http://scp-sandbox-3.wikidot.com/collab:labrad00r678-and-o50n3 is the link. Please give your advice for improvements.
I understand there’s two of you. For the sake of my sanity, when I say “you”, I’m addressing you both. :)
Welcome. Thank you for sharing your work with us.
- You have measurements in your containment procedures. These are not necessary, unless something specific will transpire if your anomaly is not kept in 6.97-meter room.
- Your article as a whole should be reviewed for spelling and grammar hiccups. You do not treat Foundation as a proper noun, and there are instances where you have plural in lieu of possessive. I suggest pasting your article into a word processor (even one like Docs) and very, very carefully combing through for issues with spelling and grammar.
- Clinical tone. Writing clinically is difficult, I understand this, and I do see that you are trying. However, there are errors.
For example, we have: “Upon waking up after passing out, the subject will wake up in the same room as last time”
“waking up after passing out” is not clinical. A simple fix for this would be “regaining consciousness” but I also am wondering why it is that this sentence is necessary. It seems like something that would appear in a narrative, not a scientific document. This is a fantastic resource for learning how to write clinically.
I suggest combing through the entirety of your article, very, very thoroughly, and applying fixes like this one as you see fit after reviewing that resource.
- Use of the term “subject”. Subject, in SCP-verse, usually is applied towards experimental subjects, such as D-class. You use it throughout your article. A trick to circumvent this is to apply a word of your choice. “Any individual who makes physical contact with SCP-XXX, henceforth referred to as Word You Pick…” and then apply it to the rest of your article.
- Your concept as a whole. You need to ask yourself questions, such as where did this thing originate from, why and how was it gifted with these sorts of abilities, and what exactly are you trying to make your reader feel? The subject matter is rather convoluted and I had difficulty following what exactly is going on. Pillow that makes you sick, pillow that also makes you hallucinate? Your description should be very concise. Have you had a look at this resource? it's a great one. It gives you all sorts of information about how to structure an article.
I think the best thing to do would be to draft out an outline. Write in normal language what this anomaly is and what it does. Ask yourself those questions I’ve asked you, review those resources, and if you are still stuck, pop a post over in Ideas and Brainstorming to seek feedback from others on your idea.
First thing capitalization (Scp vs SCP)
Drdarkcrimson, if you only comment on one small detail, it may give the author the incorrect impression that everything else in the draft is fine and not in need of fixing. Furthermore, the point of the forums is to help the author improve their work. If you're not inclined to leave a more substantial post, maybe hold off on commenting on the thread.