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Some Criticisms


Good luck!
by FoolishPhoenixFoolishPhoenix, 22 Nov 2017 07:06

I joined a long while back when I was younger, wrote a treacherous draft of an SCP and realized I wasn't ready, and when I started getting in to horror again, I remembered this place. Decided to give it another go. I have a second one but I'd rather try this one first. Other one needs some revision before its ready to even be a draft anyway. Ready to improve this one.
http://scpsandbox2.wikidot.com/fifthinfinity
P.S.! No idea how to make those little boxes around text with the dotted borders and the slightly darker background. Yaknow what I'm talking about?

First Shot in Forever by fifthrealityfifthreality, 22 Nov 2017 06:39

Thanks for the great feedback! What you all said helps a lot and I will use this information to write something more original and intriguing!

You can check coding via the "+ Options" link at the bottom of a page, and then selecting "Page Source".

In this case, it's the same thing fieldstone just told you about, but with allcaps:

{{THIS TEXT}}

gives:

THIS TEXT

Link to draft: http://scpsandbox2.wikidot.com/temporary-3

I actually developed this idea before I had applied for the site, so it might not be thought all the way out. Or hell, it might be overdeveloped. I honestly don't know. Also, I'm unsure whether it should be classified as Euclid or Safe.

I'd like to hear what y'all think, though.

SCP-3284 Draft by Temporary3Temporary3, 22 Nov 2017 06:05

It's tame. I don't see how you could find it offensive without looking way too deep.

Re: Clean Joke Thread by BrainmeatBrainmeat, 22 Nov 2017 06:00

**Edited to removed redundant instructions, Several people posted before I finished this. I apologize for residencies.

Onto Critique:


Just don the mask of whoever you wish to be, The rest follows.

Re: Critique my first SCP. by SalemsSalems, 22 Nov 2017 05:49

red WITH BLOOD

because EVERYONE IS DEAD

Re: Staff Post - Open by VoctVoct, 22 Nov 2017 05:48

For clarification, I found the thread with the draft that contained it: http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-4317968/ck-or-ok

That sort of font used at the beginning. How could I do that? Should I ask the author instead?

Well, depends on your headcanon and on the sect of the cult. The gist of it, from what I gather, is like this:

Sarkicists seem to believe that some sort of apotheosis is nigh and generally seem to work towards it. Whether they think their dead will join them in the paradise they're creating is arguable.

Similarly, the Church of the Broken God is a big group with a lot of diversity. Some are basically steampunk or cyberpunk Buddhists, seeking the mechanized nirvana, while others are Christian, trying to build the Second Coming of Christ and all that that implies.

Fifthists subscribe to blithering insanity and probably don't believe in an afterlife because they're probably not allowed to die. Alternatively, Vorehole.

The Children of the Scarlet King believe that the only afterlife is Hell, and the only choice humanity has is to beg Satan for mercy so that Hell won't be so bad. They're not entirely incorrect.

That covers most of the big players, I think.

any favorite movie genres?


:

@ba55 by 0verandoverandover0verandoverandover, 22 Nov 2017 05:33
ipmeipme 22 Nov 2017 05:30
in discussion Per Page Discussions / Per page discussions » SCP-3098

I still don't trust this thing.

+1

by ipmeipme, 22 Nov 2017 05:30

BigJasonmacBigJasonmac, instead of posting multiple comments in succession, please edit your previous post using the "edit" function under the "options" tab to the lower right of every comment. That prevents spam buildup, and it's in the rules.

Also, if you're continuing a conversation, you can click the "reply" link at the lower right of the comment you're responding to. Helps so people are sure of who you're talking to. If you make a new comment, forum-goers assume you're talking to everyone reading the thread, and that muddles the conversation flow.

Admin Post - Open by ZynZyn, 22 Nov 2017 05:18

It was pretty much the first draft for this, yeah. Had a rather precise idea of what I wanted to write when I started…

A scree is a pile of loose rock at the bottom of a slope. Jargon can cause confusion, so I've replaced "scree" by "rocky talus".

I"ve added an explicit link between the red water and the Schweizerhalle spill. The Rhine turning red was a big news item at the time, but that was 30 years ago, so… Less than obvious for those who didn't live those days.

The DNA testing was already in there. The whole thing is neither whale nor human. It just looks like a bit of both. The strong implication being that it's not a natural being at all. Maybe still not strong enough, but I try not to be too didactic and to leave some room for interpretation.

The typewriter font that looks like this can be made by putting double squiggly brackets {like these} around text. Or just clicking the "tt" button right under your post title.

Greetings. Unfortunately I can not say I am hugely intrigued by this article. I will however, leave a detailed critique for you to improve.

I think that they probably either believe in reincarnation, or if they don't then they probably believe they go to an afterlife that is really boring unless they achieved their version of enlightenment before death.

It emits a weak psychic energy which induces paranoia and a sense of longing for the axe.

If the axe is picked up, the affected becomes obsessed with it and carry it with them

Affected subjects then become violently aggressive and attempt to seize as much power as possible by killing

Yeah, we get something like this once a week. It rarely goes well, especially if the core object is a weapon, because of how predictable it gets. People associate weapons with violence. Rare is the article about a weapon that's not violent at all.

So you know, the "it makes you crazy until murderous/rampaging/dead" approach isn't particularly interesting on its own anymore, given how many times SCPs with that effect have been written. Take a look at the articles tagged with "compulsion". Furthermore, the SCP's effect forcing someone to do something tends to be a bit of a lame narrative, since things are more interesting if there's a struggle involved, and/or if the people instead do terrible things of their own volition. Consider reading through the further discussion on the narrative issues of compulsion and addiction effects.

The concept also falls into the usual pitfall of "too much what, not enough why". Why would this axe exist anyway? Why an axe, as opposed to something that would be more user-friendly across all body types? You've got a lot of details about what the axe does, but there isn't any narrative describing why it does these things. It's the answers to the "why" questions that will set your piece apart (presuming that you have something unique, not just "it's cursed" or "it was just made that way") from all the other weapons that just make people fite gud.

Re: SCP Concept: The Coveted by ZynZyn, 22 Nov 2017 05:03

MetricStone7 MetricStone7 , the link provided goes to a mainlist article. If you are looking to get preliminary critique for an article, provide a Sandbox link instead.

Junior Staff Post - Open by Ba55Ba55, 22 Nov 2017 05:02
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