It all comes down to names, I think. I mean, if I had had a cool name, maybe I wouldn't be such a bad person. I blame Mom. She could have named us all something interesting. I mean, hell, she even took the name Echidna after she created the four of us. Mother of Monsters, but we always just called her Mom. Enough of a classic Greek education to choose Echidna, but name all four of your kids Jack? That's just re-cock-ulous.
Huh? Oh, you know, re-cock-ulous, even worse than ridiculous? Come on, you knows it's funny. Where was- Oh yeah, the names. Like Joh. That would be Jack of Hearts to you. We all do that, shorten our names, makes it easier. But, yeah, Joh. How much easier would it have been to name him Pan? And Jos, he coulda been, uhm, well Cthulhu, right? I mean, okay, not Greek, but still squidy. And Jackie, you have no idea how much I hate her for the idea of using and i e on to the end of her name, she coulda been Anansi! No, he's not female, but still, it's better than Jack of Diamonds. And me? Hell! I coulda been so many things!Skoll, Hati, Lon Chaney, Larry Talbot, hell I coulda been Fenrir! That's a name to strike fear into people's hearts. Fenrir, the great wolf! I mean, she coulda even just named me Wolf, or Lobo, and it woulda been awesome.
And of course, the Kings and Queens all get named after famous ones. And the others… Okay, maybe the Deuces have it worse. No real identity to speak of. Even then, Deuce sounds cool, right? 'Who are you?' 'They call me Deuce.' That's a guy you wanna watch yer back around. Well, and the Joker doesn't have a name, but the old man is creepy. Where was I? Oh right! Coulda been anything, hells I'd have taken Loup-Garou!
But no. I'm the mother fucking Jack of Clubs. Or, Joc, as my siblings call me. Makes me feel like I should be french or something. I blame Mom. And the good Doctor. Hmm? The Good Doctor? It's what we always called him, cause he used so many different names, all the god damn time. I think you guys know him as Dr. Prometheus. Fire bringer my ass. Guy just likes to fiddle, with fucking EVERYTHING. Which was why he put up with Mom, I suppose. What he could do with inanimate objects, she could do with DNA. Mix this, match that, put it in her womb, BAM, self continuing lineage. With some really fucked up specific needs for procreation.
Ah, yeh, now we're getting to the stuff you want, aren't we? Yeah, we each have to meet specific challenges in order to pass on our seed. Joh needs them to trust him. Jos needs to know them intimately, without them ever knowing him. Jackie only goes for rapists who love her. Me? I need consent. They need to tell me it's okay, before I can work my magic. Gotta think I'm one of them.
It's harder than you think. I don't exactly look normal, y'know? I'm big, and burly, and I exude this whole 'predator' scent or something. Most of the girls have a sorta prey instinct to them, so a big hungry predator walking up and saying 'Hey, wanna bone?' just doesn't work. I gotta be subtle. Disguise my scent. That's what the skin is for. I wrap myself in the skin of someone they knew, and it's like, bam, he doesn't look so bad. Ok, so I like 'em dumb. Works better, yeah? Maybe a little of it is my own special magic, so they don't notice I'm wearing a butchered carcass.
Not that they matter to me much after I do the dirty deed. My little babies get born hungry. No, I'm not much a loving parent. None of us are. But my little cubs can survive on their own. Instinct, yeah?
Oh, yeah, that last girl. God, she was sexy. Beautiful eyes like limpid pools of moonlight. Soft, black hair, all curly and nice. Such beautiful full lips. Oh, I knew from the moment I saw her, I had to have her. I knew she'd be perfect for one of my little babies. It took a while. I'm not used to finding such perfect girls, usually I have to hunt over hill and under dale to find such a sweet thing.
So, I lured one of her little friends away, the friend wasn't as cute as my babe. Lure her off with the promise of a good time, maybe a nice meal. Not a bad sort, very trusting. But, I broke her neck anyways, before she could utter a single peep. I skinned her. I've always been good at such things. Natural claws, y'know? Anyways, simple enough to wrap this girls skin around me, like a cloak. Totally worked. I got close to my babe, my beautiful girl. Took about a week, of just, hanging around, and she got comfortable with me.
Then I worked my magic. A nudge here, a comment there, and, before you know it, she was ready. all I needed was the word. She looked up at me, with those big brown eyes, and said what I'd been waiting to hear.
She said 'Baaaaa.'