Log Of Anomalous Items, Vol II
rating: +169+x

Foreword: The SCP Foundation has discovered a substantial number of items which are simply too useless to merit further attention. This document lists those items which have prompted some curiosity. It may be used as a resource should knowledge of these items become useful or necessary in the future.
– Dr. █████ █████, Head of Research, Site ██

This is the second volume of the log. Access to the first volume of the log can be found here.

Note: Please add new entries to the bottom of the list, not the middle or the top.

Item Description: A long-egg reversal machine, resembling a table-top sausage grinder. When a long egg is introduced in the hopper at the top of the device and the crank is turned, the long egg is consumed and a series of normal raw chicken eggs, complete with shell, emerge from the lower chute.
Date of Recovery: 10-9-2017
Location of Recovery: Royal Wootton Bassett, Wiltshire, England
Current Status: In the Site-17 culinary experimentation kitchens.

Item Description: A statue of a mouse that when unobserved will generate scratching sounds similar to an actual mouse scratching against something. N/A
Date of Recovery: 12-04-1987
Location of Recovery: █████, Uganda.
Current Status: Moved to low-security non-anomalous storage. The agent that recovered it was confirmed to be hallucinating its effects from exposure to SCP-████. SCP-████'s containment procedures have been updated to prevent similar incidents in the future.

Item Description: A 0.152 meter marble statue depicting a human male spanking a common chimpanzee (Pan troglodytes). When directly viewed, subjects develop an unusually high sense of disgust towards it. Prolonged exposure to the item leads to a minor increase in hormone production which briefly stimulates a subject's libido for approximately 20 seconds.
Date of Recovery: 09-12-██
Location of Recovery: New York City, Manhattan at an underground anart exhibit.
Current Status: In containment.

Item Description: A red composition notebook that is filled out with notes on a variety of mathematical concepts. Directly viewing the contents of the notebook causes the viewer to experience a headache and hear a voice that is requesting help.
Date of Recovery: 03-13-1976
Location of Recovery: ███████ High School, █████
Current Status: In storage at Site-13.

Item Description: A cup of hot chocolate which, while the holder is watching a copy of The Polar Express (2004), does not decrease in temperature and will automatically refill. The cup has no anomalous properties if the holder is not watching a copy of The Polar Express.
Date of Recovery: 10-30-2004
Location of Recovery: Warner Bros. headquarters.
Current Status: In Researcher Snippet's laboratory.

Item Description: A 1.016m*1.778m (40in*70in) plaque reading "Department of Abnormalities" in English. Unknown composition, visually similar to polished granite.
Date of Recovery: N/A, discovered 1-21-19██
Location of Recovery: Photosphere of the Sun.
Current Status: In original location.

Item Description: A pair of ███ █████ brand drumsticks, made of hickory and approximately 0.5 meters in length. When the electronic rock song “Radioactive” is played within a twenty (20) meter radius, the drumsticks become highly radioactive.
Date of Recovery: 06-29-2018
Location of Recovery: Saratoga Springs, New York, at an Imagine Dragons concert.
Current Status: In hazardous material storage.

Item Description: A common raven (Corvus corax) when viewed for prolonged periods causes subjects to temporarily perceive text as passages from the poem "The Raven" by American writer Edgar Allan Poe. The effect roughly lasts between 15 minutes to 1 hour.
Date of Recovery: 05-23-2016
Location of Recovery: Boston, Massachusetts
Current Status: In Site-66's aviary.

Item Description: A VHS tape with an adhesive sticker that reads "OH FIVE FOOLS" written in black marker containing an hour and twenty minutes of footage. The contents of the tape depict former and current members of the O5 Council tied, and being tortured by robed figures wearing masks demanding to know "Where is our god?" before fading into static. The tape ends with a final still of the disemboweled corpses of the Council members and the message "Soon." Members of the Council report no unusual activity.
Date of Recovery: 12-7-1981
Location of Recovery: At Site-01
Current Status: In the possession of Mobile Task Force Alpha-1 ("Red Right Hand") to aid in an investigation ordered by the O5 Council.

Item Description: A 152mm Soviet howitzer round in mint condition. Round fires normally, however when ejected and left to itself after five minutes appears to be brand new with a new projectile and powder. Currently has the affects of a normal 152mm round when making contact after being fired.
Date of Recovery: 4-16-2004
Location of Recovery: Illuka, Estonia
Current Status: Awaiting approval by O5-█ for use in battery training for security teams at Site-██. In low-containment storage at Site-██.

Item Description: The corpse of a 57 year old man named Pedro █████. Subject spontaneously grew large amounts of teeth within the frontal lobe of their brain with some protruding from their head. The teeth resembled that of a shark (Selachi). The cause is unknown and the incident was caught on CCTV footage inside a gas station.
Date of Recovery: 4-18-2007
Location of Recovery: █████, Puerto Rico
Current Status: In cryogenic storage.

Item Description: A number of regulation basketballs, the interiors of which contain a compressed network of nervous tissue and undifferentiated stem cells. DNA analysis reveals the tissue in each ball is genetically identical to a current member of the Harlem Globetrotters. Items are otherwise non-anomalous, save for a lack of expected decay of biological material.
Date of Recovery: 07-04-1974
Location of Recovery: A disused warehouse in Atlanta, Georgia
Current Status: In Site-54's non-anomalous item storage.

Item Description: Simple quill pen that renders its owner invulnerable to any sort of cutting, piercing, slicing, stabbing, chopping, slitting, incision or any other form of sharp force damage. Owner is regularly affected by blunt force damage.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████████, Avon, England
Current Status: Contained in standard storage locker
Notes: Object was found on the body of ███████ ███████████, who was bludgeoned to death. A note reading "not so mightier now, eh?" was found at the scene

Item Description: A 12 cm teddy bear that when in the presence of music and at parties will start to animate. It will dance continuously until the music ceases.
Date of Recovery: 08-16-2015
Location of Recovery: At a rave in the country side of Rhode Island dancing on the stage with the DJ.
Current Status: In containment.

Item Description: A .5M by 2M mirror collection of mirror fragments of random shape that will inflict harm done to itself onto the individual who has tried to inflict the damage in the corresponding area. This effect only manifests when the person is in direct contact with the object used to harm it.
Date of Recovery: 1-7-2014
Location of discovery: Site-19 North Wing sublevel 1 Male restroom
Current Status: Destroyed during testing with firearms on █/█/██. Testing with fragments shows the same properties.
Note: Subject AI-12██ did not expire despite shooting his reflection in the forehead. Changes in knowledge have been added to the item's file.

Item Description: A Logitech brand computer mouse that has the anomalous property of turning itself off at the most inconvenient fucking times.
Date of Recovery: 7-7-2018
Location of discovery: Dr. ████'s desk.
Current Status: Stored in Dr. ████'s trashcan.
Note: ████, if you need a new mouse, tell somebody. Writing stupid entries on the LOAI doesn't get you anywhere. - Researcher █████

Item Description: A set of 12 cm wide pink earmuffs. When worn by any member of the Oryctolagus cuniculus (domestic rabbit) species, said rabbit will collapse into an infinitely small point and dissipate.
Date of Recovery: 2-14-2016
Location of Recovery: Junior Researcher █████'s apartment in Inglewood, CA
Current Status: Stored at Site-██
Note: Someone's gotta discover these things I guess… - Junior Researcher █████

Item Description: A popsicle, orange in coloration. The item has been cited to taste like a non-descript citrus fruit. When the item in question is exposed to heat past its melting point, the popsicle's surroundings will begin to liquify regardless of composition. The radius of which objects are melted around the popsicle increases over time, and the speed of which this occurs depends on the intensity of the heat. Item is not melted by heat, regardless of intensity.
Date of Recovery: 9-20-2018
Location of Recovery: A small house in █████, Florida, USA.
Current Status: Stored at Site-485 within a cryogenic freezer.

Item Description: A piece of paper. When written, every alphabet turns like rot13.
Date of Recovery: █-█-20██
Location of Recovery: A cafe in Kichijoji that seemed to collaborate with "end of century comic"
Current Status: In storage.
Notes: Except this. "I would like to fish the foundation with this paper … Is it okay? - Rot" - Ace

Item Description: Taxidermy crow on a wooden pedestal. Item gives people an urge to collect avian themed objects.
Date Of Recovery: 02-1-12
Location Of Recovery: █████████████████
Current Status: Put inside storage locker ███████
Notes: Ok, I think we just found another anomalous property of this strange item. It seems that if you write about it, it links you to many avian anomalies we have in our database. I have no clue why, we will be doing more testing on this soon. - Dr. ithurtsineedrelease

Item Description: A police-issued riot shield that screams loudly when hit, struck, or otherwise damaged.
Date of Recovery: 12-6-2008
Location of discovery: Street corner in central Athens, Greece. Object was found abandoned by police after brief contact with rioters.
Current Status: Stored in a sound-proofed containment locker at Site ██.
Note: I'm blaming researcher Heather ████ for putting a hole in it during testing. Now the damn thing just won't shut up.

Item Description: A 30 cm long, 15 cm wide, leather-bound book that has "lexicon" written on the cover in the language the subject holding it desires to learn the most. Once a subject reads the entire book they will become completely fluent in the language they desired to learn.
Date of Recovery: 19-12-2004
Location of Discovery: In a Serpent's Hand library located in Greece.
Current Status: In Site-907s ALL (Anomalous Literature Library) block. It is readily available to any personnel requesting research of sentient SCP objects speaking a language unfamiliar to them.

Item Description: A collection of 216 fountain pens. Each pen, when used to write, will deploy the user's blood in the place of ink.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Grave, The Netherlands
Current Status: Each pen has been clearly labelled, and is currently in use by the Foundation's Demonology Division.

Item Description: A folded love letter addressed to a unknown female name S█████. The top of the letter has a drawing of a depressed cartoon character greeting and it is stained with tears. Making contact with it causes a subject to begin shedding a tear. Subjects then describe a deep feeling of regret or a feeling of pity for the writer of the letter.
Date of Recovery: 8-11-2015
Location of Recovery: Los Angeles, California
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A 5kg plastic tub of ice cream labeled "Rocky Road". Bag maintains a constant internal temperature of 97 degrees Celsius, maintaining this in environments of any temperature. Ice cream removed from the bag does not show any anomalous qualities, and will quickly melt.
Date of Recovery: 4-7-1986
Location of Recovery: Pocatello, Idaho
Current Status: In storage, with caution label warning of high temperature.

Item Description: A golden German Cross, a military decoration from Nazi Germany, that will occasionally teleport itself onto any nearby individual. It will then alter their clothing to Nazi attire until removed. On every 20th of April, individuals will have a hair style and mustache resembling Adolf Hitler when it spawns.
Date of Recovery: 5-20-1999
Location of Recovery: ██████, Argentina among a cache of Nazi memorabilia.
Current Status: In containment.
Note: Can we just get rid of this thing? This is the third time it changed my clothing without me noticing and I was going to a meeting. I want to avoid a misunderstanding around here and others can agree with me. - Dr. Hadian

Item Description: A generic cafeteria mug. Whenever anyone attempts to drink from or to damage it the item teleports away to a secure location, leaving behind whatever it was filled with. The secondary property of the item makes it uncontainable, as it places itself in insuspicious locations, such as the cafeteria's cupboard, when left untouched for a prolonged period of time.
Date of Recovery: 10-15-2017
Location of Recovery: Staff break room of Site-54. Anomalous properties became appearent when its finder, Junior Researcher Summers, tried to drink coffee out of it.
Current Status: Uncontained, seemingly bound to Site-54.
Note: Just because there's the tiny chance of ending up using this darn thing, it doesn't mean that you should test the durability of every single damn mug you come across! - Frank Gardner, Resource Management

Item Description: A 50 centimeter empty space that is capable of being manipulated. Conceptually, anything within the space is considered within the borders of a non-existent country called "The Republic of Theoi Trary." Currently, Theoi Trary has one citizen, and it is a 3 month old baby named █████████ ████████████ of Pakistani descent.
Date of Recovery: 7-9-2014
Location of Recovery: Médecins Sans Frontières Medical Center, Pakistan.
Current Status: Within a low-security containment chamber in Site-551.

Item Description: A toilet with cognitohazardous properties. Individuals will uniformly be reluctant to flush the toilet, as exposed individuals have a significant suspicion that a malevolent entity of some kind might use the sound of the flush to conceal the sound of its own approach before attacking. This effect is weak enough that most individuals will dismiss it as irrational and flush the toilet. No evidence supporting the existence of any malevolent entities connected to the toilet has been found. In light of a recent experiment, the Foundation's understanding of this object is being re-evaluated.
Date of Recovery: 04-11-2017
Location of Recovery: Greenbelt, Maryland, United States.
Current Status: In storage at Anomalous Item Repository 3.

Item Description: A Renault FT light tank that when driven would automatically aim for targets and fire an infinite number of large paintballs.
Date of Recovery: 9-11-2008
Location of Recovery: ██████ Paintball and Airsoft Center, Kansas City, Missouri
Current Status: Within the Anomalous Vehicle Hangar of Area-78.
Note: The item was found with the following message which was written on a Post-it note in red pen. -Dr. Hadian

Damn cheating, Daniel.

Item Description: 37 boxes of Honey Nut Cheerios that when poured into milk turns into live honey bees (Apis).
Date of Recovery: 10-15-2008
Location of Recovery: Fresno, California
Current Status: In storage

Item Description: A Sony-brand CFD-S70 Boombox with a CD copy of "Like a G6" by the group Far East Movement anonymously stuck within its compartment. When the CD is played, gravity within ten meters of the radio instantaneously increases by six magnitudes until the song concludes. The boombox remains unaffected during this occurrence.
Date of Recovery: 6-8-2011
Location of Recovery: A demolished radio equipment store located in Los Angeles, California.
Current Status: Contained in Site-18's Low-Threat Anomalous Item Storage Vault.

Item Description: A standard Spalding-brand basketball. Any human in contact with the object is capable of consistently "dunking" it into basketball hoops up to 3.05 meters off the ground, regardless of overall physical capability.
Date of Recovery: 12-21-2012
Location of Recovery: Nursing home in Dubuque, Iowa.
Current Status: Site-21 recreation area.

Item Description: A small ornament box containing aluminum figurines depicting several animals including a chicken, cow, and pig. At random intervals, the animal figurines will emanate a sound corresponding to its species. The source of the sound is unknown.
Date of Recovery: 5-17-2010
Location of Recovery: Antiques shop in Scottsdale, Arizona.
Current Status: Stored within Site-64's C Wing.

Item Description: A plastic ruler appearing 18 inches long. When used to measure any object, the user will immediately believe that they know the exact length of the object, down to the micron level. Testing has shown the object's effects to manifest even when used by the blind. Subsequent measurement of objects measured shows no correlation between the actual length of the object and the length claimed by the user.
Date of Recovery: 8-29-2014
Location of Recovery: ████ ███████ State University
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: An apple tree that experiences the four seasons in reverse. The leaves are all green and the fruit is ripe in the winter, the leaves and fruit shrink and disappear in the spring, the tree is bare in the summer, and leaves rise up from the ground and turn green in the fall. Apples also rise up in the fall and become ripe, and they become non-ripe in the spring.
Date of Recovery: 2/1/2018.
Location of Recovery: █████ ███████ █████, an orchard in ████████, ██.
Current Status: Remains in ████████, ██. Seeds have been extracted and are currently growing at Site-19. Anomaly covered up as something done by the employees at █████ ███████ █████.

Item Description: A heavily burned corpse of a nearly hairless primate with a highly developed brain and nervous system. No RHIt marker of any encryption or RAND-tech label was found within the creature's DNA suggesting that it was either owned by and if sapient living as a Sticker Man and/or a pilot. The skull is fractures in a way not consistent with energy or siphon weaponry and thus any further research was halted.
Date of Recovery: 33 by 17 A/H (null cycle)
Location of Recovery: An above-ground heated mineral disposal device in sector-████/██ of New India.
Current Status: Determined to contain illegal implications and thud was transported to the ███████'s on-site incinerator. All in-depth and detailed records were secured in L-KON-4 level harmful media storage.

Item Description: A printed copy of SCP-682's containment procedures that when picked up produces a loud roar.
Date of Recovery: 6/17/2012
Location of Recovery: At Site-19.
Current Status: The item had been torn in half by Researcher Thompson by accident. No further anomalous activity has been produced and has been disposed of.

Item description: A standard rectangular library card, 5CM in length and 2CM in height. Its anomalous properties manifest when the card is out of date and someone tries to check a book out after its expiration date, in which it will automatically renew.
Date of recovery: 3/4/2020
Location of recovery: ████████ county public library
Current status: In low value containment locker at Site-██

Item Description: An external hard drive that, when plugged into any computer other than an Lenovo ThinkPad, contains only a collection of random photos of cats, and it is impossible to add files to the drive, or move, rename, copy, edit, or delete the photos. The pictures are different every time the hard drive is unplugged and plugged back in. When used with a ThinkPad, it works like a normal external hard drive and shows no anomalous properties.
Date of Recovery: 02/06/2005.
Location of Recovery: A house in San Diego, California.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A preserved rat carcass (Rattus norvegicus), wrapped in black adhesive tape and pierced by several dozen cocktail sticks. When held, grants the holder complete and perfect knowledge of the circumstances surrounding the recent death of one Arthur Long.
Date of Recovery: 13/04/1956.
Location of Recovery: The residence of Maria Carney, fiancee of Mr. Long, also recently deceased.
Current Status: Missing.

Item Description: A wooden barrel that, when opened, manifests a capuchin monkey (Cebinae) in a clown outfit.
Date of Recovery: 09/12/2006
Location of Recovery: ██████, Missouri
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A large NASA t-shirt. The stars depicted on the shirt emit very small amounts of solar radiation and light via an anomalous manner.
Date of Recovery: 14/2/2012.
Location of Recovery: ████████, Virginia
Current Status: Researcher Caroll's office.

Item Description: A hand grenade suspended in temporal stasis, in the process of exploding at a rate of approximately 5m/year. Anomaly is movable through manipulation of the shrapnel; manipulating one piece causes the entire item to move.
Date of Recovery: 26/3/1945
Location of Recovery: Japan
Current Status: In a containment room for ballistic anomalies.
Notes: Anomaly is expected to finish exploding some time in the early 2200s.

Item Description: The word "██████", a verb which has resisted all attempts at being conjugated or otherwise modified.
Date of Recovery: 3/9/2018
Location of Recovery: A thesis paper written by a student attending ████ State University, arguing the existence of a verb in the English language that is incapable of being modified.
Current Status: As the word is constructed, knowledge of it is minimal. The original paper is in storage.

Item Description: a blue ballpoint pen, when dropped from 0.5m or above will teleport to a random area within 50m of its original placement.
Date of Recovery: 11/07/2011
Location of Recovery: ███████████ Perth WA
Current Status: Missing. Last seen on Researcher Stroud's desk.

Item Description: A block of very mature cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese with a circumference of 188.5 cm. When referred to in person, the speaker will not be able to stop saying the middle syllable of "cheese" and will say "cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…" for an infinite amount of time until hit with some form of head trauma. The anomaly will also affect text documents, where referring to the anomalous cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese causes the middle syllable to repeat for a random amount of times.
Date of Recovery: 16/07/2018
Location Of Recovery: Cheddar Gorge Caves, England
Current Status: In storage at Site-111.
Note: A hammer is available near the container of the anomaly if you accidentally say that it is an anomalous cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese. -Junior Researcher Daniel

Item Description: A drinking glass that, when held, will have any fluid within to be transmuted into urine. A urinalysis test of the urine collected from the glass revealed that the urine within will always match that of the current wielder of the anomaly.
Date of Recovery: 23/12/2018
Location Of Recovery: Site-04's cafeteria.
Current Status: Destroyed by Agent Lang after mistaking the liquid within for lemonade.
Note: Fucking disgusting. - Vanessa Lang, Senior Field Agent

Item Description: A round brilliant cut gem 3 millimeter thick and 5 millimeter in diameter. Composed of perfectly transparent material with no spectral absorption lines. Hardness and strength identical to normal borosilicate glass.
Date of Recovery: 10/10/2008
Location Of Recovery: Attached to Site-45 Director's marriage ring. The ring itself, as well as its pair, has been determined to be completely non-anomalous.
Current Status: In Site-45 low-value storage locker. Replacement glass gem has been attached to the ring.

Item Description: A 39.37in x  39.37in x 11.81in box that can only be measured with Imperial units.
Date of Recovery: 1/30/2018
Location Of Recovery: An elementary school in Boulder, Colorado, USA.
Current Status: Stored at Site-19, any further measurements are to be carried out by persons without a scientific background.

Item Description: A statue of something that cannot be seen with the naked eye, appears to be a black and white dragon statue when photographed in color, but a statue of a yak eating cheese in color when photographed in black and white.
Date of recovery: 18/7/2018
Location of recovery: a club house at ██████, Missouri
Current Status: in a standard containment locker at site-17 unknown.

Item Description: A document describing "spontaneous pattern annihilation," a phenomenon that has not been observed in reality.
Date of Recovery: 2018-06-01
Location of Recovery: Site-02 ████████████ Department.
Current Status: Destroyed.

Item Description: A pair of sunglasses, partially broken due to digestion. Despite its shape and size suggesting it to be a major choking hazard, the item can be easily and consistently swallowed whole by human beings, causing no damage to bodily functions in the process.
Date of Recovery: 2015-07-25
Location of Recovery: Mercy Hospital, Miami
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: An plastic flower-shaped birthday candle with a wax candle on each petal. When all candles are lit, the flower will spin and play the birthday song, and a cake will manifest outside the nearest individual’s line of sight. The flower will spin and play the song until the cake is eaten completely. Manifested cake is always a certain type according to the preference of the individual closest to it when the candles are lit.
Date of Recovery: 10/05/2017
Location of Recovery: Nursing home in Des Moines, Iowa.
Current Status: In storage at Site-17. Used at personnel birthday parties.

Item Description: An unmarked plastic trophy painted gold. Any person observing the trophy will immediately experience a feeling of pride or a feeling of having achieved something unbelievable despite not achieving anything of note at that time.
Date of Recovery: 16/09/2011
Location of Recovery: A landfill in ██████, England.
Current Status: On a shelf in the break room of Site-19.

Item Description: A 40 by 35cm marker board that when written or drawn on, the lines are reconfigured and will take the form of the last image uploaded to ██████████. regardless of the amount of detail, the lines are divided, change their contrast, join, etc., but will always end in shades of black and white, even if colored marker is used.
Date of Recovery: 13/05/2016
Location of Recovery: lima, Perú
Current Status: on a storage of site-17

Item Description: A cassette tape labelled 'Sex Fist; Rise of the Righteous Dead, 1992.' Cassette contains 11 low-quality musical pieces of the Doom Metal genre. No band or record of the name written have been found to exist, and the vocalist has not been identified. Upon listening to the tape, at the 33-second mark, the subjects will begin 'head-banging,' a style of rhythmic dancing involving violently shaking one's head in time to the music. This effect will persist for 38 minutes and 18 seconds, the remaining duration of the cassette, even if the music is stopped or removed from earshot.
Date of Recovery: 6/18/2018
Location of Recovery: Public library; a teenage male had received a concussion by 'head-banging' too closely to a wall when effected by the anomaly. Said individual recalled buying the cassette at a local record store. Investigation revealed no further irregularities.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A twelve-centimeter brass statue of a turtle. When touched, the object will inflict a number of consistent hallucinations, of several hundred baby turtles, several dozen seagulls and snakes which are attempting to eat said baby turtles, and a waterline. If an individual attempts to shelter the turtles from the predators and help them into the hallucinatory water, a task which inevitably results in several (hallucinatory) injuries from being pecked and bitten, then when the hallucinations cease, several gallons of sea-water will ectoentropically manifest and drench them. If, instead, the subject attempts to hinder, injure, or collect the turtles, the hallucinations will immediately cease, and a bowl of fresh, hot turtle soup will manifest.
Date of Recovery: 3/6/2018
Location of Recovery: A seagull nest on [REDACTED] Beach, Mexico
Current Status: Site-71 Break Room. Can be used to generate lunch.

Item Description: A snow-globe that, when shook, causes extreme vestibular dysfunction and vertigo. This effect seems to be a unique vestibular cognitohazard; subjects have likened it to 'being bounced around like a pin-ball' and 'being on a trampoline in an earthquake.'
Date of Recovery: 9/21/2017
Location of Recovery: Abdominal cavity of an individual who was receiving surgery to remove necrotic bowel after a blockage. Patient was interviewed, no irregularities found.
Current Status: In storage. Occasionally used as a prop in Alternate Cognitohazard Lecture 108, or for Extreme Environment Training for Mobile Task Force personnel.

Item Description: A spherical, pink-painted ceramic pig, seven centimeters in diameter, which carries a mild memetic effect. Upon making visual contact with the object, a subject will begin speaking in 'pig Latin.' The duration of this effect is dependent on the individuals natural resistance to memetic effects, with the average being two days. Extensive verbal contact with the subject in this time, or consciously deciding to communicate with the subject in pig Latin in conversation for any reason, can cause the meme to spread; however, secondary infections are much weaker, and rarely last more than two hours. Both primary and secondary infections can be cured with a dose of Class-A Amnestics.
Date of Recovery: 4/17/2018
Location of Recovery: Pottery class in the small town of Madoc, Ontario, Canada. The entire class was infected with the meme; amnestics were distributed. The creator of the pig, a 55-year old recently-divorced woman, was interviewed and her background checked; no irregularities were found.
Current Status: In low-risk memetics isolation.

Item Description: A worn dish-cloth with an effective mass of 0 grams, which is un-effected by gravitation. The composition of the cloth has been analyzed, and found to be non-anomalous fabric. The cloth can otherwise be manipulated as typical, despite acting as if it were in a microgravity environment.
Date of Recovery: 3/08/2018
Location of Recovery: SpaceX Falcon 9 Booster, post-landing. No such object was included in the flight's manifest.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A pewter cigarette case with plastic coating decorated Native American-inspired designs. Case always contains three Players Original king-size cigarettes, half of a Colt-brand black-cherry cigarillo (apparently half-smoked), and a hand-rolled marijuana cigarette. These items can personneld and consumed as normal, but t he case will continue to have the same number and type of smokeables within. It's unknown if this is a replicative effect paired with an obscuring cognitohazardous effect, or some sort of macro-scale superposition. Research is ongoing.
Date of Recovery: 7/07/2018
Location of Recovery: Jacket pocket of POI-21881, a petty thief operating in Montreal who used small-scale anomalous methods, mostly artifacts acquired via barter, to commit robberies. POI-21881 claimed in interrogation to have had the case 'as long as he could remember.' Subject remains in Foundation custody.
Current Status: In storage.
Note: Not to be used for recreational purposes. Yes, Marty, this means you. I don't care if you forgot your smokes, today; you're just going to have to have an itchy day. We don't smoke anomalies. -Dr. C. Richardson
The cigs were stale, anyway. -Researcher M. Inselmann
The jay's pretty good, though. -Anonymous

Item Description: Several pages of documentation regarding a temporal anomaly. Said document is mundane and Foundation-standard, except for as follows: all writing is mirrored; the object class of the anomaly is 'Innocuous,' which is not a presently-used classification, and seems to take the place of the Anomalous Object designation; the date on the documentation is 5/13/2022, which is presently still in the future; and the object emits high levels of tachyon radiation. The anomaly described by the documentation is the documentation itself; apparently, at some point in the near-future, said document will be recovered by the Foundation, and therefor be retroactively contained, as the object is moving through time in the opposite direction with regards to the rest of the universe. Proposals to modify the documentation to indicate a need to our predecessors to destroy it before it ages earlier than the point where the Foundation exists and therefor becomes uncontained have been denied on the basis that this may cause a temporal paradox, given that no record of the object's destruction or any alterations to the documentation exist; a proposal to create a new object class, Innocuous, in order to prevent a temporal paradox, is pending. The recovery section of the documentation is missing; research into how said document could have been created or recovered is ongoing.
Date of Recovery: 5/13/2022
Location of Recovery: Unknown.
Current Status: In Storage

Item Description: A severed mummified human foot that causes visual hallucinations at random times when observing it. Individuals will see an emaciated humanoid entity that has a large mouth for a face with multiple tongues licking the foot. Affected subjects report feeling uncomfortable or unease, and that the entity is staring at them despite it reportedly lacking eyes. The effect lasts until the subject turns away or after roughly a minute when observing it.
Date of Recovery: 5/12/1998
Location of Recovery: ██████, Peru
Current Status: In containment.

Item Description: An old Canon EOS 80D DSLR camera in which when a picture is taken the outcome is the opposite of the original or the closest to opposite that the original can get. The camera inversion focuses on most details so it does get quite complex when trying to experiment with it. People who have had their picture taken complain of no abnormal side effects. Some subjects do complain of mild dizziness but cases of this are quite rare.
Date of Recovery: 8/4/2014
Location of Recovery: Shrewsbury, UK
Current Status: In storage

Item Description: A nail used in the left hand of Researcher Christ during execution by █████ alliance against the ██████ for ███████ ████ ██ ████ that when used to puncture a human hand will cause no bleeding. The wound retains all other negative health effects.
Date of Recovery: [REDACTED]
Location of Recovery: ██████ mid-transport to ████████████ tomb.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A copy of the book █ ███████ ██ ████ that doesn’t appear on any reflective surface. If a page of this book is taken out, it does not obtain this anomalous behavior.
Date of Recovery: █/██/2015
Location of Recovery: █████, Pennsylvania.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: An orange, ███████-brand Phillips-head screwdriver that, when inserted into a screw, will always screw it outwards, regardless of the direction of twisting.
Date of Recovery: 8/6/2016
Location of Recovery: ███████, New Jersey
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A black Sharpie pen that, when used to write, instead hovers toward the nearest wall and draws upon it horizontal marks representing the heights of all humans within a ten-meter radius. Testing has proved that the marks are accurate within nanometers of error.
Date of Recovery: 8/9/2016
Location of Recovery: ███████, Oregon
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: Episode 20, "Adjusting for Inflation", of the "Henry Kissinger is Pokemon Going To Die" podcast. When a subject sneezes in the vicinity of an active recording of the episode, the hosts in the episode will be momentarily distracted from the recorded events, and will offer "Gesundheit"s or "Bless you"s until the sneezing stops, after which hosts will resume pre-recorded activity.
Date of Recovery: 2018-05-05
Location of Recovery: N/A, original distribution online.
Current Status: One recording in Foundation archives; all others deleted. H.K.I.P.G.T.D. and its hosts should be monitored for future anomalous activity.

Item Description: A common wasp (Vespula vulgaris) that is unable to be killed by conventional means, including but not limited to, blunt force, gasoline fire, anti-pest sprays, strong acid (H₂SO₄), strong base (Bleach), point-blank range shot from a .45 caliber handgun, and Consumption via frog.
Date of Recovery: 2018-7-30
Location of Recovery: Cassis, France.
Current Status: Unknown, assumed to be in vents of Site 19.
Note: Who's the rat bastard who let that thing out? I've been stung at least five times by "Osama Bin Waspen" and now every tiny noise that happens makes me clench like Dr. ██████ on New Year's Eve. -Dr. S Petrov

Item Description: A species of common oak tree that uses human blood instead of sap.
Date of Recovery: 12-12-2012
Location of Discovery: Anapolis, Maryland
Current Status: Destroyed after an automobile crashed into it.

Item Description: A highly damaged but still functional LCD television and non-functional remote that does not display any animal or fungal entities. In the location of where the humans would logically be there are humanoid masses of charred wire standing and looking upward. Humans who have touched the remote belonging to the item are instead replaced with humanoid figures of non-damaged wire wearing tattered yet clean yellow jumpsuits bearing an unknown logo with a blue square around the letter "G" written in green. Said humanoids are looking at the location where non-human animals would be and in the absence of animals looking slightly above the camera.
Date of Recovery: 3-4-20██, A class 3-KSSN "out of sync"-type year no longer located within the baseline timeline.
Location of Recovery: ███████ woods, Mexico.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A mature specimen of Eagle fern (Pteridium aquilinum) that, when supplied with sufficient oxygen levels, undergoes a process inverse to that of photosynthesis, absorbing oxygen and glucose through unknown means and producing vast quantities of carbon dioxide, water vapor, and ultraviolet-B light waves. The item is otherwise identical to an Eagle fern on a genetic and cellular level.
Date of Recovery: 07/02/2000
Location of Discovery: ████████ section of Appalachian Mountains, United States, North America.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A recipe for meatloaf which will always result in a meat-free dish, regardless of ingredients used. To date, this has included tofu, salads, and egg-free pastries.
Date of Recovery: 2/15/2007
Location of Discovery: ██████ Family Cookbook in Holmes County, Ohio
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: An unmarked 5 cm black wooden cube that vibrates at a frequency of 531 hz.
Date of Recovery: 1-3-2013
Location of Discovery: Detroit, Michigan
Current Status: Stopped vibrating after dropped by Dr. ██████. Item was cut open and found to be completely solid. Item incinerated.

Item Description: A wooden coffee table capable of instantaneously manifesting a caffeinated beverage inside any empty mug resting upon it.
Date of Recovery: 9/29/2017
Location of Discovery: Bogotá, Colombia inside of a local home brewed coffee house.
Current Status: Inside the Site-17 Cafeteria.
Note: Honestly, this thing is great. Most of the staff rely on coffee to stay awake here, and beans certainly aren't cheap. Now, we can have all you can drink coffee whenever. Or the occasional tea, that's the only drawback of this. -Dr. Alex Carter

Item Description: A photosynthetic Red-footed tortoise (Chelonoidis carbonarius).
Date of Recovery: 7/13/2017
Location of Discovery: Newark, New Jersey
Current Status: In animal containment.

Item Description: A Golden-mantled ground squirrel genetically identical to an artichoke.
Date of Recovery: 12/12/2012
Location of Discovery: Billings, Montana
Current Status: In animal containment.

Item Description: Fifteen flags, each representing one of the fifteen counties of Liberia. Any individual who views one of the flags experiences a mild headache for several minutes afterwards.
Date of Recovery: 3/4/2016
Location of Recovery: Pocatello, Idaho
Current Status: In low-security cognitohazard storage.

Item Description: A piece of coinage (originally a US Quarter) which, when flipped, will transform into a different form of coinage. This has included Canadian dollars, British pounds, Euros, tokens used in ████ █. ██████ arcades circa 1992, and doubloons.
Date of Recovery: 9/2/2016
Location of Recovery: United States Mint, Denver, Colorado
Current Status: Rendered impossible to flip upon transformation into a Rai Stone, a form of large, stone-based currency found on the island of Yap. Forms of mechanical flipping are being explored.

Item Description: A note, folded into a paper airplane, with the phrase "How to exercise while sitting still" on both sides. One side has "See front" on it, and the other side has "See back" on it. Anyone who unfolds and reads the note will be compelled to flip the paper back and forth endlessly, until the paper is forcibly removed from their hands.
Date of Recovery: █/██/20██.
Location of Recovery: ███████, ██, USA.
Current Status: Unfolded and crumpled up. Crumpled-up paper displayed no anomalous properties and was incinerated.

Item Description: A 5 ft white phone charger that connects to any android device, despite appearing to fit an iPhone. The charger functions as normal, and delivers a standard 5 watts of power to connected device when affixed to a power source.
Date of Recovery: 11/4/2015
Location of Recovery: Berlin, Germany
Current Status: In Dr. Schmidt's office, charging his phone.

Item Description: A painted portrait 50cm tall and 35 cm wide depicting a the face of a Sumatran tiger roaring. Any user to look at the portrait will immediately go into extreme distress and fear until the user looks away from the portrait.
Date Of Recovery: 04/05/2007
Location of Recovery: ███████ Art Show, Paris.
Current Status: Low Security Cognitohazard Storage.
Notes: I want this thing destroyed ASAP. This thing made me spill my coffee all over my good shirt and gave me 2nd degree burns. -Junior Researcher Stroud.

Item Description: A copy of the game Jenga. Removing any block from the tower will cause it to collapse in the direction of its box, regardless of the block removed.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: Buffalo, New York.
Current Status: In storage. Occasionally brought out by Dr. Bright for pranking other staff. Left in storage.
Notes: Make sure Bright doesn't get his hands on this thing again. -Site Director

Item Description: A digital folder holding exactly 3000 copies of a single JPG of a cartoon skeleton. The folder cannot be copied, deleted, or edited in any way. It can, however, be moved onto a hard drive. Looking at the folder causes large amounts of stress and fear for the user.
Date of Recovery: 9/13/2017
Location of Recovery: Public computer at the ████ Library in █████, Maine.
Current Status: Hard drive in Dr. ██████’s office.

Item description: A beach ball. When it is being deflated, an audible “noooo…” can be heard.
Date of recovery: 29/7/18
Location of recovery: ███████ ████, Oahu, HI
Current Status: Low-value anomalous item storage, Site 254.
Note: Just saying, the concept is hilarious. - Dr. Anton

Item Description A chair which will appear to be half a meter in front of where it actually is whenever someone tried to sit down.
Date of Recovery: 9/12/13
Location of Recovery: Wal-Mart Shopping Centre in the Housing Department, Savannah, Georgia, USA
Current Status: Low-Value Anomalous Storage, Site 17. Occasionally brought out for pranks on new researchers.
Note: Hazing new researchers is now punishable by one full day of Keter Duty. -Dr.██████

Item Description: A sombrero that, when worn, causes the wearer to be able to speak fluent Spanish, regardless of what language(s) they were able to speak before. The effect goes away when the sombrero is removed from the wearer's head.
Date of Recovery: 5/5/2018.
Location of Recovery: Mexico City, Mexico.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A whoopee cushion that has a different fart sound every time it is deflated.
Date of Recovery: 4/1/2018.
Location of Recovery: Chicago, IL, USA.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: An air conditioner that can reach sub-zero temperatures
Date of Recovery: 8/15/19
Location of Recovery: █████ ████████ ██ Cerritos, CA
Current Status: In Storage

Item Description: A variation of the Rubus strigosus (American raspberry) with a dark navy blue coloration. When consumed, a chemical reaction occurs in the epidermis causing the subject to gain a blue coloration.
Date of Recovery: 7/13/16
Location of Recovery: ████████, OH
Current Status: In Storage

Item Description: A standard "Share a Coke" Coke bottle. When picked up, the bottle will fill up with Coke if it is not already filled up and the name on the label will change to the best friend of the person who picked it up or a random person close to them.
Date of Recovery: 8/29/2018.
Location of Recovery: ████████████, PA, USA
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: Three (3) separate chocolate bars developed by ███████. The entity is capable of customizing its flavour to its consumers desire by telepathy. It has been noted to adjust ingredients.
Date of Recovery: 7/5/20██
Location of Recovery: ███████, England, UK.
Current Status: In storage.
Note: At time of writing, seventeen (17) squares are remaining.

Item Description: An earplug with a missing jack that transmits a message in Morse Code. When deciphered, it pertains to SCP-██'s date of recovery.
Date of Recovery: 12/01/1999
Location of Recovery: Vancouver, Canada
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A red balm of unknown substance contained inside an alabaster jar. Further research shows that a 3rd degree burn will appear on the skin once applied.
Date of Recovery: 04/12/09
Location of Recovery: Shanghai, China
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A medium sized white shirt that fits perfectly into the wearer's body regardless of his body size. Once worn, the wearer would have an altered perception that he was wearing nothing.
Date of Recovery: 01/23/2008
Location of Recovery: Chicago, USA
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A candy wrapped in a black foil. Once consumed, the item would recreate the taste of the subject's lunch from three days before.
Date of Recovery: 12/04/2012
Location of Recovery: Phoenix, Arizona, USA
Current Status: In containment.

Item Description: A 29 inches butterfly knife that morphs into a Rhopalocera or a common butterfly. Its physiology matches that of the species of Danaus plexippus or a Monarch Butterfly
Date of Recovery: 03/12/2003
Location of Recovery: Batangas, Philippines
Current Status: In containment.

Item Description: A 2210 Nokia cellphone capable of calling sim card numbers that were either activated or not activated yet. It was also capable of receiving calls from sim cards that were inactive and yet to be used. All calls were traced back to the location of Mariana Trenches.
Date of Recovery: 22/12/1998
Location of Recovery: Sydney, Australia
Current Status: In containment.

Item Description: An abnormally notable piece of 2x4 board. When test subjects are asked to randomly select a wood board from a set of wood boards that includes the object, the object will always be chosen. When questioned on their reasoning, subjects report a nonspecific sense of notability.
Date of Recovery: 07/12/2009
Location of Recovery: Springfield, Illinois
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A doll resembling a child, wearing a heavily damaged dark blue dress. Its arms are detached from its body, and its fingers have not been recovered. When either it or its arms are photographed, they emit small amounts of Cherenkov radiation, causing them to glow softly.
Date of Recovery: 13/7/2018
Location of Recovery: Marlowe, Ontario
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A green bottle of 550ml antiseptics of unknown brand that can heal wounds in a short period of time.
Date of Recovery: 04/02/2007
Location of Recovery: Los Alamos, New Mexico
Current Status: In storage.
NOTE: At the time of writing, the antiseptic contains 200ml remaining.

Item Description: A golden medallion with the symbol of the SCP Foundation carved on the surface. Further experiments has allowed us to learn of its purpose. Any living being who carries the medallion in his person will become unable to cease life function in situations that can cause imminent death.
Date of Recovery: 04/05/2009
Location of Recovery: Cairo, Egypt
Current Status: Missing.
NOTE: MTF Gamma-6 "Lost And Found" is immediately formed from personnel who previously belongs to MTF Omega-20 "Thought Police" for the recovery of the anomalous item.

Item Description: A black dubok which enables the wearer to be knowledgeable in all martial arts in existence. The effects will disappear once the wearer removes the dubok.
Date of Recovery: 03/07/2015
Location of Recovery: Okinawa, Japan
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A string of HTML code found in the website of ████.org. Once the script is run through a special HTML viewer, a face of a Caucasian male would appear on the screen and began communicating to the user.
Date of Recovery: 09/12/2017
Location of Recovery: Buffalo, New York, where the headquarters of ████.org is located.
Current Status: Deleted.

Item Description: A flash drive containing a video clip of a man committing suicide. When watched, the viewer will feel guilt and will attempt to commit suicide while yelling the word, 'Follow'.
Date of Recovery: 12/23/2009
Location of Recovery: Mount Gambier, Australia
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A large black hat. When worn, the wearer will feel a burning sensation on their head, regardless of temperature
Date of Recovery: 08-01-2018
Location of Recovery: Nairobi, Kenya
Current Status: Destroyed
Note: Last seen in Nairobi National Park before eaten by a lion.

Item Description: A single ████ brand black crew sock, the exact location of which is always known to the previous wearer.
Date of Recovery: 11-3-2012
Location of Recovery: ████ Walmart, Wyoming.
Current Status: Site-17 low-value containment sector, locker 38, middle shelf, under what appears to be a vintage lunchbox.
Note: If anyone knows what that lunchbox-looking thing is, please update the description. It's really bugging me. -Agent Syntagma

Item Description: A cow, the cow shows no anomalous properties other than the location of recovery
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: The Moon
Current Status: Remains in location of recovery
Note: The cow has been there for 9 years, WHY WON'T YOU DIE! -Extraterrestrial Creatures Researcher A████ S██████

Item Description: A jar full of brine shrimp. Each shrimp is entirely composed of human nervous tissue.
Date of Recovery: 03/20/39
Location of Recovery: ██████, Arizona
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A 3x3x3 Rubik's Cube. Anyone who attempts to use the cube will be placed under a cognitohazardous effect, causing them to be unable to solve the cube without extreme mental difficulty.
Date of Recovery: 08/11/39
Location of Recovery: ██████, Arizona
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A 60-watt incandescent light bulb that puts out EVE instead of light.
Date of Recovery: 03/20/39
Location of Recovery: ██████, Arizona
Current Status: In storage.
Note- Sadly, the output isn't enough to power anything important. -Researcher Harold Johannsen

Item Description: A silencer appearing to belong to a standard issue glock pistol. It has fit on every pistol tested. When a pistol with the silencer is fired, the firing sound is replaced with the voice of an unidentified adolescent male shouting 'Gun!'
Date of Recovery: 09/01/18
Location of Recovery: A summer camp in Wisconsin.
Current Status: Low Value Weapon Storage.
Note- Special Forces agents are advised not to confuse this item with an actual silencer as it is useless for silencing a gun. -Professor Tor

Item Description: A two liter █████ Ice Cream container. Whenever the lid for the container is placed on the tub it automatically refills the container with two liters of █████ brand mayonnaise
Date of Recovery: 12/09/18
Location of Recovery: ██████, Adelaide
Current Status: Dr. Brights office Site ██ canteen
Note- Dr. Bright is not allowed to take this item from the Site ██ canteen anymore -unanimous vote from Site-██ staff

Item Description: A heavily degraded Dumb and Dumber video cassette tape inside a cosmetically corroded JVC brand VHS player. All external wires and ports have been severed cleanly and smoothed down with markings consistent with rough grade sandpaper. The edges and corners of the player have been hammered into a semi-smooth shape.
Date of Recovery: 11/02/1997
Location of Recovery: The abdominal cavity of a maverick Bos taurus inside the ██████ Slaughterhouse in ███████, NJ, discovered during normal business hours. Records of routine examination of animal before slaughter do not detail any scars, stitches, or other surgical marks barring a missing left ear. Workers at plant given class-B amnestic, local ██████ Herald newspaper planted with a contraction statement in the following edition.
Current Status: No anomalous properties found besides location of recovery; items incinerated.

Item Description: A door made out of human tissue that appears to be constructed from wood when viewed without the aid of a special apparatus.
Date of Recovery: 12/10/10
Location of Recovery: Toronto, Canada
Current Status: In Storage.
NOTE: Obtained by Mobile Task Force Omega-20 on an operation to apprehend POI-3114.

Item Description:A ceramic mug whose bottom behaves like a sieve. No pores or holes are visible at the base or have been detected. Nothing appears to "stick" to the bottom, even substances such as paint or syrup. This only happens with liquids or substances which are composed of thousands, if not millions of individual particles, such as as sand.
Date of Recovery: 8/16/16
Location of Recovery: ███████'s Diner in Neligh, NE.
Current Status: In low-value anomalous item storage.
NOTE: The mug apparently only began to exhibit its effects when Dr. ████ put it up to his lips to drink it. Investigation into his classification as an anomaly are ongoing.

Item Description: A strainer capable of filtering all kinds of known substance regardless of composition.
Date of Recovery: 03/12/2018
Location of Recovery: A Prometheus Lab Facility located in Iceland.
Current Status: In Storage.
NOTE: Retrieved by Mobile Task Force Omega-20 ("Thought Police") as part of Operation Red Thunder.

Item Description: A cylindrical shell of considerable size constructed from an unknown metal impervious to damage from all known weapons.
Date of Recovery: 03/12/2018
Location of Recovery: A Prometheus Lab Facility located in Iceland.
Current Status: In Storage.
NOTE: Retrieved by Mobile Task Force Omega-20 ("Thought Police") as part of Operation Red Thunder.

Item Description: A black wireless optical mouse that possesses an anomalous capability of dragging physical objects in front of the user.
Date of Recovery: 03/12/2018
Location of Recovery: A Prometheus Lab Facility located in Iceland.
Current Status: In Storage.
NOTE: Retrieved by Mobile Task Force Omega-20 ("Thought Police") as part of Operation Red Thunder.

Item Description: A single double AA battery that possesses an unlimited amount of energy despite of extensive use.
Date of Recovery: 03/12/2018
Location of Recovery: A Prometheus Lab Facility located in Iceland.
Current Status: In Storage.
NOTE: Retrieved by Mobile Task Force Omega-20 ("Thought Police") as part of Operation Red Thunder.

Item Description: A blank Gameboy Advance cartridge that assimilates the user inside the device it was loaded in regardless of the fact if the device in question was anomalous or not.
Date of Recovery: 03/12/2018
Location of Recovery: A Prometheus Lab Facility located in Iceland.
Current Status: In storage at Site-17 Anomalous Objects locker.
NOTE: Retrieved by Mobile Task Force Omega-20 ("Thought Police") as part of Operation Red Thunder.

Item Description: A ██████ brand sock that makes the wearer run several times faster then normal, but if worn for over half an hour, the sock will suddenly become 300 pounds and ultimately break the wearers foot. It will return to normal if removed.
Date of Recovery: 05/10/2016
Location of Recovery: ████████, Nebraska
Current Status: Missing

Item Description: A rotten potato, at least three months spoiled at the time of recovery. Touching the potato's eyes will result in formerly resulted in the appearance of several items, including over two-hundred cooked instances of an unknown species of anglerfish, a hammer made out of a clay found in Southern Britain, and a purple and black cape bearing the image of a domino mask on its dorsal side.
Date of Recovery: 11/07/2005
Location of Recovery: Cambridge, United Kingdom
Current Status: Destroyed by rot; remains are non-anomalous.

Item Description: A LEGO® Star Wars™ Yoda™ mini-figure that, once every 45 minutes or so, will espouse a need for heroin as well as expressing grief for an unknown ex-spouse figure quote, 'taking the kids' in the original voice for Yoda. The line said by the mini-figure is verbatim: 'Heroin, I must have. Took the kids, she did.' After extensive testing, object was found to make subjects irrationally annoyed and angered.
Date of Recovery: 06/09/2008
Location of Recovery: De Haro Street, San Francisco
Current Status: In Dr. Richard's filing cabinet.
Note: Every time I'm just sitting in my office and I hear 'HEROIN I MUST ACQUIRE' or some [EXPLETIVE] I just wanna flip my [EXPLETIVE] table. For the love of Christ, clean up your act O5 Council! Why the [EXPLETIVE] does this object exist anyways?! -Dr. Richard

Item Description: A plain composition notebook that is ordinary in every way, with the exception of the conversation tables in the back. The table contains conversions that are impossible in real life, such as 'Joules' to 'Decibels per Second'. When calculated in the notebook, the calculations work out in a sensible and reliable manner. When transferring to other media, the mathematics abruptly falls apart, making all of the equations false.
Date of Recovery: 09/10/2018
Location of Recovery: The engineering department office of [REDACTED] University.
Current Status: Located in the extra-dimensional research laboratory for use in calculations.

Item Description: A snowglobe that when shaken causes snow to fall within 3 meters of the user for a period of 20-30 minutes. Effects still occur in locations where snow is irregular.
Date of Recovery: 01/18/2016
Location of Recovery: ████████, Pennsylvania
Current Status: In staffroom during the holidays

Item Description: A DVD and cover for a film titled "Iron Man 2." The film itself is non-anomalous, and depicts a sequel of the commercially unsuccessful 2008 film Iron Man.
Date of Recovery: 09/28/2017
Location of Recovery: Teufel, California, in an abandoned cabin.
Current Status: In containment, available for personnel to watch.

Item Description: An unidentified chemical reaction similar to fire, but emits and can be spread by heat. Notably, [DATA EXPUNGED] can be damaged with it.
Date of Recovery: ERR/ERR/ERR [TEMPORAL TAG NOT FOUND - ERROR CODE #8373: PLEASE CONTACT YOUR NEAREST MULTI-U AND/OR CK EVENT REPRESENTATIVE]
Location of Recovery: A power-plant in ███████.
Current Status: The Ethics Committee has authorized a reality reconstruction. Item now found via civilian means. [DATA EXPUNGED] is no longer capable of consuming the [DATA EXPUNGED] or committing ocular [DATA EXPUNGED]. An unknown amount of death have been attributed to the new properties of fire. Humanity preserved.

Item Description: 3 "dud" rounds of 9mm Parabellum. Any bullets or explosives that are placed near the anomalies will also turn into "duds".
Date of Recovery: 06/09/2009
Location of Recovery: ████████ Firing Range, San Diego, CA.
Current Status: Contained in Site-117 storage lock-box.
Note: When item in transit, guards and officers are to use airguns loaded with ricin-laced pellets.

Item Description: Barett 50BMG M82 anti-material rifle. the magazine can be chambered in any round with ease and will consistently fire 50BMG projectiles.
Date of Recovery: 04/02/2014
Location of Recovery: texas, USA
Current Status: currently in short term storage
Note: applied for use in MTF operations. 05 approval pending

Item Description: A box of unlabeled paperclips that are unable to be bent and automatically link together when placed in clumps.
Date of Recovery: 03/26/2005
Location of Recovery: Abandoned Staples shipping crate in Sacramento, California.
Current Status: In separate storage sites.
Note: As of 03/31/2005, the paperclips should be stored separately.

Item Description: A queen-size bed. Anyone who lays on it instantly falls asleep and wakes up 8 hours later with no recollection of the lost time. To observers, anyone on the bed is completely frozen in time.
Date of Recovery: 09/10/2018.
Location of Recovery: ███████, ██, USA.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A bathtub. When used, the user experiences time at a much faster rate than normal, with a month passing by every minute. The user's body, however, does not have any adverse effects that would normally be associated with spending months in the bathtub. To people outside of the bathtub, the user is extremely slow.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/2016.
Location of Recovery: █████████, ██, USA.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: Due to the nature of this object it must be recorded on this page. A unseen entity that has the power to manipulate objects. It seems to be hostile to foundation staff and draws power from attention paid to it. The more you fear and acknowledge it the more it can manipulate objects.
Date of Recovery: Null
Location of Recovery: Null
Current Status: uncontained. Resides around the site 15 area.

Item Description: A trampoline that has a gravitational pull equal to that of the Moon. Anyone using it will jump much higher than normal.
Date of Recovery: 9/1/2018.
Location of Recovery: ████████, VA.
Current Status: Outside of Site-77 for personnel to use.

Item Description: A yellow umbrella that manifests in the event two subjects are alone together in the rain. Should one or both of the subjects be without an umbrella, the item will manifest in a nearby location between the two of them. Item often demanifests after the encounter.
Date of Discovery: 09/23/2018.
Location of Discovery: Domfront, France.
Current Status: Uncontained.

Item Description: A Nokia phone most commonly known as a (Nokia Brick) that can only call one number, a pizza delivery place. When dialed and an order has been placed as soon as the call is ended a pizza slice identical to the order will appear in the user's mouth.
Date of Discovery: █/█/2000
Location of Discovery: New ████, ███
Current Status: Inside Site ██'s Cafeteria for communal use.

Item Description: A crater that has a gravitational pull equal to that of Earth. How far this effect extends upwards is unknown.
Date of Recovery: 1/9/2018
Location of Recovery: Earth's Moon.
Current Status: Fenced off with signs explaining its status.

Item Description: A pair of electronic toy bongos made by ██████-█████, that when turned on, never stops playing music until turned off.
Date of Recovery: 9/24/2018
Location of Recovery: Onalaska, Washington
Current Status: Has been playing music for █ years.

Item Description: An unlabeled blueberry scented marker that causes anyone that smells it to cough.
Date of Recovery: 9/21/2018
Location of Recovery: Foundation Whiteboard at Site-██.
Current Status: Incinerated
Note: Object incinerated after it was found out to be non-anomalous. Site-██ had a minor outbreak of the common cold.

Item Description: A collection of 23 bricks that will secrete a sticky green liquid on the fifth day of every month at 10:24 am to 11:26 p.m. These bricks conduct 350,000 volts of static electricity every 21st of April at 11:43 a.m. to 11:47 a.m. as well.
Date of Recovery: 04-07-2018
Location of Recovery: Lebanon, New Hampshire, USA
Current Status: In storage at Site-13

Item Description: A Colt Single Action Army revolver that when shot at a target with a perfect hit, the shooter will hear "You're pretty good" to the right.
Date of Recovery: 9/21/2018
Location of Recovery: In a ravine at ██████
Current Status: In shooting range for practice.

Item Description: A 1993 Talking Heads album titled "Speaking In Tongues" that when played will only allow the listener to speak or write in lyrics to the most recent song played for two days
Date of Recovery: 09-20-1996
Location of Recovery: Nampa, Idaho, USA
Current Status: Stored in Site-117

Item Description: A titanium container with the label "Every Game". When a person holding it requests to play a board game and opens the lid it will contain a rule book, board, and all components necessary to play the requested game. If a player requests a board game, but doesn't specify a title, the game is randomly generated – often ones that do not currently exist. If the container is opened without the person requesting a game it will be empty.
Date of Recovery: 09/23/2018
Location of Recovery: A library in Austin, Texas
Current Status: Stored in the break room at Site-109.

Item Description: A pair of glasses with no brand name, however there is a Yin symbol printed on it. When a subject wears the object they are unable to blink until the glasses are taken off.
Date of Recovery: 4/5/2007
Location of Recovery: Site-117, found on Dr.██████ head, when staff in break room reported him winning every staring contest.
Current Status: Stored in Site-177
Note: "Anybody else considering using these to recontain SCP-173 in the case of a containment breach?" - Senior Researcher Alexander

Item Description: A pair of glasses with no brand name, however there is a Yang Symbol printed on it. When a subject wears the object they are unable to open their eyes until the glasses are removed.
Date of Recovery: 4/6/2007
Location of Recovery: Site-117, found in storage next to a pair of anomalous glasses with a Yin symbol printed on them.
Current Status: Stored in Site-177, next to the Anomalous Yin glasses.
Note: Assumed to be the counter-part to the Anomalous Yin glasses.

Item Description: A paintbrush that has the capability of creating a construct based on the user's choice of color.
Date of Recovery: 10/4/2018
Location of Recovery: A Chaos Insurgency Facility in Africa.
Current Status: In Storage.
NOTE: Retrieved by Mobile Task Force Omega-20 ("Thought Police") as part of Operation Twilight Void.

Item Description: A handkerchief that could not be measured through any means. All attempt to do so simply yielded no result.
Date of Recovery: 10/4/2018
Location of Recovery: A Chaos Insurgency Facility in Africa.
Current Status: In Storage.
NOTE: Retrieved by Mobile Task Force Omega-20 ("Thought Police") as part of Operation Twilight Void.

Item Description: A typewriter that has the capability of recreating anything that the subject typed.
Date of Recovery: 10/4/2018
Location of Recovery: A Chaos Insurgency Facility in Africa.
Current Status: In Storage.
NOTE: Retrieved by Mobile Task Force Omega-20 ("Thought Police") as part of Operation Twilight Void.

Item Description: A 17th-century iron maiden that plays "Iron Maiden" from Iron Maiden's debut album Iron Maiden at approximately 100 decibels when closed. This sound is only audible within the device itself.
Date of Recovery: 6/9/2017
Location of Recovery: The cargo hold of Iron Maiden's private jet "Ed Force One," upon landing at an airport in █████████, North Carolina.
Current Status: In storage.
NOTE: The members of Iron Maiden professed no knowledge of the item's existence, but agreed that it was "Pretty fucking metal."

Item Description: A rock that makes people around it forget things.
Date of Recovery: 5/8/2019
Location of Recovery: I can't remebember.
Current Status: In storage at Site-77, I think. Or was it Area-32?

Note: Where am I supposed to put this again?

Item Description: A Caucasian Male human that does not appear on any public records, and legally seems to not exist. If information about it is added to any government database, the information will be deleted instantaneously. A tattoo is present on the right leg of the entity, which reads "Mr. Not On The Lists, by Gamers Against Weed". The entity has claimed to have a list of "Misters Against Weed" , but when asked to produced said list was unable to and claimed to have lost it.
Date of Recovery: 9/31/2017
Location of Recovery: An apartment in London, England.
Current Status: Living in low-threat humanoid containment at Site-713.

Item Description: A 1965 copy of the Russian Propaganda newspaper, "Pravda," which upon reading causes the reader to hallucinate and think they are a Red Army soldier for varying amounts of time, depending on how long the reader looks at the paper.
Date of Recovery: 4/25/2011
Location of Recovery: A dumpster near St. Basil's Cathedral in Moscow, Russia.
Current Status: In storage.
NOTE: One class D subject was terminated after reading the object and attempting to kill several guards, saying, "die capitalist pigs!"

Item Description: A Texas Instrument brand calculator that has been found to be programmed by engineer ████ ██████ to be able to divide by 0. The foundation hypothesizes it can cause a ZK end-of-reality scenario if the equation is punched in.
Date of Recovery: 11/3/2017
Location of Recovery: Inside the garage of ████ ██████, the engineer of the product.
Current Status: In a high security, double air-locked chamber, with a reinforced steel door. Item is located inside of a reinforced steel plated safe with fireproof material. Chamber and safe code only accessible by the O5 council. ████ ██████ is under foundation custody.
NOTE: "We probably just wasted a lot of resources on this containment chamber, but we're not taking any fucking chances here." - Dr. Carver

Item Description: A thin paintbrush that will cause any paint that touches the hairs to transform into luminescent paint.
Date of Recovery: 4/19/1995
Location of Recovery: In the home of Jason █████, who claimed to have found it on the ground of a recreational center.
Current Status: Located in Site-19 break room, with paint, for any personnel who want to use it.

Item Description: an autographed copy of Attack of the Deranged Killer Mutant Monster Snow Goons, a compilation of "Calvin and Hobbes" comic strips by Bill Watterson (autograph has been confirmed as false). Subjects who read more than two pages of the comic strips will, for a period of 4-6 hours, perceive all stuffed animals as "Hobbes-form" human-sized anthropomorphic variants of themselves. Hobbes-form specimens are perceived to blink and breathe, and to exhibit pulse, body temperature, and pupillary dilation, but are not otherwise responsive. Results of surgical exploration of Hobbes-form specimens are only perceivable by affected subjects, and only for the duration of the anomalous effect.
Date of Recovery: 10/22/2011
Site of Recovery: Home of Agent [REDACTED], who had purchased it at [REDACTED] Comic Book Convention
Current Status: Kept in low-value item storage locker #47

Item Description: an █████ branded Dash Cam that records car accidents every 5 to 10 minutes of recording. Car accidents are reported to be fictional, present only inside the recorded video files and to have never happened during recording while driving. Car collision reported to be a yellow Lada Niva against a white Volkswagen Golf, no matter the place of recording.
Date of Recovery: 10/27/2016
Site of Recovery: Inside a car in Kalinigrad Oblast, Russian Federation.
Current Status: Kept in low-value item storage locker #47
NOTE: "If I catch any of you to use this dash cam just to make videos for Youtube I swear I will [REDACTED]" -Dr. Unread

Item Description: A wooden log. The item has been reported to make people to compulsively refer to the wooden log as anomalous, thus being in recorded on this list.
Date of Recovery: 02/04/1997
Site of Recovery Outside Site-███ located in Pavia, Italy.
Current Status: Kept in low-value item storage locker #47 Incinerated after further investigations lead to the item not having any cognitohazard of any kind whatsoever.
NOTE: "Okay, do you think this is a funny joke?" -Dr. Unread

Item Description: A framed photograph of Erik Weisz, a.k.a. Harry Houdini. When placed in any form of confinement, captivity, or security, it will appear outside of it the moment it is not being actively observed (i.e., put it in a locked box, turn around, turn back, it'll be sitting right front of the box).
Date of Recovery: 10-12-1963
Location of Recovery: Appleton, Wisconsin, Temple Zion & School
Current Status: In Dr. █████'s locker, in seventeen boxes, each padlocked and filled with water. For now.

Item Description: A USB containing a video titled "Alright Alright Alright Alright Alright Alright Alright Alright" that contains the music video Hey Ya by Outkast, except only the part where he's saying "alright alright alright" on repeat. The video will loop until the computer dies.
Date of Recovery: 1-14-2011
Location of Recovery: Palo Alto High School, Palo Alto, California
Current Status: On a personal computer formerly registered to Agent [DATA EXPUNGED]. Video has been running for 3 years, 6 months, and 25 days at the time of writing.

Item Description: A Canon Brand Pixon Bluetooth Printer. Printer will never run out of ink, even if ink cartridges are removed.
Date of Recovery:1-19-2018
Location of Recovery: Brooks, Alberta, ███████ Office Building
Current Status: In Researcher Montag's office, for convenience purposes.

Item Description: A basketball hoop that cannot, by any means, have an object be passed through it. Attempts are always prevented by unnatural events, the extremity of which increase with the probability of the success of any given attempt. The object came to the Foundation's attention after noting the high number of injuries sustained near the object and the consistent nil score of a particular team in a game involving the object.
Date of Recovery: █/█/199█
Location of Recovery: ██████ High School, Canada.
Current Status: Site-██, in a Safe-class containment locker.
Notes: I've tried this thing, it'd give Michael Jordan a run for his money.

Item Description: A washing machine that, upon starting a cycle, becomes transparent for the entirety of the cycle.
Date of Recovery: █/█/20██
Location of Recovery: █████████, Virginia
Current Status: In storage
Notes: Stop using it for your laundry -Dr. Lowell

Item Description: A fish of the species Carassius auratus (goldfish) Viewers will always describe it as ‘cute’, even when the object is not visible. This is presumed to be a memetic effect, due to comparison with other digital images of fish via neural networks revealing that it is only of average cuteness.
Date of Recovery: █/██/20██
Location of Recovery: ███, South Korea
Current Status: In the office of Site-███ Director Cho.

Item Description: A *microp*hone t*hat af*fect*s desc*ripti*ons of* itse*lf. Des*cripti*ons i*n text* form wi*ll *have a*steris*ks ra*ndoml*y inse*rted *into t*hem. Descr*ipti*ons in spe*ech f*orm* will b*e in*terru*pted *rand*oml*y by st*atic* no*ise. Ph*otos *and dr*awing*s wil*l be* parti*ally ob*struct*ed by sh*apes s*imil*ar to in*k blot*che*s.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20█*█
Location of Recovery: Seoul, South Korea
Current Status: In S*ite-███ ano*malo*us i*tem sto*ra*ge lo*cker ███.

Item Description: A paintbrush that is hydrophobic and will always result in the user to become mildly frustrated.
Date of Recovery: 3/21/20██
Location of Recovery: █████, Arizona
Current Status: Item incinerated.

Item Description: A button with a print of cow skin. Pressing the button will summon green humanoid entities within a 10m radius, similar to the appearance of classic film "aliens."
Date of Recovery: 1/14/2018
Location of Recovery: Found floating around on the Mare Imbrium of the moon, 2 kilometers away from Area-32.
Current Status: In a Standard Secure Locker in Area-32.

Item Description: A piece of software made for converting video files (including .flv, .wmv, and .mp4) into a file format known as .ory. Files in a .ory format can be accessed and viewed in dreams, provided a device storing a file of this format is within five meters of the sleeper.
Date of Recovery: 10/10/2005
Location of Recovery: A Staples store in Wisconsin, where it was marketed as "Dreamware". Sold for approximately $500USD.
Current Status: In use by oneroilogists at Site-45 as a lucid dreaming aid.

Item Description: 17 apples in which anyone who bites into one will lose all of his/her teeth or make their teeth grow twice their size.
Date of Recovery: 1/1/2016
Location of Recovery: ███████, Ukraine
Current Status: Items given to SCP-682. given to █████.

Item Description: Oxford dictionary that after reading causes reader to make grammatical mistakes, altough the effect weakens over time.
Date of Recovery:27/██/20██
Location of Recovery:Outskirts of Dover, England
Current Status: In possession of Foundations library
Notes: Even if it is funny stop using it for jokes- Dr.██████

Item Description: A copy of the first █████ ████ █ ███ comic, which always features the content of the newest copy of ██████ █████ █ ███.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/19██
Location of Discovery: A safe within the office of ██████ █████ "████" ██████.
Current Status: Accessible at the site library of Site-██.
Notes: "If it hadn't been for the misleading cover, he could have made milions off of this." -Agent █████

Item Description: Clarinet that when attempted to be played, will not produce sound, despite having the proper parts. It instead forces any creature capable of speech within ~2 meters to only be able to speak in squeaks equivalent to that of the instrument. Anomalous effects last 5-10 minutes after exposure.
Date of Recovery: 01/██20██
Location of Discovery: Abandoned unnamed music store in ██████, Norway.
Current Status: In possession of Agent ███ In storage.
Notes: "Man, it was fun to hear Dr. ████ squeak at me to get back to work while it lasted. Oh well."- Agent ███

Item Description: A Green wool sweater that when observed, will cause the one to believe that the object is red. Observers will also attempt to convince others of its apparent red-ness, and will become violent if the belief is challenged. All cognitohazardous effects wear off exactly one hour after exposure, and leaves the subjects with no recollection of the event.
Date of Recovery: 12/22/1998
Location of Discovery: ████ West Middle school, Arkansas. Retrieved by recovery agents after a brawl involving forty (40) students.
Current Status: In Site-██ Cognitohazard storage locker.
Notes: "It's Red" -Dr. Castle

Item Description: A small locket in the form of a oval, all objects within 1.5 cm of its center ages approximately 5 % slower.
Date of Recovery: 5-26-200█
Location of Recovery: █████████ school, Norway.
Current Status: In a standard secureity locker Site-██.

Item Description: A compass that always points to the closest human with B-positive blood type
Date of Recovery: 6/5/198█
Location of Recovery: A hospital in ███████, Oklahoma
Current Status: In Site-██ infirmary

Item Description: A CD that has "Play Me" written in sharpie on it. When played by a married individual, it will produce a still image of the subject's spouse engaging in coitus with an unknown male dressed as a cowboy, and wearing a clown mask. Various songs play over the image indefinitely until the disc is ejected from the player.
Date of Recovery: 11-6-2018
Location of Recovery: In the possession of a Chaos Insurgency operative, which was used for black mail.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A large mortar that would hover 6 centimeters off the ground at random intervals. It is cracked and inside is an unknown symbol carved on the side. When recovered, it had a broken broom, and a scythe placed within. A long strand of black hair was also found within, and testing of it has been inconclusive.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Eastern Siberia
Current Status: In storage

Item Description: An AOL free trial CD that constantly emits the sound of a dial-up modem.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████.
Location of Recovery: New York, NY, USA.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A crayon which turns everything written about it red.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: ██████ Primary School, California, CA, USA.
Current Status: Kept in a secure storage locker in Site-19.

Item Description: An ice cube which never melts, regardless of the heat around the ice cube or how hot any object that touching it is. It should be noted that the ice cube will give off water when heated as though it is melting.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20██
Location of Recovery: ██████, Canada
Current Status: In Site-██ Break room for recreational use.
Notes: Great for keeping drinks cold. Junior Researcher ████████

Item Description: A standard Australian Government Passport. Upon holding, the passport details will automatically be of the holders details.
Date of Recovery: 06/12/2003
Location of Recovery: Sydney Airport, International Terminal, NSW, Australia.
Current Status: In a standard containment locker at Site-45.
Notes: This is will make great emergency travel arrangements- Agent Travis

Item Description: A chrysanthemum blossom that instantly turns to iron when touched. Object returns to organic form when released.
Date of Recovery: 09/17/2013
Location of Recovery: An apartment in Los Angeles, California.
Current Status: In a vase at the Site-19 break room.
Notes: Most new agents are startled by the chrysanthemum and start to believe they themselves are an SCP.

Item Description: A 32 (now 23) pack of expandable water toys. When placed into water, the toy expands normally before expanding near-instantly into a full-grown animal resembling the expanded toy within █-██ minutes. Produced animals have included a humpback whale, a Quetzalcoatlus northropi, a sloth lemur of genus M. dolichobrachion and [DATA EXPUNGED].
Date of Recovery: 12-29-1994
Location of Recovery: A formerly existing house in Yarmouth, Nova Scotia, Canada
Current Status: In storage at Area-12.
Notes: Following Incident AO-14389-█, testing has been suspended indefinitely- O5-█

Item Description: A titled "Meta" (a reference to an internet meme originating from )
Date of Recovery: 12-30-2018
Location of Recovery: Redwood City, California
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A glass pitcher that converts any liquid inside to iced tea.
Date of Recovery: 02/18/2019
Location of Recovery: Wellington, New Zealand
Current Status: Site-42 cafeteria.
Note: Refreshing. - Dr. Brown

Item Description: A white plastic trash bin that constantly refills itself with garbage, even if being taken out only minutes prior.
Date of Recovery: 01/06/2018
Location of Recovery: El Dorado Hills, California
Current Status: In Storage.
Note: Are we even sure it was ever taken out in the first place? - Dr. ████

Item Description: The corpse of Agent Joseph Barton, former field commander of Mobile Task Force Tau-8 "Marionette Owls". Exhibits a mild tactile cognitohazard: individuals coming into contact with soft tissues without appropriate inoculation will perceive them as having the texture of bone; bones, teeth and other hard structures are percieved as having the texture of human skin.
Date of Recovery: 12/15/2010
Location of Recovery: Kielder Forest, England.
Current Status: Buried in the cemetery of the Joint Armed Facility in [PRECISE LOCATION REDACTED], Scotland.
Notes: Staff at the JAF with database editing priveleges are to cease adding unnecessary content to this entry, as it has had to be edited back to its original form several times. Any details regarding Barton's life, service record and desertion are irrelevant to the purpose of this this entry. This is the log of anomalous items, and the current anomalous properties of the body only manifested after his death. - JAF Director Ramsey Hellman

Item Description: A harmless red wooden cube that, upon observation, causes whoever views it to believe it is dangerous.
Date of Recovery: 09/05/███
Location of Recovery: ███, Kansas
Current Status: Incinerated
Notes: That thing was evil! It just pretended to be a cube but.. It was planning to kill us all! - Dr. Einen

Item Description: A non-anomalous number 4 graphite pencil that cannot be perceived, described, or understood as anomalous.
Date of Recovery: 04/04/2005
Location of Recovery: Site Director August's desk.
Current Status: As it is non-anomalous, it remains in Site Director August's desk.
Note: Wait, what? - Site Director August

Item Description: A 460ml Coca-Cola glass that converts water into Coca-Cola brand drink. Drinking the liquid causes the organisms kidneys to decay and fail. The process takes approximately 10 minutes.
Date of Recovery: ██/11/2018
Location of Recovery: Bristol, UK.
Current Status: In Storage in Site-██

Item Description: An otherwise non-anomalous USB drive containing a version of popular web browser Google Chrome (gchrome.exe) with the ability to speed up any live stream on twitch.tv or youtube.com. Attempts to view the source code yield source code for a non-anomalous version of Google Chrome.
Date of Recovery: 07/22/2017
Location of Recovery: Perth, Australia.
Current Status: In Storage at Site-33.

Item Description: A plant-like organism that does not resemble any known terrestrial species. Does not have any other anomalous properties until fully grown. When fully grown, it asexually produces a seed pod. The seed pod starts as a small ball of dough and grows to bloom into a pizza with a diameter of 30 centimeters. Pizza has no anomalous effects when consumed. Pepperoni is present on the upward side of the pizza. The pepperoni function as seeds.
Date of Recovery: 10/2/2016
Location of Recovery: Lexington, Kentucky.
Current Status: Seeds stored in Class-VI Long-Term Cryogenic Storage. Wild instances confirmed neutralized.

Item Description: An indestructible Westley Richards Double Rifle chambered for .577 Nitro Express. When the gun is fired, the round is instantaneously replaced with a newborn African elephant of random gender and weight traveling at the same velocity immediately upon leaving the barrel. As momentum is conserved in the form of recoil, this is typically fatal to the firer.
Date of Recovery: 5/4/1961
Location of Recovery: Bulawayo, Central African Federation.
Current Status: In storage at Site-76.

Item Description: Two (2) digital wall clocks. One clock (AI#59267-1) automatically changes time displayed to local accepted time. The other clock (AI#59267-2) changes to a random time every five (5) minutes. Main anomalous effects show when the clocks are placed above two doors in the same room. Entering the room has no anomalous effects. But leaving the room through the door under AI#59267-2 will temporally displace the individual until AI#59267-1 reads a time identical to the time read by AI #59267-2 when the individual left the room
Date of Recovery: █-█-201█
Location of Recovery: ███████ High School, ██████, Kansas
Current Status: In storage at Site-17

Item Description: A Taco Bell brand Taco Supreme that will turn into a solid metallic sphere if microwaved for over sixty (60) seconds. It will turn back into it's taco form if left untouched for roughly 5 months.
Date of Recovery: 02/06/2018
Location of Recovery: Taco Bell, Brighton, England
Current Status: In unmarked refridgerator at Site-21, labelled to avoid accidental consumption

Item Description: A Henry All Weather chambered in .45-70, that when fired, produces the sound of a loud whoop and a playback of a random song by Western musician Marty Robbins at 110 Db in a radius of 1500m.
Date of Recovery: 05/07/2018
Location of Recovery: El Paso, TX, after neighbors complained of the noise.
Current Status: In Anomalous Weapons Locker at Site-21.
Note: Agent ██████ is not to be allowed access. I'm sorry, but no one wants to hear country music all day. - Dr. Maheris.

Item Description: A white T-shirt. By no means whatsoever is the wearer able to be injured or die as long as they are wearing the item. Pain is still percieved.
Date of Recovery: 02/05/19██
Location of Recovery: █████████, WI
Current Status: In Site-██ armory for use in recontainment.

Item Description: An iPhone 5 that will automatically delete any apps downloaded onto it.
Date of Recovery: 03/23/2014
Location of Recovery: ████, Virginia
Current Status: In storage

Item Description: A champagne bottle whose cork fired at 4.78c when opened. Initial takeoff resulted in the destruction of Sub-Site B, deaths of 23 Foundation personnel, and the neutralization of 3 anomalous objects. Cork stopped decelerating when it reached 1c.
Date of Recovery: 11/2/2000.
Location of Recovery: Sub-Site B.
Current Status: Bottle and contents vaporized during takeoff. Cork split into subatomic fragments after repeatedly colliding with objects in space. Cork fragments have yet to decelerate beyond 1c.

Item Description An ant that is very influential among the 1% in Three Portlands.
Date of Recovery 4/16/2019.
Location of Recovery Extra dimensional space Three Portlands, sitting upon a throne made out of the wealthy.
Current Status Contained in a lavish 30 meter octogonal terrarium in Site-██'s anomalous flora and fauna wing.

Item Description A button-up shirt that causes the wearer to hallucinate random SCP objects.
Date of Recovery 04/09/19██
Location of Recovery Site-██
Current Status Destroyed with gunfire to prevent a containment breach after D-43904 hallucinated SCP-096's face.
Note: We did find out it prevents 173 from moving before that happened though. -Dr. O'Ryan
Note: I am surrounded by morons, it seems. Couldn't you have figured out what'd happen when you started to understand what happens? -Assistant Researcher Jackson

Item Description: A pillow that feels soft, but when you lay your head on it, it is always uncomfortable no matter what position it's in.
Date of Recovery 03/29/2020
Location of Recovery Site-12 Barracks
Current State In Storage
Note: Good god █████, I know the barracks pillows can be uncomfortable but by no means does that make them anomalous. -Dr. Aster
Note: Upon further review, the anomalous properties of this item have been confirmed. Item has been returned to storage. -Dr. Aster

Item Description: A remote control whose mute button can affect anything its pointed at, turning on or off their ability to make noise.
Date of Recovery: 02/19/2023
Location of Recovery: ████ ████ st, Maryland
Current State: In Armory at Site-33
Note: This item has proven an invaluable asset during stealth assignments.

Item Description: A ten piece puzzle. Viewers will always state it is impossible to put together, despite being made of only ten pieces.
Date of Recovery: 2/7/1985
Location of Recovery:A house in ████, TX.
Current Status: In storage.
Note: I Am telling you, it is impossible.
-Agent Dustin

Item Description: A red colored peaked cap. The cap has been set on fire in 2010 and has been burning since then, without damaging the item. The cap has been reported to not to burn anything that comes in contact with, does not produce heat and cannot be turned off by any mean.
Date of Recovery: 9/30/2010
Location of Recovery:Inside the burned down home of the deceased Mr. ████ ███ in Carlsbad, NM.
Current Status: In storage in site-45.
Note: The peaked cap was found by agent Karen Caddy while on her duty to track down SCP-████. Is unclear if the location of recovery was burned down by such SCP. Anomalous item contained for analysis.
This hat is not to be worn while on-duty, especially during missions. And no, not even if you are the captain of an MTF unit. -Dr. Unread

Item Description: A RT-80S, of which will play Christmas carols and other such music all throughout the month of December, despite not being connected to a power source. The anomaly cannot be used during any other time of year (even when connected to a power source).
Date of Recovery: 12/24/1999
Location of Recovery: Within Dr. ████'s quarters, of which they began attempting to [REDACTED].
Current Status: In low-threat storage in Site-64.

Item Description: A flat bill hat that, when put on, won't block any sunlight at all.
Date of Recovery: 6/28/18
Location of Recovery: Inside of a baseball stadium after a fan complained about not being able to see anything because of the sun despite said fan having the hat on.
Current Status: In storage at site-45

Item Description: A camera that when taking a picture in front of a mirror appears to be a random electronic device.
Date of Recovery: 12/13/18
Location of Recovery: A small camera shop located in ████ ███████, Missouri.
Current Status: In possession of Agent ██████

Item Description: [REDACTED] Brand Shampoo that will wipe the memories of anyone who applies it to their scalp.
Date of Recovery: █/█/1978
Location of Recovery: A bathhouse in [DATA EXPUNGED], Japan.
Current Status:Undergoing synthesis at Site-█ to discover its amnestic agent. Plans to use it as a commercial amnestic in field use are being considered.

Item Description: One (1) Malboro Menthol cigarette carton, of which contains one-hundred ninety-eight (198) cigarettes. Upon using one (1) cigarette, the user will immediately contract severe lung cancer. Upon unfolding the wrapping, they will read "Don't [expletive] smoke cigarettes."
Date of Recovery: 08/24/2001
Location of Recovery: [REDACTED], a convenience store in [REDACTED].
Current Status: In medium-threat storage in Site-45.

Item Description: A radio produced in the 1990s, which when turned on will refuse to produce a sound up until 10:30 AM on Sundays. During this time the object will play a recording of a 2 hour long audio of a church (with 50-150 people present) worshipping a god. To date all recordings produced by the radio are unique.
Date of Recovery: 12/06/2007
Location of Recovery: An old electronical storage facility.
Current Status: Gathering dust on the shelf of Dr. Crow.

Item Description: A horse (equus ferus caballus), named "Regret" by staff members (after a Kentucky Derby winning horse of the same name). When drawn, sculpted, or recreated in any other way, the individual responsible for said recreation will express disappointment regarding their creation.
Date of Recovery: 01/03/2016
Location of Recovery: Melbourne, Australia
Current Status: Kept in a stable in Site-65 with three (3) other horses.
Note: Dr. Ford's request to test Regret's anomalous effects on reality-warping entities has been denied.

Item Description: A compact disk bearing the letters 'BRW'. When the CD is played, a middle-aged female begins to sing. The lyrics contain vivid details about the listeners childhood. The CD only works with 1 individual in hearing range.
Date of Recovery: 12/05/1997
Location of Recovery: Chepstow, UK.
Current Status: In Storage.

Item Description: A mask made from plastic, people who are within 5 meters of the mask are compelled to put it on, but once they put it on, they are compelled to take it off.
Date of Recovery: 3/24/1996
Location of Recovery: Tokyo, JP
Current Status: Incinerated due to excessive chain reactions.

Item Description: A book which can only be viewed by the blind.
Date of Recovery: 28-12-20██
Location of Recovery: A Libary in ███████, Glasgow
Current Status: Within Site-17's Medical wing Libary
Note: Is Useful when preparing D-Class for testing with SCP-173. Dr. █████

Item Description: Hair gel that when Applied to a person's hair will permanently change the color of that person's hair.
Date of Recovery: 7/21/2013
Location of Recovery: Hair Salon in Portland, Maine
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: Smiley face button which causes all digital descriptions of it to insert emoji at random intervals.
Date of Recovery: 12/17/2017
Location of Recovery: Goodwill shop in New York City, New York, England
Current Status: Destroyed in testing. Effect did not persist after termination.
Note: Does anyone else find it concerning that we have so many items which affect descriptions of them? It seems quite clear to me that someone is experimenting with this effect, to unknown ends. If we're not careful, then one day we're going to end up with a superweapon that's impossible to tell anyone about. -Dr. Quay

Item Description: A cube made of a red, metallic substance similar to darmstadtium, one inch on a side. If cut, both pieces will regenerate.
Date of Recovery: 12/17/2018
Location of Recovery: Barrie, ON, Canada
Current Status: 192 in storage, available as requested. Unknown if there are instances still uncontained.

Item Description: A violet cushion that causes permanent hypersexuality when observed by any gender. Subjects will often carry out sexual crimes upon viewing the cushion.
Date of Recovery: 14/02/2014
Location of Recovery: Margate, UK.
Current Status: Incinerated.

Item Description: A white blanket which causes severe tactile hallucinations when worn by individuals aged 12-29.
Date of Recovery: 22/01/2005
Location of Recovery: Central London, UK.
Current Status: In Storage. Accessible to Level 2 personnel or above.

Item Description: A 100 bead abacus which significantly increases mathematical ability when interacted with. Subjects which have answered 100 questions have shown a 100% pass rate. The effect lasts for 2 months before ceasing.
Date of Recovery: 16/04/201▋
Location of Recovery: Clacton, UK.
Current Status: In Storage.

Item Description: A ███████ brand GPS which, when used for over a duration of ten (10) minutes, will create a sense of confusion in the user, as if they are lost. Preliminary tests show that this feeling will continue even if the user is at a place familiar to them.
Date of Recovery: 08/11/200█
Location of Recovery: Berlin, Germany.
Current Status: In Storage.

Item Description: A metallic folding chair which slides backwards when a human is trying to sit on it, thus making the victim fall on their rear. There is no detectable means of the chair's movement.
Date of Recovery: 09/15/199█
Location of Recovery: ██████ High school, Columbus, Ohio.
Current Status: In Storage.

Item Description: A crowbar that gives the user prostate cancer and turns their skin inside out while also making the cornea's of the user fall out.
Date of Recovery: 02/23/198█
Location of Recovery: Cleveland, Ohio.
Current Status: Missing

Item Description: A diary with no name on the covers or pages, which reveals a seemingly endless amount of pages if attempted to be flipped to the previous page. Each diary entry gets increasingly ambigous the more the reader flips the pages backwards. Longest recorded run is 7███ pages, where it states "Day ████. I have done it. It shall take us. all of us" Research about the ambigous messages is currently ongoing.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: A home in ██████, Pennyslvania. The item was found on a desk in the inhabiting family's home. Memories of the recovery purged.
Current Status: In Testing.

Item Description: A generic ███mart brand night light, which when plugged into any energy source screams until it is unplugged. The cadence, tone, and volume of the scream seems to change randomly each time the item is turned on and off again.
Date of Recovery: 11/7/2███
Location of Recovery: ████ ██████'s home for the deaf, Portland, ██.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A bluetooth keyboard that when referred to in any typed document, will change and rearrange text formatting and style in a seemingly random pattern.
12/5/201█: Date of Recovery
Location of Recovery: A computer repair shop in Germany, Berlin.
Status Currently: Dr. ████'s office.

Item Description: Jeans that will teleport the users legs and sexual organs to the nearest active blender.
Date of Recovery: 22/11/2███
Location of Recovery: ██████'s snazzy jeans.
Current Status: Destroyed when put inside out.

Item Description: A pencil that can't break.
Date of Recovery: 14/2/2000
Location of Recovery: ███████ Thrift Shop, New Mexico
Current Status: In a pencil holder located on the desk of Dr. Richard

Item Description: A black Adidas Tracksuit that when worn will make the wearer fluent in Russian. Wearer is also immune to most intoxicants such as alcohol.
Date of Recovery: 1/1/199█
Location of Recovery: Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant, Ukraine.
Current Status: Currently being utilized in field ops in Russia and Ukraine.

Item Description: An extremely low-quality VHS copy of the 1982 made-for-TV special Christmas Comes to Pac-Land that causes the viewer's voice to become permanently more distorted and unrecognizable the further they watch it. An unidentified sixth ghost character has also been seen in multiple playbacks of the tape, although it does not interact with the other characters in the film.
Date of Recovery: 12/25/2002
Location of Recovery: Suburban residence in Albany, New York.
Current Status: Filed under Tape Storage Facility 2.

Item Description: A smooth piece of obsidian, strongly resembles a computer mouse in shape and size. Analysis revealed no internal machinery or mechanisms. It is solid rock all through. It works like a real mouse to the nearest computer.
Date of Recovery: 11-03-2018
Location of Recovery: Computer room in ██████ Highschool in Seoul, Korea.
Current Status: In possession of Dr. Rook

Item Description: A large stereotypical wooden sign that points in the direction of an object/person that the closest human to the sign is thinking about. It will display the name of the object/person while underneath displaying the exact distance (in a random form of measurement) away from the object/person.
Date of Recovery: 02/10/04
Location of Recovery: Abandoned barn in Edinburgh, Scotland
Current Status: in Site-14 Security Station (for location of personnel during emergencies.)

Item Description: An opening in a basement wall which connected to an alternate but largely similar version of reality. The homeowner contacted local authorities after witnessing a person from the other reality exit through the wall. Local Foundation agents intercepted the call and dispatched a containment team.
Date of Recovery: 08/27/18
Location of Recovery: A single-family home in Lexington, Kentucky
Current Status: Neutralized

Item Description: A ████ brand soap bar which possesses a corrosive effect when used on human skin. The item has no effect on non-biological objects. The item also has no effect on domesticated animals.
Date of Recovery 23/10/20██
Location of Recovery ██████, UK.
Current Status: In Storage.

Item Description:A ████ microwave that causes anyone near it to put the nearest non-living object inside of it. Destroyed after Agent ███ placed a hand grenade inside of it.
Date of Recovery:13/5/18
Location of Recovery:██████, United States of America
Current Status:Neutralized
Note: Probably wasn't a good idea to transport this past the armory. -Dr. ██

Item Description: A water bottle which doesn't allow any of its contents to exit the bottle. This effect applies even when numerous holes are made in different areas of the object.
Date of Recovery: 12/24/17
Location of Recovery: Site-██ vending machine
Current Status: In testing, where it was completely separated in two, yet still keeping its contents inside of the bottle.
Note: Someone was trying to drink from this for several minutes before they found out about its anomalous properties. Poor guy. -Dr. ████

Item Description: A copy of the video game Super Smash Brothers: Ultimate for the Nintendo Switch in which the playable character Ness (from the Mother series of video games) has been entirely replaced by Sans, a character from the video game Undertale, who has an entirely separate set of moves and abilities. Additionally, should the copy be inserted into a Nintendo Switch console also with Undertale installed and Undertale be launched, the reverse will have occurred, with Sans being replaced by Ness in every sense, including entirely new dialogue and story events to account for Ness' presence rather than Sans', as well as an entirely new boss fight.
Date of Recovery: 26/12/2018
Location of Recovery: A GameStop store in Atlanta, Georgia.
Current Status: In the Site-77 break room for recreational use.
Note: You would not believe how many subreddits I could throw into chaos with this thing. -Jr. Researcher Jacob Hernandez

Item Description: A toilet that gives the urge to sit on it when viewed. Whilst being sat on, it is described as 'similar to that British Harry guy.' (No matter what language they speak).
Date of Recovery: 14/02/1999
Location of Recovery: An outhouse in ██████, Scotland.
Current Status: Contained in site ██ staff toilets
Note: It is currently unknown which British Harry it is referring to.

Item Description: A scented candle that, when lit, gives off a different and random scent.
Date of Recovery: 11/20/18
Location of Recovery: Bloomington, Minnesota
Current Status: In Storage.

Item Description: A vacuum cleaner with an infinite dust capacity.
Date of Recovery: 9/10/2011
Location of Recovery: Site-██ janitorial closet
Current Status: Used by Site-██ Janitor █████
Note: While it would be interesting to figure out what mechanism this device uses, the custodians refuse to let me borrow it. - Professor Tor

Item Description: A cartridge of the Nintendo Switch game Splatoon 2. Any individual who plays it will be anomalously compelled to ignore or otherwise refuse to obey the command "This way!" from any source, including the game, during play.
Date of Recovery: 8/9/2018
Location of Recovery: A used video game retail store in S███████, California.
Current Status: In storage.
Note: This must be the version of the game all my teammates had. -Researcher ████

Item Description: A ███ █████ █ themed Moon Bounce which, when inflated and entered, faithfully replicates the gravitational and atmospheric conditions of the moon itself.
Date of Recovery: ██/█/████
Location of Recovery: Birthday party in Cape Canaveral, Florida. All attendees were successfully resuscitated and amnesticized.
Current Status: In storage in its deflated state.

Item Description: A STANDARD BIC PEN (BLACK INK) THAT CAUSES IRRATIONAL DISDAIN OF ITSELF BY ANYONE VIEWING, BUT SERIOUSLY IT'S A [EXPLETIVE] DISGRACE OF A PEN. AFFECTS OF THIS GARBAGE PEN APPEAR TO WORSEN OVER TIME.
Date of Recovery: 10/10/2011
Location of Recovery: A stationery shop in Eastbourne, England.
Current Status: IN STORAGE SOMEWHERE, DON'T CARE AS LONG AS I DON'T HAVE TO SEE IT.
Note: [EXPLETIVE] THIS BLOODY PEN!!!! -Researcher ████
Note 2: WHERE THE [EXPLETIVE] IS IT, I'LL INCINERATE It MYSELF -Dr Bright

Item Description: A wiki containing an exact record of Foundation data and activities. The website is not anomalous except for the security breach it represents.
Date of Recovery: N/A
Location of Recovery: N/A
Current Status: Still online
Note: This site may actually help us by providing evidence to disprove rumors. - Professor Tor

Item Description: An anomalous log describing how a wiki contains an exact record of Foundation data and activities. The log is not anomalous as it explains how the website is not anomalous except for the security breach it represents.
Date of Recovery: N/A
Location of Recovery: N/A
Current Status: Still online
Note: Do we have a Professor Tor in the Foundation? - Dr. Unread

Item Description: A standard police ballistic vest which causes any projectile that hits it to "bounce" off of it in a random direction. Due to this, the vest and the wearer will remain unharmed. The size or speed of the projectile has no effect on the objects anomalous property, up to and including an A-10 Thunderbolt 30mm chain gun. The use of tank shells during testing is to be approved.
Date of Recovery: 10/23/20██
Location of Recovery: ███████ Police station, ████.
Current Status: in testing
Note: The word "projectile" doesn't mean "knife". I will find the jackass who cut a hole in it and end them. - Dr. █████

Item Description: A red pencil that produces blood when used to write.
Date of Recovery: 1/6/2019
Location of Recovery: Tokyo, Japan
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: An unmarked box containing two dozen spools of nylon sutures for stitching wounds. The sutures are absorbed by the skin exactly like catgut sutures despite being entirely synthetic.
Date of Recovery: 1/12/18
Location of Recovery: An immediate care center in █████, Illinois
Current Status: In the medical bay at Site ██ for use by technicians.

Item Description: A piece of P. ponderosa bark which, when held by a sapient being within the 1 meter radius of a living oak tree, will spontaneously be engraved with the message "Welcome to the Segorium Clupita Pentoc. The Children of the Night await you" in the native language of the holder. The engravings will disappear if brought outside the 1 meter radius.
Date of Recovery: 22/05/1958
Location of Recovery: Portland, Oregon
Current Status: In storage. Investigation into the Segorium Clupita Pentoc and its relation with SCP-1000 is underway.

Item Description: A copy of the 1996 animated Disney film //The Hunchback of Notre Dame", which, when viewed, will ignite fireplaces within a 10-meter radius and cause viewers to feel as if they are committing a great sin unless praying to the Virgin Mary. The effect is most intense during the song "Hellfire", at which point all non-atheistic viewers so far have begun praying to Mary regardless of prior religious views.
Date of Recovery: 13/02/1997
Location of Recovery: The home of Researcher █████
Current Status: In storage at Site-17. Site staff may watch it on request.

Item Description: A Magnum brand ice-cream which will melt all ice-cream off it should anyone attempt to bite it. Approximately 5-6 minutes later the ice-cream will reappear.
Date of Recovery: 27/6/2005
Location of Recovery: Glasgow, Scotland
Current Status: In cold storage at Site-██

Item Description: A standard microwave that, when used to heat up food, plays the sound of a defense siren instead of the usual whirring. Also, instead of a beep when the food is done cooking, the sound of a nuclear explosion is heard, accompanied by a mushroom cloud visible inside of the compartment where the food is placed into. Both sounds are played at the usual decibel levels of a non-anomalous microwave, and no damage is done to the microwave or the food, with the exception of nuclear fallout that is also visible on the food after it is cooked, and the food also gives radiation poisoning to anyone within a 5-meter radius. Careful examination of the microwave has revealed nothing abnormal about the components.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: ███ ██████, ██, USA.
Current Status: In Storage.
Note: To avoid radiation poisoning as well as personnel falsely believing that the on-site nuclear warheads are being detonated, this microwave is not to be used by any personnel. Although, it does take the term "nuking" when used to describe the act of microwaving food to a whole new level! -Dr. █████.

Item Description: A ████ brand computer monitor which plays live video feed of SCP-096, regardless of its position. There was no possible way to stop the footage outside of destroying the monitor. During recovery, the object was stained with large amounts of dried blood and filth.
Date of Recovery: 23/09/19██.
Location of Recovery: An 'abandoned' home in █████████, Ohio.
Current Status: Accidentally smashed during recovery and was subsequently incinerated.
Note: Luckily the thing wasn't facing towards the 'camera' or whatever is looking at it when they found the thing. Could've been a hell of a containment breach. I'm glad that Corporal ████ accidentally dropped it down the stairs of the house and broke it. He prevented a disaster which could potentially end humanity, and i applaud him for that. - Dr. Y

Item Description: An unusually hard large coffee mug which causes anyone holding it to use it to strike the closest person to them in a 5 meter radius. Its anomalous properties were uncovered when Dr. Y accidentally smashed Professor ████ over the head using the mug during a conversation. Professor ████ was rendered unconscious.
Date of Recovery: 02/03/20██
Location of Recovery: Dr. Y's desk
Current Status: Broken. Remains were incinerated
Note: Why did they fucking cremate my mug. It was perfectly normal - Dr. Y
Note: It wasn't. - Prof. ████

Item Description: An airsoft gun which fires projectiles that gradually increase in size and mass when fired.
Date of Recovery: 06/06/2019
Location of Recovery: An abandoned airsoft course.
Current Status: Jammed. Fired twice.

Item Description: A █████ brand mechanical watch that, when a bipedal animal of any species, has a line of sight of it, will vomit.
Date of Recovery: 04/10/20██.
Location of Recovery: ██████, Canada.
Current Status: A non see-through box in storage, may be used for testing if authorized by level 2+ personnel.

Item Description: A plush doll of an elephant-cat hybrid. Subject will always remark the object as "Nice"
Date of Recovery: 11/06/20██
Location of Recovery: █████, Mexico
Current Status: In Dr. Richards office.
Note: Nice. -Dr Richard

Item Description: An unopened 2 litre Coke bottle in which any attempt to open it would lead to the subject failling to, and refuse any sort of nutrition.
Date of Recovery: 02/23/█████.
Location of Recovery: A refrigerator in Southern ██████████, Wales.
Current Status: Locked in a small vault.

Item Description: A copy of the book “The Bad Beginning” from the series called “A series of unfortunate events.” Anybody who attempts to read it will get a phone call saying “Your house just burnt down and you’re the only survivor,” after 15 minutes of reading the book.
Date of Recovery: 05/08/2017
Location of Recovery: A middle school library in ███████, Oklahoma.
Current Status: Destroyed in a fire when Dr. Tamsen read it inside his home.

Item Description: An implementation of jQuery, a common JavaScript library, with the addition of the function "$.egg". It takes no parameters, and when passed, a cold hard-boiled egg will manifest within the vicinity of whoever wrote the code, typically on a nearby table.
Date of Recovery: 10/22/2019
Location of Recovery: ██████.n████████.org/lib/js/jquery-min.js
Current Status: File deleted. Copies of the file do not exhibit the anomaly, however, the code of the function appears to consist of a singular 4. Whenever implemented, error handling does not appear to notice any syntax error; the function simply does nothing.

Item Description: An abnormally large paridae with a height of 42 meters, that has a stapled on picture of Bella Goth from the Sims 4. All attempts of removing the picture have failed. People who climb on top of it will also think they have a romantic relationship.
Date of Recovery: 01/07/2020
Location of Recovery: Wacky Fun Zoo in ████████, Detroit.
Current status: Inside a 50 by 50 meter room. Chained up.
Note: It’s a big titty goth gf -Dr. Tamsen.

Item Description: A Dreamworks' Shrek Chia Pet that, if any chia sprouts are damaged, will spontaneously restore damaged sprouts to optimal condition. It does not appear to require sunlight or water.
Date of Recovery: 01/12/2019
Location of Recovery: Residential home in ███ ████, Minnesota.
Current status: In Dr. ██████'s office.

Item Description: A wooden stick, when measured in yards shows 2.1 yards of length. When measured in metres, shows 1 metre of length. This is theoretically impossible.
Date of Recovery: 02/25/2011
Location of Recovery: ██████, Germany
Current status: In storage.
Note: All measuring equipment has been double-checked. -Dr. █████

Item Description: A █████ brand security system that makes humans invisible while being detected by the camera.
Date of Recovery: 12/25/20██
Location of Recovery:██████, Britain
Current Status: Currently being used by the military.
Note: Poor guy who owned this got robbed and there’s no evidence for who did it since the robbers weren’t on camera. -Dr. ███████

Item Description: A can of Pringles®, which when an object is placed inside, generates chips of the flavor of the object placed inside.
Date of Recovery: 07/31/20██
Location of Recovery: █████████, Australia
Current status: In staff break room at Site-██.
Note: Anybody who puts something that isn't food in this thing isn't allowed to use it anymore. -Dr. █████

Item Description: A Podium which gives the person standing behind it minor anxiety, whether or not anyone else is in the same room as them.
Date of Recovery: 06/28/1999.
Location of Recovery: █████ Center, ███████.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A Rumba-brand bongo drum that, when played, emits a loud high-pitched scream.
Date of Recovery: 02/08/2006
Location of Recovery: █████ Music Shop, Pennsylvania
Current Status: Being used as firewood. Incinerated
Note: I am going to need an alka-seltzer after the [EXPLETIVE] testing for this god-[EXPLETIVE]-damn object. -Dr. Richard

Item Description: A head bust of Margaret Thatcher that constantly makes a buzzing noise, similar to that of a Cicada.
Date of Recovery: 04/08/2013
Location of Recovery: Downtown Liverpool
Current Status: In that room that Dr. Richard doesn't want anybody knowing about. In storage.

Item Description: A gun that, while it can not shoot bullets, makes anyone that it is aimed at as the trigger is pulled hate the taste of all types of bread.
Date of Recovery: 01/15/2019
Location of Recovery: ██████ Range, ███████, Florida
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A microphone which gradually shrinks over time, getting about 1 cm3 smaller every hour
Date of Recovery: ██/10/20██
Location of Recovery: █████, Wyoming.
Current Status: Stopped shrinking. Currently the size of a red blood cell.

Item Description: A pencil that becomes sharper the more it is used.
Date of Recovery: 12/10/201█
Location of Recovery: █████ middle school, ████, Texas.
Current Status: Sharp enough to stab through █ meters of solid steel, in basic storage at Site-██

Item Description: 3 coy fish with lungs that still live under water.
Date of Recovery: 1/3/20██
Location of Recovery: ████ lake, 13 meters north of Site-██
Current Status: In standard non-anomalous aquatic life containment unit in Site-██

Item Description: A standard black notebook filled with approximately 312 hand-drawn memetic images. Any attempts to replicate anomalous effects of said images have failed.
Date of Recovery: 1/6/1998
Location of Recovery: Residence of the deceased Researcher Jason ███.
Current Status: Lost in GOC raid on Site-██

Item Description: A right handed ██████ brand baseball glove with all construction materials composed of human tissue. DNA tests have concluded that the epidermis which stands in for the leather belongs to ██████████ █████████, ███ ███████, and ███████████ █████, all citizens of ███████ St. Houston, Texas. When a human inserts there hand into the baseball glove it physically connects itself to the subject, becoming part of the body and replacing the hand. The baseball glove is visceral, with no use too the subject as it cannot be controlled. Amputation is the only form of removal.
Date of Recovery: 3/15/2018
Location of Recovery: The house of Little League Baseball coach ██████ ████, Houston, Texas.
Current Status: Kept in chilled storage in the medical ward of Site-██.

Item Description: A sign that reads “THE NEXT ANOMALOUS OBJECT WILL EXPLODE.” Any attempts to make contact with the sign will have the individual explode. The sign will show no damage.
Date of Recovery: 12/12/1982
Location of Recovery: █████, Alabama
Current Status: Near another sign that says “Do not touch unless you want to die.” Also is in a ditch.

Item Description: ███████ brand Christmas lights, colored red and green, when in the line of sight of any recording device, the entirety of the devices hue will change to either red and green.
Date of Recovery: 12/25/198█.
Location of Recovery: █████, North America.
Current Status: In a standard storage facility, may be used for testing, and can be used for decorating staff work areas during Christmas if wanted.

Item Description: A DVD copy of Shrek 2. When watched, All Star by Smash Mouth will play in the nearest Bluetooth speaker at the maximum volume for approximately 2 hours.
Date of Recovery: 11/26/2012
Location of Recovery: Quebec City, Canada
Current Status: In storage at Site-15.

Item Description: A metal desk fan whose fan blade is capable of reaching speeds of █████ RPM when on the highest setting. The effect is linear, as the fan blade's speed increases at a constant rate of ████ RPM until reaching the top speed. All other settings have no anomalous properties.
This effect allows for the fan to 'fly' around the area it is in.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/19██
Location of Recovery: ██████, Alabama.
Current Status: In storage

Item Description: A small outdoor projector light with room for a filter, exhibiting a minor cognitohazardous effect when viewed on concrete. Observing individuals feel a slight compulsion to enter the nearest restaurant.
Date of Recovery: 08/12/2018
Location of Recovery: Outside a pizza shop in Midtown Manhattan.
Current Status: Short-circuited during an electrical outage at Site-28. Components verified as non-anomalous and recycled.

Item Description A pair of brand █████ snow boots that whenever worn, forces the wearer to walk sideways. Despite doing this, the wearer insists that they are walking straight.
Date of Recovery 05/24/2013
Location of Recovery Fairbanks, Alaska.
Curent Status: Lost in a breach. Current status unkown

Item Description: A cartridge for the game Splatoon 2, for the Nintendo switch, that when used, the player will experience extreme tunnel vision.
Date of Recovery: 01-17-2019
Location of Recovery: At a GameStop store in ████, Maine
Current Status: At Site-19 Breakroom.
Note: This only happens in the multiplayer gamemodes. Single-player appears largely unaffected.

Item Description: Two plush figures of characters from the game Splatoon that appear to manifest bottles of Pepsi-brand soda when not observed. Soda has been shown to be non-anomalous.
Date of Recovery: 08-12-2018
Location of Recovery: On Ebay, selling for $24.99.
Current Status: In Dr. ████’s office.
Note: Cameras have been unable to observe either subject, as they seem to break inexplicably at the time.

Item Description: A small heater which makes everything within the vicinity of it, colder
Date of Recovery: 25/1/2016
Location of Recovery: ████████ School, ████ Sussex
Current Status: Used as makeshift cold storage at Site-██

Item Description: A Large size bar of Cadburys chocolate which once eaten makes you crave it more.
Date of Recovery: 22/5/2016
Location of Recovery: A small corner shop in ████
Current Status: In cold storage Eaten
Note: I WANT MORE - Researcher ██████

Item Description: A standard iPhone Charger Block and cable which takes which takes away charge instead of applying charge.
Date of Recovery: 25/8/2017
Location of Recovery: House of a Mr █████
Current Status: In Storage

Item Description: A Bosch washing machine which makes clothes dirtier instead of cleaning them.
Date of Recovery: 21/5/2018
Location of Recovery: ██████ Dry Cleaners
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A fully organic apple whose skin is invulnerable
Date of Recovery: 02/05/2015
Location of Recovery: Discovered in the home of Mr. ████ when he was in the hospital for a tooth injury from attempting to bite the apple.
Current Status: Insides rotted. Skin still remains in storage.
Note: WHY WON'T IT BREAK - Prof. █████

Item Description: 20 1 meter long glue gun refills. Objects regenerate while being used, consistent with how fast it's being used.
Date of Recovery: 25/1/2018
Location of Recovery: Room 318 in ██████ ████ K-8 school.
Current Status: In storage.
Note: Anyone who needs hot glue is welcome to use these, there's a glue gun by the box they’re in. Just put them back. -Researcher Lime

Item Description: A handheld video camera that spontaniously translocates to the closest location apparently deemed cinematographically appealing, provided it isn't being observed. The item seems to have unlimited power and internal video storage.
Date of Recovery: 16/1/2019
Location of Recovery: On the campus of ███████ university, Australia.
Currently Status: A GPS tracker has been attached to the item and is under the ownership of Researcher Long, who is not to take it off-site.
Note: Are there any aspiring film-makers here who want this thing? I hate it so much. -Researcher Long

Item Description: A life-sized stuffed animal in the shape of an emperor penguin (A. Forsteri) wearing a christmas hat. The object shows no anomalous properties until it is exposed to a printed picture of korean singer Chuu, at which point the object begins to levitate and 'squeak' with varying levels of intensity to the tune of ''Heart Attack'', debut single by the same artist.
Date of Recovery: 20/10/2018
Location of Recovery: Garbage can in the Hongdae region of Seoul, South Korea.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A 2-slice toaster which, when any bread-based food is inserted and attempted to be toasted, will teleport the bread to a location in the center of Jupiter.
Date of Recovery: 1/26/2019
Location of Recovery: A garage sale in Baltimore, Maryland.
Currently Status: In storage.

Item Description: A bath towel that can absorb up to approximately 1500 litres of natural rainwater. Chlorinated water has been found to have no effect on the object.
Date of Recovery: 1/1/19
Location of Recovery: Hull, England, UK.
Current Status: In Storage.
Note: The object may be used to mop up spills affecting research.

Item Description: A red button with no other notable properties, when the button is placed inside of a building with speakers and alarms, and is pushed, the speakers will go off, stating that a seemingly random SCP has breached containment, and then all alarms in the building will go off.
Date of Recovery: 2/11/198█.
Location of Recovery:████, Nebraska.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A XM16E1 with the stock removed, a cut-down barrel, and a 100 round drum magazine, no properties can be noticed until one uses it, it seems to have an infinite amount of ammo and the magazine can not be removed, another noticed affect is when it is being fired, "Snake Eater" can be heard close by while it is being fired, "The Boss's Patriot" is engraved at the bottom of the magazine.
Date of Recovery: 4/23/198█.
Location of Recovery:████, Nebraska.
Current Status: Currently being used by the military.

Item Description: A black plant pot composed of Arsenic. Whenever a plant is inserted into the plant pot, the plant's material changes to that of Arsenic. All experimented plants are to be destroyed after testing.
Date of Recovery: 7/█/201█
Location of Recovery: ███████ ██████, UK.
Current Status: In Storage.

Item Description: ████ recalled copies of █████ Clothing's "Gut Slut" print t-shirt. When any fitting shirt is worn by a human subject, they instantly and irreversably become a vorarephile. Vorearephilic subjects are unaffected.
Date of Recovery: 8/8/20██
Location of Recovery: ██████████████, Japan
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A red and white Military-grade field doctor bag. When it is viewed by any subject who has sustained any type of harm to their body that can be tended to through use of it directly views the object, they will loudly vocalize that they "need a medic bag" and begin to tend to their wounds involuntarily. Once they have patched up every injury on their person, the bag restocks itself and the subject is released.
Date of Recovery: 8/13/20██
Location of Recovery: Washington D.C.
Current Status: Stored in Site-██'s medical ward.

Item Description: A standard sheet of notebook paper with a number of sentences written on it. Any attempt to read the texts present on the object will result in the reader becoming illiterate for as long as they are attempting to read it. Due to this, there is no possible way to read what's on the paper. This effect carries over to photographs taken of the object. Any remaining illiteracy is coincidental.
Date of Recovery: 02/04/1999
Location of Recovery: An abandoned home in █████, Alabama.
Current Status: In storage
Note: It was fun watching people try to read this. I should have a poet try to read this one day - Dr. Y

Item Description: A large wardrobe which manifests a random rodent inside of it when its doors are left open in an area of 20 lumens or less. The effect can only occur once every 24 hours. Rodents observed to have no anomalous properties.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/200█
Location of Recovery: The bottom of a small pond in ████, which was observed to have over ███ corpses of small rodents located in the area. Rodents presumed to have drowned.
Current Status: Incinerated

Item Description: a pink heart shaped sheet of paper in the typical style of a hand made valentines card with text saying 'the flesh that loves - love the sarkics' when touched all scars on the subject will heal
Date of Recovery: 2/14/2013
Location of Recovery: given to by church of the broken god after a sarkic temple raid
Current Status: in storage
Note: "i would say to use this in medical practice but… well we know how the sarkics are" - Dr.rose

Item Description: A standard TK-3 light anti-infantry tank with Polish Inscriptions on the left side of the hull. Nothing is out of the ordinary except for the speed of which the tank can reach, estimated up to 137 horsepower than what the supposed engine can put out.
Date of Recovery: 7/12/17
Location of Discovery: Białowieża Forest, Poland
Current Status: Engine has been decommissioned and now currently displayed in Site-██’s parking lot as a memorial.

Item Description: A muzzle brake, separated from a 76mm M1A2 cannon. Every two (2) hours, smoke begins to exit the muzzle end, such events usually take ten (10) minutes before ending. The source of the smoke is unknown. and it appears to be harmless to organic matter inhaling it. Prolonged exposure to the smoke will damage the lungs, resulting in coughing, shortness of breath and respiratory collapse if untreated.
Date of Recovery: █/██/1962
Location of Discovery: Brest, France.
Current Status: In storage, Site-██ A chamber with a fully functional ventilation system, Site-██.
Relocation Log: 1989, To a small chamber in Site-██
Note: After testing, it is confirmed that the smoke, is indeed, a health hazard, additional information was written in red. - Senior Researcher █████

Item Description: The Twitter account of ████ ███████, a political opinion columnist for the ██████ █████ newspaper. Following █/██/2018, any Tweets made by the account with a reply-to-like ratio of less than 4 would be replied to by randomly selected Twitter accounts without input from the owners of those accounts until a ratio of 4 was reached. All accounts would post a reply consisting of the text "piss up my ass bitch boy" and an image of a Trembler-class infohazard.
Date of Recovery: █/██/2018
Location of Discovery: N/A
Current Status: Account suspended, replies deleted, exposed subjects amnesticized. Potential GAW involvement under investigation.

Item Description: A Philips steam iron. Once turned on, if used on any piece of clothing it will turn that piece of clothing into 100% pure iron.
Date of Recovery: 12/5/████
Location of Discovery: ███████ Dry Cleaners, Edinburgh
Current Status: Given to a Foundation front that is disguised as a metal working factory. it will hopefully reduce material costs.

Item Description: A “magic eight ball” toy that correctly answers any yes-no question when used.
Date of Recovery: 02-05-199█
Location of Recovery: █████’s bar in ███████, Georgia, where it was available for use as a novelty.
Current Status: Terminated. Seemingly lost all anomalous properties as of 18-06-201█, now exhibiting the behaviour of a non-anomalous magic eight ball.
“I’m trying to apply Occam’s Razor to this, but I can’t tell if it’s more likely for it to have been an anomaly that inexplicably lost its properties, or for it to have been a regular eight ball to begin with and it was only a coincidence that it was never wrong for over two decades. Requesting that we determine approximately how many questions we asked it over its time with us so we can figure out the odds. Maybe that bar as well. Even an average will do.”
- Doctor Mening
“We lost ████ to those █████████ bastards on the word of that ball. I refuse to believe that the Foundation has ever made any decisions based on the random outcomes of a regular toy. I move that we not put any thought into Mening’s proposal, leave this one in the furnace and move on.”
- Doctor Paterson
“Agreed.”
- Director █████████, Site-██

Item Description: A bottle of wood polish labled "Living Juice" that when applied to any wooden furniture piece, will cause it to achieve sentience and enable it to move around on its legs. The bottle refills every 24 hours. The affected furniture have basic domestic capabilities, including learning commands.
Date of Recovery: 05/09/20██
Location of Recovery: in a thrift store in Miami, Florida.
Current Status: In secure storage
Note: I have a chair named Melvin now. It's a good chair. - Dr. Y
Note: Having your own domestic living chair or table is not allowed, even if it IS named, No matter what anyone says. Anyone's living furniture will be incinerated - Prof. ████

Item Description: The object appears to be a standard United States fire extinguisher, though in place of the text "Fire Extinguisher" is "Fire Distinguisher." When pointed at any item and the trigger mechanism is activated, the object will release a male voice which is described as "Condescending" and determine what the item is.
Date of Recovery: 03/28/20██
Location of Recovery: ████████ High School located in Ohio.
Current Status: In secure storage at Site-██.

Item Description: 14 13 12 syringes of the MMR vaccine that when injected into a sapient organism causes said organism to develop mild autism.
Date of Recovery: 01/01/20██
Location of Recovery: █████████████ childrens hospital, ██████████ California
Current Status: In secure storage at Site-███

Item Descriptions: 1 McDonalds icecream soft-serve machine that works
Date of Recovery: 02/06/20██
Location of Recovery: Unnamed Amish Establishment, Ethiopia
Current Status In breakroom of Site-█

Item Description: 30 25 metres of █████ brand cable heat shrink that when exposed to heat shrinks down to the atomic level.
Date of Recovery: 11/02/20██
Location of Recovery: Bunnings Warehouse ████████ Perth Western Australia
Current Status: In use by site-81 containment R&D team

Item Description: A stainless steel wire puzzle consisting of two pieces, each with an undetermined width. At first glance, it appears to be easy to solve, but if any attempt is made to separate the pieces, it will reform into a different shape. It was originally registered as
SCP-[DATA EXPUNGED], but later deemed a waste of the foundation's time and resources by 05-█.
Date of Recovery: 5/7/1986
Location of Recovery: Robinson Lutheran kindergarten, Mohnton, Pennsylvania.
Current Status: Kept in janitor John Steven's desk, site-███

Item Description: A standard white measuring a diameter of 11 plate. Any consumable, excluding liquids, that contact the plate, will become very hard in consistency, measuring over a 10 on the Mohs hardness scale.
Location of Recovery: ██████ Family Diner, Seattle, United States of America
Current Status: Standard Containment Locker in Site-64.
Whichever idiot put it into the Cafeteria, very funny. Ha ha. If you do this, I will manually snap your neck, and make you pay, you imbecile. - Doctor Clark
Happy April Fools, Clarky! - Researcher Harrison
Note: Researcher Harrison was found being strangled by Clark, in the bathroom. Harrison and Clark both reprimanded for inappropriate behaviour - Site Director Edgar Holman

Item Description: A 5"5 statue of an unknown individual that, when touched, will emit the words, "GET YOUR DIRTY HANDS OFF ME, YOU INSOLENT BASTARD!" in a Scottish accent.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/1963
Location of Recovery: ███████ ████, ██████████, ████, Scotland.
Current Status: Contained in a secure storage locker at Site-13. Contained at Site-108's Anomalous Item Storage Sector.
Researcher Note: Found in a crater following the Site-13 incident. [DATA EXPUNGED] -Dr. Xythinien

Item Description: An ██████ brand tea holder, when any type of sugar is placed inside of the object, the sugar will turn into salt.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/1999.
Location of Recovery:████, California.
Current Status: In low threat anomalous item storage.
Note: The next person to put this in the cafeteria is getting reprimanded.

Item Desbription: A red bandana with the writing "Blood Forever" engraved on the front that will bause the third letter of the alphabet "b" to change to the second letter of the alphabet, "b" whenever the item in question is referred to in writing.
Date of Rebovery: 04/12/1990
Lobation of Rebovery: L.A, Balifornia.
Notes: Any "b"s that have been stribken in this dobument are to be regarded as the third letter of the English lexibon pronounbed "see".
Burrent Status: Anomalous item bontainer ███.

Item Description: An A-10 Thunderbolt II ground attack aircraft which explodes unless the pilot has eaten a cheese sandwich in the last 24 hours.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/17
Location of Recovery:████, United States of America
Current Status: Destroyed after a D-Class tried to escape with the aircraft.
Note: This is a severe security breach. Do not let it happen again. -Site Director Ormiston

Item Description: A modified portable vacuum sweeper that is capable of vacuum items bigger than the sweeper itself and use them as projectiles. Items bigger than a car are not able to be vacuumed and be used as a projectile.
Date of Recovery: 15/12/2002
Location of Recovery:█████, Japan
Current Status: Currently under studies in Site-446's Research Sector-24. Formerly stored in Site-66's Anomalous Items locker.
Note: colored crystals were found when recovered, all having a particular shape of a pause or a rewind icon. Studies are on the way to determine if they are anomalous. The crystals have been determined to influence time's speed when three of them are applied inside the sweeper's vacuum slot. Requesting to classify the crystals as an SCP in progress.
Researcher Note: Reminder that despite this item looks like it came out from a videogame, this is real life. So please, refrain to shoot garbage against coworkers with this. Agent Norton had his spine broke because one of you used this. -Site Director Dr. Romagnoli

Item Description: The corpse of a domesticated dog of which has been hit by a truck. Whenever touched a person feels the need to run it over again. Any affected person knows the layout to get to their car and will go hours without drinking, eating, or sleeping.
Date of Recovery: 18/02/2001
Location of Recovery:█████, United States of America
Current Status: Unknown.
Note: Who thought it was a good idea to take put bits of this in the meat loaf? Oh god, the poor repairmen. - Dr. Num

Item Description: A large collection of floating rhodophytes that behave as standard, fully mobilized scyphozoans while lacking the morphology to be logically capable of doing so. Those who touch it will have hemotoxins manifest spontaneously within the circulatory system.
Date of Recovery: 01/09/2012
Location of Recovery: Queensland Coast, Australia
Current Status: Portions of instances contained in Site-37 Containment Reservoir Unit-81.

Item Description: A copy of the game Super Mario Odyssey for the Nintendo Switch. Selecting the Wario Cap and Wario Suit as Mario’s outfit in-game will invariably cause the player to experience excessive gas and flatulence for 2 days following.
Date of Recovery: 2/9/2019
Location of Recovery: █████████, United States of America
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A wooden leg prosthetic that would kick a subject when their backs are turned to it.
Date of Recovery: 2/6/1978
Location of Recovery: Stockholm, Sweden
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A foam pickaxe resembling a diamond pickaxe from the game Minecraft, that is able to mine stone in 1mx1mx1m cubes (roughly one block in the game) as if it was a real pickaxe made of real diamonds.
Date of Recovery: 1/5/2012.
Location of Recovery: A house in Baltimore, MD.
Current Status In storage.

Item description: A pair of oxblood leather gloves with translucent stitching. The finger pads are coated in a onyx colored resin which reverberates in response to movement of the fingers. Sounds produced with the gloves create a several seconds long echo.
This effect is still present even during tests conducted at Site-██'s Anechoic Facilities.
Date of Recovery: 3/12/19██
Location of Recovery: Paris, █th Arrondissement
Current Status: [DATA EXPUNGED]

Item Description: A can of PepsiCo Brand soda that is always full.
Date of Recovery: 1/██/2018
Location of Recovery: A 24-pack of Pepsi soda, owned by Agent ██████.
Current Status: Currently stored in the refrigerator of Dr. █████.

Item Description: A pink eraser that erases an entire drawing when it makes contact with it.
Date of Recovery: 5/19/202█
Location of Recovery: A pack of artist erasers, owned by Dr. █████.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A marked pillbox that reads: "For Depression" containing 11 10 pills that, upon consumption, elevate the ground surrounding the consumer within a 5 metre radius 12 metres vertically.
Date of Recovery: 18/7/2017
Location of Recovery: Retrieved from ██ █████ General Hospital, Perth, Australia
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A clay figurine depicting an echidna that temporarily nullifies the balance and sense of direction of anyone looking at it.
Date of Recovery: 7/8/2016
Location of Recovery: Kampala, Uganda
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A pencil that attempts to roll away no matter how leveled the surface it is on is.
Date of Recovery: 2/21/2019
Location of Recovery: Littleton, Colorado
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: 13 12 goldfish that can "swim" and breathe outside of water and sink and drown when put inside of water.
Date of Recovery: 1/08/2019
Location of Recovery: ███████ fair, Los Angeles, California.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A brownish mug that will always create a compulsion to the person filling it to fill it to the top. Said person will then drop the mug along with the liquid while trying to carry it,creating a coffee stain (regardless of the liquid it was filled with).
Date of Recovery: 3/04/2016
Location of Recovery: ███████ Studios, Berlin, Germany.
Current Status: In possession of Dr. Bright
Note: They kept using it and Site 4 is filled with coffee stains everywhere.

Item Description: A 5m / 5m / 5m storage container which when entered cause the occupant to become intoxicated and unable to control bodily functions such as urinating.
Date of Recovery: 20/2/18
Location of Recovery: ███████, Glasgow
Current Status: In storage
Note It stinks now. - Researcher ███████

Item Description: A 2.5m x 1m x 0.01m plane mirror that reflects objects and their movements with an 0.5 second delay.
Date of Recovery: 6/26/1997
Location of Recovery: ██████, Poland
Current Status: In dry storage at Site-09

Item Description: A toilet seat that lifts itself whenever it is unobserved.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: Woman's restroom at Site 11.
Current Status: Swapped with a non-anomalous seat in the men's room.

Item Description: A 60's era CRT television that only plays lost Doctor Who episodes as they appeared when they were first broadcast. The episodes are played on a never ending loop from oldest to newest.
At this point in time, none of the staff at the site in which the television is stored have found a way to turn it off. Attempts to destroy the object remain unsuccessful.
Date of Recovery: 17/08/2009
Location of Recovery: ███████, England
Current Status: In storage at site - █ (next to Dr. Spoon's office)
Note: After further investigation, I've found that a few Doctor Who episodes that should be lost aren't coming up on the CRT. That means there must be some still out there! - Dr. Spoon

Item Description: An elevator cab with a standard metal interior. Should a subject enter the elevator, upon the doors closing, the item will exhibit three anomalous effects:
- All fluorescent lights in the elevator will suddenly cease functioning, and subsequently be replaced by a manifestation of lights consistent with "strobe" light shows utilized at raves. These lights have no apparent source.
- The song "S.U.M.M.E.R." by Japanese hardstyle duo Massive New Krew will begin playing with no apparent source at 90 decibels.
- Any subjects present within the elevator, regardless of prior dancing experience, will be subject to a mild compulsion to dance to the rhythm of the song.
The anomalous effects will continue until the doors re-open (whether by force or by reaching the desired floor) or until the end of the song. Upon cessation of anomalous effects, a smiling emoticon will briefly display in place of the current floor number. Notably, these anomalous effects (as well as the opening and closing of the doors) continue to function while the elevator is unpowered.
Date of Recovery: 06-21-████
Location of Recovery: A hotel in ███████, Belgium.
Current Status: In storage at Site-██.
Note: Following Incident AI-9420-█, personnel that wishes to use the item as stress relief must submit an application to my desk prior to being allowed access. I don't want another 'elevator rave' resulting in a broken nose because none of you know how to dance. - Dr. Jericho

Item Description: A microscope that, when observed through the main eyepiece, will force any living specimen placed underneath the microscope to rearrange itself to resemble former vice-president Joe Biden.
Date of Recovery: 1-21-2017
Location of Recovery: The Oval Office main desk, Washington DC.
Current Status: In storage Site-A9

Item Description: Eight Seven Six Five MP3 players that explode if the user plays any songs with explicit lyrics. (Explosion size dependent on the intensity of language used.)
Date of Recovery: 2-4-2004
Location of Recovery: South Hayward United Methodist Church, CA
Current Status: One (1) destroyed after Dr. Null tried to play “Rappin’ For Jesus” By Brian Spinney. Detonation size equivalent to a 1/2g of TNT.
Note: Another was destroyed after Dr. Null attempted to play the song “Killing In The Name” By Rage Against The Machine. Explosion equivalent to a large grenade.
Note 2: Another was destroyed when Dr. Bright attempted to play his “fire mixtape.” Test was preformed at a safe location. Detonation equivalent to a low yield nuclear bomb.

Item Description: An approximately 5.4cm high, 7.4cm wide ceramic glass fish that, when within earshot, will begin to play "Ocean Man" by Ween on a loop. When subjects leave earshot of the fish the song is cut off and will resume at the point where it was cut off when subjects return in earshot of the object.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/2011
Location of Recovery: The back room of a ceramics shop in ██████, England
Current Status: In the possession of Dr. Spoon
Note: I normally keep this thing in my office, the reason for this is that other workers in site - █ complain that while the song is indeed good they don't want to hear it every time they come near me. - Dr. Spoon

Item Description: A pair of vinyl records, one containing the original soundtrack for Minecraft and the other for Undertale. Should the Undertale record be played, subjects will report hearing the soundtrack for Minecraft and vice versa. Spectral analysis of the audio played shows that the records do, in fact, play the soundtracks that are designated to them, and that the reversal is purely due to the perception of the listener. This effect also extends to recordings of the audio played by the records.
Date of Recovery: 03/04/2019
Location of Recovery: A GameStop store in Atlanta, GA, USA.
Current Status: In the Site-77 break room for recreational use.

Note: Hey, I ain't complaining.
- Junior Researcher Jacob Hernandez

Item Description: An iron plate, measuring 2ft by 2ft by 1 in. An anomalous symbol is inscribed on the front. When viewed, the symbol forces all personnel who view it to tell the complete truth. Examination of the square has shown that a sheet of paper is embedded inside of it.
Date of Recovery: 25/02/2019
Location of Recovery: Produced by SCP-914, from an iron bar and a circle drawn on paper.
Current Status: In storage, for possible use in interrogations.

Note: This is from one of many tests done by Researcher Calloway. He thinks it was destroyed, so keep it quiet.
- Dr. Ricardo

Item Description: A Dell Alienware 15 laptop, that, regardless of what the sleep timer is set to, will enter sleep mode almost instantly once activity is stopped at the computer (once the user stops typing, once the user stops touching the touchpad, etc)
Date of Recovery: 3/4/19
Location of Recovery: A household in ██████, Colorado.
Current Status: Destroyed by Dr. Brecken in a fit of rage, presumably out of annoyance
Note: Damn thing kept turning off every time I stop to type another letter! When I told them I needed a new laptop, they didn't believe me! You would have done the same thing!
-Dr. Brecken

Item Description: A vinyl copy of the 1990 Depeche Mode album Violator. Upon the vinyl reaching the song "Personal Jesus", the nearest telephone device will receive a call from an unknown number. All efforts to trace the call have failed thus far. The caller will speak in the voice and primary language of the current sitting Pope and will attempt to convert the subject to Roman Catholicism through generous and often helpful life advice. The caller possesses near-complete knowledge of Christian thought and biblical canon, but some discrepancies have been noted (such as the existence of a 13th apostle named "Ludwig the Mindful"). Research has concluded that there is no relation between the caller and the actual Pope.
Date of Recovery: 04/07/1996
Location of Recovery: █████████, Ivanovo Oblast, Russia
Current Status: In storage at Site-██.

Item Description: A madium piar of glasses simliar to thoes used by membrs of the SCP fundation, that wen worn will poot the wearer into an almost dislexyic state.
Date of Recovery: 11/5/2012
Location of Recovery: The dask of a high ranking site director
Current Status: Unknown
Note: I apologise fur my speling, since I wos givan my new glasses, I seem to have goten much wores at it.

Item Description: A Solanum tuberosom potato orbiting Pluto. The object was discovered after Site-██ catering staff reported some of their potatoes being replaced with minuscule space rocks without an outside force, with the object immediately appearing on the trackers of the FKBE probe. The orbital period for the potato is calculated to be about three Earth years, and the orbit appears stable.
Date of Recovery: 01/01/2011
Location of Recovery: The Kuiper Belt
Current Status: Not recovered due to the expense and time required for recovery. Under observation by the Foundation Kuiper Belt Explorer probe.
Note: We know where one of the potatoes is, but there were 3 missing. I have a deathly suspicion that the others are further away in the Kuiper Belt.

Item Description A DVD of the 1994 film Pulp Fiction. When the scene in which Uma Thurman's character overdoses on heroin is reached, viewers will experience symptoms in line with a heroin overdose, resulting in death.
Date of Recovery 2/9/10
Location of Recovery Los Angeles, California
Current Status In storage at site-19. Could be used in the future for humane executions.

Item Description: An iPhone 4 that loses its entire battery power within seconds if not being actively charged. Still requires full restart/power on sequence if the battery is drained. Phone components determined to be non-anomalous when separated. Touchscreen non-functional.
Date of Recovery: 8/5/2015
Location of Recovery: Columbia, South Carolina
Current Status: Secured at Site-██ low-risk anomalous items storage.

Item Description: An apple pie that spontaneously explodes whenever it is approached.
Date of Recovery: 3/14/2019
Location of Recovery: Portland, Oregon
Current Status: In storage at Site-19, separated from other items and staff.

Item Description: A cup that, when any liquid is poured into it, will turn said liquid into wine.
Date of Recovery: 3/15/2019
Location of Recovery: Wallkill, NY
Current Status: In the personal possession of Dr. Mahood

Item Description: A bag of goldfish crackers, that if one is eaten or broken, will duplicate into 2 more of the cracker.
Date of Recovery: 3/16/2019
Location of Recovery: Great Pacific Garbage Patch
Current Status: Secured inside a titanium vault at Site-██ high-risk anomalous items storage.

Item Description: A head of garlic that never rots or runs out.
Date of Recovery: 2019-03-13
Location of Recovery: Seattle, WA
Current Status: In storage at Site-19.
Note: Just because some of you have the taste for raw garlic does NOT mean you can sneak it into the kitchen.

Item Description: A standard Karaoke microphone that, when held in the 'On' setting, causes the person holding said item to start singing the song "Dragostea Din Tei" by O-Zone in perfect Romanian, regardless of the subject's knowledge of the song or known languages.
Date of Recovery: 3/19/2019
Location of Recovery: Purchased on E-Bay from unknown location Daegu, South Korea.
Current Status: Located in recreation area 601-B for emergency purposes. Currently in need of replacement batteries.
Note: Original seller determined to have no idea that effects of the device were at all unusual, claims to have found at a karaoke bar in Durban, South Africa when messaged.

Item Description: A cube that causes anyone viewing it to perceive it as a sentient entity that is planning on murdering them. Personnel that has viewed the cube have reported fear that it is secretly plotting to stab them. In response to this, Dr. Jung would like to remind all personnel that the cube will never threaten to stab you, and, in fact, cannot speak.
Date of Recovery: 3/19/2019
Location of Recovery: ████, Michigan
Current Status: A pile of ashes that are no longer anomalous
Note: For the last time, stop giving D-Class the cube and telling them that they will “receive a cake” if they solve puzzles with it.

Item Description: A globe that, when spun makes subjects feel as though they're currently on a rocking boat. Subjects often lose their balance because of this feeling. It is recommended that those who often experience sea sickness do not interact with this item. Feeling dissipates after 2-13 minutes. Where America is has been replaced by the text "I hate botes" [sic].
Date of Recovery: 3/20/2019
Location of Recovery: Earth, Texas
Current Status: Contained at Storage Site-██.

Item Description: A redwood tree that is unharmed by any methods. The branches and pines tie in knots when line of sight is broken completely. Method is currently unknown.
Date of Recovery: Unknown.
Location of Recovery: ███████ █████████, Sacramento, California
Current Status: Remaining in ███████ █████████, monitored by camera.

Item Description: A grandfather clock with a face vaguely similar to SCP-1032. Estimated to have 50 to 60 hands, each moving at or close to the speed of light and, as such, cannot be read. Analysis shows hands have been slowing down slightly as of █/█/██.
Date of Recovery: 6/7/78
Location of Recovery: John's Antiques, ████████, Russia
Current Status: Contained at Site-77.

Item Description: Glasses that will flip your vision upside down if you have observed light within the last 20 seconds
Date of Recovery: 21/4/04
Location of Recovery: Specsavers, Rubbish bin
Current Status: Destroyed after Researcher Scott fell over while trying to wear them

Item Description: A stick of Slim Jim jerky which, when viewed, will play the José Feliciano song Feliz Navidad on the nearest electronic device with Internet access to the person viewing it. If this device has access to the YouTube website, it will open one of the following YouTube videos:


Date of Recovery: 12/31/2019
Location of Recovery: █████ █████ grocery store, ██████████, West Virginia, USA
Current Status: Destroyed after Junior Researcher Peterson ate it.

Item Description: A small cloth "sling bag" full of clothes which, when swung at a person's head, will hit them with a force equal to a thrown rock.
Date of Recovery: 3/22/2019
Location of Recovery: ██████████ School, ██████ City, Cavite, Philippines
Current Status: Contained at Site-25

Item Description: A box containing two hundred (200) Olive green highlighter pens, Will make anyone memorize any amount of text with 100% accuracy by just placing their head on it (the text highlighted by the pen.) for a while. Memory of text can be easily removed with the help of amnestics.
Date of Recovery:10/9/2019
Location of Recovery:█████ stationery store, ██████, New York, USA
Current status:In the office supply closet at site-██. Free for all personnel to use.

Item Description: A yellow graphite pencil that constantly levitates 0.9 meters off the ground. Additionally, it always points towards 54.5028° N, 3.1486° W, which is the town of Borrowdale, England.
Date of Recovery: 7/11/2005
Location of Recovery: Thomas Robinson High School in Tampa, Florida.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A computer mouse that goes onto web sites that the user thinks of instantly, when using the scroll wheel.
Date of Recovery: 26/03/2019
Location of Recovery: Sortland High School in Sortland, Norway.
Current Status: In use by MTF-Kappa-10.

Item Description: A potato that gives a euphoric feeling of freedom.
Date of Recovery: 5/09/2014
Location of Recovery: DR. █████ kitchen on 5/09/2014
Current Status: Terminated by Dr. █████ and Dr.███████

Item Description: Two 201█ blue Subaru Imprezas. When any damage or movement occurs with one, the other will experience the same amount of said damage and/or movement. This means they are at a constant 51.2 km from each other.
Date of Recovery: 15/02/2019
Location of Recovery: Two houses in the province of Manitoba
Current Status: Contained at Areas 5515-1 and 5515-2, specially built for their containment. Both cars now have two broken taillights, a heavily dented roof, one partially-shattered windshield, a trunk that cannot be closed, and a broken back axle. Repair is planned on 15/04/2019.

Item Description: A deck of cards where you will always draw pair.
Date of Recovery: 16/05/2001
Location of Recovery: At a yard sale in Ohio
Current Status:In Dr. Brights desk

Item Description: A 2" miniature recreation of the TARDIS console from the television programme "Doctor Who". When someone says "It's bigger inside than out" or a variation of the phrase within its vicinity the object will activate and vanish for 24 hours. When it eventually re-materialises it will take on the appearance of a different version of the console.
Date of recovery: 17/09/2006
Location of recovery: An abandoned workshop in █████, Wales
Current Status: Contained in Site-█
Note: The current appearance of the model is that from season 19 of the classic era, I know I may sound like a nerd writing this but I'm just making it clear.
-Researcher ███████

Item Description: A collection of plastic juggling balls of varying colors, each 7.5 cm in diameter. When a human subject juggles 2 or more of the balls for 43 seconds, another ball of similar dimensions will spontaneously manifest just above the subject’s right hand. This anomalous effect will only occur once per juggling session.
Date of Recovery: 09/13/2017
Location of Recovery: ████████, Montana
Current Status: Contained in the C-Wing of Site-64.
Notice: Due to the self-replicating anomaly associated with the item, the Foundation formally requests that all further Anomaly Testing Requests involving this item be approved by the Site-64 Director.

Item Description: A piece of flossing string 10 inches long. When tied in a knot, the string will pass through itself.
Date of Recovery: 10/5/98
Location of Recovery: ████'s Dentist and Orthodontics, Sacramento, California
Current Status: In storage at Site-77 and Site-64.
Note: String was accidentally ripped in half by Dr. Obrecht. Only the left side maintained it's anomalous properties, the right half was shipped to Site-64 for examanation.

Item Description: A humanoid figure that is an asian male in his early 20s. This humanoid bears no need to urinate or defecate. GPS tracking shows that these substances are instantly teleported to the bottom of the Marianas Trench via unknown and obviously anomalous means.
Date of Recovery: 17/4/2014
Location of Recovery: Richmond VA, United States
Current Status: Currently in a standard humanoid containment cell within Site-6-3.
Note: “This would be useful” - Dr. Bright
Note: “We have told you multiple times Dr. Bright, you can’t give anomalous entities SCP-963, no matter how ‘cool’ or ‘useful’ you think it would be. Remember your disaster with SCP-682” - O5-█

Item Description: A male giant anteater (Myrmecophaga tridactyla). Periodically, various species of the family Formicidae will appear in and emerge from any cracks and holes in a 1.5 m radius from it.
Date of Recovery: 03/02/2014
Location of Recovery: Reid Park Zoo, Tucson, Arizona
Current Status: In animal containment.

Item Description: A regular piece of chalk which personnel claim to be anomalous.
Date of Recovery: 01/04/2018
Location of Recovery: A school in ███████, Utah
Current Status: Incinerated.
Note: So, if the anomalous property is that everyone thinks it's anomalous is it actually anomalous? It is a normal piece of chalk, but, it… People think its anomalous, so is that it's anomalous property? But… I need a drink. -Dr. Richard

Item Description: A female Tomato Frog-J (Dyscophus antongilii-J). Whenever the specimen is mentioned (either when a human says it's name/species or when it is written in a document when referring to the specimen in question), a "-J" is always added onto the end.
Date of Recovery: 06/09/2018
Location of Recovery: Pets at Home, Blackburn, United Kingdom
Current Status: In animal containment.

Item Description: A stuffed dinosaur that produces sounds similar to that of an actual dinosaur, with no known source from where the sound could come from.
Date of Recovery: 06/16/20██
Location of Recovery: Wilmington, North Carolina
Current Status: In Dr. James's (Age 10) playroom lab
Note: I've always wanted a real dinosaur! - Dr. James
Note: Don't tell him it's not real. - Dr. Breen

Item Description: An unopened envelope with the label “Orion Belt Utilities” that is addressed to "Sol III". Inside is a notice for unpaid bills and a warning that all heating utilities will be shut down unless payment in an unknown currency is made soon. Despite showing no signs of wear, the envelope and its contents are dated to have been created near the beginning of the last ice age.
Date of Recovery: 08/11/2017
Location of Recovery: paleontology dig site near █████, Wyoming
Current Status: In storage at Site-12.

Item Description: An AR-10 assault rifle which plays Irish rebellion songs when fired. Songs consist of 'Kinky Boots,' 'Men Behind the Wire,' and 'The Foggy Dew' all performed by the band 'The Wolfe Tones'
Date of Recovery: 04/21/1998
Location of Recovery: The streets of Belfast
Current Status: In Dr. McClellan's office

Item Description: A Toyota Sprinter Trueno that will always appear visually to “drift” when driving over 25 km/hr (~15 mph). This effect is only visual as the car itself drives as normal. To note is that when the driver themself is “drifting”, the car shows no visual anomalies.
Date of Recovery: 24/12/2012
Location of Recovery: █████, Japan
Current Status: Currently held in a secure hanger near ███████, Japan.
Note: “I don’t care how ‘cool’ you think it would be to take this item for a ‘test drive’ or a ‘race’. We contain items like this for a reason, and you shouldn’t let your obsession with the anime ‘Initial D’ interfere with our job. You are researchers, so act like it.” - Researcher ████

Item Description: A set of 8 Matryoshka dolls with distorted internal geometries; the doll with the largest external dimensions features the smallest internal dimensions, while the doll with the smallest external dimensions features the largest external dimensions. Objects were recovered placed inside one another in order of decreasing internal dimensions.
Date of Recovery: 6/4/2002
Location of Recovery: Leeds, United Kingdom
Current Status: Objects were separated and placed into individual storage at Site 25.

Item Description: 12 paper straws of unknown make, which cause whatever drink they are inserted into to become identical to ████'█ brand sweet tea.
Date of recovery: 4/11/2005
Location of recovery: A small 750 square feet apartment in ███████████, FL.
Current status: In Site 11 break room for recreational use.
Note: Needs more sugar. - Dr.███

Item Description: A pair of dentures comprised of metal and resin. When inserted into the mouth the subject will continually talk about their time in the war until the dentures are removed even if they have not participated in any war at all. If the dentures are inserted into a subjects mouth who already possesses all of their adult teeth, the dentures will completely replace the current set of teeth and must be removed with force.
Date of recovery: 04/02/2019
Location of recovery: █████ Nursing Home in ███████, Texas
Current status: In low security storage. In storage.
Note: Subjects have shown knowledge of confidential military information. Subjects will now be required to take class A amnestics after testing. - Dr.█████

Item Description: A scale model of the human skeleton made of chromium. When it comes into contact with a human being, it enters their body and coats their skeleton in chromium
Date of recovery: 4/11/19
Location of recovery: Output chamber of SCP-914
Current Status: Coating the skeleton of Dr. Matism
Note: Dr. Mann really wants to get his hands on this thing - Dr. Matism

ALL HAIL CARL SAGAN

Item Description: A life-sized doll filled with interstellar particulate matter and trace amounts of metallic hydrogen. Mimics the appearance of the late astronomer Carl Edward Sagan.
Date of Recovery: 1996-12-21
Location of Recovery: Fred Hutchinson Research Center, Seattle, Washington
Recovery Log: On the morning after Carl Sagan's death, mortuary technicians noticed Sagan's body had gone missing. Law enforcement dispatched on-site reported that a person or group of persons had stolen and replaced the body, discovering the doll alongside a Freedom From Religion brochure. Foundation agents later released a cover story proposing that the incident was a practical joke.

For the ensuing two months, Sagan's cadaver could not be located. To mitigate distress within the Sagan family, Foundation agents planned a necessary cover-up funeral. On February 27, 1997, the Amnestics Department orchestrated a secular public memorial service for Carl Sagan's life. Throughout the service, a specialized Class-E/W "Solace" a/mnestic cocktail was dispersed. Memories and feelings associated with melancholy and grief were expunged and replaced with a reinforced mass fondness for the late Sagan.
Current Status: Item is contained within a shrine to Carl Sagan at Site-64.

For more information, please consult the documentation for SCP-4519.

Item Description: A stainless steel spoon that only reflects the face of researcher Dr. Spoon.
Date of Recovery: 02/01/2019
Location of Recovery: The Home of Dr. Spoon. (Spoon brought it in to the foundation after learning of the object's anomalous property)
Current Status: In the office of Dr. Spoon at Site-█
Note: Since Dr. Spoon brought his anomalous spoon into the site he works in he has dressed it in a miniature lab coat and Bow Tie, similar to what he wears. - Researcher ████████

Item Description: A No.2 pencil that, when held, causes minor to extreme nausea and interferes with motor and memory functions within the brain, disabling the user to properly write words.
Date of Recovery: 04/17/20██
Location of Recovery: Jefferson's Elementary, █████, Utah
Current Status: Entrance Zone Storage Room
Note: After Multiple tests and clean-up due to the items effects, depending on the words' lingual make(e.g. amount of letters, syllables, difficulty of pronunciation, etc.), the effects of the items anomalous properties are either amplified or lessened. I thank D-4598 for his "sacrifice" to this discovery. - Researcher ███████

Item Description: A sentient keyboard that when written about delivers electric shcoks to the writ er . ma,kinfgh it prphessoe.y ahrde r t hg write abofurhgt.
Date of Recovery: 05/12/200\17
Location of Recovery: ███ Supply Store, sAcramento, Caifornia
Current Status: Being used as th e keubnoard og f dR. Richaerd
Note: Why does everybody do this to me? First the heroin Yoda, then the 'nice' plushy, and now thies [EXPLETIVE] keynolardfbkf. -Dr. Richard

Item Description: A plastic decorative skull that, when thrown, will fly at another person's face. The trajectory takes effect at any distance.
Date of Recovery: 09/19/1998
Location of Recovery: Gabe's Hotdogs, New Mexico
Current Stauts: Being used as a Halloween ornament by Dr. Christopher.
Note: This is fun. I threw this at Dr. Richard once. Yep, really fun. -Dr. Christopher.

Item Description: A small infohazardous rock, that when spoken about forces the person speaking to use the term 'boulder'. Only Dr. Matism is unaffected.
Date of Recovery: 04/19/19
Location of Recovery: The Grand Canyon, Arizona
Current status: On Dr. Matism's office desk
Note: It's not a boulder, it's a rock! - Dr. Matism

Item Description: A beige mug that will expel any liquid that is poured into it in a fountain-like way.
Date of Recovery: 10/22/18
Location of Recovery: █████, California
Current Status: Being used by Dr. Christopher to prank other researchers.
Note: This thing is broken. Yeah, can we fix this? Can somebody get me another coffee please? -Dr. Richard

Item Description: An oak tree that when it or its saplings fall, will not make a sound unless no one is in ear range
Date of Recovery: ██/██/19
Location of Recovery: ███████, Arizona
Current Status: in storage

Item Description: A blue horseshoe magnet that is only attracted to non-magnetic materials.
Date of Recovery: 4/20/2019
Location of Recovery: Found in a dumpster behind a Target store in Des Moines, Iowa.
Current Status: In Dr. █████‘s office.
Note: Can we do more research with this? It’s attracted to air and won’t stop floating. -Dr. █████

Item Description: A human male who will compulsively vocalise some variation of "bless you" ~5 seconds prior to any natural sneeze within earshot. Effect will not trigger in artificially orchestrated scenarios.
Date of Recovery: 1976-06-15
Location of Recovery: York, England
Current Status: E-Class personnel, currently a Level 3 Researcher specialising in biochemical anomalies. Foundation identification R3:47761:15.

Item Description: Windows.System.OntologicalException.
Date of Recovery: 2016-11-03
Location of Recovery: Microsoft Corporation Headquarters in Redmond, Washington.
Current Status: Bug closed. Could not reproduce.

Item Description: A meme-complex that prevents subjects with a score of █.█ or more on a Edison-Bains Religious Zealotry Assessment from perceiving the existence of the Megami Tensei franchise1. Item was brought to foundation attention during surveillance of a message board frequented by members of "Gamers Against Weed", who accidentally discovered the meme-complex while attempting to prank call known televangelist Pat Robertson.
Date of Recovery: 2019-3-28
Location of Recovery: Austin, Texas.
Current Status: Uncontained. Research into the origin of the meme-complex is ongoing.

Item Description: A plain white T-shirt made out of cotton. The T-shirt will change to fit any size. Anyone wearing the T-shirt will refer to most things as generically as possible.
Date of Recovery: 11-13-2018
Location of Recovery: Chicago, Illinois
Current Status: In Storage
Note: "So this one thing was found in that one place and should be moved to that other place"-Doctor Henry

Item Description: Two 6 x 6 x 5 cm wooden jewelry boxes that, when both lids are closed, swap contents between the boxes.
Date of Recovery: 1-6-2019
Location of Recovery: One of the boxes was found in a thrift store in █████, Illinois. Its anomalous properties were observed when Researcher ███████ noticed that whatever he put in the box would vanish when closed, and reappear when closed and opened again. A GPS device was used to find the location of the other box in a nearby home.
Current Status: Available for use with authorization from Class-3 personnel at Site-██

Item Description: A standard kitchen microwave, 45.7 cm wide and 27.9 cm high, that turns anything put into it gourmet. For example: with instant ramen as the input, traditional Japanese noodles will be the outcome, cooked to perfection.
Date of Recovery: 6/5/19
Location of Recovery: Tucson, Arizona.
Current Status: In the Site-64 Staff Canteen.

Item description: A black somewhat triangular screen that latches itself to anyone who picks it up, turning on and displaying a protogen's face. The face varies depending on the user.
Date of Recovery:05/05/19
Location of Recovery: Inside 914's Output Booth.
Current status: Attached to Researcher Dross's face.

Item description: A magical fairy unicorn that is impossible to describe as anything other than a magical fairy unicorn.
Date of Recovery:██/██/████
Location of Recovery: █████ █████
Current status: In Storage
Note: Why did you call this a "magical fairy unicorn" when it is clearly just a magical fairy unicorn? Oh, I see.

Item description:Border collie puppy with black and white markings, when anyone attempts to photograph it, an accident happens causing the photo to come out blurry and distorted
Date of Recovery:01/██/20██
Location of Recovery: ██████ Animal shelter, ██████ TX
Current status: Inside Dr.██████'s house

Item description: An Indestructible Immortal Canada Goose (Branta canadensis)
Date of Recovery:01/07/19
Location of Recovery ██████ golf course Victoria, BC.
Current Status: Animal Containment at Site ██
Note: —Warning: It has the normal attitude of any member of its species and knows nothing can harm it. Best to just leave it in containment. It will break limbs. Dr. ██████

Item Description: DVD copy of Shrek, slightly damaged. Scratches on disk have faint green glow. After inserting in a standard DVD player, when the song "All Star" by Smash Mouth begins to play in the introduction to the movie, gamma radiation will slowly begin to emit from the disk, steadily increasing in radiation levels until it reaches approximately ████ rads per second, where it immediately stops. Comes with standard DVD case of unknown composition, showing traits of immense radiation protection. Disk shows no signs of radiation when not in a DVD player.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: Abandoned blockbuster south of ███████, United States
Current Status: Currently stored in a 5x5x5 ft cube with 12 inch thick walls, stored in site ██.
Note: —Any request by Dr. ██, Dr. ██, or SCP- ███ to use for staff parties or termination of SCP- ███, SCP- ███, or SCP- ██ are to be denied, no matter the excuse or explanation. Dr. █████

Item description: An ice cube that instead of being cold, it admits heat instead, slowly getting stronger in the cold. It never seems to melt, no matter where or what its in
Date of Recovery:01/07/19
Location of Recovery ██████, NE
Current Status: Missing
Note: —Stop putting this in my drink! Dr. █████

Item Description: A CD copy of Weird Al Yankovic's "Dare to be stupid" that progressively lowers the IQ of anyone listening to it. Listeners also gain a tendency to carry out increasingly idiotic actions.
Date of Recovery: 19/07/1986
Current Status: Destroyed (Whilst listening to it a Researcher (██████) picked up a glass of water and poured it over a portable radio which was playing the CD before picking it up and throwing it at a pile of anomalous swimwear that was inexplicably stuck to a wall. The resulting reaction destroyed both the radio and swimwear as well as blinding everyone currently in the room for 72 hours. The researcher was terminated shortly after the event.)
Note: "I guess that guy dared to be stupid. …I'll see myself out." - Dr. ███████

Item Description: a sphere of viscous dark liquid that seems to ignore known laws of material science and gravity in order to maintain an approximately spherical shape of radius 5cm.
a square based pyramid of ice. no longer disobeying laws of physics, with the exception of its unexpected change.
whenever the item is described it changes to something other than the description.
A small pile of goo. made of various elements and chemicals. slightly radioactive.
Date of Recovery: 21/3/19
Location of Recovery: University of ███████, College of Philosophy, Office of Prof.█████████
Current Status: under investigation. neutralised.
Note: the item was neutralised by Dr. Spark who told another junior researcher "oh I think I understand, whenever I define it, it becomes something else! wait… did I just… give me a sec". Dr.Spark has been confined to quarters until they resit the basic info-hazard safety course.

Item Description: A toothbrush with a compulsory effect. People using it to brush their teeth will invariably hold the brush steady and instead intensely shake their heads.
Date of Recovery: 17/5/1997
Location of Recovery: At a residental home in Lidköping, Sweden.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A brand leather jacket with endless pocket space within the front and inside pockets.
Date of Recovery: 10/2/2009
Location of Recovery: ███ ████ County, MN
Current Status: Kept in storage locker at Site-███
Note: I've lost three phones in that jacket but found fifteen wallets, two sets of car keys, and four pairs of sunglasses. Still couldn't find those damned phones and didn't learn the first two times, - Dr. ██████

Item Description: A graphite pencil, when used to write or draw only produces a picture of a █████ brand speaker.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: ██████,██
Current Status: In storage.
Note: Why does it only draw speakers? And █████ brand speakers, for God's sake?!

Item Description: A framed photograph of a tree, which when viewed directly lowers the subject's IQ and induces the Dunning-Kruger effect. When the subject averts their vision, their previously IQ is restored and the Dunning-Kruger effect stops.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: █████,██
Note: We tested this out on ██████ as a joke, but nothing changed. Turns out they aren't as smart as they always boast. That's pretty sad.

Item Description: An impossibly large adult Border Collie dog, measuring 20 meters in length
Date of Recovery: 3/27/2019
Location of Recovery: █████, Scotland
Current Status: In animal containment
Note: I feel bad for the guys who have to clean up this thing's humungous [EXPLETIVE]s - Dr. Y

Item Description An album supposedly from Halsey, an American singer and songwriter, but is non-existent. Halsey, when interviewed refuses to acknowledge the existence of the album.
Date of Recovery: 5/18/2019
Location of Recovery: Bonifacio Global City, Philippines.
Current Status: Stored in Dr. Felteich’s office.
Note: Halsey’s music sounds amazing. - Dr. Felteich

Item Description: A small brown-and-white house cat (Felis cattus) that appears to have humanoid facial features resembling that of singer Freddie Mercury. It has also demonstrated an ability to sing and speak in a human voice that closely matches Freddie Mercury's vocals.
Date of Recovery: 10-31-2015
Location of Recovery: A karaoke bar in ████████, England.
Current Status: Lives in the Area-12 break room, where it holds "concerts" and converses with staff.
Note: It's named Freddie Merkitty. -Agent Print

Item Description: A coffee table that stubs a subject's right toe when not in direct line of sight.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2015
Location of Recovery: █████████████, Oak Creek, Wisconsin
Current Status: Stored at Site-██. If access is needed, contact Dr. ████████████
Note: This anomalous item will not be intended for purposes of entertainment, experimentation, or consumption. I'm looking at you Bright… -Dr. ████████████

END OF LOG

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