SCP-XXXX is contained in a standard low-security lockbox, placed inside of a standard containment locker.
You’ve got “standard” in there twice, boyo. Switch one of ‘em up. :)
Due to the inert nature of SCP-XXXX when it is not in use, the only requirements for containment are consistent with that of a non-anomalous tattoo machine, and must simply include a dry environment and minimum security.
This is a beefy sentence. I would argue that you could axe everything after “non-anomalous tattoo machine”.
SCP-XXXX is a Waters coil-style tattoo machine.
The sentence afterwards clues us in that Waters is the brand, but I would do Waters brand, coil-style…
city of production
How about “manufacture” instead of “production”?
the tattoo needle is in perfect condition, with detailed examination unable to find a single imperfection.
I would simply, “the tattoo needle is in perfect condition” and axe the rest. That’s given.
Under normal circumstances, SCP-XXXX operates much as any other standard tattoo machine.
You can trim this for brevity. “SCP-XXXX normally operates in the same fashion as a non-anomalous tattoo machine” or something like that.
Its anomalous properties are revealed after the user of SCP-XXXX hears the phrase "I want a tattoo that means something".
What do you mean by “user”? The tattoo artist? If so, I suggest clarifying this beforehand, instead of now.
now designated 'The Tattooer’
I think “Tattooer” might work better as “Tattoo Artist” but this is of course up to you. “Canvas” seems like a nonclinical designation and I do suggest changing that.
The Canvas, however, becomes extremely agitated, claiming to have been aware of the entire process. The Canvas displays extreme anger at both the Tattooer and researchers, claiming to have been unable to move, but able to speak during the process. The pain described by Canvases post-testing is exponentially more intense than that from standard tattoos.
I suggest rewording all of this. This is good descriptive writing, but it is not clinical. The “becomes extremely agitated”, the “extreme anger”…these are descriptors that don’t vibe with clinical tone. “Canvases report a state similar to paralysis during procedure” is a possible way to begin trimming it down. Emotions are not relevant to the sciencey parts.
local tattoo artist w/ 10 years experience
With. Local to where?
I suggest putting your test logs under a collapsible, or maybe a tab view? They just seem. Idk. Kinda lonely like that. :/ Could be personal preference.
Those test logs are great. #17 really punches you in the gut. Makes the entire piece stand out.
I liked this. Well done. :)
