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KuruniKuruni 25 Jul 2014 03:32
in discussion Per Page Discussions / Per page discussions » SCP-2216

SCP-2216 is to be kept in a CD case 6m x6m steel room (…)

Wow. So they turn whole room into a CD case? That's pretty awesome! Too bad, it's two dimension. I guess this is because the room is giant CD case, and so you think height doesn't matter. But look, if the ceiling is too low, then you can't fit everything inside, so it DOES matter.

Aside from that, the rest isn't interesting (and you even mix imperial units with metric ones). Still, the giant CD case room is really interesting. It's sad that the object doesn't live up to it, so it's downvote for me.

by KuruniKuruni, 25 Jul 2014 03:32
dankaardankaar 25 Jul 2014 03:22
in discussion Per Page Discussions / Per page discussions » SCP-2216

This is just a mess. I'd suggest you set up your sandbox, and post a link to the drafts and critiques forum for feedback after reading all of the guides.

I cannot see this SCP being salvaged without basically completely starting over.

by dankaardankaar, 25 Jul 2014 03:22
BryxBryx 25 Jul 2014 03:20
in discussion Per Page Discussions / Per page discussions » SCP-2216

This really isn't that interesting as an object. It's a thing what kills you. That's fine, but there needs to be more to it than that. A story, a twist, some sort of emotion behind it that hooks the reader in. Also, I felt that this deserved special mention:

and blue underwear

I can see that it was fun finding that out.

In any case, there's no need to rush in and post your first SCP. Take some time and read around. Check out some recent successful articles and get a feel for the writing. Give the guides a readthrough. They're full of good tips and they aren't even boring.

If you haven't yet, make a sandbox for your drafts. Take your time and get feedback on chat and the forums(relevant links on the sidebar). Once your SCP is on the mainlist, nobody is required to give detailed feedback.

by BryxBryx, 25 Jul 2014 03:20

Oh, yeah, I do know that. My mistake was that I had always thought the "rating module" requirement meant the one at the top - oops.

Re: Um... by Americium241Americium241, 25 Jul 2014 03:14

I second all of this.

I'm not sure if i'm missing something or I'm just plain stupid, but did it say that the CD contains phones?

If you could elaborate on what you meant originally, I would appreciate it, but that's besides the point. Again, this might just be me, but clarity-and while keeping secrets from your reader is fine, that's what makes a great many articles here good-in this article was, to be frank, nonexistent.

EDIT: Also, it hasn't been mainlisted. I'm not sure how to fix without breaking it, so I will leave it to wiser men and women. Done while I typed this.

by WhathopercyWhathopercy, 25 Jul 2014 03:05

Alright, we have a rating module. It's a downvote for me, I'm afraid.

You don't need a rating module to upvote or downvote an article. You just go down to the bottom of the page, and click the "rate" button, and viola, you have a way to rate the article.

As for this article, I second everything that americium241 and smapti had to say.

Re: Um... by PokemonKingPokemonKing, 25 Jul 2014 03:05
EskobarEskobar 25 Jul 2014 03:00
in discussion Per Page Discussions / Per page discussions » SCP-2216

You've technically followed the Criticism Rules, but just barely. You can tone the rhetoric down a little bit — both Smapti and Americium241 managed to communicate the same sentiment you put forth without the same degree of vitriol. Try to keep in mind that there's going to be an actual person on the other end of this reading this response to something they put work into. This person's already going to get negative critique; they don't need it hammered in like that.

by EskobarEskobar, 25 Jul 2014 03:00

This kinda makes me want to make a phone sheep

by SliceofpiSliceofpi, 25 Jul 2014 02:57
SmaptiSmapti 25 Jul 2014 02:56
in discussion Per Page Discussions / Per page discussions » SCP-2216

There's not much I can say except that this is just plain poorly executed on every level. Use the guides and use the drafting and feedback tools available to you. You've been a site member for less than a day - there's no need to rush.

by SmaptiSmapti, 25 Jul 2014 02:56

The immediate redirection to Addendum B is kinda silly and time-wastey. "Whoops! The information you want isn't in this collapsible, it's in the one immediately below this. Try again!"

by AnaxagorasAnaxagoras, 25 Jul 2014 02:38

I definitely want to make the test logs open to new entries, and I'll make an addendum document for that, assuming this succeeds as an article.

I'll edit that test you don't think works. Let me know if there's anything else you see that could be improved.


"We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be."
-Kurt Vonnegut

by TheMadStorkTheMadStork, 25 Jul 2014 02:22

Hey, that was cool. I'm not a particular fan of the writing, and the dialogue seems oddly mechanical, but the story is actually great.

+1.

by WhathopercyWhathopercy, 25 Jul 2014 02:04

I'm not sure I'm quite understanding EXACTLY what happened here. Is Calvin in containment, did he beat up the people coming to contain him, is his baby sitter actually part of the Foundation, or did he just reality bend that into existence?

by That Other GuyThat Other Guy, 25 Jul 2014 02:04

This idea basically came to me in a dream: a phenomenon that can affect either people, or things.

For affected people, whenever they accidentally break or destroy anything, they will no longer have any concept of that particular thing or something related to it. For example, if they break a phone, they no longer have any concept of phones, not recognizing what it is or what it is for. This affects anything they damage or destroy.

For affected things, similarly, if someone breaks or destroys it, they no longer have any concept of that particular group of thing. For example again, if that thing is a chair, if someone breaks it they no longer have any concept of chairs. This effect, however, does not extend to anything the affected person breaks when it's the thing that's affected with this phenomenon, not the person.

Could like to have your opinions and ideas on further improving this.

Another good SCP. I like the implications of this, though a bit more of the character of Cavendish would be nice.

Out of curiosity, do you know what the other paintings do?

by AnaxagorasAnaxagoras, 25 Jul 2014 01:55
TayJKTayJK 25 Jul 2014 01:53
in discussion Per Page Discussions / Per page discussions » SCP-1994

The Tooth Fairy tie-in poses an interesting question. In the initial draft of this, djkaktus was worried that this was too similar to the Tooth Fairy. Apparently between that initial draft, and the final, the writer of the Tooth Fairy gave dj permission to tie it in. So my interesting question is this:

When you are writing a concept that has been done before (pretty well, IMO, btw, that was the first article that I felt I wanted Brain Bleach for), how do you deal with it. I feel that you have a few, no-win options:

1) Don't acknowledge the previous article, and suffer all the 'it's just like the previous article.'
2) Have a nod to the old article, such as 'links between this and SCP-xxxx are being researched,' and suffer the 'you're just trying to milk a previous article.'
3) Fully integrate the previous article into new one, and risk, well, the type of comments this has gotten.

While I constantly quote that 'anything can work IF you pull it off well enough,' I like how this pulled it off. The basic concept doesn't really on the Tooth Fairies, but it adds to the history of the piece, along with tying it in to previously established canon.

by TayJKTayJK, 25 Jul 2014 01:53

I sorta like this, even if it is lacking story. It has a good old-school feel, and I almost think the test logs should be made open to new entries.

One test I don't think works is this:

All viewers developed cancerous masses in various parts of their bodies. Additionally, D-2626-19 tackled and held down D-2626-34, who attempted to fight him off as [DATA EXPUNGED] terminated by security personnel.

I don't buy this as a cognitohazardous effect. It's too far beyond the range of something that's affecting the brain.

by AnaxagorasAnaxagoras, 25 Jul 2014 01:48
MrRoninMrRonin 25 Jul 2014 01:36
in discussion Per Page Discussions / Per page discussions » SCP-2216

Absolutely terrible. A thing that kills you. Predictable, boring, just … bad.

Next time, please get critique by posting your draft to the forums or to the chat. If you haven't done so, make a sandbox to put your draft in, and please read the guides so you can improve. Beyond that, formatting, grammar, tone and core concept all need serious work.

-1

by MrRoninMrRonin, 25 Jul 2014 01:36

…unless I'm missing something (if I am, I apologize), this is improperly formatted (SCP, Description, et cetera, is supposed to be bolded, the page title is supposed to be the SCP number, and it has no rating module. Beyond that, the article has multiple issues in tone, grammar, et cetera, but I don't usually comment those types of things because I'm not very good at/interested in giving that type of feedback.

Edit: Alright, we have a rating module. It's a downvote for me, I'm afraid. The underwear… just… why… and then there's blocking out names with [REDACTED] and [DATA EXPUNGED] instead of a black bar… and then there's the generic indestructible humanoid with an excessively violent mentality…. try the sandbox, my friend. Don't feel too bad, though; I, too, hurried and posted my first skip right after joining the site, and I hit -38 downvotes before it was deleted.

Um... by Americium241Americium241, 25 Jul 2014 01:24
ZynZyn 25 Jul 2014 00:53
in discussion Per Page Discussions / Per page discussions » SCP-791

generate "free" energy for twice the world over. The fact that none of them (or at least I haven't come across one) are used in such a manner leads me to believe O5 are a bunch of dicks.

Keep in mind that there's no guarantee that things would go well if the world had free energy from an anomalous source. What happens when the world becomes reliant on it? What happens if the object suddenly stops working? Also, the point of the Foundation is to make sure that no one in the general public knows that anomalies exist. It'd be pretty hard to power the world using an anomaly while keeping it secret.

Also, what happens when people try to abuse that free energy?

by ZynZyn, 25 Jul 2014 00:53
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