Log Of Anomalous Items
rating: +357+x

Foreword: The SCP Foundation has discovered a substantial number of items which are simply too useless to merit further attention. This document lists those items which have prompted some curiosity. It may be used as a resource should knowledge of these items become useful or necessary in the future.
– Doctor █████ █████, Head of Research, Site ██

Note: Please add new entries to the bottom of the list, not the middle or the top.

Item Description: An unbreakable lamp.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████████, ████
Current Status: Kept in Doctor Rights' office in Site-██.
Notes: This was one of the first items categorized as "Anomalous" and denied full SCP classification, due to lack of value in further research and little need for special containment.

Item Description: A penny which, when flipped, will always land "heads up".
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████, ███████
Current Status: Shipped off to permanent storage.
Notes: Can’t believe that none of the researchers kept this to win bets with.

Item Description: An ordinary brand ███████ number 2 pencil, which will balance easily on its tip for hours at a time.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███████, ████████
Current Status: Incinerated.
Notes: I’m not even sure why this was an anomaly. Maybe it just had a very flat tip.
Notice: Destroying anomalous items without appropriate permission is a major violation of Foundation policy. See that this does not occur again. — Site Director █████ █████.

Item Description: A painting (possibly a landscape, records are unclear) that gave a mild case of diaphragmatic spasms, or hiccups, to anyone who saw it.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███████, ███████
Current Status: Incinerated.
Notes: This would obviously be a pain to work with, but shouldn't they at least try to see how it worked?
Notice: Destroying anomalous items without appropriate permission is a major violation of Foundation policy. See that this does not occur again. — Site Director █████ █████.

Item Description: Normal garden slugs, whose trail has the exact same chemical composition and taste as commercial-brand ranch dressing. They also appear to reproduce by binary fission every week.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery:████, ███████
Current Status: In animal containment. Excess entities incinerated.

Item Description: A small rock that emits a bright white light from an unknown source. Otherwise unremarkable.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ██████, ███████
Current Status: Currently in the possession of Doctor Light.
Notes: No radiation, no life signs, nothing. If nothing else, it's a reminder of the inexplicable nature of the universe.

Item Description: A 1964 Smith & Wesson .41 Magnum Revolver. When any ammunition is fired from the third chamber, an unidentified male voice will shout "Nice shot!"
Date of Recovery: 09-03-████
Location of Recovery: Wichita, Kansas, USA
Current Status: In storage.
Note: Perfectly serviceable and well-maintained aside from the anomaly. Secured in Site 19's vintage weapons depository.
Note: Accuracy or even proficiency with the firearm is not required for the anomaly to function. Voice sounds whether or not the shot is, in fact, "nice".

Item Description: A wire clothes hanger. Only long-sleeve, blue, men's dress shirts with collar sizes between 15.5" and 16.5" can successfully be hung upon it. All other clothing articles simply drop off to the floor when hanger is employed.
Date of Recovery: 09-15-████
Location of Recovery: Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A nuclear snowglobe. When shaken, instead of falling snow, it shows a miniature-scale nuclear explosion. It emits no radiation, sound, or force, and the explosion pattern changes every shake. Aftereffects such as radioactive snow and black rain have been observed. At random intervals, the snowglobe will contain a small shed, car, or truck, which reacts to the explosion.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Sokrovenno, Russia
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A squirrel which constantly moved much slower than normal, even when jumping or falling, similar to "slow-motion" video footage.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███████ Family Campgrounds, ███████
Current Status: In animal containment.

Item Description: A cheap plastic ping-pong ball, that would change from red to green twice daily.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20██
Location of Recovery: ██████████, California, US
Current Status: Located under a locker in Storage Room 19-553B. Maintenance team required to extract object.

Item Description: A white cowboy hat. Any person wearing is compelled to whoop and box dance uncontrollably.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20██
Location of Recovery: ██ ██████, Texas
Current Status: Kept in a scantly used test chamber and brought out during staff birthday parties.

Item Description: Six-sided dice that can occasionally land on a seven.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/19██
Location of recovery: ████████ Gaming Society in ████████, Maryland
Current Status: Being used for research by Dr. McCallum.
Research my ass. He's just using the damned thing to cheat on his sneak attack damage. Dr. Morgan

Item Description: C███-C███ branded and stylized cola glass. Any liquid drunk from glass reported to taste like P████ brand cola
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Site-19
Current Status: Destroyed by canteen worker P. ███████, dropped after being washed.

Item Description: A .500 ███ ██████ sidearm that discharges all loaded cartridges as if they were blanks.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ██████████, ████
Current Status: In storage

Item Description: Glass paperweight which constantly floats exactly seven (7) centimeters above any given surface.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ██████ Funeral Home in █████████, ██
Current Status: Shattered in bizarre a capella accident. Dr. McCallum is currently being questioned.

Item Description: A drinking glass that visually appears to be able to hold a pint (568 ml) of fluid, but overflows when more than 35 ml is poured into it.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-1998
Location of Recovery: ████████, Illinois
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A series of pornographic VHS tapes that, when rewound, would continually change actors, sets, and methods of coitus. All appear to relate to actual filmed movies, though the quality is low.
Date of Recovery: █-██-1995
Location of Recovery: Hackensack, New Jersey
Current Status: Missing, presumed lost. Recently recovered from the possession of Dr. ██████. In storage.

Item Description: A 76-centimeter-tall statue of a clown. In room where it was placed, a giggling sound would be noted whenever lights were turned off.
Date of Recovery: 5-16-200█
Location of Recovery: ██████, Germany
Current Status: Shot approximately 15 times with a 9mm sidearm by Agent ██████. Agent reprimanded. No anomalous properties recorded in the remains.

Item Description: An adult male capybara (Hydrochoerus hydrochaeris) several thousand miles away from the natural habitat for its species, with bright blue and green fur.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: ████████, Wisconsin
Current Status: Identified as lost exotic pet with ██████████-brand hair dye. Returned to owner; class-A amnestic administered; recovery agent reprimanded.

Item Description: An HB pencil which cannot be used to write, and only draws photorealistic images of Jimi Hendrix eating various foods.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-1979
Location of Recovery: █████, Liechtenstein
Current Status: Accidentally snapped during testing (1993); portions of pencil did not retain anomalous properties, and were subsequently incinerated.

Item Description: A 24000-carat diamond, cut in the size and shape of a common construction brick.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-197█
Location of Recovery: ███████, South Africa
Current Status: In storage pending identification of source.

Item Description: A white cotton-and-polyester t-shirt bearing the words 'SCP: SECURE CONTAIN PROTECT" on the front, and a crude but recognizable cartoon of SCP-173 on the back, with the caption "SCP-173: DON'T BLINK". Aside from the security breach it represents, the item has no anomalous properties.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: █████████ Thrift Store, New York City, New York
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A wedding invitation which, every six hours, becomes a different wedding invitation. Thus far, all invitations have been for weddings on dates between 5 and 15 years in the past, and have involved persons not found to exist.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: █████████████ Bookshop, ██████████████████, Wales
Current Status: In use as one-time pad generator.

Item Description: 16-month day planner (September 2009 to December 2010) manufactured by the ██████████ company which will duplicate anything written into it across all other units. This only works for date/time entries that have not yet come to pass.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2010
Location of Recovery: ██████ ███████ Office Supplies, ██████ ████, Florida
Current Status: 17 units in Foundation possession; unknown number remain in circulation (estimated at █). Research personnel are monitoring new entries in an effort to locate remaining copies.

Item Description: An Ikea-brand wall clock which seems to disappear and reappear once every second.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-19██
Location of Recovery: ███████, Scotland.
Current Status: Disappeared at 1124 hours GMT on ██/██/19██. Item never materialised, presumed irretrievable.

Item Description: A rubber-and-metal flyswatter which, when used to kill an invertebrate, causes the user to burst into tears.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-19██
Location of Recovery: ███████ Free Clinic, █████, Suriname
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A spear that, when thrown, pierces the heart of the nearest humanoid and extends several spikes from its blade afterward. Agents are to note that "the nearest humanoid" is typically the person who threw it.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: █████, Ireland
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A Risk set that has a variable number of pieces, appearing and disappearing as needed on the board. Sounds of battle are produced by the dice when rolled on hard surfaces rather than the expected clattering.
Date of Recovery: █-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████████, Oregon
Current Status: Available in Area 43 break room for recreation.

Item Description: A piece of vine charcoal that causes "Someone help me! I'm trapped in the charcoal!" to be written every several seconds whenever used for writing or drawing.
Date of Recovery: █-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████████████, Scotland
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A bottle of bootleg █████ █████████ perfume, which attracts cats in a 1 km radius when used. Discovered after a gathering of over 4,000 cats caused a traffic jam in downtown ███ ███████.
Date of Recovery: █-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███ ███████, ██████████
Current Status: Stored in an airtight container, Low-Value Item Storage, Site-██.

Item Description: An upright piano. If a human touched any of the piano keys, the human became irresistibly compelled to play the piano and sing popular Broadway show tunes, for a period of three hours or until the player was incapacitated. It is to be noted that the item did not provide musical talent, knowledge of tunes, knowledge of lyrics, or the ability to sing on-key.
Date of Recovery: 4-28-200█
Location of Recovery: Recreation center at Foundation Site 33. Piano had been at that site for several years but its unusual properties did not manifest until Incident [DATA EXPUNGED].
Current Status: Disassembled by sledgehammer during containment breach; resulting detritus incinerated. Residual ashes evidenced no unusual properties.

Item Description: A #2 pencil that, when used, causes the writer to unknowingly make spelling errors. Spelling errors can be corrected using the pencil.
Date of Recovery: 6-██-20██
Location of Recovery: Site 19 supply cabinet
Current Status: Accidentally destroyed. Materials demonstrated no unusual properties
Note: Are you sure the person who reported this wasn't just really bad at spelling?

Item Description: A white plastic "halo", which will shine and float when above anybody who has not committed any of the 7 deadly sins. Will glow red when placed above anyone else.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███, ████
Current Status: Melted itself down after being placed above Dr ████ ██████'s head.

Item Description: Dollar bills-ranging from $1 to $20-that scream loudly when placed next to foreign currency.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-19██
Location of Recovery: ██████ Bank, ██ ██████, ██
Current Status: shredded in paper shredder; strips showed no anomalous properties.

Item Description: A snow globe containing an 11-second time loop of a snowman murdering a bystander with an axe.
Date of Recovery: 12-25-20██
Location of Recovery: █████ Ski Resort, ██, USA
Current Status: On Research Assistant Goldsheiner's desk, for aesthetic purposes.

Item Description: A ██████-brand bobblehead that, when bobbled, causes the user's head to bobble with it. Can create neck injuries if bobbled too hard.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-19██
Location of recovery: Seattle, Washington
Current Status: On Dr. Roget's office desk In Dr. Roget's office safe.

Item Description: An early 19th century cannon of Russian manufacture. Cannon will prime, load and fire blanks (with no visible source of powder) if the finale of Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture is played within audible range of the artillery piece. The timing of the shots is slightly off and inconsistent with the music.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Napoleonic Wars exhibit, ████████ Museum, ████████.
Current Status: Maintained as a lawn ornament in the staff garden at Site 12. Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture added to Site "Blacklist" of restricted materials.

Item Description: A glass dinner plate, 11 inches across. When organic material is placed on the plate, it begins to secrete digestive enzymes (mainly proteases and cellulases) which produce foul-tasting waste products and an unpleasant appearance in food.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: Site 19 cafeteria, discovered by Junior Researcher ███████, who initially believed the kitchen staff were attempting to poison him.
Current Status: Currently under investigation by Dr. █████.

Item Description: A white coffee mug that, at 3:00 AM local time, will replace all fruit juices in its interior with grapefruit juice.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: ███████, Minnesota
Current Status: In the possession of Research Assistant Jacobs.
Note: Effect has consistently failed to manifest after RA Jacobs filled the item with grapefruit juice nineteen days after recovery. In storage.

Item Description: A pair of cordless headphones that constantly play songs by The Beatles despite the lack of a music or energy source.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████████ concert, California, United States
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A ballpoint pen. Decimal points in numbers written with the pen will periodically move for the next 314 days.
Date of Recovery: 11-03-20██
Location of Recovery: Accounting department at Site-11.
Current Status: Stored in Low-Value Item Wing of Storage Site-23.

Item Description: A computer file with the name "~DFFF1C.tmp". The file has a negative filesize of -2 bytes; its presence on a storage medium increases the space available. Copies of the file retain this property, but editing the file changes its size to 0 bytes.
Date of Recovery: 05-21-20██
Location of Recovery: Dr. ████'s home computer
Current Status: Stored in Dr. ████'s computer, with several backups on portable media.

Item Description: A three-sided die: no matter how it is observed, subjects will report that it definitely has three sides, despite this being physically impossible.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20██
Location of Recovery: A tabletop gaming convention in [REDACTED].
Current Status: Sliced in half, yielded two one-sided dice.

Item Description: An adjustable-height stainless steel floor fan of unknown make and manufacture. The fan will only function when exposed to music written by an artist or artists that no persons within hearing range have knowledge of.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/1997
Location of Recovery: Jacksonville, Florida
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A pound cake that emits the sound of a young girl laughing when being cut.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/2012
Location of Recovery: █████'s Bakery Shop in Wyoming
Current Status: Kept in cold storage at Site-17

Item Description: A slate sculpture of a human hand and a section of forearm, standing approximately 0.5m tall and weighing 50kg. The object's orientation cannot be changed and acts as a perfect compass - the thumb always points due magnetic north.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/2012
Location of Recovery: Raid on a Marshall, Carter & Dark Ltd. warehouse in London, UK.
Current Status: Staff gardens at Sector-25.
Note: Accompanying recovered documentation indicates that MC&D was having difficulty finding a buyer for the object.

Item Description: A 235-kg █████ █████-brand moped. When traveling at speeds in excess of 30 km/h, it displays inertial qualities consistent with an object of significantly higher mass, generally between 350 and 600 kg, depending on speed.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-1999
Location of Recovery: ████████, Germany
Current Status: In storage

Item Description: A large whiteboard. Should a subject write a problem on the white board, it will immediately begin to form a chart organizing the information pertinent to that problem. The object will then form connections between the information and attempt to come up with a solution. However, it will also write comments regarding the subject's intellect and physical appearance. These are almost always derogatory.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: █████████, Texas
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A Nokia 1208 cell phone with exactly 2 bars of reception at all times, regardless of location, situation, or condition of the phone. Other functions do not differ from normal cell phones.
Date of Recovery: ██/█/████
Location of Recovery: ████████ village, Astrakhan district, found in possession of [DATA REDACTED]
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A purple stress ball that when squeezed causes the person to become contemplative about their recent successes and failures in life.
Date of Recovery: █/██/████
Location of Recovery: In the office drawer of a psychiatrist by the name of Dr. P████ Laymond.
Current Status: Torn to shreds by a loose pet corgi. Reconstruction is under consideration.
Notes: Is this thing even necessary? Why did we even take it in the first place? Why did Rachel dump me last night? WHY??? – Agent R████████

Item Description: A Basset Hound capable of limited human-like speech - only vocalization is the word "dude", in various accents and tones of voice.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: ████, California
Current Status: Held in Site 33 kennels.

Item Description: A skee-ball arcade game dating to the late 1930s. Whenever 850 or more points are scored in a single frame, the ticket dispenser releases that number of live cockroaches.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/1943
Location of Recovery: ████████ & Sons Games, Coney Island, New York
Current Status: In containment.

Item Description: A key that can unlock the door to any empty, unmonitored room, but with the side effect of a skeleton of a random small mammal appearing inside the room and falling out the door as it is opened.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/2006
Location of Recovery: ███████, London
Current Status: In containment.

Item Description: A treadmill that will suddenly increase the speed to the maximum (15km/h) whenever stopped before the pre-programmed session is over. Unplugging the machine gave the same result.
Date of Recovery: ██/█/2012
Location of Recovery: ██████████████ Health Center, Seoul, Korea
Current Status: On ██/██/2012 object was found to be broken, and it was revealed that many agents used it for exercise since its containment. After the repair, object did not display anomalous properties any longer, and thus relocated to Foundation health center.

Item Description: A generic baseball cap that can only be worn 'properly'. Any attempts to wear it sideways or backwards cause it to forcibly remove itself from the wearer's head.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20██
Location of Recovery: ███ ████, New York
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A single copy of the book The Principles of Knitting. When the chapter detailing various problems encountered while knitting is read, the user experiences these problems the next time they attempt to knit. Problems extend to types of knitting not otherwise possible in three dimensions, leading to widespread tangling.
Date of Recovery: ██-█-2012
Location of Recovery: Baltimore, MD, USA
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A shipment of 350 prepackaged loaves of sliced potato bread consisting only of end slices. Viewing the bread causes disorientation and vestibular dysfunction.
Date of Recovery: ██-█-2010
Location of Recovery: Salt Lake City, UT, USA
Current Status: Shredded during containment breach. Shreds only caused slight ringing in ears in 11% of test subjects. Remains in storage.

Item Description: A VHS recording of the 1992 vice-presidential debates. Vice President Dan Quayle appears to have been replaced with a brown quail (Coturnix ypsilophora), which displays normal avian behavior on the recording. Behavior of the other subjects on the tape is unaltered. Forensic video analysis has not revealed any evidence of editing.
Date of Recovery: 11-17-2012
Location of Recovery: Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
Current Status: In Dr. Q█████'s office.

Item Description: A yellow "rubber ducky" bath toy. When a subject explains in detail a practical problem to the item as though it were a living anthropomorphic duck, they will feel that they have a better understanding of said problem, and are often immediately able to come up with a solution.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/199█
Location of Recovery: ███ ████, CA, USA.
Current Status: In display at Site-17's Office Block, for use by all personnel.

Item Description: A Swan Goose (Anser cygnoides) which extinguishes fires around it in a radius of 32.444 meters. Effect expands to 101 meters on the night of the first quarter moon.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: Altai, Mongolia
Current Status: In animal containment.

Item Description: A hard cover book, that when read makes everything a person touches feel like a certain designated texture, depending on the page read.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: Cartersville, Georgia
Current Status: In the desk of Dr. Raye.
I like the fluffy kitten page. - Dr. Raye

Item Description: Ten (10) glass sculptures of Queen Angelfish (Holacanthus ciliaris) that animate when placed in water. Sculptures require all the needs of a regular fish, except oxygen.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: ██████, Ireland
Current Status: Kept in the aquarium in the 2nd floor break room at Site-17.

Item Description: A china statuette of British cartoon characters Wallace and Gromit that, upon observation, causes the observer to have a mild craving for cheese.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: Recovered with SCP-████ in a raid on a Marshall, Carter and Dark auction.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A set of chess pieces carved from white and pink marble. When used to play a game (rather than normal handling), the pieces transform into humanoid figures in the shapes of individuals important to the players. The king's knight is always in the shape of the player, regardless of gender.
Date of Recovery: 04/26/19██
Location of Recovery: Found abandoned on a public chessboard in Central Park, New York City, NY, USA.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: 32 printed copies of John Cage's 4'33''. When performed by any number of musicians, the sound of a euphonium practicing various atonal music pieces can be heard softly emanating from each copy.
Date of Recovery: █/██/20██
Location of Recovery: Band room of ████████ High School, located in Oahu, HI.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A replica of a human skull made out of gelatin. Item has not been shown to decay as per standard gelatin. Item plays music every October 31st. All music has been confirmed to be identical to that played by the band ███ ███████ ████ at their annual concert at the ████████ ████ Zoo.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/██11
Location of Recovery: ████████ ████ Zoo Amphitheater.
Current Status: On the desk of Doctor ███████.
Notes: I would feel a little bad about this, but the concert is free anyway. -Doctor ███████.

Aitem Deskripshun: A dikshunnarree that alturs ennee tekst deskraibing it to rezembul the langwej's fonetik form, tho nawt in ennee rekognaizd format.
Dayt uv Rekuvurree: ██/██/20██
Lokayshun uv Rekuvurree: Shikago, Illinoy, Yoo-Es-Ay
Kurrent Status: In a standurd kontaynment lokkur at Sait-59.

Item Description: A bronze statue of a mermaid. Causes kleptomaniacal compulsions in mammalian subjects continually exposed to it.
Date of Recovery: 6/30/1967
Location of Recovery: ████████, ██
Current Status: Replaced with a replica. Original in storage.

Item Description: The word [REDACTED], a 9-letter imaginary word which is defined as "the opposite of a sieve." The definition is known as soon as the word is read or heard. Only one written instance of the word exists at any given time; the previous instance is erased when the new instance is written, although the word transfers at roughly 1808km/s. The word reportedly feels natural and fluid to pronounce, and so may potentially be easy for unknown independent parties to create and write down. It is otherwise mundane.
Date of Recovery: ██/█/20██
Location of Recovery: Word Generation And Verification Subroutines, Site-18 Data Banks
Current Status: Written on a piece of paper stored at Site-19. In the event that an unknown independent party writes the word, one of several researchers will be on call to write the word down again.

Item Description: A tiara constructed from living specimens of mushroom and other noninvasive fungus. Placing the tiara on a human subject's head causes the subject to become gyroscopically stabilized from the waist up. No matter the effort, the subject will become unable to move their body from the waist up out of a perfectly vertical position.
Date of Recovery: ██/█/1919
Location of Recovery: Copenhagen, Denmark
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A traditional Brazilian berimbau of typical construction and materials. When held by a human subject, and the stick is raised to strike the string, the subject immediately displays an instinctive knowledge of how to play basic traditional rhythms. Further exposure does not seem to result in further knowledge gain, but the resultant basic knowledge remains with the subject after exposure.
Date of Recovery: ██/█/20██
Location of Recovery: Salto, Brazil
Current Status: In storage.
Note: Until it is determined conclusively that the item has no cognitohazardous capabilities, handling and testing is restricted to D-Class subjects.

Item Description: A 129-character string. Entering it on the password field of an online service will allow log-in no matter what the original password was; only known exception is the word "password".
Date of Recovery: ██/██/201█
Location of Recovery: Lagos, Nigeria
Current Status: Archived. Research on encryption and network structures resistant to effect underway.

Item Description: A blue stress ball. When squeezed, holder becomes infuriated, and when thrown, will bounce back and hit the thrower's head.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/19██
Location of Recovery: ████ Psychiatrics, ████
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A standard ███████ brand deck of cards that, when used to play any card game, appear 'backwards', showing all other players the card's face, while only showing the card's holder the back of said card.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20██
Location of Recovery: ███ █████, Nevada, United States.
Current Status: In storage at Site ██ Recreation Lounge.

Item Description: A credit card of an unknown black material. Purchases made with the card via magnetic stripe readers are retroactively debited from Banco de Mexico's account number ██████.██, in October of 1993.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20██
Location of Recovery: Secret chamber in the Great Pyramid of Giza, Cairo, Egypt
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A red 1994 Toyota Camry whose radio could only play Men Without Hats' "Safety Dance" regardless of station, whether a cassette tape had been inserted, and even after the radio itself had been replaced 3 times.
Date of Recovery: ██/█/200█
Location of Recovery: Atlanta, Georgia
Current Status: Crushed and melted down during an unusual containment breach. Residual slag showed no anomalous properties.

Item Description: A high-tech typewriter that produces a cognitohazardous effect on every person trying to formulate a description for said object. Despite being a typewriter, it is always described as a typewriter, with various properties, containment places and such are replaced with analogous typewriter-related properties. The verb "to shoot" and its cognates are not affected, which is a property of the object as well. Attempts to photograph the object are hindered by mental influence, and any attempts to draw or paint the object result in a drawing of a typewriter.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: An abandoned printing device research base that belonged to a defunct group of interest called [REDACTED].
Current Status: In storage in Site ███ printing devices room. An effort to produce copies of the typewriter is underway.
Note: This typewriter is great! Easy to shoot, very accurate, good shooting distance, lightweight, supports different key sets and has a 60 cartridge tray. The typing mechanism is detachable, .45ACP and 5.56 versions are available. Most likely, the anomalous effect was developed in order to hinder intelligence efforts. - Agent Cora.

Item Description: A wooden toy rifle designed to shoot rubber bands using a gear. Rubber bands accelerate to 1/540 the speed of light upon leaving the barrel of the rifle.
Date of Recovery: 10/15/2010
Location of Recovery: Mount Vernon, Virginia
Current Status: In anomalous weapons containment.

Item Description: A computer that cannot connect to any network when networking is enabled, but can attain a connection to the internet of exactly 161.24 kbps anywhere, regardless of the speed of light and other physical limitations.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/2011
Location of Recovery: ██████, Portugal
Current Status: Currently used to maintain communications with ████████.

Item Description: Glass fragments of a statue, originally composing a Non-Euclidian Structure.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2013
Location of Recovery: ████, ███████
Current Status: In storage
Note: It was broken when I found it. — Agent Green

Item Description: A drawing of a dog that, when viewed by an illiterate, teaches them how to read and write Latvian.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of recovery: ██████████, ██
Current Status: In Level 1 Document Storage at Site-██.

Item Description: A Christmas tree that is impossible to disassemble
Date of Recovery: 25/12/2013
Location of Recovery: Original location unknown, secondary location is near the entrance tunnel to Site-14.
Current Status: In Site-14 break room as a decoration for Christmas.

Item Description: One coaster. When placed on any horizontal surface, it leaves a circular water stain 6.3 cm in diameter. Stains left by this object have proven to be extremely difficult to remove.
Date of Recovery: 09/18/1995
Location of Recovery: ██████ ████████ Brewery, Gatlinburg, TN
Current Status: Accidentally destroyed under unknown circumstances.

Item Description: A Mark XIX (19) Israel Military Industries Desert Eagle on 50. Action Express with Picatinny rail. When held, it would display an ammo counter in the bottom right corner of the wielder's peripheral vision, and, when fired, would display a point value based on the target hit, in base 5 numeration.
Date of Recovery ██/██/██
Location of Recovery: ███████, Florida, U.S.A.
Current Status: Stored in Site-19 Low value storage unit.
Notes: It sounds cool, but the ammo counter is hard to focus on, which distracts you when you're trying to fire it, and it's nearly useless since you can barely make out the numbers. The scoring system has to be worked out on paper, and there's no easy way of recording the numbers when you have to decode your score every time you shoot. Keep this thing far away from the usable weapons. -Agent Harrelson

Item Description: A pack of ███████ brand chewing gum containing six (6) pieces of chewed gum. When chewed, they will revert to "unchewed" form. Re-chewed pieces do not possess this property.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of recovery: ████ ██████ , Canada
Current Status: In storage in Site-██.
How did we figure out it did that?- Dr. ██████

Item Description: A tambourine that, when shaken, produces the sounds of a guitar. Staff claim to greatly enjoy it.
Date of recovery: ██/█/████
Location of Recovery: ██████, England
Current Status: Held in the Site-19 break room.

Item Description: A pair of baby blue boxing gloves. If the boxing gloves are used to punch an infant in the jaw, the newborn will grow all of its adult teeth within the following 24 hours.
Date of Recovery: 08/10/20██
Location Recovery: Glasgow, Scotland
Current Status: Stored in Site-17 containment locker.

Item Description: A Roman mosaic assembled in the 4th century CE depicting a creature resembling a Stegosaurus. Outside its anachronism, it is not otherwise anomalous.
Date of Recovery: ████/██/██
Location of Recovery: Villa Romana del Casale, Sicily, Italy.
Current Stats: In display at Site-77's Historical Anomalies Wing.

Item Description: A wooden Pan flute. When played, an unidentified male voice will tell music-related puns in the player's first language.
Date of Recovery: 1991/██/██
Location of Recovery: ████ Music Shop, Salonica, Greece.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A red ███████ brand automobile. The automobile was reported to leave a trail of flames in areas it passed. It is also able to speed up to ████ kilometers per hour.
Date of Recovery: █/█/████
Location of Recovery: █████ family's garage
Current Status: Unknown. Last seen driven by Dr. Gerald.

Item Description: A black top hat. When worn, any sounds made by the person wearing it is replaced by an unidentified male voice saying an onomatopoeic word based on the sound (for instance, the sound of sneezing will be replaced by the word "sneeze").
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: ███████, ███████
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A tin can labeled "WORMS" in white paint. Opening the lid reveals another lid directly underneath. Analysis has resulted in the conclusion that there may be a theoretically infinite sequence of lids.
Date of Recovery: ████-██-██
Location of Recovery: ███████, West Virginia
Current Status: In anomalous item containment locker.

Item Description: A carton of ████████-brand cigarettes. Upon smoking, subjects can only communicate through operatic vocals, with an effect lasting from 8 to 15 minutes.
Date of Recovery: ██-█-2004
Location of Recovery: Phoenix, Arizona
Current Status: A number were consumed a month after recovery by the Site-22 staff. Remainder in storage.
Note: These were a lot of fun. Someone should put them in the break room vending machines if the Foundation comes across a reliable resource.
-Agent ██████

Item Description: A red 2011 Alfa Romeo 159. Upon sitting in the driver's seat, the driver spontaneously forgets how to use a stick-shift transmission. They regain this knowledge upon stepping out of the car. (It should also be noted that this car has a stick-shift transmission.)
Date of Recovery: █-██-20██
Location of Recovery: █████████, Poland
Current Status: In storage, awaiting repairs due to a burnt-out clutch.

Item Description: A black-and-white picture of a flock of sheep that causes any human within a five (5)-meter radius to feel as if they are being watched.
Date of Recovery: █-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███ ██████
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A Triumph Adler TA-1600 brand computer. When activated all peripherals are turned into aged Abbaye de Belloc cheese
Date of Recovery: 11-██-2012
Location of Recovery: Algonquin College Canada
Current Status: Stored in Site-██ break room

Item Description: A finger painting of a 7 centimeter square inside of a 3 centimeter circle.
Date of Recovery: 12-2-20██
Location of Recovery: Christian Addler Elementary School
Current Status: Undergoing testing
Note: I know the ruler doesn't lie, but my brain just doesn't want to believe it. Guess we're doing something right. -Agent Morris

Item Description: A severed Crocodylus porosus (saltwater crocodile) head, which doesn't experience decomposition or corrosion. When touched or handled physically, the head gains life signs and bites its handler, then going back into its inactive state. Object also regenerates almost instantaneously when damaged.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2014
Location of Recovery: Las Vegas, Nevada
Current Status: Frozen.

Item Description: A blue M&M's candy, which, when set on a flat surface, begins to spin, accelerating in speed until it reaches a rate of approximately 65 rev/s, at which point it instantly freezes in place, until being picked up and set back down.
Date of Recovery: 2-24-2014
Location of Recovery: Boulder, Colorado
Current Status: Missing.

Item Description: A newly opened, 14-ounce glass bottle of ███████ brand ketchup. Contents of bottle deemed impossible to extract, despite vigorous smacking and shaking.
Date of Recovery: 04-15-20██
Location of Recovery: San Juan, Mexico
Current Status: Shattered during an unauthorized extraction attempt in Site-22 cafeteria. Despite severe fragmentation, contents remained irretrievable from bottle. Broken shards and remains moved to standard storage locker at Site-59.

Item Description: A glass mirror that reflects images across its surface approximately 3.86 seconds more slowly than conventional mirrors, resulting in a significant 'lag' in the observed reflection.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ██████████, Ukraine
Current Status: Undergoing testing at Site-73. Studies indicate that there is no observable change in the rate at which photons are reflected by the mirror.

Item Description: A toy rocket made out of an unknown polymer which can exceed speeds needed to escape the earth's gravity. It caught the interest of the Foundation and was tested.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of recovery: ████/█████ Border
Current Status: Currently located in the thermosphere in Earth's Orbit.

Item Description: Bootleg VHS copy of Swedish movie "████ ██████ of █████████" (19██). All characters change gender and ethnicity randomly on each viewing.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████████, Guam
Current Status: Site-19 break room. "Bad acting, boring plot." Currently in storage.

Item Description: A small █████ brand FM radio, estimated to be ██ years old. When powered and set to any frequency, the radio will play a random song popular among teenagers during the activator's pubescent years. This song will always involve romantic relations and is described as remarkably apposite to the activator's current relationship status in 95% of cases. When activated by somebody not in a romantic relationship, the radio will play an inexpertly recorded cover of Harry Nilsson single "One," sung dramatically off-key by an unidentified pubescent male accompanied by a series of atonal electric piano notes.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-1986
Location of Recovery: ███ ██ High School, ███████, Illinois
Current Status: Lost following testing by Researcher ████

Item Description: A bag of ███-████ brand marshmallows. When a marshmallow is consumed by an individual, their head becomes engulfed in blue flames. Subjects always report a lack of noticeable change in spite of heat readings exceeding 100°C.
Date of Recovery: █/█/2014
Location of Recovery: ███████, Scotland
Current Status: Remaining samples were placed in storage.

Item Description: A pair of ravens (Corvus corax) who will sing the folk song known as twa corbies on some but not all occasions when someone dies within an approximately one kilometre radius.
Date of Recovery: 6/27/1989
Location of Recovery: ████████, British Isles
Current Status: Held in a standard aviary.

Item Description: One pair of ███ brand headphones that can only be described as the opposite of what they are.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20██
Location of Recovery: █████, Canada
Current Status: In storage at Site-██.
Note: Don't think into it too much. -Dr. ███████

Item Description: A yellow brandless notebook. Every page contains multiple hand drawn rainbows. The words "KYLE, AGE SIX" are visible on the item's cover. All written text regarding said notebook will alter its colour in order to follow the pattern of the colours of the rainbows contained in the notebook. The drawings do not follow the pattern of real rainbows.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/██
Location of Recovery: Sussex, UK
Current Status: In storage at Site-98.

Item Description: An iron ball bearing (radius: 2cm) which completely lacks ferromagnetic properties, even in the presence of strong magnetic fields (tested up to 8 Tesla). It is the only known instance of an anipole, that is, a magnet with no poles (as opposed to hypothetical monopoles). Discovered while searching for low-background steel for use in radiation-sensitive experiments; it was noted for anomalously low levels of trace radioactive elements. Subsequent analysis revealed that it is composed entirely of pure iron.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/200█
Location of Recovery: ███████ Factory in Alaska, US.
Current Status: Held in Site-11 storage in radiation-shielding unit to preserve purity.

Item Description: A standard 'Monopoly' board game that, when played, will invariably incite an argument between the players that will ultimately lead to the cessation or annulment of their marriage, partnership, friendship or whatever other form their relationship took.
Date of Recovery: 07/03/2001
Location of Recovery: ██████ family yard sale, Illinois, US.
Current Status: Site-19 storage

Item Description: Seven booster packs of the popular "Magic: The Gathering" trading card game. Opening of any of the packs will lead to an unidentified male voice saying "Ha! Nerd!" The voice appears to be located a distance away from the opener of the pack.
Date of Recovery: ██/13/20██
Location of Recovery: ████ & ██████ Comics
Current Status: Only five boosters remain. Currently stored in the Site 23 Storage Room.

Item Description: A 2 m. by 1 m. glass oblong that acts as a portable window to a parallel universe. Reverse side is an unidentified opaque material which has resisted all efforts to damage it thus far. Currently, the point of divergence between universes is unknown, but does not appear to have altered any aspect of Earth. Glass is functionally a mirror.
Date of Recovery: ██/03/19██
Location of Recovery: ████████, England
Current Status: Marked and used in Site-██ changing rooms Removed to storage following reinstitution of Protocol ANTI-AN105/76 "Containment First," on September 6, 2009.

Item Description: A 17 g lump of Plasticine which, when viewed by more than one person, is unanimously agreed to be too much Plasticine. Mechanism for perpetuation of this worldview is currently unknown. No anomalous effects if viewed by only one person.
Date of Recovery: ██/12/20██
Location of Recovery: ██████ █████, █████████-████-████, England
Current Status: Kept in a small plastic bag in the Break Room of Site ██.

Item Description: A pillow that audibly complains about itself. Complaints thus far have been softness (of which the pillow stated it was "too hard" and "too soft" at different times), material of the pillow, the material inside the pillow, and how much it talks about itself. While it has been noted that the pillow is sentient and is able to respond to personnel, the only thing it has discussed is itself.
Date of Recovery:██/14/20██
Location of Recovery: █████ Soft Co.
Current Status: Site 35 Storage Room

Item Description: A chicken nugget that does not age or go stale. When a piece of the object is has been bitten off, the nugget will regenerate the area that has been bitten. Cutting pieces off of the object do not regenerate. It seems as though the "main" part of the nugget will regenerate with pieces cut off to show no anomalous properties.
Date of recovery: 12/31/2013
Location of Recovery: ████████, Connecticut.
Current Status: Stored in freezer at Site-48.
Notes: Maybe we could use this as infinite ration during shortage of food. -Dr. Smith

Item Description: A white oak tree (Quercus alba) that, when viewed by a subject, is invariably described as being "ironic". Affected subjects are incapable or unwilling to explain further.
Date of Recovery: 05/21/2011
Location of Recovery: █████████, Canada
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A 1 m tall, solid gold flamingo statue that animates whenever a blue moon occurs. When animated, it attempts to fly through the ceiling only to crash into it. It will keep doing so until either restrained, or the morning after the blue moon ends.
Date of Recovery: 05/16/████
Location of Recovery: ███████ Zoo, US
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A toilet paper roll with the words "Jimmyz Teeliscop and Anty-scop" written on it with a red marker and various star stickers dotted around it. When viewing through one side, the roll will act as a telescope, however, when viewed from the other side it act as the opposite.
Date of recovery: 06/12/████
Location of recovery: █████████ Woods, US
Current status: In storage.
Notes: "I feel bad for the kid who lost this." -Dr. Richards

Item Description: ██████-████ (██) sheets of paper that when flipped in the same direction twice show a "third side". Flipping a sheet again will show the first side. Flipping backwards from the first side will show the third one.
Date of Recovery: 03/20/████
Location of Recovery: ████████ High School in ████████, ██
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A medium, white, men's shirt. All attempts to capture the item on video or photograph have failed, as photographs and videos develop as if the shirt were not present.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████, ████████
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: An abstract bronze sculpture, measuring 2.11189 meters in height. Artist unknown. Exposure results in drastic overestimation of one's ability to make precise measurements for 9.800419 hours afterwards.
Date of recovery: ████-██-██
Location of recovery: ████████ Museum of Modern Art
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A pair of cheese graters. Any cheese grated with one comes out of the other grater if the 2 are within ~6 meters.
Date of recovery: ████-██-██
Location of recovery: 21 ████████ Rd, Sequim, Washington
Current Status: Under testing.

Item Description: A standard paper straw wrapper which is animate and has behavior patterns consistent with a Boa constrictor. This includes slow "slithering" movement and attempts to constrict prey. Due to the material it is made of, it exerts very little force, and can not restrict anything worthy of notice.
Date of recovery: ██/██/20██
Location of recovery: Moe's Roadside Grill, ███ ██████, ██████
Current Status: Crumpled up, presumably by accident. Believed to be "dead".

Item Description: A font file named HAPYFASES.TTF. Any text displayed in it appears as excerpts from "Klingon Steed", a 12-novel series of unpublished slash romances. Author and font creator are unacquainted and display no anomalies. Downloadable file replaced with corrupt decoy.
Date of Recovery: 03/06/2009
Location of Recovery: PhreeKrazyFontz.com (Site defunct 16/12/2012)
Current Status: Installed on workstation of Senior Researcher Mary Esposito, Site 12

Item Description: An oil painting depicting a sunset over snow-capped mountains. Any human who views the painting is unable to move (excluding blinking and other unconscious movements) until they are deemed to have sufficiently "appreciated" the painting's composition or are forcibly moved by an external force.
Date of Recovery: 12/06/200█
Location of Recovery: ███████ art gallery in ████, Ukraine, having spontaneously appeared in the gallery the day before.
Current Status: In permanent storage following an incident in which Dr. Gently was transfixed for three hours before being removed by security staff.
Note: Maybe it'd be easier to appreciate the thing if the artist wasn't terrible at conveying depth. Dr. Gently

Item Description: A plush toy of a golden retriever dog, looking cheaply made in appearance. Subjects describe the plush toy's body to feel unusually realistic. Touching the plush toy's fur is described to feel like dog's fur, touching the mouth is described to feel damp and sticky, and so on.
Date of Recovery: 9/21/1992
Location of Recovery: ██████ ████ Dollar Store, ███████, Louisiana
Current Status: Recreational toy in Site 15 Lounge.

Item Description: A 13 piece set of basic 12-inch rulers that when damaged emit a loud 'screeching' sound then begin to move away from the source of damage.
Date of Recovery: 01-██-20██
Location of Recovery: An abandoned Staples warehouse in Coppell, TX, formerly home to a ████ sex cult and ████ ████.
Current status: Under testing.

Item Description: It might be a coffee cup that could possibly cause all writing about it to be uncertain.
Date of Recovery: 1999ish?
Location of Recovery: Somewhere in Florida.
Current Status: In storage. Possibly.

Item Description: A nickel-plated pocket watch. Induces a mild trance state in observers when not being swung back and forth like a pendulum.
Date of Recovery: 06/██/20██
Location of Recovery: A flea market in Cairo.
Current Status: Anomalous properties suppressed, safe to observe.
Notes: Did somebody actually build a little machine to keep this thing swinging? I mean, nice job, I guess, but seriously, we could just keep it in a box. -Dr. Micah

Item Description: A copper hoop (152 mm radius) with tubular rim (6.4 mm radius). A groove 1.6 mm wide runs along the inner surface. Three 25.4 mm bar magnets are attached to rails within the groove. These magnets are always equidistant and if given any momentum will rotate around the hoop at a constant velocity without slowing. Any attempt to extract mechanical energy from this system causes it to abruptly stop. All copies have failed to duplicate the perpetual motion of the original device.
Date of Recovery: 08/08/1968
Location of Recovery: Inventors convention, Las Vegas, Nevada
Current Status: Engineering Research Lab, Site-19

Item Description: A stack of 128 127 around 124 A4 printing papers, exact number of sheets undetermined. Every time the stack is counted, a single 1 to 3 a small number of sheets (exact number undetermined and suspected to be random) will disappear.
Date of Recovery: 05/11/2010
Location of Recovery: [REDACTED] Building, Shanghai, China
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A 10x10 cm piece of white cardstock bearing two equally-sized black dots. The dots remain adjacent to one another along the direction of the Earth’s equator, no matter which way the card is turned. Anomaly fails to manifest when paper is not held approximately parallel to the ground.
Date of Recovery: 12-11-████
Location of Recovery: The ██PD forensics labs, retrieved from a deceased John Doe
Current Status: Laminated for preservation purposes, kept in storage.

Item Description: A plastic milk jug which does not experience any gravitational forces. Milk was found to harbor no anomalous properties.
Date of Recovery: 01/12/2015
Location of Recovery: ████████ Recycling Center, ███-█████, Argentina
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A rock possessing telepathic capabilities with a range of a few meters. Mostly mulls over how bored it is. Communication appears to be one-way only.
Date of Recovery: 09-1-████
Location of Recovery: Discovered during investigation of site of an anomalous event by MTF Psi-8 ("The Silencers"). Determined to be unattached to identifiable larger anomaly.
Current Status: In storage.
Note: Took several hours to locate which rock was anomalous. My knees hurt. -Agent █████

Item Description: A pig whose appearance is static and shifted downwards by ~.25 meters. Effect is purely visual. The image is as it was when the effect started. The effect was reported to have taken ahold instantly.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Pig farm in ██████, ████
Current Status: Kept as a pet on Site-██ by Junior Researcher Barem.

Item Description: A mummified human foot in a clay jar. Thought to date back to the eighteenth dynasty of Egypt. Anomalous in that genetic testing matches the foot to one Daniel Eichtue-Heau, a resident of modern day California, who presently possesses both his feet. Eichtue-Heau is under surveillance.
Date of Recovery: 06-13-20██
Location of Recovery: Found in the remains of a shrine to the Egyptian goddess Ma’at.
Current Status: In storage.
UPDATE: Eichtue-Heau’s left foot was severed in an industrial accident on 02-21-20██. Foot was seized by Foundation personnel. Found to share numerous characteristics with the mummified foot, held in cold storage.

Item Description: A soft-boiled egg approx. 0.7 meters in height. Shell is tan in color and speckled with green. DNA testing inconclusive.
Date of Recovery: 12-11-████
Location of Recovery: Retrieved from an illegally-operated restaurant in South America specializing in exotic foods. Other dishes on the menu included snow leopard, chimpanzee, wooly mammoth, human, and SCP-███. Reports indicate that two such eggs had already been served, and that the last was being reserved for a wealthy Chinese stockbroker. The egg was predicted to sell for $█,███,███.
Current Status: Undergoing testing.

Item Description: A printed image of a Jack Russell Terrier that invariably fools observers into believing they are perceiving a living dog of the same breed. Effect can be avoided by observing the image indirectly, such as through a mirror or camera.
Date of Recovery: 09-04-████
Location of Recovery: A pet show in New Orleans.
Current Status: Held in Site-██ kennels. Stored in Site-██ cognitohazard file containment.

Item Description: A letter opener resembling a fifteen (15) cm long miniature claymore. Material is common low-grade stainless steel, the handle is laquered oak. Material samples taken exhibit no unusual properties.
The content of any envelope opened with it is transformed into a poem of appropriate content.
Mission reports have been transformed into anything ranging in style from viking sagas to material akin to poems by the War Poets of World War 1, while clerical content usually turns into dadaist or absurdist poetry (especially anything produced by the accounting department of ██████)
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: ████████, ████
Current Status: Kept in storage at site ████. Access is usually granted upon written request to Dr. ████████ and for Class A - C personnel

Item Description: A twin size mattress. Subjects who fall asleep on the mattress will invariably have a dream in which they are forced to consume a live walrus using only a fork and kitchen knife. Whether or not the subject succeeds in the dream appears to be inconsequential.
Date of Recovery: 14-06-1983
Location of Recovery: A furniture store in ███████, England
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A box of 24 Crayola-brand pencils featuring 3 pencils in colours that don't exist in nature. Listed on the box and on each respective pencil as "moiter," "emilet" and "cankri." These pencils work as expected.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Recovered from a Manna Charitable Foundation establishment located in ███████, Canada.
Current Status: In storage.
Notes: Probably memetic or something. Gives me a migraine to look at them. Pretty though. -Researcher ████████

Item Description: A 1:1 replica of a .338 caliber Accuracy International AWM sniper rifle, complete with bipod, telescopic sight, magazine, and internal mechanisms, constructed out of various unusually durable edible substances (a significant portion of which is chocolate cake). Despite its composition, item is fully functional as a firearm, capable of chambering and firing .338 Laupa Magnum cartridges.
Date of Recovery: 07/16/2000
Location of Recovery: Sandford, Somerset, England
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A running car made entirely out of paper scraps. No motor has been found.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████████, Texas
Current Status: Kept in a garage with various other non-dangerous cars and such in Site-██.

Item Description: The exact phrase "█████████████", when used as a username on any website. Accounts by this name cannot be banned or deleted, and content uploaded or posted by them cannot be removed, due to computer errors that spontaneously occur during attempts.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/2007
Location of Recovery: N/A. First instance identified on social media website Reddit.
Current Status: The operators of the ██ known accounts by this username have been located and amnesticized to prevent usage of these accounts. The username has been registered by the Foundation on as many other sites as possible.

Item Description: A standard coin counting jar with no identifiers of its manufacturers. The jar runs on one (1) triple-A battery, and works as expected, correctly counting the amount of coins placed within. However, all coins placed inside will become pennies of equal amount (e.g., a dime placed inside will become 10 pennies). Outwardly the jar appears full of pennies. If the lid is removed, the coins can be removed as normal, though they still appear as pennies within the jar.
Date of Recovery: 11/11/2011
Location of Recovery: A Walgreen's store at ███ █████, Florida.
Current Status: On the desk of Dr. █████.

Item Description: A stack of three-hundred and sixty-four (364) pieces of personalized stationery. "Messages for Bertrand Bartleby" is inscribed at the top of each. When folded in half, stationery will inscribe itself with the name, physical description, and a chronological record of actions taken by anyone in proximity to the folded paper, using terminology and slang common to turn-of-the-century London.
Date of Recovery: 02/15/2015
Location of Recovery: 412 Missionary Street, London, England.
Current Status: Missing.
Notes: On 06/20/2015 All but one (1) of the acquired stationary was reported missing from storage. The remaining piece had been folded in half and left in the empty locker.

Item Description: A ██████████ brand mountain bike that always when mounted, has a headwind of random speeds from █ m/s to ███ m/s, even in enclosed buildings.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2014
Location of Recovery: ███████, Denmark
Current Status: Research ongoing for possible wind power generation.

Item Description: A █████ brand digital camera. When a photograph is taken, resulting photograph reveals scene of photo approximately 4.5 seconds before the exposure took place. Videos taken that are under 4.5 seconds in length are also effected.
Date of recovery: 4/10/20██
Location of recovery: Die ██████ Fotografie at ██████████, Germany
Current status: In Dr. B█████'s office.

Item Description: A VHS tape with a recording of the music video for "Once in a Lifetime" by the band Talking Heads. The segment with the repeated line "Same as it ever was" continues from timecode 1:57 for two hours of non-repeating footage, with David Byrne repeating the line and looking increasingly distraught as hands grip his head.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-1980
Location of Recovery: ████████, ████
Current Status: General media storage.
Notes: Crew who worked on the original filming were interviewed. They all agree that no extra footage of this segment was shot.

Item Description: A controller for the █████ console that causes anyone holding it to write/type in "E337", a "fictional" language that replaces most alphabet letters with alternative numbers and symbols. No further abnormalities found.
Date of Recovery: 4/15/20██
Location of Recovery: █████████████, Illinois, USA
Current Status: In Dr. Albae's Personal Locker.

Item Description: A scorpion that imitates various human mannerisms and speaks fluent English in a British accent.
Date of Recovery: 1/28/2010
Location of Recovery: ██████, Texas, USA
Current Status: Contained in standard terrarium, heat lamp included, at Site ██
Note: He appears to like tea, despite normal scorpions being strictly carnivorous. -Dr. Henry

Item Description: A pennaceous feather resembling a tail feather from an unknown species of family Accipitridae (hawks, eagles, and vultures). It is brown with white banding, appears to have naturally fallen from its host, and measures 4m long by 1m wide.
Date of Recovery: 9/14/2011
Location of Recovery: Steppe land approximately 500 km west of Astana, Kazakhstan.
Current Status: In storage.
Note: So we have a giant egg and a giant feather in storage. Where's the giant bird? And why doesn't anybody know about it? -Dr. R. Argent

Item Description: An unbranded data cable for Android devices. When connected to a compatible device, the device will charge itself even though the data cable is not attached to a visible power supply.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: Sent as "Promotional Material" through ███ to Site-██, return address of mail is currently under surveillance by Foundation operatives.
Current Status: Kept in storage in Site-██ for personnel to use.

Item Description: Twelve (12) quill pens that, when placed inside a suitable salt water environment, will animate and behave like a Pennatula (Sea Pen). When taken out of water, it will revert back to its original state. The items were discovered after a report of living pens.
Date Of Recovery: 08-23-15
Location Of Recovery: A small tank inside ████████, San Diego.
Current Status: Placed in an aquarium at Dr. ██████'s room.

Item Description: A musical recorder that, when played, creates food items based on song, number of times played, and general level of skill while playing song.
Date of recovery: 4-14-15
Location of recovery: A schoolhouse in ██████, UK
Current status: In a locked box in Dr. █████'s office.

Item Description: A commercial electrician's 22 piece tool set manufactured and sold by ████ █████. Any attempt to take any of the tools in the set without looking directly at it will cause the tool to instantaneously transport a few meters away to a random location. After 5 attempts to retrieve a tool, all tools in the set will transport to a location suitable for them to arrange themselves in an order resembling the ";)" emoticon.
Date of recovery: 4-18-13
Location of recovery: Construction site for Containment Area-████
Current status: Site-45's Low Priority Containment wing.

Item Description: A writing pad with the words "Do not swaer" [sic] written on every page. Whenever the object is written about, any swear words in the text will automatically be changed to a word similar to it.
Date of Recovery: 09-08-15
Location of Recovery: A classroom in the ██████████ school in ██████████, Australia.
Current Status: Kept on a papertray in Researcher ██████'s room.
Note: I ducking hate this lit. -Dr. ████████

Item Description: A pair of black men's gloves made of an unknown material. If the items are worn while punching a living thing or inanimate object large words depicting the sound made will appear for 1.7 seconds within 1 meter of the wearer.
Date of recovery: 09-08-15
Location of recovery: A prop house in Walla Walla, Washington, United States.
Current status: In Dr. ███████ office display case.

Item Description: A pencil sharpener that, when a pencil is inserted, adds back layers of wood to the pencil until it is indiscernible from its original unsharpened form.
Date of recovery: ██-11-15
Location of Recovery: A classroom in ██████████, ████████ Africa.
Current Status: In a staff supply closet for reusing pencils. In a locked container in Dr. ███████'s office.
Note: Damn it ████████, it's not for office pranks. This is why you can't have nice things. -Dr. ███████

Item Description: A 1-gallon tub of Ben and Jerry's Vanilla Ice Cream. The ice cream itself is continuously kept at 12°C, despite temperature surrounding it. Consumption of the ice cream will cause the taste to change to a random flavor of existing ice cream flavors. However, consumption will automatically trigger an "ice cream headache". The ice cream does not regenerate after consumption.
Date of recovery: 03-14-19██
Location of Recovery: ███████'s Freezing Goods.
Current Status: Area 23 frozen storage. Consumed.

Item Description: A human skull that, when held, will cause the holder to walk around the room where the skull is present, acting out the play "Hamlet" by William Shakespeare. After play has finished, the holder will place the skull where it was before use, and return to normal. When questioned, subjects usually respond with lines from the play.
Date of recovery: 09-14-2002
Location of Recovery: A drama hall in London, England.
Current Status: A locked display case in Dr Moreau's Office.
Note: Alas, poor Yorick. -Dr Moreau

Item Description: A GameBoy that, when played, puts the player into a trance.
Date of Recovery: 12-07-1997
Location of Recovery: Kyoto, Japan
Current Status: On display at the Nintendo HQ
Notes: The person that plays falls into a trance and ignores everything around him/her and plays until the batteries die.

Item Description: A male blue shark (Prionace glauca) that swims through the air like it would through water.
Date of Recovery: 11-16-2013
Location of Recovery: Miami, Florida
Current Status: On-Site terrarium at Site-B14
Notes: Will eat anything a normal shark would, but seems to prefer dog food. -Dr. Uhlman

Item Description: One (1) Foundation-issue clipboard. Any quantity written alphabetically on writing media attached to clipboard is automatically converted to numeric units, and vice versa. Converted quantities immediately manifest in brackets after original quantity, in teletype font. This effect extends to any written or digitally typed text describing the object or the contents of affected media.
Date of Recovery: 09(nine)-10(ten)-2015(two-thousand and fifteen)
Location of Recovery: Site-36 (thirty-six), in possession of Junior Researcher K. Warren
Current Status: Confiscated. Currently stored in Senior Researcher Y. Hamit's office.
Notes: I told you I wasn't doing it on purpose, Dr. Hamit; but did you seriously have to confiscate it? I've been using that thing for two (2) years! - Junior Researcher K. Warren

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