SCP Foundation

Hi. This is my first attempt at writing an SCP. I've been working on this rough draft for a couple days and wanted to run it by some people.

Here it is: http://scp-sandbox-3.wikidot.com/demifiend

I'm open to any and all criticism.

Let's see what I can do for you.

Be forewarned, I use sarcastic humor here and there as a way to lighten the mood. Crits are always a bit awkward for both parties involved, so it breaks up the monotony and, hopefully, causes a chuckle every once in a while.

Some advice first.

And now, on with the crit:

Overall, your concept is good. The systematic erasure of free will is something that many humans fear on a subconscious level, and this definitely ticks that particular box.

This draft is very nearly ready, in my opinion, but I'd still recommend shopping it around in the Forum Crit IRC (location: #thecritters) for last looks.

If you need any further elaboration, clarification, or explanation, feel free to PM me.

I have to agree with Reverend Fox. Brilliant new take on the hive-mind-scare.

My ideas: Maybe the foundation put a D-Boy in a cell with such an SCP-instance, just to see how an "infection occurs". Further details on research on this scp would be nice.
Maybe the infected people (as I will call them) do have something visibly different with them / on them, like a tatoo or their eyes moving slowly, or black veins etc. and then have an Image of that. That'd be creepy in my opinion.

Crit: I don't think anti-memetics are a thing and if I'm wrong, then maybe i'd be good to elaborate on the anti-memetic measures. I would call them "memetic effect prohibiting measures", and then describe them rather than leaving it unexplained like that. Maybe it can be anti-communist propaganda or subconcious messeges in form of hardly hearable audio or hardly visible screens of text baked into the content of big websites promoting individualism. But that's just my opinion.

All in all I would say that this article reads very well. The concept is cool. And I'd say it's a bit of tweaking away from being ready.

I made some of the aforementioned changes to my draft.
http://scp-sandbox-3.wikidot.com/demifiend

I've gotten a ton of feedback and made quite a few changes. I think I just need some last looks before I can post it.
http://scp-sandbox-3.wikidot.com/demifiend

Gotta agree with the Reverend here. This is a pretty interesting take on the hive-mind shtick, and I quite like it.

I'd personally like to see a log where someone actually succumbs to SCP-XXXX, which IMO could hammer home just how absolutely scary this is by sheer fact of it could happen to anyone. Otherwise… I don't have much to say here. This skip is well written and doesn't have much for me to nag about.

That's all I got. This is a good skip, and sans that aforementioned log, I think it'll swim. ^^