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Yeah, I can see where the grammar and flow needs some work. Thanks for that.
Firstly though, I use XXXX for placeholder to the SCP number. Doesn't make sense to number it in draft phase.

I will try to answer some concerns that don't adress spelling and grammar.

What kind of bag? How big? What material?

Does not really matter, as long as you can not see the contents of said bag. Opaque is the only quality it's required to have. Put it in a garbage bin liner or a paper bag just big enough to cover it… As it says later on, for temporary recontainment you could even wrap it up in a shirt.

Just describe the anomalous property; including the discovery midway through an article really breaks up the flow.

That is, unfortunately, a side-effect of a previously suggested edit of an older draft. It was suggested to flow better if that whole block was just moved over.

'Invariably, this will effectively terminate anyone it is applied to.'

Although this is a grammar thing, I am curious if this carried over the lampshading I intended on how most legends say you need to kill a vampire permanently.
I mean, apart from sunlight -which is a method that won't be used by the victims- most legends tell to:
- Cut off head and stuff mouth with garlic or silver coins.
- Completely dismember and bury parts in different graves.
- Stake through the heart.

Which really just about kills anyone. But hey, if they stay dead, they MUST have been a vampire, right?

Does this mean that SCP-xxxx-1 was carrying the notebook around with them all the time? It would make sense, really; one must always be prepared to kill a vampire.

It means that SCP-xxxx-1 would keep the item handily accessible. Either by carrying it around or in a desk drawer they're near most of the day. Or when more sedentary and prone to stay at home: lying around on their coffeetable.

What do you mean by this? Does SCP-xxxx-1 completely forget about SCP-xxxx, or does it just not care?

They simply do not seem to care where they leave it. The compulsion is satisfied as long as it's left somewhere with a high chance of new people passing by to pick it up. They don't completely forget about it, though. The idea or suggestion was that the statement to a lawyer, a doctor or even in court of a victim of the SCP that they had absolute proof in a fictional characters diary for why they murdered someone would've tipped off the Foundation.

Anyway. Massive thanks with the grammar look-over.
I'm going to return to the cutting board and next time hope to have a real proper first actual posting.

Umm…

Lock me up, do what ever you want. I just don't want to hurt anybody." Upon being shot at..

So this thing comes to the Foundation willingly, says "I'll come quietly and aid your studies however you want" and the Foundation responds by SHOOTING AT HER?

Also did you get the approval if the other skip owners before x-referencing them? Not mandatory, but polite.

Edit: also, if shining lights in its chops are enough, why not just do that to keep it docile instead of having to give it "mummy and daddy cuddles" amongst other things?


You're only as good - or as bad - as your last skip.

by vilifiervilifier, 26 May 2015 08:54

Ever heard of Ping Pong the Animation? Aside from the fact that this was the first anime series I've ever watched, I thought the story it was pretty great.

… The Circle Tracker? Is that the Circle Tracker? I think I have one, but in "HW Racing Team" design.

by TeammateAssistTeammateAssist, 26 May 2015 08:40

I really need to fix this up like I said I was going to and then didn't. Had a tale or two in progress that only half-materialized; didn't like the way they were shaping up, but I think I might just grind them out and let everyone make of them what they will. The topic of one of the tales was going to be the Foundation's uncertainty regarding the nature of the beast. That, the cost of its containment structure, and the cost of rebuilding it should the current one fail are the major reasons why it's Keter.

Also, in response to your comment on 939, no, it never had a picture. It was suggested one be found for it, but I'd rather have nothing than a bad one.

by Adam SmascherAdam Smascher, 26 May 2015 08:38

I would like to note that it is not a good idea to redact or black out parts of the actual containment procedures. If any, these should never be obscured.

You should ask yourself:
If this thing broke out and I'm Random McSecurityguard with no prior knowledge of how to recapture or recontain this SCP, could I do so with the instructions provided?

In this case I should say "Probably". Preference of a specific brand of nightlight suggests that any one will work, but these would work BEST. So in a pinch to recontain, plugging in any old brand will do until things have calmed down. But then the question remains, which one DO we use? It's been redacted…

by TBlackburnTBlackburn, 26 May 2015 08:30

And fourth.


Moderator, SCP Wiki
Captain of the Technical Team, member of the Community Outreach Team

Re: Staff Post - Deletion Vote by CrayneCrayne, 26 May 2015 07:32
ZynZyn 26 May 2015 07:10
in discussion Per Page Discussions / Per page discussions » SCP-2127

PRISON. NOT A HOTEL.

More like asylum. The Foundation does grant amenities, so long as they'll keep the SCP under lock and key. Outright negligence is dumb, especially if providing something as simple as a certain meal will keep an SCP docile.

by ZynZyn, 26 May 2015 07:10

All that has been said already, I agree with. Just as an example, if it helps:

You can distinguish the noises by:

boys screaming
boys laughing
boys crying
girls screaming
girls laughing
girls crying
childrens(male and female) talking

You could reduce clutter by saying (instead of boys/girls separately):
Children laughing
Children crying
Children screaming

You could reduce it further by saying:
Minors vocalising.

Or something. I'm sure others could make it more clinical.

Point is, (whilst it's debatable it would help in this case), moving on there are things you can do to improve this any skips you write in the future. The site has many tools and guides and tips and tricks. Take the time to learn 'em.


You're only as good - or as bad - as your last skip.

by vilifiervilifier, 26 May 2015 07:02

Minor critique: It's a little odd that you say that -1 is believed to be Debra Salazar right next to a picture of her definitively labeled 2454-1.

Other than that, mixed feelings. I'm not going to say that the Scientology ties to the Fifthists are wrong, it's more that reading them in this context just makes me sad. Less "Humans worshiping an inexplicable cosmic presence do wondrous, horrific things," and more "People do mundane, horrific things."

So I'm not criticizing your stylistic choice, it just didn't work for me.

I really enjoyed that you presented the Vela satellites and the fictional historical context. I do think the conversations in the retrieved notes involving CS's were well-done. I did enjoy the mysterious tons of Foundation equipment, although the "believed to be forgeries" bordered on the deliberately dense.

I really, really liked the line about avoiding D-Class casualties, and probably would have upvoted it there, if you hadn't have done a 180' on it a few lines later. Not a cardinal sin, just not as refreshing a reversal as if the line had been played straight.

Ultimately, no vote.

by PetrogradPetrograd, 26 May 2015 06:45

Cool story. Kind of like the ultimate V.R. RPG.
A couple of things you could do to make your article easier to read would be:
1) Converting your SAE measurements to Metric, or explain in-text why you cannot (SCP doesn't use SAE without a good reason, you can use Google to find a conversion tool)
2) Re-read it with emphasis on proper grammar and sentence structure - your basic concept is fairly clear, but it loses some of its 'scientific foundation research article' vibe when it has multiple grammatical errors.

Really like the base idea, though. Good luck!

Re: SCP-XXXX; The A.A.E.S by LupusLoganLupusLogan, 26 May 2015 06:44

SCP-2795 will begin it's "race cycle." SCP-2795 will begin to [REDACTED]

I'm not sure that redacting the actual anomalous property of the skip is a good idea. It's a bit like a bottle of [REDACTED] in a shop with an ingredients section that says [REDACTED]…

… i.e. people won't buy it.


You're only as good - or as bad - as your last skip.

by vilifiervilifier, 26 May 2015 06:42

My thoughts in particular. My upvote stems less from having seriously new content as from the enjoyment I got out of the act of reading the prose. I like the aesthetic.


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by ScantronScantron, 26 May 2015 06:36

It's nice, but this definitely not feeling like a standalone tale prevents me from upvoting. I do dig the unconventional name and the use of images, though.

by DecibellesDecibelles, 26 May 2015 06:28

Answer the First:
N/A

Answer the Second:
B, because its a job at the government and probably stable, if boring as fuck.


Living the dream, or dreaming the life?

Should I recognize this somewhere?


Living the dream, or dreaming the life?

Too fuckin busy!


Living the dream, or dreaming the life?

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