SCP Foundation

SCP-XXXX is to be contained within a 5m x 5m x 3m enclosure located at site [DATA EXPUNGED]

Capitalization of "site" is advised and also it lacks a hyphen. When referring to a site, you should write it like: "Site-(whatever number)"

built entirely of stainless steel.

Why stainless steel? Would an ordinary steel be ineffective with the skip's containment?

One doorway is to be built that locks from the outside using electromagnets

"A doorway capable of locking itself is to be built…" is much more easier to understand. Another question, why electromagnets when there are other forms of locks that the Foundation can use to contain the skip?

Any furniture in the entity's enclosure is to be made entirely of inorganic material.

Obviously. There's no need to state this and I don't think prisons would contain furnitures (unless requested) and if it was, I think it wouldn't be made out of bearskins or other things.

The entity is to be sustained using only an IV drip with a nutrient solution.

"The entity is to be fed through the use of an IV drip with nutrient solution."

Under absolutely no circumstances is the entity to be fed anything that is made up of organic material.

I think this is unnecessary. You have already stated earlier that the entity is to be fed with an IV drip. It was already understood that the entity is either not capable or prohibited to consume any solid food. Also, remove the Bold letters.

if any personnel feed the entity organic-based food at any time, their employment will be terminated, and they will receive class C amnestics, removing any memories of their time with the Foundation.

What?

As I said, I don't think including this in the article was even necessary but if you insist, you may write something like: "Any personnel who feeds the entity with organic-based food, they will face termination." or something along those lines. There's no need to make things longer.

All personnel assigned to the containment of XXXX are to wear protective suits capable of withstanding the bite force of a human female.

Do not refer the skip by its number only. Not only does it breaks the tone of the article but it was also confusing. Who knows what the number means? You should and always refer to the skip as "SCP-XXXX".

Another note, I think it would be convenient for everyone if they just simply put a gag on her. That way, any personnel attempting to enter the containment chamber wouldn't even bother wearing protective suits.

If this is not sufficient to prevent the consumption of flesh,

"If this is not sufficient to prevent the consumption of the flesh,"

XXXX, after consuming any organic food product,

For brevity, this will be the last time I'll address this issue. Please, refer the skip as "SCP-XXXX" not just by its number.

Another thing:

"Following the consumption of any organic food product, SCP-XXXX … "

capable of using the DNA from the deceased organism

"Digested" organism.

hybrid, using part of its own DNA, and part of the other organism's DNA,

I suggest simplifying this into one sentence. And also, you've already said that it was capable of producing a hybrid. That was already understood.

These hybrids, henceforth referred to as XXXX-BETA, could potentially become very dangerous, as they may potentially spread viruses humans would otherwise have no possibility of catching.

Okay, this one contains many errors. First of all, the wrong classification of a skip's subclass. While you are free to create your own, I don't see anything special about it to be called as an "SCP-XXXX-BETA." It would have been understandable if it was, "These hybrids, henceforth referred to as SCP-XXXX-1".

Stating the fact that it was dangerous immediately makes me lose my interest. However, if this one is removed and you have focused to what it does, that would probably work. Which leads us to:

"may potentially spread viruses humans would otherwise have no possibility of catching."

What virus do they spread? It's either because of the wrong grammar or the lack of details that I failed to comprehend what you are trying to say. Also, why would they have no possibility of catching it? The Foundation has vast arrays of technology to contain powerful anomalies, let alone a virus carrier organism.

Police Department to report oinking sounds coming from the apartment one story above his.

"Called (the redacted) Police Department and reported strange sounds coming from the room above his."

to be a fully human baby, dubbed XXXX-BETA-1.

Remove fully. And also, this happened prior to the skip's containment so, in universe, it would make sense if this draft would simply identified the instance as something like this:

"Police saw SCP-XXXX breastfeeding an instance of SCP-XXXX-1 that appears to be a human infant."

the nose of a pig

I believe the word you're looking for is "snout?"

where after several weeks of study, it was euthanized, and the body incinerated.

Why was it euthanized? Doesn't that violate what the Foundation stood for, which is "Contain"?

be exposed to sunlight in order to photosynthesize

This part is hilarious. I'll give you a thumbs up for that XD

the foundation.

Capitalization. "the Foundation."

Interview Log

I advice you use the tag: " > " (without the quotes) for the interview or transcription logs in your articles.

Doctor: Hello there. Would you prefer me to refer to you as XXXX, or as [REDACTED]?

This just simply breaks off the Foundation's clinical tone.

Your fucking foundation has already dehumanized me enough

How so?

The babies? Do you mean my babies?

Why did the skip lost its aggressiveness in an instant? A moment earlier she was cursing, now she was distraught by the mention of her babies. And isn't it already obvious that she was going to be asked because of her ability to produce skip instances? That's the reason why she was contained in the first place.

happen?

"happened"

I was 15. I met this cute older guy outside of the shopping mall over in ████████████. I think he may have been about 19? [entity spends several seconds in a sort of trance] Yeah, 19. I remember now. We started out as friends, but after a few weeks, things started to get heated, and then we… uh… [entity lowers its voice, and leans in close to Dr. ███████] we did the deed.

…

I'm not sure how to react with this. The dialogue is stiff and for someone who have shown aggressiveness earlier now shifted into a some kind of a generic teenage girl attracted to some mysterious guy. There's nothing much I could suggest in here other than to ask you to change it.

Just imagine, if a girl her age was detained by an organization as cold as the Foundation, how would you think she would react? Let us use common sense and think. Put yourself in her shoes and think.

To point out, they became friends. That means, she would have known things about him (unless the guy shared false information about himself) but the skip stated "few weeks". That would already be long enough to know someone.

"I was 15 […] We did the deed".

Okay, I'll stop right here. Like I said, I would suggest editing this. Maybe increase her age into a reasonable number. I would be fine with that.

Yes. While we were doing it, he pulled out a syringe full of some drug. He told me it would improve the quality of my… [entity is visibly uncomfortable discussing sexual terms]

…

I wonder where her parents are.

Yes, my orgasm. I injected it, and all at once, I started seeing things.

… hard to imagine for a 15 year old to be doing this.

[entity's eyes widen while it seemingly recollects what was seen under the influence of this drug]

This is unnecessary.

the DNA of the world.

…

There were just strands of DNA everywhere, and in the middle, there was one strand pulsating. I could hear the boy I was fucking telling me to tie my strand to the one in the middle. He was urging me to ….

I am having a hard time understanding this, forgive me. What's the connection between perceiving DNAs in producing a hybrid? I understand she can mix DNAs of organisms but, doesn't her body just automatically do that? By the sound of this, she has complete control over her anomalous ability. She could have avoided mixing the DNAs with her mind and that way, she would have avoided containment in the first place!

What's the first baby?

The first baby was the one you saw

This simply contradicts the Description and the dialogues I've listed above. So, if the pig baby was the first baby, what do you call the dead vegetable babies?

My parents threw me out of the house when they heard my baby oinking.

They didn't called the police for this? And also, this was somewhat unrealistic. If I see my daughter giving birth to a pig man, I would be the first one to run away from the house.

I would understand if the skip was contained at her home, not on some apartment (and there's an inconsistency about this. We'll get to that later.)

I went vegan after that… just because I couldn't bear any more babies.

So, this answers my question about the dead vegetable babies (which, I believe, forms another inconsistency that we'll tackle later).

Also, she went vegan because she couldn't bear more any babies. But the Description stated something about vegetable babies.

But they kept coming… and I had to starve them.

Okay that answers the question above.

Can we stop now? I can't do any more questions.

Is she even allowed to do this?

Yes. This interview is finished. You can collect XXXX now, guards.

Lack of clinical tone.

Realism

The Foundation may have probably dealt with the impossible. But of course, would you read a story that lacks realism? This was, by far, one of the most important elements of an article.

Let me tell you where you failed to apply this:

The first one was the fact that the skip was a 16 year old girl who gets impregnated a lot by the vegetables she eats. (As evident by the Description section) Does it make sense for a girl this young to bear many children (and based on the interview log, she got her ability ONE YEAR prior her containment). It's a miracle she can even still walk.

The second is, the apartment. Of course, everyone can reside in an apartment. However, given her condition, what work does she have in order to pay her rent?

Which leads me to:

The oinking sound. It seems like the guy withstood the oinking sound for like 1 year before he finally called the police.

Another thing: the vegetable baby corpses.

So, draft clearly stated that the skip is capable of producing a vegetable with a human DNA which means that it was clearly human in some way. Isn't it going to be smelly if she just happened to store all those corpses in her room? Or if she happens to dispose it, wouldn't someone find out about the bad smell coming from those corpses?

The drug.

For me, it doesn't really make any sense. Her abilities came from a drug. Okay. But that's it? I have trouble finding a connection between this and that.

Sex.

Where did they have intercourse? Given her young age, I would guess they did it at her parent's home.

Vegetable babies.

She took care of the pig baby but didn't even give a crap about the vegetable baby.

An average kid would have been taught that plants need sunlight and water. She was 15, how wouldn't she knows that? If she was illiterate, why would her parents let her go around to meet that mysterious guy?

The pig baby.

This one baffles me really. She didn't stated in the logs earlier to having consuming any pork (obviously that could have happened before the intercourse) but it just doesn't make any sense. So you're probably saying that the guy was a pig man? Because…well…argh you know what I mean.

Her abilities.

I believe humans can survive solely on water and soup. It's hard but it's possible. Would she produce a baby from a liquid food matter?

The guy.

He just disappeared. I mean, I could forgive this mistake.

Lack of Clinical Tone

So, aside from the lack of tone in the Containment Procedures section and the Description section, the interview log, aside from it not inside a " > " tag, was very stiff.

The girl's demeanor baffles me. She was somewhat bipolar to me. Maybe she was suffering postpartum depression given her daily impregnation and many things?

The doctor.

His dialogue lacks professionalism like calling the containment security as 'guards'. Well, I could forgive that as well.

Try fixing the problems addressed above. Try to make the SCP's age into something reasonable. Try to apply realism in your article and make sure the whole thing was logical. The whole thing has a potential; it was just like a Series I or II article that has both "gross" and "dark" elements in it. Albeit, poorly executed.

Also, I would suggest improving the tone. You can learn that by reading more SCPs and Tales. Reading helps me personally in writing drafts (and make sure to practice a lot).

And research.

Site-19 was a good place to ask help. Also, don't forget to use the Help and Questions thread in case you need assistance in writing your drafts.

In my own opinion, this draft isn't ready to be published in the mainsite yet.

Author, your clinical tone is almost there, but just a little weak. Check these out for helpful advice. I'll help as I move this crit along, though.

On tone/writing style.
How-To-Write-an-SCP
Clinical Tone Declassified

Also be forewarned, I use sarcastic humor here and there as a way to lighten the mood. Crits are always a bit awkward, so it breaks up the monotony and, hopefully, causes a chuckle every once in a while.

Overall, your concept is very strange, but in a good way. It relies on squick a little, but not so much that it detracts from your overall concept.

SCP-XXXX is to be contained within a 5m x 5m x 3m enclosure located at site [DATA EXPUNGED], built entirely of stainless steel.

Here, you can just use ‘standard humanoid containment’ to avoid so many words. The [DATA EXPUNGED] is unnecessary, as any personnel reading this document should know where this skip is located. Also, as the containment units are, likely, underground, the containment cell would likely be constructed of concrete and rebar.

One doorway is to be built that locks from the outside using electromagnets.

Unnecessary detail here. A standard humanoid containment cell would have only one door on an electromagnetic lock on it by default.

Any furniture in the entity's enclosure is to be made entirely of inorganic material.

This is a good detail, and I would plug it in right after the first sentence. Something like:

The entity is to be sustained using only an IV drip with a nutrient solution.

Almost all nutrient IV solutions contain organic material. Do you mean a synthetic nutrient solution?

Under absolutely no circumstances is the entity to be fed anything that is made up of organic material.

There is a tonal error here. Try something like, "Under no circumstance should SCP-XXXX be allowed to ingest organic material."

… their employment will be terminated, and they will receive class C amnestics, removing any memories of their time with the Foundation.

Here's a solid ‘no’ for me. Yeah, so a researcher, doctor, or other personnel feeds the skip out of remorse. That's really no reason to throw away the thousands of dollars spent on training, education, and on-site skills that these personnel attain employed by the Foundation, and the thousands of dollars that will go into training and educating a new researcher. I would just leave it at a simple reprimand, maybe move the researcher to a different post, and call in someone else.

All personnel assigned to the containment of XXXX are to wear protective suits capable of withstanding the bite force of a human female.

An interesting bit of information! However, you should always use ‘SCP-XXXX’ in these places. Also, the second half of the sentence could be rewritten to include, " … capable of withstanding the bite force of a non-anomalous human."

If, by some circumstances, the entity is able to puncture the suits, using non-lethal force is authorized in order to prevent the entity from biting the flesh of personnel. If this is not sufficient to prevent the consumption of flesh, XXXX is to be immediately subjected to vomit-inducing procedures.

Try something like:

SCP-XXXX is a human female, 16 years of age, formerly known as [REDACTED].

Your redaction here is unimportant. Go ahead and name the skip. Also, human/humanoid skips don't lose their identities upon containment¹.

From here out, I'll speed through the crit. If you want more detail or explanation, feel free to PM me.

XXXX was recovered on 11/20/20██, when a resident of the entity's former apartment complex called ████████ Police Department to report oinking sounds coming from the apartment one story above his.

Decent story-telling here. However, this should be in a discovery log instead of the description.

Secondarily, the redactions here actually hinder the narrative for me.

The rest of the discovery log has some tonal issues but is not bad.

Doctor: Hello there. Would you prefer me to refer to you as XXXX, or as [REDACTED]?

A Foundation researcher would not refer to a skip by its name, honestly. Check the essays I linked in the Advice section for more.

Also, the word ‘entity’ is fine in small doses, but to maintain narrative consistency, you may want to stick to referring to the skip as SCP-XXXX.

If you want its name mentioned in the interview log, try this:

[entity spends several seconds in a sort of trance]

There are instances of this where the notes take on an omniscient point of view. The interview log is being transcribed by a researcher or doctor's assistant and, similar to the containment procedures, description, et al., should be consistent in clinical tone. Stick to the observable, not the theoretical, my friend.

… hear the boy I was fucking telling me …

This contradicts the skip's discomfort with discussing sexual terms.

After I did it and we finished our sex …

I'm not going to lie, this line made me laugh out loud by how awkward it is. I'd go with something a little less subtle. This is a 16-year-old girl who has just come to terms with the fact that she's never leaving this place, and maybe here is where she breaks down and throws it all to the wind.