Crap, sorry for the delay. Winter storms in the desert are so much fun!
Aaaanyway, let's see what I can do for you.
Be forewarned, I use sarcastic humor here and there as a way to lighten the mood. Crits are always a bit awkward for both parties involved, so it breaks up the monotony and, hopefully, causes a chuckle every once in a while.
Some advice first.
At the top of your article, your clinical tone is good. However, after the Addendum, it falls apart and becomes more casual — almost like a tale. While it's not bad, it still should follow the standard for clinical tone. Check out these awesome articles for more help and explanation:
On tone/writing style.
How-To-Write-an-SCP
Clinical Tone Declassified
Also, I would stick to using the SCP-XXXX designation throughout your article rather than ‘The Connection’.
And now, on with the crit:
Concept:
I like what you're going with here. I mean, ancient internet from an alternate reality. You have the Prometheus story wrapped in an executable file!
However, the effect and delivery are presented in a confusing manner. Your secondary description is a little jumpy and is a mish-mash of a description and an acquisition or discovery log. If you can clean that up, put the description into one header and the log in another, you'll be able to clear that up.
As to the log itself, check out Addendum 184 — 38RB on SCP-184 for an example of what your log could look like.
Specifics:
- "… located on the Headquarters of Google, Firefox, Internet Explorer, Yahoo, and Bing." —> A few things:
- "located in the headquarters" —> Headquarters isn't a proper noun and, as such, doesn't need to be capitalized.
- Firefox is owned by Mozilla. Bing is only a search engine, and both Bing and IE are owned by Microsoft.
- "… an XK Class end of the world scenario will be in effect." —> There's really no evidence to support the XK-Class End-of-the-World scenario here.
- You also have some wording here and there that is just a little confusing. For example:
- "'The Connection' controls the minds of those who view it through a memetic agent." —> The wording here makes it look like subjects have to look through a memetic agent in order to for the effect to take hold. Also, I'd suggest using an infohazard instead of a memetic agent.
- The flow of the article is pretty abruptly halted at CONNECTION LOST. It then goes into "Recovered Materials: Description:. Maybe you can clarify what's going on at that point.
- "… but by the time of 420 …" —> I'd suggest picking any other number here.
- "The figure did not identify themselves …" —> "Themself." I know it looks weird, and it's going to drive your spell checker insane, but it's the grammatically correct way to use the singular they in that sense.
In all, I'm still left wondering… ‘Why’? What caused the anomaly to appear in the first place? What are the full effects of the anomaly itself? Why does the thing kill Charlie-6 when he was only three days from retirement?
Overall, you have a good concept with slight errors in execution. With some effort, you'll be able to polish this thing!
If you would like more specifics, a more detailed crit, or just want to toss me to SCP-682, feel free to PM me!