Not Bears early draft
just the first version of an expanding story, there will be updated files in the doc this is just the first iterationhttp://scp-sandbox-3.wikidot.com/abadidea
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NOT BEARS early draft
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» Writing Help / Help: Drafts Critique
» NOT BEARS early draft
Summary:
bear that dont want to be bears that are bears but are not bears that dont want to be bears
(NOT REVIEWED)
ABadIdea,
So, I just read your SCP, and I gotta say, I like the basic idea, but I feel there is something you are lacking. You have the what and you have the where, but why? Why does it mimic other animals? If you could include that, and make it interesting, I think this could be an amazing SCP.
Also, I suggest making your wording a little, I guess you could say, tighter? Just a little more scientific, that's all.
I hope to see your SCP succeed!
IAmtheBushman, this feedback is vague and not particularly helpful.
So, I just read your SCP, and I gotta say, I like the basic idea,
What about the basic idea do you like? What should the author focus on if other readers dislike the draft and think that changes need to be made?
Why does it mimic other animals? If you could include that, and make it interesting, I think this could be an amazing SCP.
How would this make the SCP "amazing"? What would be an interesting reason for the mimicry? Adding on explanations and/or narrative context doesn't always guarantee the piece will be improved, and sometimes authors are better off not trying to shoehorn in an explanation for the sake of having an explanation.
Also, I suggest making your wording a little, I guess you could say, tighter? Just a little more scientific, that's all.
Can you provide some examples of excerpts that could use "tighter" and "more scientific" wording? How would you improve those sections if you were to revise them?
If you're going to try giving feedback in the forums, try to at least respond to specifics rather than posting a generic response that could be interpreted as relating to any number of drafts.
Furthermore, if you're not inclined to write more of a substantial review, please hold off on making the first post so a more experienced reviewer can address the thread first. As staff reviewers prioritize threads with no replies, someone posting a low-content critique actually can make it harder for the author to get a more thorough review.
thank you, this is just the first page in a many doc SCP, the twist will be that the bears are NOT bears, and actually are dangerous and at least 30% of animal population, this leads to 2 choices, the foundation terminate a entire species and maybe even more, or reveal themselves to the world.
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i will be updating this doc with my new parts of the SCP until it dissappears into the abyss of drafts and critiques.
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If you have so much left to add to the article in order to give it a narrative, wouldn't it make more sense to do that before asking for reviews? Right now, it's just the not-bears and the anomalous effect they have. There's not much to say about that apart from the lack of underlying storytelling, which you're already planning to add.
/forum/t-9100637/not-bears-early-draft#post-
page revision: 3, last edited: 22 Sep 2018 03:57
