My first SCP
A big thanks to Laneous for helping me write my first SCP, as well as
Reverend Fox and
KrySalems for the incredibly helpful critique
Also here's the image source so I don't get yelled at
SCP-4488 / Discussion
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Alright, lets see if this lake can swim.
Oh yeah, and to whoever left their unfinished draft in a mainlist spot (not posted), you're lucky I put it in my sandbox. PM me if you want it.
EDIT: THE LOG HAS BEEN REWRITTEN. Now it's a bit more concise and less childish.
I'm sorry to change my vote, but, -1.
After reading Shaggy's comment and re-reading this…
They have a point. I take some fault in this, because I gave you crit that did not touch upon the dialogue whatsoever. It should have. Yes, the ending still makes me feel uneasy, but the 7 D class in your log all sound plastic and the same once I look at it again. It's all sass and swears when it could be leading up to the ending.
The tense of the containment procedures still bugs me, as I mentioned in the crit. The long and drawn out sentences still make this feel monotonous, and I think the excitement of seeing this posted clouded my judgement when I gave it a vote.
~I hope you remember where you started.
I'm fine with this, I might try to re-rewrite the entire log, because yeah, it does feel really dull after taking a step back from it. I'll try to get to work on that. Guess I'll add that to the list of things to do this week.
It seemed like a regular cliche scp exploration of infinite dimension type deal at first but the twist at the end sold me. You did this really well! It was short, sweet and worth reading. Congrats on the great article.
(account deleted)I approve the inclusion of ghost animals.
Edit: But I upvoted because of the quality of the philosophical content at the end. To quote:
[Nietzsche in Beyond Good and Evil] criticizes other philosophers for preferring a "handful of 'certainty' to a whole cartful of beautiful possibilities."
The ending is something that could have certainly hit a lot harder, had the execution not been so random and the buildup nonexistent. I'm hesitant to even call the turn of story a twist — it has virtually no bearing on the rest of the work, even after a reread, and it's made wholly underwhelming considering how wide of a tonal shift there is:
The log leading up to it is silly, filled with characters that talk like a bunch of teenagers (this is another ding against the piece for me, they're not remotely believable as a group of individuals who know their way around a sub — and it's odd that the Foundation would entrust what is essentially a group of children dicking around an armed vessel), so the sudden shift towards something serious and thought-provoking feels unearned.
The ending is great, but the rest of the work doesn't support it to a satisfactory degree.
I rewrote the log a bunch, I personally feel it is a lot better than before.
Under the new log, is "Exploration team consists of seven Class D personnel" meant to be four?
I liked it though! Wish it were a bit longer it was a fun read for me.
+1
Overall, although the log isn't the best, it still has some strong points that end up saving it for me, like the ending.
/forum/t-9498013/scp-4488#post-
page revision: 3, last edited: 22 Sep 2018 03:57
