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A while ago, I made a post about an SCP idea I had involving hostile thaumaturgic fish creatures from South America. I was going to write the article as a standard write-up of a in-universe monster species with a narrative of them attacking their containment by the Foundation but I decide to hold it back to write something different from the evil-monsters-who-don't-like-people formula and came up with a scenario centered around a conflict involving the same fish monsters but now against are more crazier monster species; also from South America. Now I'm trying to figure out the rest of the aspects of this scenario. I thought up most of the basics, but I'm still trying to figure out how the fish monsters should fit into this. I still want them to show some malignant, or at least unfriendly and self-serving, intentions. The two thoughts I have is one where they seem ok at first and the Foundation helps them out but them betrays them and another where there are more obvious hints at malevolence but the Foundation helps them anyway to get rid of the other monster species because they are more violent and don't respond to attempts a diplomacy like in a sort of Lawful Evil vs Chaotic Evil stance. Any advice?

New scenario by TheOldOreTheOldOre, 17 Feb 2018 21:35

The idea of sentient splinters definitely has potential, but as-is it's too short for its own good. You describe the effect and its origins, but it's not vivid or compelling enough to invoke body horror. Take a look at SCP-400 and others like it and notice how they achieve their squick value, and apply that same execution to a rewritten version of this.

I'm downvoting for now but don't give up! This is a rough draft that can be polished into a gem if you work on it some more. Splinters as body horror is exactly the sort of thing people will upvote if you push the right buttons.

by ObserverSeptemberObserverSeptember, 17 Feb 2018 21:35

I'd suggest making it about more than Series I stuff of you want to avoid the fanfic-y feel, and maybe try focusing on a single site. Most people headcanon the foundation as being on a need-to-know basis, so I can't see you getting away with having there be an orientation that just hits all the cool/well known SCPs from different sites.

If I were writing it, I'd make it for security personnel of a single site. Researchers would likely focus on a single project, and not need to know about the rest. While security personnel would have a less deep understanding, they'd probably need to know about what they're guarding. I'd also put in some references to newer or lesser known SCPs.

Re: Tale Idea - SCP Orientation by ratsyratsy, 17 Feb 2018 21:33

Yes, this is still up as "SCP-3911" at the time of posting this.

Did you incorporate feedback you received in the mainlist discussion thread? There's some ported in here:

That said… this article is fundamentally shaky because you have a ton of extra detail that isn't really much more than fluff text (plus spelling errors like "wimper" instead of "whimper") that overwhelms the reader. All the mentions of other articles that you didn't write don't really improve the draft, and in that case it makes it seem like your article is too reliant on other works and doesn't stand by itself well. Also, what you have here is pretty much a generic monster; we've already got plenty of dogs and plenty of weird animals on the mainsite. Yours isn't made more unique by slapping on a tone of minute miscellaneous details.

I recommend getting the base idea polished up in the Ideas and Brainstorming forum before you try fixing the draft. Go to that forum, post a quick summary of the concept you want to write up (don't link the draft unless someone asks), and reviewers there can help you make the idea more interesting and give you some advice on how to make it distinct from existing works.

Re: SCP Draft - "The Dog Dino" by ZynZyn, 17 Feb 2018 21:32

SCP-3761 - Another Person's Bullet - The Classic Who Dun Did It game.

Only nerds have signatures

GenshedGenshed 17 Feb 2018 21:30
in discussion Per Page Discussions / Per page discussions » SCP-3154

Has anyone considered cross testing with 447?

by GenshedGenshed, 17 Feb 2018 21:30

The Lizard is Dead, a murder mystery/love letter to 2012, has been unexpectedly cranked out for the 72 hour jam.

Dropping this since there's already been five people commenting about the situation already.

Stop dogpiling the author, please. If you're going to respond to this comment, please do so tactfully and without repeating what's already been said.

Admin Post - Open by ZynZyn, 17 Feb 2018 21:23

Mkay, here we go. Quick read from me; comments made as I read:

  • "It was all the same on long commute home." > missing word
  • "abating only upon collapsing on the sofa." > what was abating?
  • "“Sixty-eight pounds, forty-five pence” he exclaimed " > need some punctuation at the end of the dialogue
  • "a small mound of products in my arms" > food products? At first I was thinking of like… shampoo.
  • "I’m knew here, just moved" > new
  • "busy now, but, maybe" > I think the second comma isn't necessary
  • "“Hi, dad. It’s… it’s" > Dad

Overall, I liked it. I'm not entirely sure that readers may think it's tied to the Foundation-verse, but I think it has a place in the same way that Teeth Dearie and Greener Pastures does. Maybe do a close read of your own (read the text out loud) to check for any grammar/mechanics errors I didn't happen to catch, and maybe get another pair of eyes on it just in case.

Pretty solid work. I can really relate to the speaker's interactions with other people as they're going through the tale. Nicely done!

Re: Tale - These Legs of Mine by ZynZyn, 17 Feb 2018 21:21

If I were to re-enter this, would I have to delete this thread and then remake it or edit it again?

by OthellotheCatOthellotheCat, 17 Feb 2018 21:20
MoklinMoklin 17 Feb 2018 21:20
in discussion Per Page Discussions / Per page discussions » SCP-3761

I find it incredibly hard to believe that an O5 was completely alone and without security in an empty1 Site and I find it especially hard to believe that two 50-90 year-olds in charge of the Foundation would talk like you have them do here. Aside from that, the mystery just didn't grab me.

-1 by MoklinMoklin, 17 Feb 2018 21:20

Hello everyone! After lurking around as a reader for [REDACTED] years, I decided to throw my hat into the writing ring, starting with the current contest! This Tale uses a few items from the Anomalous Items Log, as I find many of the objects there have great potential (good and bad). The most important one is explained in the story, but I would be willing to explain the other if necessary.

Any feedback would be much appreciated.

Paper or plastic?

Does 3980 do that? The multiple choice aspect of that doesn’t feel overly prevalent. I’m aware there is some aspect of multiple choice in the made up abilities, but other than that there’s not much of a choice.

by OthellotheCatOthellotheCat, 17 Feb 2018 21:13

I had a similar thought a while back, the SS13 codebase and the way the base game is set up does lend itself to a containment facility very well. It would however, become very silly very quickly. The site security being overrun by a laggy entity despite their crack training of clicking on things with guns. Meanwhile the cook that managed to make a rudimentary spear and stun prod from some metal rods, a battery and a shard of glass holds off an army of various horrors because he has read the manual and knows his stuff. Its a very good idea.

Also yes, current TG code is buggy as hell, though I feel their base is easier to pickup and play than most of the others out there.

Re: SCP in SS13 by Mister KiteMister Kite, 17 Feb 2018 21:13

Forum's a little backlogged, so I'll give you a quick read. Fortunately, your draft isn't too long. Here we go:

  • "A hidden closed-circuit camera is to be set up behind the fire, and motion trackers set up around the room" > what room? In the cave?
  • "unless absolutely necessary" > what would be an example of a necessary situation?
  • "Protocol "Plato"." > no quotes needed. It's just a name. You wouldn't really say, "I was going to use the "Google" search."
  • "Protocol Plato refers to the containment of SCP-XXXX-1C if it decides to leave Area-473." > I'm actually not really sure you need the fancy name. Just state, "if SCP-XXXX-1C decides to… and then write out more containment instructions.
  • "All available personnel are to attempt to sedate SCP-XXXX-1C to prevent a possible restructuring event." > why not just have a failsafe in place, like a barricade or tranquilizer emitters?
  • "to be administered a Class-B amnestic, and is to receive medical attention. " > no need for repeat of "is to". Just combine the phrases. "…amnestic, and given medical attention."
  • "The seats restrain the seated individuals from looking away from their cave walls" > not sure what this means. Are the seats anomalous if someone sits in them? Or is the field of view just limited from the view of a seated individual?
  • "If we ever replicate this experiment, use a D-Class. We can't have our researchers taking injury leave this often." > this seems unnecessary, and I'm wondering why D-Class weren't used to begin with. Why would the Foundation let researchers injure themselves often enough to merit being called out by a researcher?

So… I'm not too sure about this. I don't recall much of Plato (he was the one with the cave philosophy thing, right?) and as such, I feel like the bulk of the article goes right over my head. Without an understanding of Greek philosophy and whatever Easter eggs you've got in the draft, it feels like the article falls flat. You've also got some confusing sub-designations—I for one would have preferred that the SCP-XXXX-1 instances were all introduced together, maybe in bullet-point form, so the reader doesn't have to jump around the article to understand the information as it's given to them.

I dunno. Did you run the concept by the Ideas and Brainstorming forum?

Re: An Issue of Perception by ZynZyn, 17 Feb 2018 21:11

you'er mom triple gay

I enjoyed it, but I enjoy watching water condense on glass, so take that as what you will.

by Jack EveredsJack Evereds, 17 Feb 2018 21:09

I think ngcq1811 means that SCP-106/Robert prefers dragging victims between the ages 10-25 to his pocket dimension because he wants to treat some of the youngest ones as his children and create a family with Anna, since reproducing with her is off the table for obvious reasons.

by NorwayIsMyReligion NorwayIsMyReligion , 17 Feb 2018 21:08
WestrinWestrin 17 Feb 2018 21:07
in discussion Per Page Discussions / Per page discussions » SCP-3761

Here's some fitting music.

This is my entry to the "Murder Mystery" portion of the 72 hour jam contest.

A big thanks to everyone who looked at it before it went up. I appreciated y'all.

Only nerds have signatures

by WestrinWestrin, 17 Feb 2018 21:07

It's one thing to fail miserably and then try to learn from and improve off it; it's a completely different thing to fail miserably, then try to pass it off as a success. Just accept that you fucked up and move on.

Enthusiastic -1

P.S. When most authors sock-puppet, they don't use their own account.

Re: Well made. by TrombusTrombus, 17 Feb 2018 21:02

I'm Lucelle. The pleasure is all mine.

I have been watching the community for a while now and have been in many roleplay communities regarding the universe of this collaborative writing project, and now I am planning to contribute to this wonderful and active community of writers and scholars.

I am also heavily interested in co-authoring, so if anyone is looking for somebody to assist them in writing an article (be it a tale or otherwise), I will gladly help. Feel free to DM me.

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