It seems you are aware of your clinical tone and formatting issues, so allow me to preface this with a link to the Clinical Tone Declassified page. You should be able to discern the proper execution of tone there. As for formatting, the only suggestion I have there is to see how other authors have done it. I will make specific mention that the brackets in every line of dialogue was a weird choice.
Overall, the concept seems solid. It's a series of portals formed by interpretation of paradise, right? I think it's workable, but there isn't much that keeps me engaged in the narrative. The superhuman aspect of it seems wedged in and doesn't add much to the article, use of terms like "the Core" and "the Others" is hardly clinical, and the dialogue is a bit shaky.
Most notably, I didn't find the table all the interesting to glean through. The fun thing about extra-dimensional portals is what is on the other side. This usually leads to an exploration log where you can really dish out some exciting landscapes/horrific scenes. This is largely a bunch of wish-fulfillment that don't particularly interest me.
I recommend the following links for review:
