My First SCP Attempt
Here's my first SCP attempt! The number is SCP-4XXX because i don't have a number yet.
Please critique :)
Also, I know there's a similar SCP but I tried hard to make it different from the other.
My First SCP Attempt
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» My First SCP Attempt
Summary:
I hope this idea is original :)
Hey there… There's a lot of mistakes in this article, even at first glance. I have several limited time spans in order to edit my critiques, so expect updates to my post. And There's probably a bajillion more goofs i couldn't find.
I'll be listing it in a collapsable
There's a LOT of goofs here, my friend.
I'll be talking about the big mistakes before the smaller grammar mistakes
first off, why does the entire first paragraph of the description start in the special containment procedures? Did you forget to put it in the description? move it.
I don't think just because a pen can change colors is viable grounds for it being possibly sentient.
This is not a big mistake, but instead of using the imperial system (Feet and Inches) you have to use the metric system (Meters and centimeters). Using the imperial measurement system in SCP articles is generally frowned upon here.
The picture shows a pen on a plain white background. I Suggest finding a picture of a pen on a table to replace it, since not many objects can float into oblivion so that their picture can be taken.
Although i'm not the best at knowing the standards of what's an SCP and what is not, Your SCP (a color changing pen) is more like an anomalous item that can be shoved into a drawer (Like Griffin said) and be forgotten about. There's no big reason why it would earn full SCP classification.
I'm glad that there's no anomalous property where the object compels the user to use it and then horrendously injure them. There's no random properties of the object either. That's done alot from what i've seen. I'm glad that there's not many things that are overdone in your article.
However, It's still a little bland, like, "It's a pen that can change colors at random". There's nothing else in the article to make it interesting to a reader.
I will list grammar mistakes later, when i have time.
Youhoooop the what? okay?
First things first: Good job at writing an SCP.
You made a safe non-humanoid SCP which is indicative of you reading articles on how to write skips. This is a satisfactory first attempt, and don't let me dim your spark.
Second things second:
Their are genuine problems with this article.
- Check your grammar in the picture description
- The Second paragraph of the Special containment procedures should be in description.
- The aforementioned paragraph is WAY to specific. Just tell us its a pen dude. we all know how pens look.
- Why are the Special containment procedures so specific? A standard Item Containment unit will do.
- If its a pen that outputs a random color, there is no indication it is sentient or even sapient. that's like assuming that, since a dice randomly lands on a number, it might have a choice in the matter and therefore be alive. (Sentience and sapience do not correlate with alive. a plant is alive but is not sapient, SCP-079 is sentient but not alive.)
- The pen is so safe that it might as well be shoved in some low level researcher's draw and forgotten about. Why have these Hyper specific Containment protocols?
- The foundation doesn't write premature reports. They would wait until full testing is finished before making a report.
- Use more formal language. You are on the write lines, but remember. This is essentially a lab report.
Hope this helps you. And please reply so I know if it did.
:D
Updating it right now. Thanks to all of you for the feedback!
Yes, the description being under Special Containment Procedures was a mistake on my part. Oof.
It did indeed slip my mind that it's only a pen and that there's no need for such heavy containment, I was overestimating the power of my own SCP.
I'm cutting out some filler and making some adjustments to make it more like a true SCP.
/forum/t-9916242/my-first-scp-attempt#post-
page revision: 3, last edited: 22 Sep 2018 03:57
