Time is heard.
Draft »http://scp-sandbox-3.wikidot.com/derps3
Basically, a time-travel device (because we need more of those) but with very different rules.
Time is heard.
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» Writing Help / Help: Drafts and Critiques
» Time is heard.
Let's have a look, author.
Note: I correct the given mistake only once. If you do not use the metric system, I will only make a single comment about it, even if it appears again in the rest of the article. If the draft has many language problems, I will only correct the most glaring ones. Unnecessary information will show as the copied text with the redundant information stricken through.
SCP-XXXX is stored in standard Storage Locker 4, with the addition of a set of standard headphones and a charger suitable for SCP-XXXX.
Feel free to disregard this extremely nitpicky comment, but storage locker 4 out of 4000+ objects?
The locker has been soundproofed, and is in Site-██.
Yeah, let's streamline this:
''SCP-XXXX is stored in a soundproofed standard storage locker with an additional pair of headphones and charger suitable for SCP-XXXX.''
If either the charger or headphones cease function, they are to be replaced immediately.
This goes without saying.
Testing is available to personnel with level 4 security clearance and above, with express permission from the Site Manager.
Level 4 are Site Directors, are you sure you don't mean senior researchers (3)?
SCP-XXXX's anomalous effects only take place when the audio recorder is used, and the audio is played. The audio recordings record a moment in time, as whenever audio is perceived by a sentient being, with the ability to hear, the being is transported back in time to when the audio was recorded. The effect only affects people that hear the audio when it starts.
This can be cleared up as well:
''SCP-XXXX's anomalous effects only take place when the audio recorder is playing back a recording and perceived by a sentient being. Notably, this only affects subjects that exposed to a recording from the starting point. Subjects are transported1 to what appears to be the time that the audio was originally recorded.''
The audio recordings cannot be transferred to any other device through any means, with an error occurring in some way to prevent them from being accessed.
I recommend changing this to being possible, but no anomalous effects occurring when they are moved or copied to another device.
and becoming ethereal,
incorporeal?
They cannot be woken, and even death does not end the effect, the effect only ending when the recording is over, or the recording can no longer be heard by SCP-XXXX-A.
You mean the version during time travel? Because killing the body means that you can't hear the recording, right?
SCP-XXXX has had three previous owners, when it was first purchased online by 17 year old ██████ ████, who soon died to gun violence. was killed in an robbery incident soon after.
Mind your clinical tone.
The UIU held the object for a short amount of time before willingly giving it up to the Foundation.
This is good, I like this. A lot of times, authors come up with increasingly contrived ways for an object to be discovered by the Foundation. Having the investigator use it and give it to the UIU is an organic and believable way for the Foundation to get a hold of it, well done.
I see this as a great potential to a good story, but there are 2 things that really stand out to me right now:
This agent says that he was able to successfully convict a lot of criminals with the aid of this SCP, but how did it record those incidents? It says in the file that there are three recordings, one of which is the robbery. So in order to fill in this plothole, you might need to change the effect and make it so that new recordings regularly appear on the SCP or something. Otherwise, the only case that the investigator can solve is the first one.
I recommend diving more into the story of this investigator. What's his personality? Was there a struggle involved? Does he feel like he cheats by using this device? Does he feel a bit like a criminal himself because he failed to report this to the UIU for so long? Did he ever doubt if this was meddling with powers he didn't understand? Or was he confident? Maybe he was confident at first? Does the SCP have anything to do with his health deteriorating? Was he traumatised by having to see so much crime up close? The perfect way to portray his journey is through this SCP. Make him have an audio diary!
Feedback over, good luck!
Footnotes
1. [you need to explain what you mean by transported, since it's vague and we're not sure if someone is actually transported, so double you, or that you ''rewind'' so to speak]
Hey man thanks for the crit.
Your crit got me thinking about changing it up a little bit though, originally, I meant for the investigator to record scenes of the crime, and listen to the recording later, to possibly pick up more clues that he didn't get when he was there, or get to areas he couldn't access due to the incorporeal form you get when listening to the audio (like behind barricaded doors or something like that.)
But when you start asking about how it recorded the incident, i never meant for it to be that way, but that sounds like a really good idea, it detects when a serious crime is committed in a radius around the mp3 player, and records it, then the investigator can listen to it and see exactly what happened. Maybe that would make it a bit too easy though. Also the reason only one of the recordings is a robbery is because he felt like he should keep the first recording he ever had, and deleted any recordings that helped him solved cases because the case is over.
Anyways thanks again, and i might change the draft drastically, or i might not. We'll see.
Edit: Also I was thinknig about making more about the investigator in complementary tales, as I have had previous crit that the SCP is too story based and all about the investigator and not the SCP itself.
/forum/t-7779000/time-is-heard#post-
page revision: 3, last edited: 22 Sep 2018 03:57
