Okay, so due to the unusual format here, my usual critique approach is a little non-applicable. So I'll comment on a few things that occurred to me while reading.
- What's up with the weird capitalization? I get that this is supposed to feel kind of otherworldly, but the immediate beginning "You Dream of Voices…" just throws me off a bit. Ditto for the bits like "Ideas Made Conscious," in the "chat".
- Once done that cannot be undone. > I'd put "things" before this, otherwise it feels too fragmented.
- I don't really think the links to the other Foundation pages are needed? I can understand wanting to offer context, but it's a little distracting and introducing new pages can take a reader out of the experience when they're expected to click other things that keep them on the same page.
- "The study of their SCPs" > would someone besides the Foundation call anomalies "SCPs"
- I'm not entirely sure about the Serpent's Hand portion, since the group is a very, very, very loose organization. Speaking of keeping "it" in contact with the CI seems to assume that it's relatively centralized or readily accessible all at once. Plenty of SH members don't even do anything to further the SH's goals. They just have membership because they feel like it.
- I'm not a big fan of the recordings, especially with the slightly garbled auto-generated text ("linked by doubt" sounds like "licked by doubt") that sometimes I need to replay to get the words for. If you're going to have the transcripts anyway… it seems weird. And again, there's the weird capitalization scheme that while seemingly intended to be mystical, just reads as kind of sloppy.
- Named The Cripple Fool > crippled?
Overall… I don't really understand what's going on here. If this is apparently an orientation for the GoI, why do the recordings have a Foundation theme? And why does it refer to a bunch of random GoIs?
I personally didn't feel like any of the elders really appealed to me, especially since they seem to contradict themselves a bit. Ahee abhors "weakness" but values nostalgia, which some may regard as weakness since it can represent a lack of being able to move on from the past and holding previous events as happy and wishing to return to them rather than move forward. Zye apparently utilizes "impotence" (which is defined as "inability to take effective action; helplessness." - and another thing, but less relevant here) but abhors apathy, which factors into lethargy.
I dunno. It's certainly very detailed, but it almost feels like too many things crammed into one piece for me, and I have a hard time figuring out how all these things are connected. I don't understand why there's so much clicking and uncollapsing that needs to be done, and given the layout of the piece, it doesn't really feel like a choice-based orientation so much as a very complicated encyclopedia of a bunch of things. The chat window is cool but unnecessary, and the fact that you can just open and close all the collapsibles randomly and the reading experience is still somewhat the same is confusing.
I mean… I don't think I would downvote this since it seems to do its job (being otherworldly and abstract) but I definitely wouldn't upvote it because I can't say that I enjoyed the read.
