I have just finished my first idea for a SCP, now I want feedback on advice I could do to edit the article even further. I plan on posting this when the third SCP series is released. Here is the link to the draft: http://scpsandbox2.wikidot.com/hornetzilla78
So… It's the cheerleader from Heroes? But with added superpowers.
No, it's some OC I created from… Do you want to know the story behind this idea.
Sure. But it seems like an X-Man.
Ooh! Note that I said it, not her or she or Calla.
Bro, if you click options on one of your posts you can edit instead of replying to yourself. Less clogging.
Yep. I know.
Would you mind doing it then? It is in the Site Rules, after all, and doubleposting clutters up the forum unnecessarily.
Ouch, I totally forgot about that. Thanks
It's not required reading, per se, but your SCP is pretty much an angel with superpowers. That is something we don't really look forward to reading here, and this guide (by a staff member) will tell you that.
Okay, I just read the article, and from what I have learned:
- SCPs are not allowed to roam freely, as it is a Containment Breach.
- SCPs cannot come into contact with other SCPs except if they are multiple entities of that type, Or for experimental purposes.
- SCPs cannot be more badass than SCP-76-2.
- SCPs cannot be more friendly than SCP-208 (I have a question about this rule too at the bottom).
- SCPs cannot have less security than SCP-507.
though what I've learned from the articles I've been reading, SCP-073 and SCP-105 are allowed to socialize with personnel, what's with this?
Also, does the rule of no friendlier than SCP-208 mean they can't be as friendly as it?
073 and 105 were written before this guide was written, and as you can see, 105 recently got rewritten since it was falling in ratings.
Now, onto your other points:
- We don't do "cross testing" between SCPs. In the Foundation universe: You're putting two unpredictable anomalies together. Not very smart/safe.
IRL: It's seen as piggybacking another author's work.
- 076-2 is our site's super strong dude, and we don't need anymore super strong dudes to be written. That's my view, at least.
- SCPs can be friendly, but that doesn't mean /we'll/ be friendly; just tolerant.
- 507 is another old one, before our standards for containment. If we have a humanoid, we keep them locked up, since they're unpredictable, sapient beings.
1) This article is shorter than my thumb, and therefore is suffering a paucity of content
2) The containment procedures are effectively nothing, and also include letting it out of its cell. Both
3) This has all the calling cards of a mary-sue, including 1) Attractive young Caucasian woman 2) unnecessary physical description 3) Superpowers 4) "Angelic" ancestry 5) Being oh so nice and pure and perfect and making everything revolve around her 6) Being named in the article 7) Superpowers 8) Justifying absolutely none of the aforementioned traits.
Furthermore, this is not a seraph.
A seraph would be a gigantic fiery Lovecraftian horror (with six wings) that specializes in utter bowel-loosening terror, throne maintenance, and running messages.
If she was to be an angel-human hybrid she would be a nephilim, which is entirely different, and generally is in reference to a degenerate race of antediluvian giants.
Proper lorekeeping is important.
This is an anime character. Not a seraph. It is also not a good scip.
A seraph would be a gigantic mass of eyeballs
This is incorrect. You're thinking Ophanim/Thrones, Djoric. Seraphim are generally humanoid fiery beings with six wings that act as the servants, messengers, and guardians of God and his throne room.
The rest of your point stands. God wouldn't just let one of these slip out of Heaven to fall to Earth, and it doesn't match any description of true angels but the pop cultural one, and that will likely never fly here.
Every time. It's always the eyeballs the messes me up.
e: Actually that could be good tale fodder. HI agent gets in trouble because of misidentifying an angel by forgetting which order has what amount of eyes.
ee: EVERY TIME, with the angles and the angels and all this consarned blest geometry!
Well, this SCP is supposed to be safe class and contained at Site-17 with other humanoid SCPs. It's description is supposed to state that it is a female angel, and you know how many angels in culture are depicted as attractive females at times. I couldn't really think of a good anomalous ability, so I need help at creating that. Do you have any ideas for a good unnatural ability?
Ooooh boy. A few things:
SCP-XXXX is allowed Level 5 (restricted) socialization with personal as well as SCPs located on the facility.
Strike one. Level-5 access is reserved for site directors, and interacting with personnel and SCPs? Yeah, no. That's no acceptable by any means.
Subject appears to have a pair of Angelic wings, each one measuring 1.52 meters in length, and X-ray tests have shown that they have their own set of 28 bones, 14 for each wing,
Strike two. Angel wings are usually avian in structure, and the wing structure, not "angelic". Secondly, the average wing of a bird has about 10 bones, tops, according to some diagrams I found on Wikipedia. Thirdly, those wings are not nearly big enough to support that woman if she ever flies.
In the previous sentence, you state:
ubject stands 1.67 meters in height and weighs roughly 50 kg
50 kg is about 110 lbs. 1.67 meters is 5'4". She would need at least a 13 foot wingspan, or about 9.9 meters, not the measly 3.04 meters you have now. And don't give the "it's angel magic" scphiel, because this isn't an angel. Not even close.
SCP-XXXX refers to herself as Calla, a Seraph princess.
Strike three! Here are some actual angel (and fallen angel) names:
Note how all their names end in "-el". That's because "-el" means "Of God". If you met the Archangel Micheal in Real Life and just called him "Mike", he'd get really pissed off, to say the least.
Also: Seraphim don't look like humans with wings. Well, okay, they do, but they have six of them; two cover their face, two cover their feet, and they use two to fly, because in Christian and Jewish mysticism- you know what, Djoric just made my point for me. Dammit, man.
Okay the socialization I totally messed up on, but I'm trying to make it so that it is allowed to communicate with personnel in the facility. Any Advice?
For the weight, I probably need to make heavier, But the height is supposed to be around 5 foot 6 inches, and when I converted to metric units, I got about 1.67 meters. The two wings though I should make much bigger to be more convincing and they have no bones.
Okay, I get what you mean for names, but I don't really think that matters, my SCP refers to herself as Calla, like a nickname okay.
but I'm trying to make it so that it is allowed to communicate with personnel in the facility. Any Advice?
Make it clearly advantageous for the Foundation. Why would they be invested in communicating with an entity that they don't understand well? For all they know, it could be luring them in with false cooperation and be hoping to messily eat their faces when they're emotionally attached. Appearances can be deceiving.
The two wings though I should make much bigger to be more convincing and they have no bones.
Wow. Uh… I guess I can see this working, since it's an SCP, but what would the wings be made of then? Keep in mind that as the author, you know the entire story, but the Foundation needs to have discovered what it knows about the SCP through observation and experimentation. It's one thing to say "the wings have no bones" and present a logical scenario in which the Foundation would bother checking that sort of info, and another to say that despite most bird wings having a considerable number of hollow bones. It just seems like an unnecessary thing to mention that's been tacked on to demonstrate how otherworldly the object is.
but I don't really think that matters, my SCP refers to herself as Calla, like a nickname okay.
From the humanoid guide linked to you from earlier in this thread:
"…since your humanoid SCP object is not a person, it should always be referred to by its official designation in official documents, rather than any name or other appellation that it prefers, because what it prefers to be called does not matter."
Remember, you're writing a humanoid object.
Okay, so what your telling me is that I should limit the communication of the SCP to only a handful of personnel, give a better description about the SCP, refer to it as… well… It, Limit the powers, and find some good idea for an anomalous ability for it, Got it. Though I'm keeping the fact that It is immortal.
Not ability. Property.
There is a difference. Ability runs into superpower territory: it is something that the person is able to do a skill that can be tapped when needed. That generally does not fly at all around here unless you have very good justification.
A property is a thing being that thing. Asbestos has the properties of "insulating" and "tear the fuck out of your lungs".
Ability: I can see into the future and know exactly what your next move is
Property: OH GOD I AM SEEING ALL FUTURES SIMULTANEOUSLY AND I CAN'T TURN IT OFF WHAT IS EVEN REAL AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH
Think in anomalous properties, not abilities.
Okay, well this property can be that creation of ice, but it only occurs when it is scared or afraid would that make since?
No. Because that's still basically a superpower.
Constantly having to fight off hypothermia and a significant risk of freezing one's own blood is along the lines of what you want to aim for.
Well do you have a good idea that I could use as it's anomalous ability?
If you spent more energy working on your SCiP and less energy arguing with your critics, you'd be better off.
Just my 2p.
No, because this is inherently a flawed, borderline-unworkable idea.
Go read Series 2 (Scips 1000 through 1999) to get a feel for what the site wants.
Okay, I see my idea is bad, terrible in fact. Do you know a site where my idea would be more suitable?
I would advise working on improving your writing skills instead. While other sites might be more suitable for this sort of thing, those sites are not particularly well suited for making people better writers.
Everyone here has experienced failure at one time or another. This is how you get better. This is how you learn to recognize that an idea won't work before you do it.
Other communities? In my opinion they don't respect users as much. They pretend they do, telling everyone how "good" they are and "wow that is creative, way to go!" We don't do that here. When an idea is not up to snuff, we tell people so. It's the only way to make people better writers.
That way, when someone here tells you your writing is good, it actually means something.
Have I ever failed at writing scips? Yes. Recently even. Everyone has flops.
What is important for you is to realize that this site expects a whole lot of effort to be put into your work, we pull no punches if it isn't up to snuff, familiarity with the source material is incredibly important, and that mary-sue OCs just don't work.
You won't get better without criticism, and many times it is necessary to take your old ideas out behind the shed and move on to something better.
It's an OC for something or other, and I frankly don't give a shit where it's from.
What is important is that you now know that it ain't gonna fly around here, and that's good.
Generally speaking it would be better to stop talking about this particular idea, and start working on other ones.
Update: I just read that SCPs are not allowed to communicate with basically anyone.
That's not universally true. It is for some SCPs but not others. It all depends on the risk the object poses to personnel.
Honestly though, just because this idea isn't workable doesn't mean there's no place for you hear. Sit back, take a deep breath, have a cup of coffee and relax. Then start again, from scratch. Think about the things that scare you. Things that make you uneasy. Think about the implications of those things being real and inexplicable. Then think about how a group of professionals might come and take it away.
Stuff that scares me huh? Well, I have a phobia of Wasps, Hornets, and Yellow-jackets. And there's a tree in the front yard that attracts them, So maybe that could become a potential SCP.
Maybe. But we can't tell unless you write that shit up.
So go do it!
Would you like to know the truth behind this SCP I created?
Let it out.
Can't that's classified information.
Let's try to make forum posts a little more constructive than this, kay? You keep offering to reveal the backstory to your SCP, and if this is your answer, that's almost borderline trolling. Bait-and-switch forum-clogging. Let's not so much.
edit: Please remember not to reply to staff or mod posts.
SCP-XXXX is immortal, and all attempts to terminate it have resulted in failure.
That doesn't necessarily mean she's immortal. She just hasn't died yet. Anyway, why were they trying to terminate her in the first place?
This basically Clef's proposal for SCP-001 meeting a mary-sue.
Only idiots deal in absolutes
This idea is a Mary Sue/Marty Stu, is overpowered, has extraordinarily lax containment procedures for no reason whatsoever, and has extreme flaws that make inherently unworkable.
The best idea here is to try again with a more unique idea.