Hi BottleCapPizza,
I have good news and bad news.
The good news is on a sentence by sentence execution of writing level, this is largely solid. You have a reasonable grasp of proper spelling, punctuation, grammar, paragraphing, formatting and clinical tone. I can point out a number of writing problems with the current draft if you like, but overall you should have the confidence of knowing you do have the base writing ability to manage a decent SCP.
However…
…right now there's a big problem that's much more significant than anything specific about the writing, which is that this conceptually doesn't work, and for a simple reason: the alternate future(?) universe visited by the exploration log is the entire payoff of this, and it simply isn't interesting enough.
What we have here (and please correct me if this seems at all incorrect) appears to be an essentially vanilla post-apocalyptic radiation hellscape. There are mutants and radiation and it's the future, but that's about it. The interesting thread of where the power cord is going to end up also ends up with a disappointing answer (it just links to another iteration of the same house).
The bar for exploration of alternate worlds, alien worlds and dystopic futures on the wiki is pretty high: there's classic epics like SCP-093, more modern epics like SCP-1730, chilling depictions like SCP-3003, existential nightmares like SCP-2935, surreal madness like SCP-3379, SCP-1689 or even SCP-2731, and then piecemeal catalogues of a panoply of alternate worlds and/or futures like SCP-2003 or SCP-1437.
All of these depicted locations/worlds/futures have at least one of:
• a distinctness of character
• bracingly strange imagery
• a thoroughgoing commitment to a theme
• and/or an avoidance of cliché
that make them compelling reads, even outside of the actual excitement of the exploration logs themselves as pieces of action, horror or suspense, which some of them also have.
Your log at present doesn't do any of those things well: the apocalyptic future presented lacks distinctness and character, it's bleak and dangerous in a somewhat clichéd manner, and this lack of impact makes the final memento mori letter feel deeply unearned.
Consider this a challenge to you: you have the skills to pull off something a lot more imaginative than this, so do so. Head to Ideas and Brainstorming, or #thecritters on IRC, and we can help you workshop up an alternate future apocalypse worth visiting.
