Clap your hands, stomp your feet, create a new society.
Date: 15 May 2014 02:39
Number of posts: 26
RSS: New posts
Mmmm. Tone was pretty off, but I liked some of the imagery and I liked the last addenda because Florida. Neutral vote, but I could see myself giving an upvote if you fixed the tone.
Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you!
I've written a tale upvoted by Djoric, Bright, Echo, Yoric, Moose, VAE and Voct, fite me irl if you don't respect
Alright, just tell me where the tonal errors are, and I'll fix that up!
This and the fact that it is normally standing in the water generate enough steam to keep the entire area obscured.
Neither of these figures can be removed from SCP-2666 in any way that is currently known
This is the long way to say "we can't move them". You're trying to be direct and understandable here, not using a lot of extra words.
by means of stomping or grabbing and crushing them
They have begun to construct small huts out of dirt measuring approximately 2 meters in height, and some have built statuettes of SCP-2666-2.
… and the first three sentences of Addendum E sound iffy to me. Also that last incident report; how the hell did that happen, and why do I not believe it?
A breach of SCP-2666-3 is capable of causing a massive info leak. Also, if you don't manage to spot an instance of 2666-3 leaving, then it will escape.
From Object Classes
Keter-class objects are anomalies that pose an inimical threat to the safety of Foundation personnel and the rest of mankind and either require extensive and complex procedures to contain or cannot be fully contained by the Foundation's current technology and knowledge.
Bolded for emphasis. Keter objects MUST be both hard to contain AND be an imminent threat to the survival of humanity as a whole.
So far, its off doing its own thing, not really expanding it's territory. Hell, just do ocassional bombing runs to cut down on the 2666-3 population and throw garbage at it, and it'll stay in the area.
I'd put this at Euclid, personally.
From How To Write An SCP:
Keter Class SCP objects are objects that require extremely specific Containment Procedures, and are so inhumanly dangerous that they must be contained at all costs. Alternatively, Keter Class objects are simply so difficult to contain effectively that they need higher levels of care and resources to suppress. A Keter Class needs to stand out from other SCPs, and be a unique threat all its own.
Although I do partially agree with you, I was using this definition of keter.
I'm not going to side on either side for this particular object, but I should mention that the Object Classes guide is more recent and up to date than How to Write an SCP.
Okay…. Should I change it to Euclid, then?
It might want to. Then again, it's the only real reason I'm downvoting it- I can't see it as more than Euclid unless, if the -3's escape, they expand the influence of -1 and -2. But that may be hammy and difficult to pull off.
The real issue I'm having here is that your definition of Keter amounts to "If we're not vigilant, then one can escape and steal stuff." If the definition of Keter was purely based on containment vigilance, then there'd be plenty of Euclid and Safe objects upgraded to Keter.
For instance, if a written instance of SCP-1098 were to be left uncontained, it could eventually turn the entire human language into a single word with various inflections. It's Euclid.
This is considerably better then it was in the drafts forum, however I'm still not ready to give it my +1. There are a few tonal issues and some bits feel like they need some polish.
You tend to go into too much detail, as if to avoid leaving anything out. It's hard to explain, but many of your sentences feel as if you quickly added them in because of someone's comment - there's just no flow. It reads almost robotic… it's hard to explain.
But, again, this is a significant improvement.
I liked this. It was weird, especially with the last line of there being more instances of it.
The idea isn't bad, but there's something about the writing itself that feels very awkward to me. It sounds quite informal at times, and very unlike a scientific document.
The main issue, however, is that it seems like you're trying very hard to present this image of what your SCP looks like, acts like, and feels like, but you're trying so hard to get this image out that we don't get a chance to really get a feel for the SCP. I feel like you have a grand vision of the SCP, but to me, there feels like there's very little progression and flow to the writing itself, which makes it come off as somewhat stilted.
I can get a sense of what you're trying to write. However, the image that is being presented is probably not the image that you're visualizing. I would work on some aspects of the actual writing to improve the awkardness.
Not a bad first effort by any means, but not quite there to escape a downvote from me.
I dunno. I'm left cold by the "giant golems make smaller golems and oh look it's a society" concept you've got here. The purpose of the society is not terribly interesting to me; the big guys smash stuff and make small guys, the small guys worship stuff and bring more stuff to make small guys. That the the small guys go far afield to go get raw materials doesn't really add anything in my view.
Additionally, there seems to be a Church of Backstory evolving on the site, which is a reaction against tides of articles that are merely random "Thing What Does A Thing"s. While in a lot of cases, I think that an article needs narrative depth to be interesting, I also don't think that everything needs to have an explanation. That all said, if you are going to have some sort of origin or backstory, I think you need a bit more than a couple of paragraphs telling me that there was a Latin engraving somewhere, and a spooky skeleton in a cave. That's just enough material to be extraneous, and not enough to actually add anything to the piece.
Finally, I have an extremely difficult time believing that a ring of ten volcanic islands in the middle of the Atlantic, with giant kaiju-golems running around in them, will have gone unnoticed as a geographical feature, especially in the age of Google Earth. The containment procedures therefore seem woefully inadequate, though that's far from my biggest complaint about this.
The lack of containment/impossibility that no-one else noticed this was the first thing that bugged me, and it made everything subsequent to that also bug me.
Kaiju golems making babies in the middle of an impossible-to-miss anomalous geographical feature.
Piffy is an SCP Foundation Moderator, Lv. 9001 Squishy Wizard, and Knight of the Red Pen.
Well… You did see that 2666-1 generates massive amounts of steam that keep the area hidden, right?
So… instead of it visibly being an impossible-to-miss anomalous geographical feature, it's visibly an impossible-to-miss anomalous steam cloud?
I like the article as a whole, but I agree that the containment needs to have more to it
My idea for the containment:
In addition, SCP-2666 is to be removed from satelite imaging and GPS by embedded agents.
Or something to that affect. I'll up vote it for now, but if something isn't done about the containment I'll probably change to a no vote. Since the issue isn't big enough for me to actually down vote it.
EDIT: It seems like my spacebar doesn't want to work right. Fixed.
I'm bothered by the fact that the -3 instances are mentioned before they are explained what they are. I also feel this is trying to do too much without any sense of coherency. The mention of the carvings just makes me wonder how it fits into the story at all, same for the humanoid remains slash portrait.
Living the dream, or dreaming the life?
This is not just a terrible idea but it was executed poorly. First we got Cool Monster Land which is not notable at all except that it is where the Cool Monsters are. There's Cool Monster 1 and Cool Monster 2 but wait it's really all about Cool Monster(s) 3 and their new society of squeaks and clanks! Aww, they've got their own little system for doing things and this SCP is going nowhere.
"Oh no! One went to Florida!" is not a twist.