Log Of Anomalous Items, Vol II
rating: +228+x

Foreword: The SCP Foundation has discovered a substantial number of items which are simply too useless to merit further attention. This document lists those items which have prompted some curiosity. It may be used as a resource should knowledge of these items become useful or necessary in the future. – Dr. █████ █████, Head of Research, Site-██

This is the second volume of the log. Access to the first volume of the log can be found here.

Note: Please add new entries to the bottom of the list, not the middle or the top.

Item Description: A long-egg reversal machine, resembling a table-top sausage grinder. When a long egg is introduced in the hopper at the top of the device and the crank is turned, the long egg is consumed and a series of normal raw chicken eggs, complete with shell, emerge from the lower chute.
Date of Recovery: 10-9-2017
Location of Recovery: Royal Wootton Bassett, Wiltshire, England
Current Status: In the Site-17 culinary experimentation kitchens.

Item Description: A common raven (Corvus corax) that, when viewed for prolonged periods, causes subjects to temporarily perceive text as passages from the poem "The Raven" by American writer Edgar Allan Poe. The effect roughly lasts between 15 minutes to 1 hour. Several researchers have reported hearing the raven call them "Edgar", though none have the name Edgar.
Date of Recovery: 05-23-2016
Location of Recovery: Boston, Massachusetts
Current Status: In Site-66's aviary.

Item Description: A VHS tape with an adhesive sticker that reads "OH FIVE FOOLS" written in black marker containing an hour and twenty minutes of footage. The contents of the tape depict former and current members of the O5 Council tied up and being tortured by robed figures wearing masks demanding to know "Where is our god?" before fading into static. The tape ends with a final still of the disemboweled corpses of the Council members and the message "Soon." Members of the Council report no unusual activity.
Date of Recovery: 12-7-1981
Location of Recovery: At Site-01
Current Status: In the possession of Mobile Task Force Alpha-1 ("Red Right Hand") to aid in an investigation ordered by the O5 Council.

Item Description: A 152mm Soviet howitzer round in mint condition. Round fires normally; however, when ejected and left to itself, after five minutes, appears to be brand new with a new projectile and powder. Currently has the effects of a normal 152mm round when making contact after being fired.
Date of Recovery: 4-16-2004
Location of Recovery: Illuka, Estonia
Current Status: Awaiting approval by O5-█ for use in battery training for security teams at Site-██. In low-containment storage at Site-██.

Item Description: The corpse of a 57-year-old man named Pedro █████. Subject spontaneously grew large amounts of teeth within the frontal lobe of their brain with some protruding from their head. The teeth resembled that of a shark (Selachi). The cause is unknown and the incident was caught on CCTV footage inside a gas station.
Date of Recovery: 4-18-2007
Location of Recovery: █████, Puerto Rico
Current Status: In cryogenic storage.
NOTE: How in the [REDACTED] - Dr. Richard

Item Description: A collection of 216 fountain pens. Each pen, when used to write, will deploy the user's blood in the place of ink.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Grave, The Netherlands
Current Status: Each pen has been clearly labelled, and is pending approval for use by the Foundation's Demonology Division.

Item Description: A folded love letter addressed to a unknown female named S█████. The top of the letter has a drawing of a depressed cartoon character greeting and it is stained with tears. Making contact with it causes a subject to begin shedding a tear. Subjects then describe a deep feeling of regret or a feeling of pity for the writer of the letter.
Date of Recovery: 8-11-2015
Location of Recovery: Los Angeles, California
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A heavily burned corpse of a nearly hairless primate with a highly developed brain and nervous system. No RHIt marker of any encryption or RAND-tech label was found within the creature's DNA, suggesting that it was either owned by and, if sapient, living as a Sticker Man and/or a pilot. The skull is fractured in a way not consistent with energy or siphon weaponry and thus any further research was halted.
Date of Recovery: 33 by 17 A/H (null cycle)
Location of Recovery: An above-ground heated mineral disposal device in sector-████/██ of New India.
Current Status: Determined to contain illegal implications and thus was transported to the ███████'s on-site incinerator. All in-depth and detailed records were secured in L-KON-4 level harmful media storage.

Item Description: An external hard drive that, when plugged into any computer not housed within a Lenovo brand shell, contains only a collection of random photos of cats, and it is impossible to add files to the drive, or move, rename, copy, edit, or delete the photos. The pictures are different every time the hard drive is unplugged and plugged back in. When used with a computer housed within a Lenovo brand shell, it works like a normal external hard drive and shows no anomalous properties.
Date of Recovery: 02/06/2005.
Location of Recovery: A house in San Diego, California.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A preserved rat carcass (Rattus norvegicus), wrapped in black adhesive tape and pierced by several dozen cocktail sticks. When held, grants the holder complete and perfect knowledge of the circumstances surrounding the recent death of one Arthur Long.
Date of Recovery: 13/04/1956.
Location of Recovery: The residence of Maria Carney, fiancee of Mr. Long, also recently deceased.
Current Status: In storage at Dr. Torr's office.

Item Description: A wooden barrel that, when opened, manifests a mummified capuchin monkey (Cebinae) in a clown outfit. The cadaver rapidly decomposes into dust and ash when the barrel is closed.
Date of Recovery: 09/12/2006
Location of Recovery: ██████, Missouri
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A large NASA t-shirt. The stars depicted on the shirt emit very small amounts of solar radiation and light via an anomalous manner.
Date of Recovery: 14/2/2012.
Location of Recovery: ████████, Virginia
Current Status: Framed in Researcher Caroll's office.

Item Description: The word "██████", a verb which has resisted all attempts at being conjugated or otherwise modified.
Date of Recovery: 3/9/2018
Location of Recovery: A thesis paper written by a student attending ████ State University, arguing the existence of a verb in the English language that is incapable of being modified.
Current Status: As the word is constructed, knowledge of it is minimal. The original paper is in storage.

ERROR: Duplicate File
Item Description: A document describing "spontaneous pattern annihilation," a phenomenon that has not been observed in reality.
Location of Recovery: Site-02
████████████ Department
Date of Recovery: 2018-06-01
Current Status: Storage
Scanning…
[DATA CORRUPTED]
EωreKλ

Item Description: A worn dish-cloth with an effective mass of 0 grams, which is unaffected by gravitation. The composition of the cloth has been analyzed and found to be non-anomalous fabric. The cloth can otherwise be manipulated as typical, despite acting as if it were in a microgravity environment.
Date of Recovery: 3/08/2018
Location of Recovery: SpaceX Falcon 9 Booster, post-landing. No such object was included in the flight's manifest.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A severed mummified human foot that causes visual hallucinations at random times when observing it. Individuals will see an emaciated humanoid entity that has a large mouth for a face with multiple tongues licking the foot. Affected subjects report feeling uncomfortable or uneasy, and that the entity is staring at them despite it reportedly lacking eyes. The effect lasts until the subject turns away or after roughly a minute when observing it.
Date of Recovery: 5/12/1998
Location of Recovery: ██████, Peru
Current Status: In containment.

Item Description: A nail used in the left hand of Researcher Yeshua during execution by █████ alliance against the ██████ for ███████ ████ ██ ████ that when used to puncture a human hand will cause no bleeding. The wound retains all other negative health effects.
Date of Recovery: [REDACTED]
Location of Recovery: ██████ mid-transport to ████████████ tomb.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A copy of the book █ ███████ ██ ████ that doesn’t appear on any reflective surface. If a page of this book is taken out, it does not obtain this anomalous behavior.
Date of Recovery: █/██/2015
Location of Recovery: █████, Pennsylvania.
Current Status: Storage.

Item Description: An orange, ███████-brand Phillips-head screwdriver that, when inserted into a screw, will always screw it outwards, regardless of the direction of twisting.
Date of Recovery: 8/6/2016
Location of Recovery: ███████, New Jersey
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A black Sharpie pen that, when used to write, instead hovers toward the nearest wall and draws upon it horizontal marks representing the heights of all humans within a ten-meter radius.
Date of Recovery: 8/9/2016
Location of Recovery: ███████, Oregon
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A recipe for meatloaf which will always result in a meat-free dish, regardless of ingredients used. To date, this has included tofu, salads, and egg-free pastries.
Date of Recovery: 2/15/2007
Location of Discovery: ██████ Family Cookbook in Holmes County, Ohio
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A photosynthetic Red-footed tortoise (Chelonoidis carbonarius).
Date of Recovery: 7/13/2017
Location of Discovery: Newark, New Jersey
Current Status: In animal containment.

Item Description: A golden-mantled ground squirrel genetically identical to an artichoke.
Date of Recovery: 12/12/2012
Location of Discovery: Billings, Montana
Current Status: In animal containment.

Item Description: A digital folder holding exactly 3000 copies of a single JPG of a cartoon skeleton. The folder cannot be copied, deleted, or edited in any way. It can, however, be moved onto a hard drive. Looking at the folder causes large amounts of stress and fear for the user.
Date of Recovery: 9/13/2017
Location of Recovery: Public computer at the ████ Library in █████, Maine.
Current Status: backed up to hard drive in Dr. ██████’s office.

Item Description: An earbud with a missing jack that transmits a message in Morse Code. When deciphered, it specifies to SCP-██'s date and geographical location of recovery. Said SCP object posesses anomalous effects relating to radio waves.
Date of Recovery: 12/01/1999
Location of Recovery: Vancouver, Canada
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: An abnormally notable piece of 2x4 board. When test subjects are asked to randomly select a wood board from a set of wood boards that includes the object, the object will always be chosen. When questioned on their reasoning, subjects report a nonspecific sense of notability.
Date of Recovery: 07/12/2009
Location of Recovery: Springfield, Illinois
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A doll resembling a child, wearing a heavily damaged dark blue dress. Its arms are detached from its body, and its fingers have not been recovered. When either it or its arms are photographed, they emit small amounts of Cherenkov radiation, causing them to glow softly.
Date of Recovery: 13/7/2018
Location of Recovery: Marlowe, Ontario
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: One cow cadaver. Cadaver shows no anomalous properties other than the location of discovery.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: South Pole–Aitken basin, the Moon.
Current Status: Remains in location of discovery.

Item Description: A one gallon jar full of preserved brine shrimp. Each shrimp is entirely composed of human nervous tissue, but apparently structured anatomically accurate to a living instance.
Date of Recovery: 03/20/39
Location of Recovery: ██████, Arizona
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A single double AA battery that possesses an unlimited amount of energy despite extensive use.
Date of Recovery: 03/12/2018
Location of Recovery: A Prometheus Labs Facility located in Iceland.
Current Status: In storage.
NOTE: Retrieved by Mobile Task Force Omega-20 ("Thought Police") as part of Operation Red Thunder.

Item Description: A plain composition notebook that is ordinary in every way, with the exception of the conversion tables in the back. The table contains conversions that are impossible in real life, such as 'Joules' to 'Decibels per Second'. When calculated in the notebook, the calculations work out in a sensible and reliable manner. When transferring to other media, the mathematics abruptly falls apart, making all of the equations false.
Date of Recovery: 09/10/2018
Location of Recovery: The engineering department office of [REDACTED] University.
Current Status: Located in the extra-dimensional research laboratory for use in calculations.

Item Description: A snowglobe that, when shaken, causes snow to fall within 3 meters of the user for a period of 20-30 minutes. Effects still occur in locations where snow is irregular.
Date of Recovery: 01/18/2016
Location of Recovery: ████████, Pennsylvania
Current Status: Storage. May be used during winter holidays to improve morale with a wintry atmosphere.

Item Description: An unmarked wooden box of 100 steel paperclips. The objects, when bent, return to their proper shape and will automatically link together when placed in clumps.
Date of Recovery: 03/26/2005
Location of Recovery: Abandoned Staples shipping crate in Sacramento, California.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A 17th-century iron maiden that plays "Iron Maiden" from Iron Maiden's debut album Iron Maiden at approximately 100 decibels when closed. This sound is only audible within the device itself.
Date of Recovery: 6/9/2017
Location of Recovery: In the cargo compartment of a van discovered in a parking lot of a bar located in █████████, North Carolina. The owner of the bus is unknown; at the time of discovery, an Iron Maiden cover band known as ███████ was scheduled to play in the venue on the following day. No solid link between the vehicle, either band, or the venue can be ascertained at this time.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: An aluminum thermos that, when filled with water, will begin emitting a low-voltage electric current. When empty, or filled with any other substance, the object will instead emit low frequencies of microwave radiation.
Date of Recovery: 1932
Location of Recovery: Beijing, China
Current Status: In storage

Item Description: A washing machine that, upon starting a cycle, becomes transparent for the entirety of the cycle. The laundry remains fully visible.
Date of Recovery: █/█/20██
Location of Recovery: █████████, Virginia
Current Status: In storage

Item Description: A compass that always points to the closest human with B-positive blood type.
Date of Recovery: 6/5/198█
Location of Recovery: A hospital in ███████, Oklahoma
Current Status: In Site-██ infirmary

Item Description: An AOL free trial CD that constantly emits the sound of a dial-up modem.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████.
Location of Recovery: New York, NY, USA.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A standard Australian Government Passport. Upon holding, the passport details will automatically be of the holder's details.
Date of Recovery: 06/12/2003
Location of Recovery: Sydney Airport, International Terminal, NSW, Australia.
Current Status: In a standard containment locker at Site-45.

Item Description: A chrysanthemum blossom that instantly turns to iron when touched by a human being. Object returns to organic form when released.
Date of Recovery: 09/17/2013
Location of Recovery: An apartment in Los Angeles, California.
Current Status: In a vase at the Site-19 break room.

Item Description: A plant-like organism that does not resemble any known terrestrial species. Does not have any other anomalous properties until fully grown. When fully grown, it asexually produces a seed pod. The seed pod starts as a small ball of dough and grows to bloom into a pizza with a diameter of 30 centimeters. Pizza has no anomalous effects when consumed. Pepperoni is present on the upward side of the pizza. The pepperoni function as seeds.
Date of Recovery: 10/2/2016
Location of Recovery: Lexington, Kentucky.
Current Status: Seeds stored in Class-VI Long-Term Cryogenic Storage. Wild instances confirmed neutralized. Pending SCP designation.

Item Description: A remote control whose mute button can affect anything it's pointed at, turning on or off their ability to make noise for 48 hours.
Date of Recovery: 02/19/2023
Location of Recovery: ████ ████ st, Maryland
Current State: In Armory at Site-33. Permission may be granted for limited use during stealth missions.

Item Description: One (1) Malboro Menthol cigarette carton, of which contains one-hundred ninety-eight (198) cigarettes. Upon using one (1) cigarette, the user will immediately contract severe lung cancer. Upon unfolding the wrapping, they will read "Don't [expletive] smoke cigarettes."
Date of Recovery: 08/24/2001
Location of Recovery: [REDACTED], a convenience store in [REDACTED].
Current Status: In medium-threat storage in Site-45.

Item Description: A cube made of a red, metallic substance similar to darmstadtium, one inch on a side. If cut, both pieces will regenerate.
Date of Recovery: 12/17/2018
Location of Recovery: Barrie, ON, Canada
Current Status: 192 in storage, available as requested. Unknown if there are instances still uncontained.

Item Description: A white blanket which causes severe tactile hallucinations when worn by individuals aged 12-29.
Date of Recovery: 22/01/2005
Location of Recovery: Central London, UK.
Current Status: In Storage. Accessible to Level 2 personnel or above.

Item Description: A metallic folding chair which slides backwards when a human is trying to sit on it, thus making the victim fall on their rear. There is no detectable means of the chair's movement.
Date of Recovery: 09/15/199█
Location of Recovery: ██████ High school, Columbus, Ohio.
Current Status: In Storage.

Item Description: A diary with no name on the covers or pages, which reveals a seemingly endless amount of pages if attempted to be flipped to the previous page. Each diary entry gets increasingly ambiguous the more the reader flips the pages backwards. Longest recorded run is 7███ pages, where it states "Day ████. I have done it. It shall take us. all of us" Research about the ambiguous messages is currently ongoing.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: A home in ██████, Pennyslvania. The item was found on a desk in the inhabiting family's home. Memories of the recovery purged.
Current Status: In Testing.

Item Description: An opening in a basement wall which connected to an alternate but largely similar version of reality. The homeowner contacted local authorities after witnessing a person from the other reality exit through the wall. Local Foundation agents intercepted the call and dispatched a containment team.
Date of Recovery: 08/27/18
Location of Recovery: A single-family home in Lexington, Kentucky
Current Status: Neutralized

Item Description: A ████ brand soap bar which possesses a corrosive effect when used on human skin. The item has no effect on non-biological objects. The item also has no effect on domesticated animals.
Date of Recovery 23/10/20██
Location of Recovery ██████, UK.
Current Status: In Storage.

Item Description: A wiki containing an exact record of Foundation data and activities. The website is not anomalous except for the security breach it represents.
Date of Recovery: N/A
Location of Recovery: N/A
Current Status: Still online
Note: This site may actually help us by providing evidence to disprove rumors. - Professor Tor

Item Description: An anomalous log describing how a wiki contains an exact record of Foundation data and activities. The log is not anomalous, as it explains how the website is not anomalous except for the security breach it represents.
Date of Recovery: N/A
Location of Recovery: N/A
Current Status: Still online
Note: Do we have a Professor Tor in the Foundation? - Dr. Unread

Item Description: A red fountain that converts ink into cat's blood when used to write.
Date of Recovery: 1/6/2019
Location of Recovery: Tokyo, Japan
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A █████ brand mechanical watch that, when a bipedal animal of any species has a line of sight to it, will cause said bipedal animal to vomit.
Date of Recovery: 04/10/20██.
Location of Recovery: ██████, Canada.
Current Status: A non see-through box in storage, may be used for testing if authorized by level 2+ personnel.

Item Description: A plush doll of an elephant-cat hybrid. Subject will always remark the object is "Nice".
Date of Recovery: 11/06/20██
Location of Recovery: █████, Mexico
Current Status: In Dr. Richard’s office.
Note: Nice. -Dr Richard

Item Description: A wooden stick that, when measured in yards, shows 2.1 yards of length. When measured in metres, shows 1 metre of length. This is theoretically impossible.
Date of Recovery: 02/25/2011
Location of Recovery: ██████, Germany
Current status: In storage.
Note: All measuring equipment has been double-checked. -Dr. █████

Item Description: A Podium which gives the person standing behind it minor anxiety, whether or not anyone else is in the same room as them.
Date of Recovery: 06/28/1999.
Location of Recovery: █████ Center, ███████.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A right-handed ██████ brand baseball glove with all construction materials composed of human tissue. DNA tests have concluded that the epidermis which stands in for the leather belongs to ██████████ █████████, ███ ███████, and ███████████ █████, all citizens of ███████ St. Houston, Texas. When a human inserts their hand into the baseball glove, it physically connects itself to the subject, becoming part of the body and replacing the hand. Amputation is the only form of removal.
Date of Recovery: 3/15/2018
Location of Recovery: The house of Little League Baseball coach ██████ ████, Houston, Texas.
Current Status: Kept in chilled storage in the medical ward of Site-██.

Item Description: ███████ brand Christmas lights, colored red and green; when in the line of sight of any recording device, the entirety of the device's hue will change to either red and green.
Date of Recovery: 12/25/198█.
Location of Recovery: █████, North America.
Current Status: In a standard storage facility.

Item Description: A metal desk fan whose fan blade is capable of reaching speeds of █████ RPM when on the highest setting. The effect is linear, as the fan blade's speed increases at a constant rate of ████ RPM until reaching the top speed. All other settings have no anomalous properties. This effect allows for the fan to 'fly' around the area it is in.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/19██
Location of Recovery: ██████, Alabama.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A Bosch washing machine which makes clothes dirtier instead of cleaning them.
Date of Recovery: 21/5/2018
Location of Recovery: ██████ Dry Cleaners
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A fully organic apple whose skin is invulnerable.
Date of Recovery: 02/05/2015
Location of Recovery: Discovered in the home of Mr. ████ when he was in the hospital for a tooth injury from attempting to bite the apple.
Current Status: Insides rotted. Skin still remains in storage.

Item Description: 20 1 meter long glue gun refills. Objects regenerate while being used, consistent with how fast it's being used.
Date of Recovery: 25/1/2018
Location of Recovery: Room 318 in ██████ ████ K-8 school.
Current Status: In storage.
Note: Anyone who needs hot glue is welcome to use these, there's a glue gun by the box they’re in. Just put them back. -Researcher Lime

Item Description: The object appears to be a standard United States fire extinguisher, though in place of the text "Fire Extinguisher" is "Fire Distinguisher." When pointed at any item and the trigger mechanism is activated, the object will release a male voice which is described as "Condescending" and determine what the item is.
Date of Recovery: 03/28/20██
Location of Recovery: ████████ High School located in Ohio.
Current Status: In secure storage at Site-██.

Item Description: A wooden leg prosthetic that would kick a subject when their backs are turned to it.
Date of Recovery: 2/6/1978
Location of Recovery: Stockholm, Sweden
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: 13 12 goldfish that can "swim" and breathe outside of water and sink and drown when put inside of water.
Date of Recovery: 1/08/2019
Location of Recovery: ███████ fair, Los Angeles, California.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A toilet seat that lifts itself whenever it is unobserved.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: Woman's restroom at Site 11.
Current Status: Swapped with a non-anomalous seat in the men's room.

Item Description: A 60's era CRT television that plays "lost episodes" of television programmes aired prior to 1965. Several series are featured, with programmes airing as they appeared when they were first broadcast. The episodes are played on a never ending loop from oldest to newest. At this point in time, none of the staff at the site in which the television is stored have found a way to turn it off. Attempts to destroy the object remain unsuccessful.
Date of Recovery: 17/08/2009
Location of Recovery: ███████, England
Current Status: In storage at site-█ (next to Dr. Spoon's office, for research.
Note: Several episodes known to be "lost" are missing from the loop. This implies that these still exist in a recorded form somewhere. - Dr. Spoon

Item Description A DVD of the 1994 film Pulp Fiction. When the scene in which Uma Thurman's character overdoses on heroin is reached, viewers will experience symptoms in line with a heroin overdose, resulting in death.
Date of Recovery 2/9/10
Location of Recovery Los Angeles, California.
Current Status In storage.

Item Description: A globe that, when spun makes subjects feel as though they're currently on a rocking boat. Subjects often lose their balance because of this feeling. It is recommended that those who often experience sea sickness do not interact with this item. Feeling dissipates after 2-13 minutes. Where America is has been replaced by the text "I hate botes" [sic].
Date of Recovery: 3/20/2019
Location of Recovery: Earth, Texas.
Current Status: Contained at Storage Site-██.

Item Description: A redwood tree that is unharmed by any methods. The branches and pines tie in knots when line of sight is broken completely. Method is currently unknown.
Date of Recovery: Unknown.
Location of Recovery: ███████ █████████, Sacramento, California
Current Status: Remaining in ███████ █████████, monitored by camera.

Item Description: A small cloth "sling bag" full of clothes which, when swung at a person's head, will hit them with a force equal to a thrown rock.
Date of Recovery: 3/22/2019
Location of Recovery: ██████████ School, ██████ City, Cavite, Philippines
Current Status: Contained at Site-25

Item Description: A yellow graphite pencil that constantly levitates 0.9 meters off the ground. Additionally, it always points towards 54.5028° N, 3.1486° W, which is the town of Borrowdale, England.
Date of Recovery: 7/11/2005
Location of Recovery: Thomas Robinson High School in Tampa, Florida.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A male giant anteater (Myrmecophaga tridactyla). Periodically, various species of the family Formicidae will appear in and emerge from any cracks and holes in a 1.5 m radius from it.
Date of Recovery: 03/02/2014
Location of Recovery: Reid Park Zoo, Tucson, Arizona
Current Status: In animal containment.

Item Description: A set of 8 Matryoshka dolls with distorted internal geometries; the doll with the largest external dimensions features the smallest internal dimensions, while the doll with the smallest external dimensions features the largest external dimensions. Objects were recovered placed inside one another in order of decreasing internal dimensions.
Date of Recovery: 6/4/2002
Location of Recovery: Leeds, United Kingdom
Current Status: Objects were separated and placed into individual storage at Site 25.

Item Description: 12 paper straws of unknown make, which cause whatever fluid they are inserted into to become identical to ████'█ brand sweet tea.
Date of recovery: 4/11/2005
Location of recovery: A small 750 square feet apartment in ███████████, FL.
Current status: In storage.

Item Description: A scale model of the human skeleton made of a nontoxic amalgam of chromium. When it comes into contact with a human being, it becomes gaseous, and enters their body and coats their skeleton in itself.
Date of recovery: 4/11/19
Location of recovery: Output chamber of SCP-914, after a test with ████████.
Current Status: Coating the skeleton of Dr. ████.
Note: Dr. Mann really wants to get his hands on this thing - Dr. ████.

Item Description: A stainless steel spoon that only reflects the face of individuals whose names contain anagrams of the word "spoon".
Date of Recovery: 02/01/2019
Location of Recovery: The Home of Dr. Spoon.
Current Status: Storage. Documentation contains photographs of the object dressed in a doll's lab coat with paper bow tie, with images taken at such an angle to show Dr. Spoon's face reflected in the object.

Item Description: A plastic decorative skull that, when thrown, will change trajectory towards another person's face.
Date of Recovery: 09/19/1998
Location of Recovery: Civilian hotdog stand, ████, New Mexico
Current Status: Storage.

Item Description: A blue horseshoe magnet that is only attracted to non-magnetic materials.
Date of Recovery: 4/20/2019
Location of Recovery: Found in a dumpster behind a department store in Des Moines, Iowa.
Current Status: In Dr. █████'s office.
Note: Can we do more research with this? It’s attracted to air and won’t stop floating. -Dr. █████

Item Description: Windows.System.OntologicalException.
Date of Recovery: 2016-11-03
Location of Recovery: Microsoft Corporation Headquarters in Redmond, Washington.
Current Status: Bug closed. Could not reproduce.

Item Description: Two 10 x 6.5 x 5 cm wooden jewelry boxes that, when both lids are closed, swap contents between the boxes.
Date of Recovery: 1-6-2019
Location of Recovery: One of the boxes was found in a thrift store in █████, Illinois. Its anomalous properties were observed when Researcher ███████ noticed that whatever he put in the box would vanish when closed, and reappear when closed and opened again. A GPS device was used to find the location of the other box in a nearby home.
Current Status: Storage, pending investigation for SCP status. At Site-██.

Item Description: A toothbrush with a compulsory effect. People using it to brush their teeth will invariably hold the brush steady and instead intensely shake their heads.
Date of Recovery: 17/5/1997
Location of Recovery: At a residential home in Lidköping, Sweden.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A graphite pencil, when used to write, instead forces the holder to produce a photorealistic drawing of a █████ brand audio speaker.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: ██████,██
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A coffee table that stubs a subject's right toe when not in direct line of sight.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2015
Location of Recovery: █████████████, Oak Creek, Wisconsin
Current Status: Stored at Site-██. If access is needed, contact Dr. ████████████
Note: This anomalous item will not be intended for purposes of entertainment, experimentation, or consumption. I'm looking at you ██████. Dr. ████████████

Item Description: A notebook in which all drawings made on it appear to be governed by 2D physics. Drawings locomote as if they are in a liquid medium.
Date of Recovery: 10/05/2019
Location of Discovery: ████ ██████ college at ███████, █████
Current Status: In storage.

ITEM DESCRIPTION: A 10 CENTIMETRE BLACK PVC CUBE WITH NO MARKINGS THAT MAKES ALL DOCUMENTATION ON IT BE IN AN ALL CAPS FORMAT.
DATE OF RECOVERY: 17/05/2019
LOCATION OF DISCOVERY: AT A MCDONALDS RESTAURANT IN WASHINGTON.
CURRENT STATUS: IN STORAGE AT SITE-35.

Item Description: A 1950's music box that plays a different melody each time it’s cranked. Notable things are it plays backwards every 25 times cranked, and on rare occasions asks you to dance.
Date of Recovery: 04/08/2019
Location of Discovery: Foreclosed property in California.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A 7" vinyl copy of MC Hammer's 1990 album Please Hammer, Don't Hurt 'Em that generates an impenetrable, invisible force-field around it, roughly 3 cm in radius from all points on the record. Replicas of the record based off of visual scans reveal that it contains the song "U Can't Touch This" looped 13 times.
Date of Recovery: 12/02/2019
Location of Discovery: A dumpster in ████, Ohio.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: An opaque, light blue liquid that, when drunk by any human, causes them to stop seeing all shades of blue.
Date of Recovery: 05/█/2007
Location of Discovery: Abandoned chemistry lab, ██████, Wyoming.
Current Status: In storage pending further research.

Item Description: A Sony 1979 Walkman portable media player that only plays Earth, Wind, & Fire's September on loop. Any human who hears the song within 5 meters will believe the date is September 21, 1978 until out of range.
Date of Recovery:21/██/2000
Location of Discovery: A flea market in Chicago, Illinois.
Current Status: In storage at Site-15

Item Description: A small set of wooden Russian nesting dolls, the largest marked "1.99" at the bottom. When putting the nesting dolls back inside one another, another smaller nesting doll appears in the smallest nesting doll.
Date of Recovery: 05/09/2008
Location of Discovery: In the "Miscellaneous Object" section of a Good Will.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A 1968 Pontiac Ventura painted in an off-white color, which only has three wheels. Despite this, it remains evenly balanced, as if it has four wheels. Attempts to put a fourth wheel on result in the tire with the most wear to simply "fall off" if the car is moved, regardless if the lug nuts are tightened. Anomalous feature had gone unnoticed until Agent ████████ attempted to drive the car off the lot, at which point the right-rear wheel fell off.
Date of Recovery: 04/14/1995
Location of Discovery: "Mad Sam's Used Cars", Detroit, Michigan
Current Status: Stored in Site-77 Sector-B Parking Garage.

Item Description: A General Electric U25B Locomotive (Numbered 20█), wearing the paint scheme for the (defunct) Rock Island Line. The engine is capable of movement at low speeds (~10 mph/16 kph or less) without the need to start the engine. Was sold to the Foundation as it required an overhaul which RIL could not afford to do as a result of financial troubles. Overhaul was performed within six months of purchase by Foundation.
Date of Recovery: 02/██/1966
Location of Discovery: Chicago, Illinois
Current Status: Used for shunting duties at Site-45 Rail Depot
Note: It is unknown if 20█ had this anomalous property before or after it was rebuilt. Interviews with former owners/operators are inconclusive. 20█ underwent a second rebuild in 2009, and it retained the anomalous property after the overhaul was completed.

Item Description: An M60 Machine Gun that will act as if jammed after firing exactly twelve (12) consecutive shots. The only way to clear the jam is to open the magazine cover and observe that there is no obstruction. Upon closing the magazine cover, the gun will fire again, provided there is nothing else fouling the firing sequence. If a burst of eleven (11) shots or less is fired, the gun will not jam, provided no dirt or debris enters the system.
Date of Recovery: 8/14/1979
Location of Recovery: ████████, South Africa
Current Status: Jammed In Site 06 Weapon Storage. Any testing must be approved by Dr. Baker IV.

Item Description: An hourglass of unknown make or brand which has Martian Soil in it instead of typical sand, despite access to Martian Soil being impossible at time of recovery.
Date of Recovery: 4/19/1987
Location of Recovery: ███████████, Singapore
Current Status: Kept in researcher Johansson's office for decorative purposes.

Item Description: A metallic spinning wheel about a meter in diameter, attached to a pedestal. The wheel spins with the power provided by the motor, which gets fuel from the spin of the wheel, violating the first and the second law of thermodynamics.
Date of Recovery: 27-2-2011
Location of Recovery: A laboratory located in Washington, USA
Current Status: In display at the foundation physics research branch.

Item Description: A tape measure with a seemingly infinite amount of measuring tape, numbered at every inch of length. At multiples of 5280 inches, the numbers restart from 1.
Date of Recovery: 5/28/2000
Location of Recovery: A Home Depot store in the UK.
Current Status: In storage at Site-77.

Item Description: A bottle of ███ █████ ██████ Lager that contains a liquid chemically similar to human sweat. Any amount emptied from the bottle is spontaneously refilled when the cap is replaced. Only one bottle out of a six-pack displayed this anomalous property.
Date of Recovery: 11-10-2015
Location of Recovery: █████ ████ ███████████ convenience store, Newton, MA
Current Status: In storage. Missing, presumably stolen.
Note: I bet that's Tom fucking Brady's sweat. Some asshole could make a damn fortune with that.

Item Description: A CD copy of metalcore band A Day To Remember's "What Separates Me From You" which, when the listener listens to one of the songs from the album, it replaces the man in the cover art and the other art with the listener.
Date of Recovery: 6/21/2012
Location of Recovery: Birmingham, England.
Current Status: General media storage.

Item Description: A double-barreled shotgun with an over/under configuration, with the furniture made of pine wood. The gun lacks any markings, aside from a name scratched onto the upper-barrel near the break-action. The anomaly is that the name scratched into the side of the gun changes almost daily, and only does so when it is not observed directly. While there does not appear to be a pattern behind the name it selects, the gun has frequently chosen the names "Shelby", "Tony", "Arik" (sic), and "Bobby".
Date of Recovery: 10/19/1918
Location of Recovery: Abandoned trench near the French/Belgium border
Current Status: Site-85 Firing Range

Item Description: A stack of copy paper that folds into whatever is illustrated onto a sheet of the paper. Branded Georgia Pacific, and recovered from a Home Depot in California. If animals and living things are illustrated, the drawing is sentient. Note that all illustrations fold into small versions of big things, into 3d shapes. It does not seem to animate black holes, wormholes, and other "impossible" items.
Date of Recovery: 9/14/2008
Location of Recovery: Los Angeles, CA
Current Status: In a wooden box at Site-19, stored in Dr. █████'s desk cabinet. Dr. █████ is trustworthy and has not misused any of the paper made himself many lunches and snacks; he has not, however, used any paper with intent to harm.

Item Description: A cabinet in New York that simultaneously changes to any kind of closed object when object is not in direct line of sight. Objects of transformation since its finding include a cupboard, a drawer, a pot, etc.
Date of Recovery: 8/20/2010
Location of Recovery: New York City, USA
Current Status: In the 2nd floor office in Site-85, next to Dr. Hadley's desk. It is used as a file or document storage along with 20 other cabinets at the office.

Item Description: An abandoned Soviet thermonuclear warhead, except that its contents contain unknown Uranium/Plutonium isotopes not found on Earth, and was theorized to be of extra-terrestrial origin. It also emits a low-frequency humming noise whenever any living being is within 10 meters of proximity. It is thought to have a yield of roughly 34 MT, although when it was first forged, it was said to have a yield of a mind-blowing 95 MT. The date of its creation is thought to be around the 1950-60s.
Date of Recovery: 25/07/200█
Location of Recovery: Found in a rusty transportation van submerged in long grass near the town of Serov, Sverdlovsk, Siberia, Russia.
Current Status: As of 16/11/20██, it is confined in Area-[REDACTED] which is located under the southern Pacific ocean somewhere near Point Nemo away from human activity, as only 1 of its 3 fail-safes remain intact. Work is underway to repair the warhead and to examine the properties of its contents.

Item Description: A 49-year-old Hispanic man. He can speak any language, even made up ones, but cannot read or write.
Date of Recovery: 9-10-2003
Location of Recovery: San Jose, California
Current Status: Living at family home, but must stay in contact with The Foundation at all times.

Item Description: An ████████ brand black microwave, which heats the center plate at a perfectly even rate, while not heating any area outside of this plate.
Date of Recovery: 3-21-20██
Location of Recovery: "Peculiar Pieces" store in Denver, Colorado
Current Status: Kept in Site-██ cafeteria for personnel usage.

Item Description: A nineteen-ninety-nine Window's Ninety-Eight computer that prohibits the user from using numbers. Pressing any of the number keys result in the number being spelled out. The computer will adjust wording to reflect on the addition of more "numbers". Device lacks a serial number.
Date of Recovery: July Twenty-First, Nineteen-Ninety-Nine
Location of Recovery: "Best Buy" located in Warner, New Hampshire
Current Status: Located in Site-Eighty-Four Break Room Relocated to library. Not to be accessed unless requested directly.

Item Description: A brown coffee mug of the ████ brand. Drinking from the mug's left (as of the handle) side causes any liquid to taste much warmer than usually, and drinking from its right side causes liquids to taste colder. This effect applies to all drinkable liquids, but it won't apply to liquids that are not meant to be put in a coffee mug, such as magma, snow, etc. However, the mug won't be damaged in any way by such liquids.
Date of Recovery: 27-6-20██
Location of Recovery: "Hoshe's Store", Washington DC.
Current status: On Site-0█ cafeteria, for site director use only.

Item Eggscription: An egg carton containing 8 eggs; when talking or writing about the egg carton, the subjeggct will continuously make poor-taste egg puns. The anomalous eggect does not take place while eggs are outside of the carton.
Date of Eggcovery: 11-8-2012
Location of Eggcovery: "FoodChute", Columbia, South Carolina.
Current status: In Site-303's cafeggteria.

Item Description: A white, quilted, coil mattress, measuring 135 cm by 190 cm. All tags meant for instruction or identification have an absence of text or symbols. All attempts to fit a fitted sheet onto the bed, regardless of dimensions of the sheet or number of personnel participating, will result in at least one corner failing to fit.
Date of Recovery: 01-19-2013
Location of Recovery: London, Ontario, Canada
Current Status: Permanent storage at Site-19.

Item description: A wooden box with the drawing of the sun on it. All subjects exposed to the box, as in standing closer than 3 meters to it, touching it or looking at it for more than 5 continuous minutes, will report the feeling that they are watching the sun itself. They report feeling unusual heat, generating from the box, and the drawing looking exactly as a colored picture of the real sun. The box lacks any other unusual, anomalous effects.
Date of Recovery: 7-6-2012
Location of Recovery: [REDACTED], USA
Current status: Used as decoration on Dr. ███'s office, Site-██

Item Description: A pink colored DVD with no visible markings to identify any previous owner. When viewed the DVD appears unwritten. When played on a DVD player, an image of English actor Benedict Cumberbatch appears spinning on a pink background with the song Kiss Me Thru The Phone by Soulja Boy playing. The video will play on repeat until DVD is removed.
Date of Recovery: 14/2/20██
Location of Recovery: A dumpster behind a record store in ███ █████████, CA
Current Status: Shredded on 14/2/20██
Note: I ordered it to be destroyed after the first three hours - Dr. Landon

Item Description: A rogue US Military reconnaissance satellite with the designation RD-███ █. On the 30/██/200█ at 20:21 UTC the AFSC (Air Force Space Command) lost contact with RD-███ █, though its position was still being monitored by ground satellites. AFSC scientists attempted to re-establish radio contact and regain control of the satellite, but failed. 3 hours later at 23:25 UTC the satellite began sending coded signals back to ground control. These were then deciphered to reveal the message "Hippity Hoppity this satellite is our property". The US Military immediately suspected an expertly performed hacking, and the Foundation were contacted to help with further investigations.
Date of Recovery: 30/05/201█ at 23:25 UTC
Location of Recovery: Some 450 Km somewhere above the southern pacific ocean.
Current Status: As of 5/██/201█, the satellite completely deviated from its current orbit. It now resides at 526 Km above Earth, with an orbital inclination of 25° relative to Earth's equatorial plane. Currently being monitored and tracked by ground satellites at Site-[REDACTED]. The hacker(s) have not been identified, though signal tracing determines that the hacking originated from somewhere in the state of South Australia, Australia.

Item Description: A red balloon that cannot be popped by any known means nonanomalous means.
Date of Recovery: 28-05-2019
Location of Recovery: Found jammed in the turbine of a downed commercial airplane in Mexico.
Current Status: Popped. Remains are nonanomalous.

Item Description: A pair of blue skinny jeans of an unknown brand. When worn, its pockets anomalously fills with sand, giving the wearer an urge to throw the sand into someone's face while yelling, "Pocket sand!"
Date of Recovery: 28-05-2019
Location of Recovery: █████████, CA
Current Status: Missing
Note: POCKET SAND!

Item Description: A pink pillow with red glitter of an unknown brand. The tag lodged in the side of the pillow was blank and no company adress was seen. When a person places their head on the pillow, the person will have immediate sleep paralysis about a world of pillow constructs. When the person wakes from the sleep paralysis, a mini copy pops in the side of the bed of said person called "Pillow Monsters". The copy is an exact match of what pillow monsters in the sleep paralysis generates.
Date of Recovery: 08/08/2007
Location of Recovery: ████████, Italy
Current Status: Kept at a locker in Site-56's Objects Room #44
Note From Dr. Higgins:

Why do I see so many monsters at my sleep? Monsters, like pillow mechs. They, I saw them munching and biting each other and cotton coming out like a normal pillow. I just don't know what is happening. The place is Earth as a pillow itself, and the mechs are probably their "futuristic" style. I don't know what is happening. I'll get more information as soon as I can.

Item Description: A cereal box with the brand: "Koko Krunch Element", a brand of cereal in the Philippines. When the cereal box is poured out, a type of element not known in the periodic table will generately spawn in thousands of solid bits in the shape of a rock.
Date of Recovery: 07/09/2007
Location of Recovery: Marikina, PH
Current Status: Kept at the Anomalous Element Laboratory (AEL) in Site-49

0sGetyH.png

Note: I know it was the most current item but don't let this happen again on an official document and don't use the items to write the reports. - From Dr. █████ █████, Head of Research, Site-██.

Item Description: A drawing of a rainbow in crayon. Any instances of the word rainbow will be colorized similarly to the drawing if appearing in a sentence that mentions the drawing. Personnel report a similar effect when the drawing is discussed verbally, found to be caused by [REDACTED CLEARANCE LEVEL 5/PATAPHYSICS].
Date of Recovery: 3/3/2003
Location of Recovery: Wizard Island, OR
Current Status: Lost in a fire, infohazardous effect still present.

Item Description: A blue IPhone 6 Plus. If the battery goes below 50% charge it will begin to vibrate violently without the vibration motor being activate, will continue to vibrate even after the battery reaches 0% charge.
Date of recovery: 10/8/2017
Location of Recovery: Cupertino, California
Status: Incineration Approved by Dr. █████████ on 26/5/2019
Note: Stop making inappropriate remarks about the item please, be professionals - Dr. █████████

Item Description: A baseball that, when thrown, will invariably move in the direction opposite to the direction that the thrower is facing in.
Date of Recovery: June 30, 2019
Location of Recovery: A baseball diamond in ███████, ██, USA.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A simple clay pot painted with unknown writing thought to be a derivative of Swahili. When broken or smashed, the object will dissipate into a large swarm of flies recognized as the genus Glossinidae Glossina. The swarm will then press together into the shape of the original, undamaged pot and reform.
Date of Recovery: 06/12/1979
Location of Recovery: ██████, Tanzania
Current Status: In Storage

Item Description: A marble that can only be perceived as two marbles
Date of Recovery: 9/21/2019
Location of Recovery: Dr. Smith's personal marble collection
Current Status: On display in Dr. Smith's office

Item Description: A member of the Alpheidae family of animals (commonly referred to as pistol shrimp) with firearms of an unknown make and model instead of claws.
Date of Recovery: 9/22/2019
Location of Recovery: Atlantic Ocean
Current Status: In Reinforced aquatic anomaly containment unit in site-██

ERROR: Duplicate File
Item Description: A document describing "spontaneous pattern annihilation," a phenomenon that has not been observed in reality.
Location of Recovery: Site-02
████████████ Department
Date of Recovery: 2018-06-01 Caution: [DATA CORRUPTED]ard
Item Description: A document describing spontaneous pattern annihilation," a phenomenon that tic has not been observed in reality and never will be observed in any reality where reality is real. A+B=MC2
Current Srtatus: So you j ust do whatever they tell you?
Current Status: Storage
Quote by ██ Floyd - “Can someone else fix the memetic scrambling in the data please? This is the third time I’ve had to sort through corrupted duplicates for this single entry in a month. That can’t be a coincidence! This stupid document is supposed to be harmless! For Gods sake if pataphysics doesn’t take a look at this bloody paperwork soon I’m going to [DATA EXPUNGED]”
ehazmëm

Containme Pro: NULL.cosma
A+∞=?

ANTI-MEMETIC LOCK ENGAGED

(In my bonds I brand a ring of seven singing scythes. With my cup I drink the day and think of dying lives. In my bonds I brand a ring of seven singing scythes. With my cup I drink the day and think of dying lives. In my bonds I brand a ring of seven singing scythes. With my cup I drink the day and think of dying lives.)

Item Description ~ 2 on site entries detailing a document describing "spontaneous pattern annihilation,” including the original file and an anomalously generated false duplicate. Both had been discovered to have been corrupted by a previously unknown memetic agent and a debilitating cognitohazard. This effect is now known to have originated from the document both detailed, and has spread to most known files regarding the item.

Date of Incident ~ [MEMELOCKED/CLEARANCE REQUIRED]

Location of Recovery ~ N/A

Current Status ~ Neutralized. NOTE: Memetic hazards and cognitohazards within the documents contained in these entries have been thoroughly neutralized and are safe for viewing by foundation personnel. All nonrelated files regarding this item except [MEMELOCKED/CLEARANCE REQUIRED] are to be terminated. The termination of the item in question is pending approval. The corrupted files in their non memetic forms will remain untouched in this database so further study may be performed. Foundation personnel affected by these memetic effects have been administered amnestics. Personnel without Level 3 Clearance or higher not given proper authorization are prohibited from research into the item. Investigation into foundation researchers [MEMELOCKED/CLEARANCE REQUIRED] and [MEMELOCKED/CLEARANCE REQUIRED] in the foundation ████████████ Department have been initiated. - [MEMELOCKED/CLEARANCE REQUIRED], Director of Foundation Pataphysics

(Break the scythe upon my knee and burn the cups of gold, sing and dance and die in vain and howl to moons untold.)

END ANTI-MEMETIC LOCK

Item Description: A brown wallet. The money amount in it keeps increasing. It will increase until it reaches the limit of money. When it reaches the limit, the wallet will break and [DATA EXPUNGED]
Date of Recovery: 9/29/2019 (mm/dd/yyyy)
Location of Recovery: Site-██
Current Status:

Item Description: A box that changes its color over time. This box can also escape containment when contained.
Date of Recovery: 9/29/2019 (mm/dd/yyyy)
Location of Recovery: Site-██
Current Status: Escaped from Containment
Notice: The wallet must be contained in a room made by reinforced concrete. This can block the object from escaping by passing solid objects.

Item Description: A life-sized doll filled with interstellar particulate matter and trace amounts of metallic hydrogen. The item mimics the appearance of the late astronomer Carl Edward Sagan.
Date of Recovery: 1996/12/21
Location of Recovery: Fred Hutchinson Research Center, Seattle, Washington
Recovery Log: On the morning after Carl Sagan's death, mortuary technicians noticed Sagan's body had gone missing. Law enforcement dispatched on-site reported that a person or group of persons had stolen and replaced the body, discovering the doll alongside a Freedom From Religion brochure. Foundation agents later released a cover story proposing that the incident was a practical joke.

For the ensuing two months, Sagan's cadaver could not be located. To mitigate distress within the Sagan family, Foundation agents planned a necessary cover-up funeral. On February 27, 1997, the Amnestics Department orchestrated a secular public memorial service for Carl Sagan's life. Throughout the service, personnel posing as funerary staff dispersed a specialized gaseous Class-E/W "Solace" a/mnestic cocktail. As a result, persons attending the service had memories and feelings associated with melancholy and grief replaced with a reinforced mass fondness for the late Sagan.
Current Status: Item is contained within a shrine to Carl Sagan at Site-64.

Item Description: A black ███ brand ink pen that only writes in blue ink, despite the color of ink in the pen. The pen is still able to write if the ink tube is entirely removed.
Date of Recovery: September 2, 2018
Location of Recovery: On the side of a highway near █████ █████, Indiana
Current Status: In Dr. ████'s office.
Note: I continuously pick up this pen instead of my actual black pens, and it's really beginning to annoy me. - Dr. ████

Item Description: He's an adorable little ████-brand trainer that makes people communicate about him as if he's a cute animal of some sort.
Date of Recovery: 13/06/2019
Location of Recovery: ████████, England
Current Status: In a desk drawer in Dr. ███████'s office.
Note: I've named him Jerry. Also, he likes to attack other, less worthy shoes. - Dr. ███████

Item Description: A black Honda Varadero motorcycle, that constantly hovers ~3m off the ground, no matter what sort of terrain it is in.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: An automobile shop in Hampshire, England
Current Status: In Dr. █████'s possession for personal use.
Note: It goes faster than normal, but you need a [EXPLETIVE] ladder to sit on the damn thing. - Dr. █████

Item Description: A small plastic button colored red, that lights up when pressed. Subsequently, smooth jazz permeates the room from an unidentified source.
Date of Recovery: 28/09/2019
Location of Recovery: A pawn shop in Windom, Minnesota
Current Status: Sitting on Dr. ██████'s desk.
Note: Stop taking my button. The jazz helps me work. - Dr. ██████

Item Description: An unlabeled record that is broken almost perfectly in half. Anything spoken or whispered within a 5-foot radius of the object is repeated a second time. Anyone within the radius does not notice the repetition.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20██
Location of Recovery: ██████████ Records in New York City, New York
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A black plastic domino with one white pip on each side. The domino can only be knocked over by a human index finger, and it always falls backwards, making it almost useless as a domino.
Date of Recovery: 09/09/19██
Location of Recovery: A toy store in Vicksburg, Mississippi, on top of a full box of normal dominoes
Current Status: In storage. The normal dominoes were placed in the Site-19 break room after examination.

Item Description: Twenty Nineteen sheets of construction paper that change color every 10 minutes. The papers can only be damaged if cut with a pair of safety scissors. If a sheet of paper is cut into pieces one tenth of its original size, the paper becomes "stuck" on whatever color it last displayed and no longer shows any anomalous properties.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/2017
Location of Recovery: ███████ Elementary School in ████ ██████, Kentucky
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A USB flashdrive that becomes invisible when held in the hand. After leaving the hand, it becomes visible again. It contains no data and any files saved to it are unrecoverable.
Date of Recovery: 04/10/2019
Location of Recovery: ██████████████ Forest, ██°██′██″N ██°██′██″W
Current Status: In Storage
Note: Worthless piece of junk deleted my backups — Agent Greg

Item Description: A no book no that no when no described no will no put no the no word no ‘no’ no in no between no of no every no word no and no will no replace no numbers no with no the no word no ‘no’. No the no remains no of no the no book no retain no the no same no anomalous no properties.
Date of Recovery: No No/No No/No No No No
Location of Recovery: A no Library no in no the no Philippines.
Current Status: Incinerated
Note: Thank. [EXPLETIVE]. - Dr. ███

Item Description: A correction tape that will change the colour of the tape to black if used on the word ‘white’.
Date of Recovery: 8/10/2019
Location of Recovery: In a shut down school in ██████.
Current Status: In Storage
Note: Ironic. -Dr. ███

Item Description: A standard working Foundation computer entirely made of various types of cheeses that immediately transforms all electronics in 30 cm radius into cheese. The affected electronics will not lose their functionality despite being made of cheese.
Date of Recovery: 10/10/2019
Location of Recovery: Dr. Clockworks’ office located in Site-19 Facility 23
Current Status: In Storage
Note: Rosen, why couldn’t you fix my computer like a normal person? - Dr. Clockworks

Item Description: A white indestructible teddy bear. Feels soft when touched.
Date of Recovery: 3/10/19
Location of Recovery: A thrift store in ███████, Mississippi that was robbed on 28/9/19, owner deceased of gunshot wound through throat, item found next to body
Current Status: Given as a birthday gift to Dr. █████'s youngest child
Note: I feel like my daughter would enjoy this, I'm sure it can take a bit of a beating - Dr. █████

Item Description: A standard Target franchise uniform that when being worn will make the wearer believe they work for the Walmart franchise. Wearers will then proceed to move in the direction of the nearest Walmart branch, regardless of the conditions in the aforementioned direction. If the location is met, then the wearer will begin to work as if they were an employee (stocking shelves, operating registers, helping customers, etc). Effects will ware off roughly 5-10 minutes when removing the uniform.
Date of Recovery: 16/10/19
Location of Recovery: An air vent inside of a Montana Target location's storage room.
Current Status: Incinerated

Item Description: A minor indie game which has a variable "cooldown" mechanic that, when reduced below zero actually causes it's effect before activation. Results in time-loops and has a slight statistical effect to enforce this. Anomalous section of code isolated, removed and replaced with non-anomalous version.
Date of Recovery: 24/01/2003
Location of recovery: An office building in London, now demolished and replaced for unrelated reasons, see records for details.
CurrentPrimary copy stored in the causal research division's hardened databank for research purposes.
Not as usefull as it may seem, gets exponentially harder to set up beyond a few seconds and throws an error message if activation is forced from a more distant causal system while in a situation unsuited for time-loops. Hmm, that alone could be pretty useful, some sort of measurement system? Research needed. -Dr. Hengzel Baker

Item Description: An anomalous bank account which is capable of changing the deposited currency into a different currency. The altered currency was discovered to be replaced with the closest form; the type of which is determined by the heritage of the depositor.
Date of Recovery: 4/12/2007
Location of Recovery: Bank of Forest, Forest, Mississippi, USA. The owner whom had originally setup the account was identified as Warren Cooper, and was found dead five (5) days before the discovery of the anomaly. Warren was known to collect abundances of unique forms of cash; hence why he was able to afford most of his old belongings.
Current Status: Deleted
Note: Agent Campos is not allowed to use this anomaly's capabilities for paying his Indian drug dealer.
Update: Agent reprimanded. Anomaly deleted.

Item Description: A drawing of a triangle with two right angles on a white board in permanent marker.
Date of Recovery: 3/03/2003
Location of Recovery: In an abandoned school in ████, New Zealand.
Current Status: In Storage
Note: The whiteboard is safely in storage, but the triangle still doesn’t make sense! -Dr.██

Item Description: Two wild morph bearded dragons (Pogona vitticeps) which have sociality comparable to domesticated dogs, becoming lethargic and depressed when separated from social contact and stimulation.
Date of Recovery: 3/08/1990
Location of Recovery: In an abandoned reptile breeding facility, in ███ ██, Texas.
Current Status: Being held together in a 75 gallon terrarium with proper husbandry at low maintenance animal storage site ███.

Item Description: A fragment of space rock which relocates via teleportation to specific foundation sites every time a new anomaly is discovered.
Date of Recovery: 12/10/2000
Location of Recovery: The right wing of Lunar Site-20.
Current Status: Kept on display at where it currently is, Site-112.

Item Description: A Hispanic male with extremely high amounts of fluoroantimonic acid in blood, subject's tissue and other bodily fluids not effected by the acid but surrounding objects are effected if subject is bleeding. Subject has two children and spouse, children went through blood and tissue tests and show no signs of acid within their bodies.
Date of Recovery: 9/10/2019
Location of Recovery: █████████ City Hospital, Washington
Current Status: Living with family, advised to keep injury to a minimum and to report to a Foundation specialist in case of emergency. Family has been informed that he has a "rare but harmless blood condition."
Notes: He Said that he discovered that his blood was out of the ordinarily when he tripped and cut his knee on some grass during a soccer game when he was 5 and saw the grass shrivel around his knee, he might be immune to other strong acids and bases but the Ethic Committee disproved. - Dr. O'Conor Site-██ Biological Research Director

Item Description: Multiple Cavendish bananas (Musa acuminata Cavendish) that teleport to a random location within a random radius, attempts to contain the banana have failed, attempts to place trackers on bananas have also failed. The seeds within the bananas are indestructible and share the same quality after fully growing into a tree, immature bananas also teleport and carry fully mature seeds. If a banana is destroyed the seeds will begin to sprout faster than usual and will grown on hard surfaces without the need of soil or water. Trees grown from the seeds will survive in any condition unless manually cut down and destroyed, even if little to no oxygen is present in the environment.
Date of Discovery: Unknown, Sightings as far back as 1977 to 1953
Location of Discovery: First known location in ████, Italy but reports in ████████, New York and ███████, South Africa.
Current Status: 2811 individual bananas have been recorded (on Earth) but the possibility of more are currently theorized, last known sightings on Mars after a failed containment plan to send an affected banana to space, teleported to Mars and destroyed in a sandstorm carrying seeds to an unknown location until a small banana sprout was found on the western part of the planet.

Note from 05-█ to Site-██ Director Dr. ██████: Move this to possible Keter Class SCP, this banana business has gone far enough and might cause an XK or ZK Event if more of those bananas get destroyed and the seeds spread, It's already destroying almost 1/6 of Mars' natural landscape with all those damn bananas! What if they infest Area-32?

Item Description: A size M forest camouflage T-shirt that causes anyone to wear it to believe they are invisible. Subjects wearing the shirt are reported to say things about how they cannot be seen. This anomalous effect only manifests when the shirt is worn as the outermost layer of clothing.
Date of Discovery: 2/6/2005
Location of discovery:██████, United States of America
Current Status: Kept in low-tier anomalous storage at Site-██

Item Description: A gift card for the online game retailer Steam that would change codes on the back of the card every 27.8 hours.
Date of Discovery: 19/10/19
Location of Discovery: Plover, Wisconsin
Current Status: The desk drawer of Dr. ██████████ Stored in a high security storage box.
Note: Please for the love of God can I have it back? It's almost the winter sale! I NEED this! - Dr. ██████████

Item Description: A paperback copy of the book The Things They Carried by Tim O'Brien. Whenever someone reads the first chapter, they become emotionally attached to the book and refuse to let it go. The only way to remove the effect is through amnestics. The location of recovery is also odd, and it is unknown how the object got there.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: Sahara Desert, Africa
Current Status: In Dr. ████'s office.

Item Description: A species resembling wolves and an unidentified species of wild cat where the males resemble wild canines and the females resemble wild cats.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2018
Location of Recovery: Amazon Rainforest, near Manaus, Brazil
Current Status: In specialized animal containment, search teams have been dispatched to find any remaining wild instances.

Item Description: An anomalous anomaly. The anomalous properties of the anomaly are unknown.
Date of Recovery: Anomalous
Location of Recovery: Anomalous
Current Status: Anomalous

Item Description: Two panes of glass that act as a portal for light. When pane-A is viewed it appears to display the image expected to be seen through pane-B and vice versa
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2019
Location of Recovery: An abandoned house located in [REDACTED] used as windows
Current Status: In site 19 storage

Item Description: A matchbox containing 100 matches which, when lit, make the person holding the match want to set fire to someone's hair.
Date of Recovery: █/██/20██
Location of Recovery: A convenience store in ████████, Ireland
Current Status: In a drawer in Dr. █████'s office
Note: I don't want anyone trying to set fire to my beard, it cost $70 to get it like this - Dr. █████

Item Description: 220g of sugar which when dissolved in water, produce an air-spread effect of
accelerated energy and BPM of the heart. When digested, the user generally feels happier than before. Source of more of this anomalous item have been found, but not easy to obtain.
Date of Recovery: 16-11-2013
Location of Recovery: ████████ Residence, England
Current Status: Kept in a locker at Site-50, only being used for extremely dangerous missions.
Note: Family reported they had bought this pack of sugar from a shop that also contained ██ bottles of SCP-207. Links between this item and SCP-207 are ongoing.

Item Description: A blue plastic comb, roughly 5 inches long, with 16 bristles. Upon use, it instantly removes hair knots, matting, and tangles.
Date of Recovery: 01/23/19
Location of Recovery: Tuscaloosa, Alabama
Current Status: In Storage.

Item Description: A transportable cooler manufactured by the Igloo company which spontaneously dispenses a large abundance of flames when opened. Objects within proximity of this manifestation may catch on fire regardless of the material it's comprised of. Anomaly's effects can diminish when the current temperature is -7 celcius or lower.
Date of Recovery: 04-15-2008
Location of Recovery: Tybee Island, Georgia, USA.
Current Status: In Site-56's freezer. Sometimes used for cooking steak at Researcher Fernsby's BBQ's

Item Description: A 12" Record of the 4th studio album Ghost in the Machine by the English band The Police that when played will cause the person who placed the record on the turn table to start singing in the exact voice of lead singer Gordon Sumner or each song.
Date of Recovery: 11/1/1982
Location of Discovery: Dumpster outside of A&M Record Headquarters, Santa Monica, California
Current Status: Accidentally made unplayable on 2/2/1984 after SOMEONE a researcher started to scratch the disc then snapped it. Pieces no longer show the anomalous property.
Notes:I TOLD YOU NOT TO SCRATCH THE DAMN DISC DR. MARTIAN, I SWEAR TO GOD - Dr. Andrews

Item Description: A calculator with the answer to 0÷0 on it.
Date of Recovery: 06-02-2011
Location of Recovery: Third floor of the University of Barcelona, Barcelona, Spain.
Current Status: In storage.
Note: It's important to keep this anomaly away from anybody's line of sight at all times. Rumors say D-34271 literally went insane after viewing it.

Item Description: A red pen produced by Bic. According to the donor, when held, it shows its user flaws in the work of others, however minute. Over the course of almost a year, testing revealed it's ink to be as limitless as the criticisms of the one who uses it. It was hypothesized that continued use of the pen may negatively impact the user's personality. However, this was never confirmed, as the only individual to test the object was Dr. ███, and he has always been a bit of a █████.
Date of Recovery: 10/17/2018
Location of Recovery: Object was donated by ████ ██████, an English teacher from a high school in central Tennessee.
Current Status: In a locked container at Site-15
Note: I'm sorry, what did you just call me? Report to my office immediately! Also, you used the wrong form of "its/it's". - Dr. ███

Item Description:1
Date of Recovery:2
Location of Recovery:3
Current Status:4

Item Description: A police-issue radar gun. When aimed directly at any human with roughly eight meters, the target quickly falls asleep for exactly 72 minutes.
Date of Recovery: 03/31/2015
Location of Recovery: A hospital in ████████, Vietnam. The hospital was found to have been using the device as a sedative since 2004, when a nurse brought the device to the hospital's director and displayed its anomalous properties. However as the nurse died of non-anomalous causes in 2009, its origins are unknown.
Current Status: Located in an anomalous storage locker.
Notes: All further requests by guards or medical staff to use this object will be automatically rejected. It is still an anomaly, and previous uses of similar anomalies have often ended in theft or destruction.

Item Description: A 1910 Kodak No.2 box camera. The film was developed and found to contain photographs of events, objects, and places that existed before 1910.
Date of Recovery: 09/31/2019
Location of Recovery: ████████. An antique shop in New York. It was found and purchased by a Foundation Agent.
Current Status: After extensive testing and research, the camera and film has been determined to be a spontaneously generated ahistorical anomaly. It is now located in storage.

Item Description: A Polaroid photograph of a common sunflower that gives those who view it a sense of nostalgia, regardless of if they have seen a sunflower or a Polaroid photograph in their life.
Date of Recovery: 04-16-2002
Location of Recovery: A thrift shop in Manchester, New Hampshire
Current Status: Framed in Dr. █████’s office.

Item Description: A framed photograph of SCP-173 in its containment chamber. The image shows SCP-173 teleporting around its chamber regardless of it someone is viewing it or not. The object also remains unchanged if SCP-173 is out of its containment chamber.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Pawn shop in ██████████, ████████
Current Status: In storage at Site-19.

Item Description: A “That’s Easy” button that when pressed, plays the sound expected except the point of origin is two feet above the button itself.
Date of Recovery: 04-██-████
Location of Recovery: A Staples brand store located in ████████, Maryland
Current Status: In storage. Currently in possession of Researcher █████

Item Description: A metal fishing hook that, when submerged in any kind of liquid, will pull a tiny old leather boot. The subject that placed the hook in the water will say “Damn it, not again!” upon seeing the boot. The caught boot will disappear 2 days after it’s date of manifestation.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: A bait and tackle shop in ████, Massachusetts
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A stovepipe hat and fake beard resembling those of American President Abraham Lincoln that make those who wear it perfectly recite speeches from the aforementioned president. The subject’s voice anomalously changes to what historians believe Abraham Lincoln sounded like.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: American history museum in ███████, Georgia
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A shoebox diorama that alternates between a fantasy scene where a ragtag group of adventurers are fighting a dragon and a sci-fi scene where astronauts fight a giant alien. Paper cutouts of SCP-111 and SCP-1230-1 can be found in the fantasy scene, and paper cutouts of SCP-2006 in the form of Ro-Man and SCP-811 dressed like and alien can be seen in the sci-fi scene.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Suburban home in ███████, ████████. Child used it for a project at their school.
Current Status: In possession of Researcher █████.

Item Description: A white styrofoam cup that is always filled with 3 fluid ounces of purified water. If the water in the cup is removed, more will take its place. If more is placed in the cup, it will anomalously pass out the sides.
Date of Recovery: 08-20-199█
Location of Recovery: ███████, ██████
Current Status: Destroyed in on-site containment breach of SCP-████ and SCP-████. Remains showed no anomalous properties.

Item Description: A torn whoopee cushion that causes any person who sits on it anomalously flatulate. Only living humans can activate its effect.
Date of Recovery: 04-01-████
Location of Recovery: Joke prop store in ███████, ██████████
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A 10” by 8” American flag that quietly plays the United States national anthem on the Fourth of July. The music becomes louder when held and waved.
Date of Recovery: 07-04-████
Location of Recovery: P████ ████ brand store in █████████, ███████████
Current Status: Placed in Site-19’s break room.

Item Description: A brick that disappears when thrown, but will appear near the person of threw it five minutes later.
Date of Recovery: 12-03-████
Location of Recovery: ███████, ██████
Current Status: Hasn’t returned after ██ tests involving its anomalous properties.

Item Description: A handmade drawn Mother’s Day card that anomalously says “love you mom” in a child’s voice when opened. No sound devices are present in the card. If any mother reads the card or hears the voice message, they will become happy.
Date of Recovery: 05-13-2012
Location of Recovery: ████████, Louisiana
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A living goldfish made entirely out of gold. It does not require food, but does require water to remain in an active state. In its active state, it swims around, interacting with whatever it’s provided with in its space. In its inactive state, it looks like a gold model of a goldfish.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: █████, China
Current Status; Currently owned by Researcher ██████.

Item Description: A wooden model of an “M” that completely convinces people it’s a “W” when it’s flipped over. The same effect happens when the “W” is turned over to make a “M”.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ███████, ████████
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A small rubber bouncy ball that anomalously produces a cartoon “boing” sound when it bounces off any surface. The volume of the sound depends on the amount of force applied to the bounce of the ball.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Convenience store in Lynn, Massachusetts
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: An oil painting showing a scene of a log cabin in the woods during the winter. Snow is falling in the scene and smoke rises from the chimney. It anomalously produces a state of calmness when placed within 7 feet of an individual.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-1995
Location of Recovery ████████, Nevada
Current Status: In Head Researcher ██████’s office.

Item Description: A fire extinguisher that contains an infinite amount of soft marshmallow fluff rather than nitrogen or carbon dioxide.
Date of Recovery: 07-18-2003
Location of Recovery: Burnt down suburban home in ████████, █████████
Current Status: In storage.
Notes: On sight personnel are not to use this object as a candy machine. I get it that some people here really like marshmallow, but have some self control guys. The Foundation isn’t run by children. - Site Director ██████.

Item Description: A folding chair that unfolds when put together and placed on the ground. Anyone who sits on the chair will feel obligated to fold it once they stand up. After anywhere from 10-20 attempts, subject will grunt and state “I give up”.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ██████, █████████
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A stress ball in the shape of SCP-999. Object shows no anomalous properties besides the threat of an information breach that it poses.
Date of Recovery: 07-20-199█
Location of Recovery: Therapist's office in ███████, Rhode Island
Current Status: In storage. Placed in Site-██'s Break Room.

Item Description: A Phalanx CIWS that shoots bullets at 90 million rounds per minute without the need of using ammunition, and can operate automatically or manually, by remote control. It is unusually light, weighing only 75.3 kg. A non-anomalous Phalanx CIWS would shoot only 4,500 rounds per minute.
Date of Recovery: 12-25-2019
Location of Recovery: USS Barry.
Current Status: Placed outside the offices of the O5 Council, to defend against unauthorized personnel.
Notes: Hey, lets use SCP-038 to clone this thing and we’ll have some super effective turrets! - Dr. Felteich

Item Description: A pair of brown and green sneakers from an unknown producer which makes the wearer jump excessively higher then average height.
Date of Recovery: 5-24-2012
Location of recovery: Found in a subway station located in Los Angeles, CA, USA, after a juvenile had been vandalizing the shells of various subway trains.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A glass cup containing a blue liquid that, once having left the glass, becomes highly corrosive to anything it comes in direct contact with. On top of this, the glass also has a paper label reading "Light Blue Gatorade" in pencil (although it appears to have once said "Antifreeze").
Date of Recovery: 3-04-2000
Location of Recovery: Cameron Park, California, USA
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A cardboard box full of plastic grocery bags. If any item weighing over 300 grams is placed inside one of the plastic bags, the bag’s bottom will immediately tear, the object inside falling to the ground. The bag usually waits until there are over 5 objects inside to tear, and even then, there is a delay until the carrier of the grocery bag is in motion. Though, the bag will tear immediately upon motion if eggs are placed inside, even if they are the only object in the bag.
Date of Recovery: 3/5/2019
Location of Recovery: A Walmart in Colorado, USA
Current Status: In storage at Site-19

Item Description: An Outback Steakhouse cardboard coaster. Any container, containing any liquid, that is placed on the coaster will inevitably fall over and spill, no matter how stable it is, if it's being held in place, or if there's a lid on it. The coaster is immune to any damage a coaster of it's type would normally receive from the spills.
Date of Recovery: 11/18/2019
Location of Recovery: An Outback Steakhouse in Indiana, USA
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: Item is a white wooden shed which spontaneously vanishes in photographs or videos taken of it. The item in question doesn't vanish upon exposure to a photograph or video, but rather fails to show up in them.
Date of Recovery: 7/12/2008
Location of Recovery: Holly, Michigan, USA.
Current Status: The item in question has been forcefully removed from it's original property and transported to Site-56. It is currently used for containment of other logged anomalous items with the support of it's anomalous properties using various CCTV cameras in it's containment chamber.

Item Description: A rubber duck that anomalously transforms into a real duck for an hour at noon every day. This duck doesn't need anything to live, and immediately turns back into a rubber duck at one o'clock PM.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2011
Location of Recovery: Daycare in Rhode Island, USA
Current Status: In animal containment at Site-██.

Item Description: A grandfather clock that makes anyone under the age of 60 feel like they are rapidly aging, but they are not truly harmed. The only people under 60 whom are immune to this anomalous effect are men who have grandchildren.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Antique store in ████████, New York
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A push pin that makes all information typed about it appear in superscript format.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/2007
Location of Recovery: On the desk of Dr. ████
Current Status: On a bulletin board in the Site-██ break room.

Note: Well, at least we know that it's functional. - Dr. ████, after accidently puncturing his finger with the object

Item Description: A laptop with exactly one pixel out on its screen. Every time it is reopened, the dead pixel with be in a completely different location on the screen. Anyone who sees this dead pixel will be immediately enraged and try to destroy the laptop, which has been proven on several cases to be indestructible.
Date of Recovery: 03-12-20██
Location of Recovery: A Best Buy brand technology store in ██████, Georgia
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: It-It's a, um, small nine-nineteenth Ce-century American-can Penny th-that cau-caus-makes any desc-description of th-the, umm, the, uh, obj-object to sh-show stut, umh, stutters and, um, pauses whet-whether or-or not the, uh, des-decription is ver-verbal.
Date of Recovery: 11-30-20██
Location of Recovery: A-an Antique, um uh, Store in, um, ████████, Cal-california.
Current Status: In Storage
Note: Umm, ca-causes anyone verb-verbally or, umm, textually des-describing the, uhh, object to-to show, umm, sig-signs o-of Social, umm, Awkw-awkwardness.

Item Description: A copy of the video game Super Smash Brothers: Ultimate for the Nintendo Switch in which the playable character Ness (from the Mother series of video games) has been entirely replaced by Sans, a character from the video game Undertale, who has an entirely separate set of moves and abilities. Additionally, should the copy be inserted into a Nintendo Switch console also with Undertale installed and Undertale be launched, the reverse will have occurred, with Sans being replaced by Ness in every sense, including entirely new dialogue and story events to account for Ness' presence rather than Sans', as well as an entirely new boss fight.
Date of Recovery: 26/12/2018
Location of Recovery: A GameStop store in Atlanta, Georgia.
Current Status: In the Site-77 break room for recreational use.
Note: You would not believe how many subreddits I could throw into chaos with this thing. -Jr. Researcher Jacob Hernandez

Item Description: A boston terrier (Canis lupus familiaris) breed house dog which exhibits the exact DNA as an extinct passenger pigeon (Ectopistes migratorius), despite possessing the traits and bodily functions as a canine.
Date of Recovery: 23/9/2017
Location of Recovery: A Petco shop in Austin, Texas, USA.
Current Status: Used as Researcher Bernal's emotional support animal.

Item Description: A flag ten centimetres in length and five centimetres wide which changes its appearence depending on the prominent ethnicity of the holder. If there are two holders it will asume the appearence of the flag of the prominent country between the two.
Date of Recovery: █/██/████
Location of Recovery: ███████, England.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A 6 centimeter by 8 centimeter photograph that, when held by anyone capable of speech, turns white. Upon the holder describing anything that they have personally witnessed, the photo will display a 5 second loop of that event, similar to a .gif, from the holder's perspective. These ".gifs" have been determined by testing to be at least 98.2% accurate according to those who use it, with the 1.8% inaccuracy later determined to be due to them misremembering something. The photo will display this ".gif" for 1 minute before stopping on the first "frame" of the video until someone else holds it, resetting it once more. The possibility of using this item to more accurately show unrecorded events in after-action reports by personnel is being discussed at this time.
Date of Recovery: █/██/201█
Location of Recovery: ███████ Bar and Grill, ███████ Maine. Owner and patrons were given Amnestics and convinced that the item was not a photo in a wood frame but in fact a novelty video display that was stolen by a thief and never recovered.
Current Status: Neutralized after an unknown assailant apparently managed to successfully steal it, went into the Site-██ cafeteria, and, after getting some level 1 staff to use it, successfully had the photo display a short cat video that ran at an estimated 150 fps and had one frame of the video replaced with a picture of SCP 096's face. After this [DATA EXPUNGED]. Aftermath: Over ██ confirmed casualties, containment breach for SCP's ████, ████, and ███ confirmed, and several highly classified files were found to be subsequently missing, presumed stolen. It is unknown how the assailant managed to watch said video without triggering SCP 096's anomalous effect until that point, and we won't find out since he's dead. The photo was later recovered by MTF Unit-███, who destroyed it to prevent other such attacks.
Note: Just goes to show that no matter how harmless they may seem, any anomaly can cause disaster if left uncontained. This is why we exist, people. -Site Director █████████
Whoever let that man into Site-██, gain access to the photo and then allowed a bunch of Scientists play around with an anomaly in full view of several guards, let me just say that if you're still alive, you will be held responsible for this whole attack, and you will regret ever letting an event of such magnitude happen under your watch. That is all. - Dr. ████

Item Description: A bronze crucifix with a rope on the back that cannot hang correctly on any wall, as it will always turn upside-down upon being hung, phasing through anything that intervenes. The eyes of Jesus have been painted red, and the paint is unable to be removed.
Date of Recovery: 06/06/2016
Location of Recovery: Eleanor Slater Hospital in Cranston, Rhode Island, on the wall above the bed of a recently deceased Satanist
Current Status: On the wall of Dr. ████████'s office (Dr. ████████ is an atheist)

Item Description: A 6" by 4" piece of cardboard folded in the style of a birthday card with the text "thIs is uR HaPPie BerTdAy" written in thick black ink on the front facing side. When opened will show the birthday of the person opening the card and a small piece of white wrapped chocolate will fall out. If a person attempts to open the card a second time the card will refuse to open until the person's birthday. If a person was to open the card on his/her birthday the text inside the card "HApPY BETHDaY, HERE iS CONFETTEE" then a small amount of confetti will drop out of the card and the card cannot be opened until the following year.
Date of Discovery: 5/4/1946
Location of Recovery: █████████, Germany
Current Status: Decomposed as of 2/2/2007 at Area-███

Item Description: A box of Totino's Party Pizza: Triple Pepperoni. The pizza will remain frozen even after being baked in an oven or cooked in a microwave.
Date of Recovery: 21/11/2019
Location of Recovery: █████████████ Super Market, San Bernardino, California
Current Status: Eaten by a Site-██ staff's pet dog after the item fell on the floor of the break room. Time of item lost, 1:09 PM on 30/11/19

Item Description: A wheel of cheddar cheese capable of telepathic speech with humanoids within a 5-meter radius. Deaf subjects, however, are incapable of hearing this item. Communication with this item is described as annoying or unbearable, with most subjects wishing to suspend the conversation after a few minutes.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/1921
Location of Recovery: Dayton, Ohio, USA
Current Status: In Storage Destroyed when item was left near the Site Cafeteria and deaf kitchen staff member, Roseanne ██████, unknowingly transferred it to the kitchen and began grating it. Item was reported to have "Screamed bloody murder," by another kitchen staff member during this process. Item no longer exhibited anomalous properties after the incident and was cleared for consumption.
Note: Good riddance. - Researcher ████

Item Description: A ceramic figure of a bottle-nosed dolphin that changes colors across the gray-scale depending on the time of day, being pure white at noon and pure black at midnight.
Date of Recovery: 10-16-2003
Location of Recovery: Retirement home in █████████, Pennsylvania
Current Status: In storage. In Dr. ██████'s office.

Item Description: A five (5) US dollar, with the image of Abraham Lincoln sentient and capable of speech, hearing, and smell, but confined to the anomaly. Testing is being undergone to see whether or not the entity is the real Abraham Lincoln.
Date of Recovery: 12-4-2018
Location of Recovery: Oak Ridge Cemetery, Springfield, Illinois, USA.
Current Status: Used for testing by Dr. Volkman
Note: While this could just be another identity-assuming entity, the anomaly possesses knowledge which was never mentioned throughout Lincoln's term. -Dr. Volkman

Item Description: A ███ Brand black ink pen that when used in writing will cause the person using it to draw an 's' in the popular 'Cool S' style on a random part of the paper/document without noticing until done writing.
Date of Discovery: 2/12/2019
Location of Discovery: ████████ High School, CT
Current Status: In Dr. █████ office desk
Note: Sorry! - Field Agent ████

Item Description: A Funko Pop Vinyl figure of Hulk Hogan with unblinking red human eyes. Eyes appear human, but testing has revealed that they have the DNA of a human botfly (Dermatobia hominis).
Date of Recovery: 06-20-2019
Location of Recovery: T█████ brand store in ████████, New Hampshire
Current Status: In storage.
Notes: I know we aren't supposed to neutralize anomalies for no apparent reason, but please let me kill that thing! It [EXPLETIVE] scares me so [EXPLETIVE] much! -Dr ███████

Item Description: A 2 liter pepsi bottle that contains infinite soda inside of it. It also cannot still no matter how long it has stayed out, or what temperature it is. The bottle along with the cap is confirmed to be indestructible.
Date of Recovery: 4/8/2007
Location of Recovery: Site-18
Current Status: In the Site-18 cafeteria
Note: Once again, we would like to apologize to all the on-site janitors and the suffering they had to go through to clean this up. Dr. ████ didn't mean to knock it over, and has already suffered the consequences for his actions.

Item Description: A 0.5 Meter high statue, depicting the Virgin Mary from the Christian faith. When direct physical contact is made, the subject will experience auditory hallucinations of Hymns commonly sung in Roman Catholic Churches throughout the United States. Initial testing has concluded that the object's outer layer is impenetrable by any known means.
Date of Recovery: 3/27/2005
Location of Recovery: Our Lady of Lourdes Catholic Church, NY
Current Status: A low-value storage locker at Site-77
Note: The object is not to be used for religious purposes, neither does it show proof as to solidifying the Christian beliefs as fact.

Item Description: A wireless computer mouse that produces a stock 'coconut hit" sound every time any functional part of the mouse is pressed.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: Best Buy brand store in Lynn, Massachusetts
Current Status: Currently in possession of Dr. Robin.

Item Description: A plush doll of cartoon character Bart Simpson with the ability to produce "six cool phrases" that produces any odd phrases from the list normal, but even phrases are "spoken" backwards. Item is capable of producing sound without batteries or audio devices.
Date of Recovery: ██-17-████
Location of Recovery: Toy's "R" Us brand toy store in Toronto, Canada
Current Status: In low anomaly containment wing at Site-73.

Item Description: A bubble-eye goldfish in a plastic bag full of water that never ages. doesn't age unless removed from its bag.
Date of Recovery: 07-12-197█
Location of Recovery: Town fair in ███████, Alabama
Current Status: In animal containment at Site-██. Immediately died when removed from plastic bag. Impromptu funeral given to item as request of Researcher █████.

Item Description: A pumpkin with the face of SCP-173 that doesn't rot or age. Substance that was found inside pumpkin was revealed to be blood and faces similar to that produced by the statue. On Halloween, a lit candle anomalously produces inside the item.
Date of Recovery: 10-31-2007
Location of Recovery: Suburban home in ███████, North Carolina
Current Status: Contained at Site 19. Placed in Site-19's break room during the month of October.

Item Description: A barren field, with the exception of four gymnosperm trees similar in appearance to that of Pine trees. These trees are incapable of being subject to damage including being put ablaze. Every year on December 25th the trees will undergo a change in appearance being decorated in commonly used for Christmas and will be coated in a thin layer of snow.
Date of Recovery: 12/25/1987
Location of Recovery: An abandoned field in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania
Current Status: The objects are incapable of being moved and are to be maintained at their location of origin.

Item Description: A DVD for the animated film Shrek where the voices of the characters Shrek and Donkey are switched. No other changes are present.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Blockbuster brand video store in ███████, Colorado.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A member of the species Coccinella septempunctata (seven-spot ladybird) whose spots form a random shape every day at noon. Recorded shapes include a circle, square, triangle, and a nonagon. Number of dots change to accomodate number of sides (tens of dots make a complete circle).
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: Greenhouse in Webb, Mississippi
Current Status: In animal containment at Site-23.

Item Description: A glass figure of a snowman that anomalously glows a mix between red and green and emits the song The Christmas Song by Nat King Cole on December 25.
Date of Recovery: 12-25-19██
Location of Recovery: Antique store in Concord, Kentucky
Current Status: Contained at low-tier anomaly wing at Site-73. Put in on-site break room during December.

Item Description: A burger that, by means of taste and appearance, seems to be composed of beef, but is truly comprised of plant-based products! Amazing!
Date of Recovery: 08-08-2019
Location of Recovery: Burger King brand fast food restaurant in Lynn, Massachusetts
Current Status: Consumed by Researcher Phil.
Note: It was really delicious! It even tasted like a normal whopper like they promised! -Researcher Phil

Note: Very funny. - Site Director Henderson

Item Description: A D███████ brand AAA battery that never runs out of power.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Well's City, Nevada
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A green 100-page college ruled notebook filled with a series of paragraphs and equations describing how to calculate negative zero.
Date of Recovery: 12/15/20██
Location of Recovery: In the office of the recently deceased Dr. ████
Current Status: Located in the extra-dimensional research laboratory for use in calculations.
Note: Dr. ████'s death was a suicide, presumably due to stress. It is believed that he wanted to finish these calculations before he died and that he wanted us to find the item.

Item Description: A blank sheet of paper that, when written on, changes its color to that of the written text, then returns to its original color, having erased its former contents. The only color immune to this effect is navy blue, which will only demanifest once another color is used.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2015
Location of Recovery: Farmersburg, Indiana
Current Status: In light containment wing at Site-19. Destroyed in containment breach involving SCP-███.

Item Description: A wooden picnic table with the words "Periodic Table" carved into it. It appears to completely disappear and re-appear at random intervals in its previous position
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2018
Location of Recovery: An abandoned science lab thought to be used for a AWCY art display
Current Status: In storage, Outline to be marked by tape to prevent other items from being stored in its area of affect

Item Description: Dr. William Peace, who is able to speak all languages similtaneously and understand all languages, written or spoken, as American English. Doesn't apply to songs. We only found this out after a guest researcher from another country came over.
Date of Discovery: ██-05-2019
Location of Discovery: Site-14 break room.
Current Status: Alive, breathing, and still working for the Foundation.

Item Description: A re-creation of the Hardy and Vaughs 1969 panhead Harley Davidson "chopper" motorcycle used by Peter Fonda in the film Easy Rider; modified to use a novel and unusually-efficient, but non-anomalous, electric engine and lithium-ion battery stack. When vehicle is in use, music can be heard emanating from the immediate vicinity of the vehicle, at approximately 98-112db; despite the vehicle not incorporating any form of sound-producing device. This appears to be an anti-stealth feature, as it only occurs while the vehicle is in operation; and can be detected by bystanders and ordinary recording devices.
Date of Recovery: 2009-07-25
Location of Recovery: A warehouse formerly owned by the now-defunct Silver Puffin Choppers, in the ███████ district of Los Angeles, CA. No other vehicles produced by any owner or employee have demonstrated anomalous effects at this time; however, agents are instructed to investigate any additional examples encountered.
Current Status: Available in the Site-206 motor pool.
Additional Notes Music so far consists entirely of a random series of songs classed under the rock-and-roll sub-genre "New Wave of British Heavy Metal", released at any time prior to the motorcycle's completion date, and which appeared on any of the the American Billboard or UK Official Album/Singles music charts.
Addendum: All requisitions for this vehicle are a first-come, first-served basis only, no reservations.
Agent Alexander Yates (8MNV6N) is restricted from requisitioning this vehicle until further notice.
Let someone else ride the damned thing for a change. -Quartermaster G. Cass.

Item Description: A "see and say" children's toy, consisting of a pale pink plastic case, with 12 (twelve) images of animals around the face (common name below the image), a rotating pointer in the center of the case, and a pull-string on the left side; generally consistent with known non-anomalous examples of this type of toy from multiple manufacturers (no manufacturer's mark exists on the device's surface). Animal images are all well-known animals commonly kept as livestock or pets in North America and Europe [Removed, detailed description of images unnecessary]. When an animal is selected with the pointer and the string pulled, a high-fidelity recording of a female voice can be heard speaking in the operator's native language: "The (name of animal selected) says", followed by an animal sound entirely unrelated to any of the animals portrayed on the device. Any subject operating the device will become firmly and unshakably convinced that the sound produced matches the animal image selected. Treatment with targeted Class-C amnestics are effective at removing the anomalous effect.
Date of Recovery: ████-09-13
Location of Recovery: The preschool classroom of Gatewood Elementary, in ███████, ██.
Current Status: Site-23 low-security storage wing.
Additional Notes As of ████-██-██, over 1,100 distinct animal sounds have been produced by the device and recorded for research purposes, 334 of which have been conclusively identified. All of the identified animal sounds have been confirmed to belong to species on the IUCN Red List of Threatened Species, classed between Vulnerable and Extinct in the Wild. Disassembly of the device for research purposes did not nullify the anomalous effect; but did turn up a small paper label pasted inside the plastic shell, reading Dr. Wondertainment - Let's Hear Them Before They Disappear… prototype G7

Item Description: A set of 9 (nine) ███████-█████-brand Halloween ghost costumes. When worn over any other accouterments, subjects will believe themselves to be ghosts, and proceed to act in a manner consistent with depictions of ghosts in children's animated programs, producing frequent "woo-oo" or "boo" vocalizations. After wearing for 22 (twenty two) minutes, subject gains the ability to move through any and all solid, non-anomalous objects at will. Costumes can be removed from stationary subjects with little effort, and subjects can be induced to voluntarily remove costume by speaking some variation of "Take that silly costume off" within hearing of the subject. Anomalous effects cease immediately upon removing costume; while subject retains full memory of said effects.
Date of Recovery: ████-10-31
Location of Recovery: ████████ Thrift Store in, ████████, OR.
Current Status: All 9 (nine) instances held at Site-206. 8 (eight) instances of item stored in High-Security Vault 98. 1 (one) instance of item currently undergoing examination in Research and Development Laboratory Sigma.
If we can nullify the cognitive effect while retaining the physical effect, these would be invaluable tactical equipment for field agents. -Dr. S. Rachasthani

Item Description: A glass mason jar filled with an unknown opaque red substance with the consistency of peanut butter that emits the song "No Love" by the group Death Grips on repeat at 46hZ. When attempting to remove the substance from the jar it turn into a solid ball will rabidly return the jar, there is no way of stopping the substance from reusing to the jar, even if the lid is closed and locked the substance will open the lock and slip into the jar.
Date of Discovery: 9/9/2013
Loaction: ██████, Vermont
Current Status: Locked in a storage refrigerator
Note: We tried to move the substance inside the jar to see if there was a speaker inside but found nothing and it continued to emit the song. - Dr. █████████

Item Description: One half of the shell of a Pacific Geoduck (Panopea generosa) with a common nail of unknown make stuck in its center. It is impossible to remove this nail, and the shell is indestructible.
Date of Discovery: 10-16-2004
Location of Recovery: Revere Beach in Revere, MA
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A Nintendo brand trading card featuring a different Pokemon for every day of the week. On Monday, the card shows the Pokemon Grimsnarl, Tuesday’s card shows the Pokemon Morpeko, Wednesday’s card shows the Pokemon Hydreigon, Thursday’s card shows the Pokemon Scrafty, Friday’s card shows the Pokemon Mandibuzz, Saturday’s card shows the Pokemon Mamoswine, and Sunday’s card shows the Pokemon Swalot. The change in card design occurs immediately at 12:00 according to Pacific Standard Time.
Date of Recovery: 12-18-1998
Location of Recovery: Durant, OK
Current Status: In status.

Item Description: A can of P████ brand soda that immediately begins begging to not have its contents consumed whenever placed within 5 inches of an open human mouth. If the contents of the can are consumed, the voice begins screaming in pain and crying. No audio devices have been found inside the can. Voice grows weaker as the can gets closer to being empty. Filling the can with any sort of liquid replenishes the strength of the voice.
Date of Recovery: 05-21-2005
Location of Recovery: ████████, Iowa
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A 10cm by 10cm by 10cm cube of concrete with the name "Humphrey Caroline" carved into it. Any water that is poured on the surface of this cube immediately vaporizes, producing a cloud of steam from the cube. Whenever any amount of liquid greater than or equal to 1 liter will change the color of the cube from gray to sky blue for 2 hours.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-1994
Location of Recovery: ██████████, Kentucky
Current Status: In low rank anomaly wing at Site-██.

Item Description: An indestructible Amazon brand cardboard box that, when photographed, shows a domestic cat sitting inside it. The text "if it fits, i sits" appears in comic sans font regardless of what sort of device took the picture.
Date of Recovery: ██-15-2018
Location of Recovery: Post office in Greenbelt City, Maryland
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A 2008 Bionicle Phantoka Lewa set. The toy is fully autonomous, capable of flight and speech. Its weapons are not anomalous, but the Midak Skyblaster attachment can still cause damage to the eyes like any ordinary projectile. Can be fully disassembled without harm to the set although it causes the toy great annoyance and stress. The toy didn’t display anomalous properties until it was completely assembled after being purchased by an off duty Foundation agent.
Date of Recovery: ██-18-2010
Location of Recovery: Garage sale in Los Angeles, California
Current Status: Working as a sentry drone for Site-16.

Item Description: A toilet that squirts water at any humanoid that sits on it despite not having a bidet. Anomalous properties cease if such a device is installed in the toilet. The bidet placed in the toilet will not function when applied.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Men's room at Site-24
Current Status: Bidet has been installed on toilet, which now no longer shows anomalous properties.

Item Description: A disc copy of the video game WarioWare: Smooth Moves for the Nintendo Wii system. Instead of increasing the difficulty of the game by speeding up the game itself, time is instead altered in a limited space including the player and anything being worn or carried by the player. Observers perceive no change in the game's speed.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: A used video game store in ██████████, Washington
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A brown rat with human teeth. The teeth are absurdly large for the rat's mouth, and its snout is heavily disfigured due to this. Rat was immediately killed by only witness, who was given Class-A Amnestics.
Date of Recovery: 12/07/2004
Location of Recovery: Alleyway in New York City, New York
Current Status: Body is kept in cryogenic storage at Site-23.

Item Description: A green throw-pillow that makes any human within 3 meters around it that says the word "popcorn" in any language sneeze. This effect is able to affect those writing the trigger word as well.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-2012
Location of Recovery: Furniture store in ███████, Arizona
Current Status: In storage at Site-73.

Item Description: Two (2) embalmed corpses encased in glass coffins dated from medieval Europe. There is no way to open the coffins, only the items themselves have the ability to open the coffins when in an active state. When active the items will [REDACTED]. If humans approach the items within a one (1) meter radius whilst the items are performing, both items will [REDACTED]

Item-1: Corpse with the appearance of a medieval royal court jester.

  • Clothing: Orange and blue striped tunic with bells on the sleeves, orange and blue striped trousers with bells along the front, pointed leather shoes with bells on the tips, and a hat with five (5) prongs with bells at the end.
  • Role: [REDACTED]

Item-2: [REDACTED]

  • Clothing: [REDACTED]
  • Role: [REDACTED]

Date of Recovery: [REDACTED]
Location of Discovery: [REDACTED]
Current Status: Items moved to Site-██ for SCP Classification
Note from Site-██ Director Dr. █████ - There is no way this item should've been on this list, I want all other information to be redacted to prevent snoopers from knowing this item before it can be documented.

Item Description: A calendar for the year 2020 with the theme of Toontown Rewritten, a remake of the Disney game Toontown Online that was shut down in 2013. When looked at directly, the theme music for “Toontown Central” (the first area/“playground” that the player starts out in) can be heard from an unknown source. This music is audible only to the person who looked at it and stops after 10 seconds after breaking eye contact.
Date of Recovery: 1/4/2020
Location of Recovery: ███████, Virginia, USA
Current Status: In Storage.

Item Description: A copy of the Nintendo Switch game Smoke and Sacrifice that, when the game is run and a new game is started, causes the console it is running on to instantly go up in smoke. Careful analysis has determined that the game is identical to a non-anomalous copy of Smoke and Sacrifice.
Date of Recovery: 9/30/2019
Location of Recovery: ██████, England
Current Status: In Storage.
Note: Are you sure the graphics weren’t just amped up too much?- Dr. █████

Item Description: A painting, 24" by 12", depicting a white horse in a field of grass. When the painting is hung "crooked", no anomalous effects occur. If the painting is ever straightened, the rest of the room will become crooked, to an angle corresponding to the angle the painting was hung at before it was straightened. Adjusting the painting to hang at any angle other than straight ends the effect.
Date of Recovery: 12/6/2019
Location of Recovery: Home of a private art collector in New York City, New York.
Current status: Hanging on the wall of an unused office, for research purposes.
Note: As tempting as it might be to play with this object, staff are reminded to interact with it only during scheduled testing. There could be more to this than we know about.

Item Description: An object that, under normal circumstances, is an ordinary granite rock weighing 42.2 kg. When in contact with living human cells, it undergoes an instantaneous process in which its entire physical structure is changed into that of a down pillow with a pillowcase that takes the exact shape and appearance of the rock, though with a standard texture for its material. It is subject to reshaping while transformed into a pillow, and after twenty seven seconds of sustained lack of contact with living human cells, it will instantly revert to an ordinary rock, though in whatever shape it was in before the time period ended.
Date of Recovery: 12/3/2019
Location of Recovery: Near non-anomalous rocks along the side of a path in the Site-11 Recreational Park.
Current Status:: In Dr. Harley's office. Update 12/8/2019: In storage.
Note: Staff are advised not to throw objects at other staff unless necessary, especially objects one could interpret as serving as a threat to their physical health.
Note: It was worth it. - Dr. Harley

Item Description: An openable silver fortune cookie keychain containing two dice with joke phrases, such as "wash the car" or "rub my back" printed on each side. When rolled by a subject under substantial emotional distress, the dice will invariably return with "relax" and/or "sleep" depending on the time of day.
Date of Recovery: 1/12/2020
Location of Recovery: ████████, Wisconsin, USA
Current Status: In Storage.

Item Description: Wireless microphone, which, when pointed at printed zeroes, transforms them into pairs of colons (appears as "::"). Transforms other digits to random hexadecimal in a similar manner. Labelled "eye pee b 6 by dado".
Date of Recovery: 2014/02/13
Location of Recovery: Discovered while investigating SCP-████
Current Status: In storage at Site-11.

Item Description: Poster of an unidentified woman wearing a denim jacket. Woman is seen to be looking away from the camera, toward something out of view. When viewed by anyone who has stolen anything, regardless of value, in the last 72 hours, the woman is always seen to be looking directly at the viewer with an expression often described as "a mixture of accusation and disapproval." Viewers who have not stolen anything within 72 hours see only the standard image, even when the poster is viewed by multiple subjects simultaneously.
Date of Recovery: 2019/8/17
Location of Recovery: On awall near a public restroom in Bond Street Station, London, England.
Current Status: On the wall of an office belonging to the head of Site-42 Security.

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