good enough to deserve to live, and serves a purpose in the greater narrative of the Foundation. That's enough for me.
…all the same, author, you should really consider re-reading the containment procedures and doing a quick scrub. "Light-up" doesn't sound very clinical.