I know I've already mentioned my best friend, Tag Search, but here I'd also like to mention my other best friend: Thesaurus.com.
The diction for this draft is short sentences, as if someone barely clinging to consciousness or coherence is seeing these events and is barely able to communicate what they're seeing. In a conceptual sense, it's as if the narrator is viewing the action through a keyhole. Their vision is extremely tightly focused and brings the reader these little snatches of sensation, which ideally combine to piece together a narrative whole.
Partly for this reason, I do not like the extraneous capitalizations. "Foxes" makes sense as that's the title of a group. "Doctor", "Scars" etc do not add anything for me, and actually detract. You've said the doctor is not 049, and they're certainly not the Doctor (aka Dr Who). I have to step out of the poem and consciously remind myself of this fact every time I see "the Doctor." The other capitalizations are similarly distracting, even without accidental references.
It feels like the intent of the capitalizations is to emphasize these aspects of the scene and make them more vivid. I believe that could be done more effectively by describing the characters and scenery using different words or phrases. Ye trusty thesaurus is valuable for this!
One exception might be "cold metal." This phrase is a central one around which the poem's action revolves and to which it returns. Seems to me you're using it as a kenning to refer to the Foundation facility as a whole. Having "cold metal" remain changeless while the descriptions of most other things vary from line to line would set up a contrast between it and the other, chaotic elements of the scene.
Another possible contrast you could use is between the cold of the metal and other things described as having warmth. Hot breath, warm (sticky?) red, the heat of battle, hot pursuit, fiery rage etc.
Keeping that "keyhole" focus will help to zoom in on the tactile and visual details in the scene. What are the scars like — jagged, precise, deep, shallow, frenzied, deliberate? How does the red move, how does it feel, how does it smell?
To summarize what I'm seeing of the story in the poem:
There's a doctor who was trying to survive or contain the breach. They were injured — "Trembles. Steps." was a great description of this. The entity smells, pursues and kills them.
Epsilon-11 arrives on the scene. I checked out Lockdown Procedures, and it looks like they're likely to be called in as first responders to breaches coded Blue (mobile entity with less than human sapience) and Superblue (mobile entity with sapience at or above human). That's excellent. Based on the action, I get the impression this was a Code Blue — an anomalous monster which is about as smart as a very smart animal. So that could be another crosslink and another way to bring in the cold / hot dichotomy. The entity paints red and is associated with heat; the MTF is responding to a Code Blue and is cool, collected and precise.
The Foxes show up and see the carnage. The entity perceives and gives chase. The MTF slays the beast and drags its neutralized corpse off to be contained.