On any IRC server in any chatroom, PM an operator who appears inactive.
If he replies, ask to see the Holder of the SPC's.
Should he respond with a kickban, leave, and never come to the server again, lest the wrath of its admins shall descend upon you as a K-line.
If instead, he responds with "You have to consult an alchemist." reply quickly with "The psi folks tell he's not unlike a jester". Should you mistype, or should he leave the channel upon your response, pray for your end to be quick, for there's nothing that will save you.
You will then be invited to another channel, whose name I know not, for its listed name is pure black. In there, a parade of trolls most vile shall fill your screen with revolting imagery and enraging ignorance. Do not reply, and do not become angry, for if you do, they will devour your soul.
Instead, when one of them shall post a link to /x/, reply with "That is where it all began, and where it shall end." The channel owner will step in with a masskick.
Rejoin the channel immediately. A single man, his whois address set to localhost, will await you there. He will react to the sole phrase, "Choke on a goat dick." At that moment, the server will grant him a +o, and he'll begin telling tales of every bad SCP submitted, discussion clusterfuck, asinine wiki application. Should you retain your sanity, he will ask for your deepest desire. Reply with [DATA EXPUNGED]. You will disconnect from the server, and your chat history will be gone as if nothing happened, but on the surface nearest to your right hand shall lie a cartridge titled "Sisters of Cheyenne Point."
The cartridge is object 069 of 3089, and it is worth the twenty hours of net playtime.