SHE'S A *REAL* BIRD


Item #: SCP-WOW-J

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-WOW-J is to be stored in a standard animal containment cell in Site-808. Despite the instructions of Researcher Carlson, under no circumstances is SCP-WOW-J to be taught how to play the mandolin. SCP-WOW-J is to be fed a standard tropical diet of fruits and nuts, and is also allowed to roam freely around its containment cell. However, no Foundation employee is to feed SCP-WOW-J after midnight, no matter how nicely it asks. Additionally, Staff are to be reminded once weekly that SCP-WOW-J is not friends with Dr. Clef, no matter how many times it claims otherwise.

In case of a containment1 breach no fewer than 47 Psittacus erithacus (grey parrot gray parrot) trained in BSL (British Sign Language) must be released in Site-808 to mitigate adverse psychological effects on personnel.

Description: SCP-WOW-J is a female instance of Aratinga solstitialis (Sun parakeet). Additionally, SCP-WOW-J is a top-notch keyboard player and will definitely beat you at the keyboard should one choose to challenge it to a keyboard, which one is not advised to do. According to medical reports, reportedly SCP-WOW-J is made entirely of crystallized sadness. SCP-WOW-J is currently capable of several anomalies, all listed below:

  • Convincing Foundation personnel that it is a human female, and not a Sun parakeet
  • Making friends with Dr. Clef
  • When touched by an adult woman, SCP-WOW-J glows a bright pink. When touched by a child or adult man, it retains its normal color, but begins to emit a loud wailing, similar to a howler monkey.
  • In the event that SCP-WOW-J is ever fed after midnight, all living things within a five meter radius around the containment zone will be instantly transmuted into tapioca pudding.

SCP-WOW-J was discovered at the San Diego Zoo, reportedly flying with a security guard and asking about her lost child. A Foundation agent present at the zoo brought SCP-WOW-J in for questioning, before SCP-WOW-J nearly convinced Agent Kabasic that she had been making a mistake.

Addendum SCP-WOW-J-1:

Interviewed: SCP-WOW-J

Interviewer: Researcher Carlson

<Begin Log>

please i swear please let me die

Interviewer: How is your day so far, Mrs. Vernon?

SCP-WOW-J: It is going well so far! Thank you Mr. Carlson. I’m trying to write a new sonata!

Interviewer: Oh, really! Cool! What’s it going to be for?

SCP-WOW-J: Hear me out. I’m going to write it… for the mandolin!

Interviewer: The mandolin? That sounds exciting!

SCP-WOW-J: Have you ever heard the song "Puttin' on the Ritz" by Taco? You know, the one that goes: 'If you're blue and you don't know where to go to why don't you go where fashion sits, puttin' on the Ritz!' That one.

Interviewer: Indeed, I have.

SCP-WOW-J: So, it’s going to sound kinda like that. I really like that song, it’s one of my favorites!

Interviewer: No way! That’s one of my favorites, too!
[ Both Researcher Kinney and SCP-WOW-J laughs. ]

SCP-WOW-J: You guys have got me on a real deal here. Free food, recreation, and plenty of room to move around!

[ SCP-WOW-J flies around for a short duration. ]

Interviewer: Hey, hey, no need to get all excited! Here’s the deal, I’ll be back. Why don’t I grab some coffee on the way in, huh? Does that sound good?

[ SCP-WOW-J chirps repeatedly. ]

SCP-WOW-J: Sure does!

<End Log>

Closing Statement: Researcher Kinney was chastised for gross misconduct. SCP-WOW-J is not allowed to see Researcher Kinney, despite protests from both parties.

Addendum SCP-WOW-J-2: Additionally, in response to these events, SCP-WOW-J is only to be stored in a standard humanoid containment cell. To provide some amusement, 100 mg of unsalted popcorn is to be crushed and dissolved in 1 Liter of distilled water and administered twice a month to a D-class personnel in presence of SCP-WOW-J.

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