Okay, took a look at this. Here are my thoughts:
Right from the start, there are a lot of basic writing errors and sloppy phrasing. For example, from the first few sentences alone:
SCP-XXXX is to be stored in a reinforced vault with clearance to Level 1 Level 3 personnel.
Description: SCP-XXXX is contained within an 20cm×13cm×10cm jewelry box(SCP-XXXX-1). SCP-XXXX-1 consistantly weighs 1.5kg, unless additional items are placed into SCP-XXXX-1.
- Why a "reinforced vault" as opposed to a standard secure locker?
- "clearance to Level-X staff" is missing a verb. Clearance given to? Clearance restricted to?
- Level-1 and Level-3 need a hyphen.
- Typically Level-1s shouldn't be accessing anomalies unless they have permission from higher-ups. Level-2 is typically the absolute lowest clearance required for something as complicated as this, especially since it affects minds.
- SCP-XXXX is contained > shouldn't the containment stuff be in the description? Also, what is SCP-XXXX itself? If it's an unidentified object or entity, say that from the start.
- within an 20cm > it's "a 20 cm", not "an"
- jewelry box(SCP-XXXX-1) > needs a space before the parentheses, and honestly the anomaly seems to be the box itself, rather than something in the box, since most of the times SCP-XXXX is mentioned it seems to be talking about the box as well as whatever's inside it.
- consistantly > consistently. But you don't need this word. Just say that its base weight is 1.5kg.
- That said, 1.5kg is lighter than the average hardback college textbook, so that box is pretty heavy for its size…
- unless additional items are placed into SCP-XXXX-1. > this seems a little commonsense. Why wouldn't the box's weight change if extra stuff was put in?
The rest of the draft is similarly clunky with regards to phrasing, simple writing errors, and the confusing premise of the SCP-XXXX/SCP-XXXX-1 setup. It seems to be a pretty generic "messes with your mind" item, with the anomaly being the box itself rather than whatever's in it. Also, the recovery story (with the agent just conveniently discovering it at some random store) is pretty lackluster and can probably just be removed.
I personally feel like the piece is way longer than it needs to be, and goes into a lot of detail that isn't needed (it feels like a rehash of one of the items from the joke SCP SCP-5308-J (The Collection), or just a log of anomalous items entry). It also gets a little predictable towards the end, since the interview just restates the description text.
Maybe this could work as a tale. If you really want to make it an SCP article, I recommend getting the base idea polished up in the Ideas and Brainstorming forum before you try fixing the draft. Go to that forum, post a quick summary of the concept you want to write up (don't link the draft unless someone asks), and reviewers there can help you make the idea more interesting and give you some advice on structuring the eventual article for smoothness of reading and narrative.
