The following document was collected in the aftermath of [DATA EXPUNGED]. Sensitive portions of the document have been removed.
Brand new entry in a brand new journal. This isn't my standard-issue Wondertainment Magic Journal. This is my new standard-issue Prometheus Labs E-Recorder. It's encoded to my voice, fingerprints, retinas, and even my pulse. It looks like a Wondertainment Magic Journal, but this thing makes it look like pencil and paper. Thing's crazy. I can tell it what I want to write and it'll do it. Heck, I'm saying this out loud right now and it's recording and formatting and everything! Only problem is that it picks up a whole lot of sound that I have to go back and edit each time I record. Also it can't pick up on italics or anything. But I can record video footage with this and I can connect online and I can write documents on this. It can play music. It even plays Tetris. It's got more processing power than a Wondertainment Super-Brain and costs more than a house. And I got it for free in the mail. I know I shouldn't be telling people this, but it's so fuckin' huge that I've got to tell somebody. The entire department got bought out by Prometheus Labs. I've never even heard of Wondertainment selling something before.
First day at my new job. This place is crazy. This morning, I woke up and there was a box on the front door from Prometheus Labs. I open it up. It's this big blue disk and the packaging tells me it's a teleporter. A teleporter! It's already prebuilt and everything. All I had to do was fit some pieces together like Wonder Bricks and plug it in to the wall. It lit up and then I stepped on it and suddenly I was flying into a mattress. This hits the wall at like a thousand miles an hour but there isn't even a scuff on it. So I get off the mat and pick it up. And I'm looking around, and Jesus Christ I still don't know where in the world I am. I mean it's this huge shiny steel and glass warehouse. And there's fucking fish swimming outside the glass. And I don't mean tuna. I mean fucking anglerfish. There's an honest to god anglerfish outside the windows at the top. Some guy is talking to me and I think he was saying something about the mattress, but whatever. This place is fucking amazing! I got a tour of the place, and it is just incredible. It's like Atlantis.
So I finally finished touring the city. This place is basically Atlantis. It's an underwater city made of glass and some kind of weird metal. I think we get supplies through those teleporters. I dunno why, but we use a maglev to get around down here instead of them. Still, it's pretty cool. The buildings are just these big, rounded structures. They're made out of the same glass and metal. The last five days all I've done is live here and get accustomed to the city. And this place is definitely a city. I've got a pretty swell apartment. It's got a hella view of the ocean but then so does everywhere down here, and it's pretty spacious. Real nice wooden flooring, granite countertops, even a luxury Jacuzzi in the bath. It's made of glass, but the good thing's that it's one way. Somehow they got all my stuff from home down here. Kinda freaky that they got in so easily, but everything seems fine. There's even loads of shops down here, like a Nordstrom's and Mens Wearhouse and Subway and even a theater! Plus my Prometheus ID card lets me get everything for free! They call this place Sub-City Twelve, and I heard someone mention Sub-City Six. Does that mean there are eleven others down here?
Today I finally got a tour of my new office. It's totally different from the rest of the city. It's inside a goddamn volcano, if you can believe it. Like seriously, I rode the maglev into an underwater volcano and ended up in here. Guess it's fake. There's no glass in here, just a whole lot of plastic and some weird metal I can't identify. It's sealed off from the rest of the city and completely stocked with top-of-the-line gear. They even have a biological 3D printer! Lots of biological engineering going on in here. I mean, just to get in you need to get like, five levels of decontamination, wear this spacesuit, and like every other door is labeled with a Class-4 Biohazard symbol. I don't really know why I was hired, though. I mean, yeah I helped design the dragon snails and custom pets, but what would Prometheus Labs want with something like that? They're just pets. I've been assigned to Dr. Frederick Werthal. He seems like a pretty chill fellow. I dunno though… he's like, Polynesian? So that's going to be weird. Still, I think I'll like it here. I met some nice guys. Ranjit, this Indian guy, Annie, this Asian with a real sweet rack, Gunther, this really pale German, and Bernard. Bernard's kind of weird. She's black and her name is Bernard. Yeah… So this should be interesting.
So I've been assigned to a secret project. I don't even know what it's for, but I'm been asked to oversee the design of pioneer organisms. And I mean pioneer organisms. Werthal is designing a lichen that grows in volcanoes! Are they trying to colonize another planet? Why is this secret? Prometheus's probably already done that. Even weirder, we got lessons at the shooting range today! Why would you need gun training at the bottom of the sea? Why would anyone shoot a gun inside a glass dome keeping billions of gallons of water from flattening them? Why does the brass think it's a good idea to teach me- a biological engineer- how to shoot a pistol? I mean, the security drones are good enough, right? If they're going to be coming in all hours of the day to check on us, they better be good to justify a violation of privacy. Still, I guess I can't complain. Werthal says the video footage is stored on the RAM. That means it gets deleted after their shifts, right?
The lichen bred successfully. I have developed a mold that grows in a volcano. I know it's not a mold, but when you put it like that, you really realize what it is we're doing down here. This is pushing the boundaries of science. Not only that, but the lichen are breaking down the rock in the volcano and producing organic compounds suitable for other organisms to grow in! I wanted to tell Jeff, but this is all classified stuff. I don't know why, it's not like this is anything special compared to the stuff cooking inside, like, Lab 7 or something. We're gonna be doing a bunch more over the next week or so.
So I was passing by Lab 7 on the way to the can, right? A-and then I hear screaming and a flash of green light. So I'm wondering what the hell is going on and I knock. And then something fucking dents the door. This is like 6-inch thick titanium, and there's a goddamn dent in it. The alarm goes off and suddenly lights are flashing and the siren's blaring and I'm trying not to shit myself. Then the security drones show up. These things are packing heat like I don't even KNOW. I mean they could probably fight off a whole army. Then they storm into that room and the door slams behind them. And so I'm just staring at that door and suddenly there's like roaring and the alarms are still fucking blaring and flashing and shots being fired and I just got the hell out of there. I don't know what the FUCK happened in there and I don't wanna know. What I do know is that I'm getting certified.
All anyone's been talking about is what went down in Lab 7. Officially, a biomemetic droid malfunctioned and electrocuted the guys working on it, who are currently in intensive care. Nobody's seen anyone from there since yesterday. I bet they're dead. Jesus… Lab 7 doesn't even do biomemetics. Who are they trying to fool? Nobody wants to do anything but figure out what happened in there and why it's been covered up. So what else is being covered up? Oh man…
Work finally got back on track today. We've started building multicellular organisms. Now I can see why they really hired me. They're using the organism molds from that… oh what was it called… whatever it's called, they're using its organism molds as templates. The molds I designed for it. Funny thing, I didn't even know what I was building those for. I guess I still don't. Heh. The point is, they really don't know how they work. It's a good thing we got hired, I guess. You know what? I totally forgot about it 'till now, but I haven't seen anyone else from the department since we were bought out. Were they in Lab 7? Speaking of Lab 7, I finally got certified for a gun. It was easy. All I had to do was fill out a few forms, get a psychiatric examination, and wait a few days. I celebrated by going out and ordering a Smith and Wesson. I keep hearing about them so I figure, why not buy one? From what I've heard, it can stop a bull elephant in its tracks. Probably lying, but hey, why not? I mean, I've got the money to buy it. They promoted me within less than a month. I'm now a senior consultant and that means I make a sweet 140 bucks an hour. 140 bucks! That's like, 1.67 times my old salary at Wondertainment. Plus, delivery with those teleportation systems means it'll be here by the end of the day, I mean tomorrow.
Finally found out what I really got hired for. Prometheus is designing terraforming organisms. But not like algae or plankton. They're building these giant organic factories to do the trick. And they're trying to use mass production techniques. That's what all these specifications and the mold have been for. At first I was like, why not just use algae and plankton? Then when I took a closer look at the specifications, it hit me. These organisms are just shells for the microorganisms we designed earlier. Dunno why I didn't put it together earlier, I mean they're pretty obvious now I see it. Also I was designing them. It's actually a pretty smart method. All we have to do is ensure that the one big organism reproduces instead of millions of smaller ones. It doesn't explain why we haven't been developing any plants, though. I finally managed to build some new molds. Prometheus doesn't have the same tech as the doc did, so it was a bit of a struggle, but I have to say that their 3D printer is definitely all it's cracked up to be. They're printing the first one out now as we speak. The gun finally came today. Is it just me, or is the infrastructure around here kind of falling apart? All week people have been talking about how stuff seems to break at the wrong time or their deliveries are late or whatnot. Hope they get it sorted out soon.
Hufff… huff… hufieuw. Okay, okay, keep it together. At least, heh, at least I can't say it wasn't a memorable day. Let's see… gluup… alright, that should do it. Okay, okay. So. The organism molds were a hell of a success, hee. They worked really, spectacularly well. Hoo boy these are some top-notch pills. What's in them? Let's see… oxy… oxycotin? No, something else… Nico… whatever it is, it's amazing. I want to take some more, but the medic said that this needs to last me the next week. Anyways, back to the molds. So they worked right and the machine printed out a nice specimen with the fangs and the converter organs and all that and shuuuu and a hell of an appetite I mean soon's it woke up it just snatched Ranjit right off the ground and just took a massive chomp I guess I should've remembered it was going to be hungry because that's how the molds are designed so I guess? It's my fault but hey I told them to step back but noooo Ranjit just HAD to get a closer look at the fangs! And then it bit him in two and swallowed his upper half and a whole server rack. Good thing we have offsite backups! I hit the alarm and wouldn't you know, it was busted! Bernard tried feeding it a fire extinguisher like a moron but it snapped it up like Werthal at a Chinese buffet man I am just making some killer jokes today. Wish Ranjit could've heard that one. Bernard snatched up Gunther's gun and just stepped up to it, still trying to fit the extinguisher in its mouth keep in mind, and shoots the extinguisher. Blows it the hell up! Then she more or less got shredded by extinguisher fragments. Around that time security finally shows up and they use- I'm not kidding here- they use a laser beam to slice the specimen in half! Where can I get myself a lightsaber? So then the medics came in and they took Gunther away and Bernard and what was left of Ranjit. Me and Annie got these pill bottles and were told to take one there and then go home and pop another. Then take one every evening, till the bottle's empty. The medic said they were universal antibiotics. Makes sense, there were some pretty nasty bugs in it. There's… thirty- no, twelve, um seven? No, six pills left. I already took one just now, see, and I guess Annie did too.
Can't believe I forgot to record yesterday! Must be the pills. Wonder what other side effects they have. Still, gotta take one in a bit. I think I fixed the aggression in the specimens. Turns out… turns out I accidentally scantronned a whole section of the genome! Like, you know how you can like fuck up scantron sheets by misaligning the answers? Same thing! Funniest damn thing. Going to print a new specimen tonight. Need to be more careful you know, don't want a repeat of the Bernard incident. Everyone's asking what happened, but I had to brush them off, see. It's a secret project, and we can't have them asking questions am I right? Golp, mggm. Man, these pills even taste good! Prometheus really thought of everything! Oh yeah, I almost forgot. There was a major disaster over on the east side. Part of the glass shattered and completely flooded it. Luckily, some flood doors closed that part off. Too bad about the guys in there, but eh. Accidents happen. Weird thing is that I'd never even noticed those flood doors before.
We did it! The new specimen printed great, with no acting out or nothing. It should be a chemosynthetic organism. We put it inside the testing chamber and pumped in a load of hydrogen sulfide and carbon dioxide. It got fatter and then shat out water, carbon, and sulfur. What I created is a diarrhea monster! Ha ha ha ha ha. We're going to print out a few more and then test them in a legit environment. I don't know where they're gonna find a legitimate environment at the bottom of the sea, but whatever. It's not my problem. Still a few kinks with it, mainly the conversion efficiency, but I think I can fix that within a day or two.
Fixed the conversion issues today. Now it's converting at a more manageable but still a very high rate. Just in time too. We got a surprise visit from the VP of the department. Apparently, somebody- Gunther- forgot to tell us that they were visiting! Just good luck that we had something for them to see. I think they were impressed by it, since I got a new specification to print out. I guess this means we're still on track for the showcase. I think I mentioned it already. Too bad that Bernard or Ranjit won't be there, but whatever. Their loss, if you catch my drift!
Printed out the new specimen this morning. Only had to slightly modify the first mold to get this new one. The first one's supposed to get some water and organic compounds, you know. What they're trying to do here is get it to convert various toxic chemicals into oxygen, nitrogen, you know, various Earth compounds. Main goal is to normalize temperatures to Earth norms. Maybe some salt. I'd tell you all about how it works, but that would take forever, and I'm too lazy for that. It worked really nicely, though. I know I usually make these recordings at night, but I'm going to be gone all day. I have a lunch date with you know who! And if things go well, well then! Bow chicka wow wow, you know?
Work's progressing nicely. Doing a whole lot of new stuff at once. I'm way too tired to make a full recording, though. I just want to kick back and play on my brand new NES, but I gotta finish this just for routine. Like brushing your teeth? I'll just say a couple things we're working on. It's pretty cool, they want us to design organisms that can consume raw material and print out other organisms. And I mean raw material. Iron, sulfur, silicon, you name it, they need to eat it! Then they produce, like humans and dogs. Like, better humans. With their genomes and stuff revamped and, um, I dunno, updated, so that they are already adapted to a new environment! That way we can colonize entire new planets! It's really neat. Now we're really pushing the edge! At first I wasn't sure how to go about doing it, but by talking to some guys in a few other departments and borrowing their tech, we managed to get something out. It's times like these that really make me appreciate Prometheus Labs. They work really fast! In other news, I should be done with the pills tomorrow. I don't even have an addiction to them or anything! Prometheus really is amazing.
Yes, it's the middle of the huff day, but BRRRRM huff I gotta huff make BRRRRRRRRM huff huff huff this recording. The shit hit the fan, and this whole place is going to hell! I don't huff huff even know how! One BRRRMMMMRR minute, huff huff huff huff the specimen is converting the environment like normal. It was a bit busted, like it was converting the wrong chemicals. The huff huff huff next minute, the testing chamber broke, and it's flooding the lab with gas! We got the hell out of there, but the fucking lockdown procedure didn't work! So then the entire ZAP complex is filling with gas. Everyone RRMMMBLL evacuated and the drones got sent in. And you know what happened? They got converted! The process worked great. Isn't that a ZIIMMM fucking joke! God CRACKLE damn it Carter open the door! Working on it! My specimen works perfectly and it's going to kill us all! We're going to fucking khoo ghaacck hgghhck suffocate on its farts! If its kids don't get us first. The environment was apparently conducive to carnivorous organisms, and they got out! You know why? Because the lockdown procedures failed miserably. We gotta get to the tele porters aye BZZT sap before the place fills with gas. Carter why is the door not open yet! Thank you! Where do we go now? Okay, let's go! So, what was I saying? Oh right, we might get eaten or CRACK asphyxiated! Jesus Christ! Shoot it CRACK CRACK KREEEE shoot CRACK it! Huffhuff huff huff. Oh my god. Ooooo my god. Holy fucking christ it tore off his head! Go go go go KREEEEeeee! Oh jesus oh jesus oh jesus! Way to go! You and your bloody bioengineering! Oh of course it's MY fault! It's not like the fucking containment chamber broke as soon as it touched it! I'll tell you what it BRRRM was! Fuck it just go! One of the specimens just snatched up Carter! It was just this fucking centipede that up and ate him! But that wasn't even one of mine! Where the fuck are these coming from? Unless… oh my god. They're evolving! How the fuck did they do that, then? I don't know! We need to move quicker! Hisssssss can you hear that? Oh my god the entire lobby's flooded! How do we go now? Let me see, come tup tup on, come on tup, come on! Here we go! We need to go left! KRASH oh god it's blocked off it's blocked off! Jesus jesus REEET jesus we're DIDDIDIDI trapped oh god please god REEEEEET god please help me no please help help jesus please oh help me help me help me AAAAAAAAAIIIIIII KRUNCH
The document ends there. SCP-████ was discovered nearby, consuming various pieces of debris strewn around the area.