I wouldn't if I were you. Writing about a sensitive subject like that would be difficult to do and I'm not sure that it's necessary. As Rum suggested, the heaven aspect doesn't have to be the actual goal of the project.
Hi Pig, It's the collapsible Addendum 2, I'll fix it so it's more visible!
Aye that's true and it could definitely work that way, as long as it's not stated that the heaven thing was Stalin's intention.
You also can't deny that it's essentially slaves that don't tire, never go sick and don't need to be fed
Depends on which way Immersturm takes it, could be that the robots are always tired, sick and hungry.
Also, make sure your multi-paragraph idea isn't just going into detail about what you've already described it does.
I understand brevity, of course only enough words to do it justice. I feel like good ideas usually have one or more full paragraphs of explanation. This might, at this point, be coming down to personal preference, and I understand that, but I hold brevity in high regard as well. See the first post I made on this thread. As I said, maybe this is just coming down to personal preference.
It's so goofy I think it could work: a good clinical description of the effects to make the reader go "But why would anyone make this?" with the answer as a punchline.
Recovered document: "Damnit Jim. Read the memos more carefully next time: we were supposed to be making a BEAR simulator, not a bean simulator. What the heck are we supposed to do with this beans now? Who the hell would be entertained by standing around soaking sunlight?"
"I found it pretty relaxing. Just chilling in the sun, absorbing CO2. I'm sure there's a market for this."
"People play VR games to do something cool, like shooting lasers or banging Lara Croft, not be a fucking plant Jim! Do you know how much money we put on these? Are you familiar with ET on the Atari? Because what you're gonna do right now is grab those fricckin beans and a shovel, walk your ass to the middle of empty shithole field and bury this beans so I never have to see them again!"
I don't see how this is an issue. Even if you don't believe in heaven, you are still forced to work for all of eternity. You don't even get to die: just an endless loop of the same memories everyday. Don't tell me that isn't an effective determent to scare people into submission.
Or it might just be Stalin enjoys walking down and seeing his persona-no-grata just slaving away.
Or it might be a GRU experiment to create immortal robot soldiers that flopped, and was recycled into this. You also can't deny that it's essentially slaves that don't tire, never go sick and don't need to be fed: efficient workforce for the Motherland comrade.
The denial of heaven side could come from an interview with one of the robots.
Thanks for the input! Even if it's negative, I'm glad to be invoking discussion, rather than just being written off as a writer of a "thing what kills you."
I realize that I'll have to be more subtle to make this thing work, and that I should probably research more about depression in order to make a better impact.
On another note, I'll take off the image.
I kinda like the idea, but I'm not computer savvy myself.
Just to be sure I understand the concept right: it's a encryption program that uses anomalous math to function. As a side effect of that, certain files end up "weird" when de-crypted.
As for your -B effect, maybe the explanation is that the anomalous math "lingers" to the programme, temporally some sort of physic paradox leading to various shenanigans. In order word, the program is still trying to function with the anomalous math while existing in the normal world.
Hi, I discovered SCP few weeks ago, loved it, read a ton of it, and I had an idea about one subject. Couldn't find something too similar using the search tool, read everything (or I think I did) about how to post, I've been working on it the past few days, and I now need external critiques.
If you find spelling/grammatical error, well, sorry, feel free to correct them. As English is not my first language there is few sentences that I'm not entirely satisfied of, so any better construction are welcomed.
I also saw many cool presentation with par that could be opened or close, no idea how to do that.
The draft can be found there
Glad you were wondering about the loops cause I expected someone to get confused.
Now Jake Roper made a fantastic video which I recommend watching. But, to give a quick clarification, in a Causal Loop the same order of events repeat, over, and over. That includes what the participants do. To use your 005 example, the argument every single time will be the exact same argument, and the prisoners have no memory of the last time the loop occurred. Once they all die from the fight the loop resets, and they do it all over again with no memory of the last time they did.
I'll try and do a better job of explaining it in the actually SCP. As for the training thing, I meant to say that MTF L-19 was going on a training exercise when they found the SCP by accident. It was sort of meant to fit with the whole "MTF L-19 is in the loop" thing. I will be rewording that though, thanks for pointing it out.
Edit: Also, regarding the prison. Causal loops don't have a determinable origin, they just go on forever and have been going on forever. So for all the Foundation knows, this prison has always been a Causal Loop, and same goes for MTF L-19.
Beginning deletion vote at -17.
If you are not the author and you want to rewrite this article, you may reply to this post asking for the opportunity to do so. Please obtain permission from the author (or the Rewrite Team if this article is older than 6 months) and make sure you copy the page source to your sandbox. Please do not reply to this post for any other reason unless you are staff.
Fair point, I'd forgotten that. Perhaps I should pursue the aforementioned ISIS angle, then, particularly given what may come about to be a focus on religion.
I'm not a native English speaker.
I'll say this as plainly as possible: no one cares. If you're ESL, we expect exactly the same from you: correct spelling and grammar (along with a compelling story for us to read). If you know your grammar isn't good enough to deliver that, then you're not going to succceed at writing an SCP that stays on the site.
You're not entitled to a place on the mainlist simply because you want one. Practice writing, get better at using the English language, and calm down before you find your membership revoked by staff.
in discussion Site Announcements and Proposals / Proposals And Policy » Google Chrome crashing when I try to paste.
I'm using a cheap LG phone, although it worked just fine the first time I tried this.
I haven't tried another browser yet, as I don't have one installed. Guess I'll download Firefox and see how it goes.
This is actually one of my favorite Keters; basically a demonstration that it doesn't have to be a direct threat to humanity to be a threat to normalcy and secrecy.
That and it's hilarious. SUDDENLY POPE
Was the containment incident before the glucose-intake-limiting procedure for SCP-2378 was enacted? Why didn't 2946 detect the glucose in the snacks prior to Dr. Blankbox ingesting them? I'd think they'd go after Dr. Blankbox's lunchbox far before she had a chance to break out a Snickers.
EDIT: Wait, it has to do with the fructose and/or sucrose having to turn into glucose inside her body over that ten-minute time gap, isn't it?
Piffy is an SCP Foundation Moderator, Lv. 9001 Squishy Wizard, and Knight of the Red Pen.
Dr_Philipe, please calm down. Do note that a major aspect of seeking critique for drafts is to acquire critique regarding any flaws in the article. If grammar is a significant issue here, it will be highlighted.
No one expects you to be a "ultra-master-expert". They have simply addressed an issue that might pull down the overall article, which only happens to be grammar in this case.
Thus, instead of putting out responses in all capital letters, take action and amend the weaknesses in the article so that future critique can be meaningful.
Hmm. I'm always a fan of time shenanigans, which this has in spades. It feels a wee bit like I've seen something like this before, but I could be imagining that.
The description… well, this could just be me, but I wouldn't have gotten that this was a prison without a title. I guess that's what the "missing criminals" bit was supposed to mean. This is purely a background thing, but I'm curious; when you were writing this, was it a Groundhog Day hell before it came a prison or vice-versa? On the whole, though, the description is serviceable, and it's obviously not the crux of the article.
The initial log is bothering me somewhat, because it's only there to set up the final collapsible, and it's so abruptly cut-off it's kind of disappointing. Is it cut short because the officers from the end bit go and meet them or something?
A couple of other issues I'm having are that, for one, I'm not sure how the second and third loops are causal. I mean, they're definitely time loops, but how does the guy shooting the three of them in 005 cause the shooting/argument? Same goes for 019; I presumed that the equipment room is the end of the loop, but the start of it is the MTF entering the building. Am I badly misinterpreting this? Because I assumed that the end of the loop was supposed to factor in with the start, or at least some part of it, in some way. Is there something in the redacted info that helps with this?
Also, I've read over this bit three times and I still don't get it:
SCP-XXXX was initially discovered during a training exercise being conducted by the then newly formed MTF Lamba-19. Members of MTF Lamba-19 were sent into SCP-XXXX for initial discovery purposes.
So, uh, it was discovered after the Foundation discovered and investigated it? Am I reading this badly wrong? Or is this more time loop shenanigans?
Now, the final twist; I must confess, I was flagging a bit before I got there, especially because of the heavily-censored Loop ID (don't get me wrong, I get why it's there), but I do very much like the idea that this is essentially self-contained. So yeah, that elevates it in my eyes.
Overall, I think I like this, although it feels like it's missing a certain something that would make me like-like it. Not sure what, just a gut feeling, to be honest. As is, no-vote hovering on downvote, but fix some of the issues and clarify other things and I'd probably upvote.
SCP-XXXX refers to the collective designation of thirty-seven (37) edible items similar in composition to marketed mint candy canes.
From this kind of description, you're implying that they are not candy canes at all, but some other kind of food. If they are just anomalous candy canes, then "candy cane" should be enough. If they are actually food-that-is-not-candy-cane that happens to look like candy cane, then I guess it is fine.
Alright, this is about candy canes that turn one into candy canes and it is actually a "prank" from CI against the Foundation. Overall, I find it mediocre. The base anomaly is slightly similar to SCP-956, whereby one is turned into candy-related stuff. That alone does not make the article interesting. Although you claimed that taste differs, you do not elaborate on them. For descriptions of SCPs, I think these traits should be addressed.
Also, I would agree with the sentiment that the tone is highly unprofessional. Agents of secret agencies will not make silly mistakes like picking up items on the scene of a missing person case (and lick them). These sort of approaches render the Foundation to be perceived as lolFoundation, which diminishes how the article can be taken as a work on the mainlist. While SCPs can be humorous, they should not make the characters/Foundation/GoIs act like buffoons.
Thus, I suggest you to reconsider your ideas. You have quite a number to work with:
- A Christmas attack on the Foundation by CI that is somewhat comical. That can be explored, but the silliness of this concept might make a Tale more suitable for it. I don't think a mainlister that works with such a premise would be optimal.
- Touch up on tone. Always remember that the Foundation is an organisation and the SCP format is an organisation report. Thus, the SCP format records the official party line and will generally not include trivial stuff (like the aforementioned vomiting and crying, as they are irrelevant for the understanding of the SCP).
- The SCP's effect is fundamentally dull. There have been many cases of things changing form. Consider implications. Are the people that are transformed still there? Can they feel what's going on around them? What kind of horror are they facing? Can this be a "And I Must Scream" moment?