Log Of Anomalous Items, Vol II
rating: +120+x

Foreword: The SCP Foundation has discovered a substantial number of items which are simply too useless to merit further attention. This document lists those items which have prompted some curiosity. It may be used as a resource should knowledge of these items become useful or necessary in the future.
– Dr. █████ █████, Head of Research, Site ██

This is the second volume of the log. Access to the first volume of the log can be found here.

Note: Please add new entries to the bottom of the list, not the middle or the top.

Item Description: A long-egg reversal machine, resembling a table-top sausage grinder. When a long egg is introduced in the hopper at the top of the device and the crank is turned, the long egg is consumed and a series of normal raw chicken eggs, complete with shell, emerge from the lower chute.
Date of Recovery: 10-9-2017
Location of Recovery: Royal Wootton Bassett, Wiltshire, England
Current Status: In the Site-17 culinary experimentation kitchens.

Item Description: A statue of a mouse that when unobserved will generate scratching sounds similar to an actual mouse scratching against something. N/A
Date of Recovery: 12-04-1987
Location of Recovery: █████, Uganda.
Current Status: Moved to low-security non-anomalous storage. The agent that recovered it was confirmed to be hallucinating its effects from exposure to SCP-████. SCP-████'s containment procedures have been updated to prevent similar incidents in the future.

Item Description: A 0.152 meter marble statue depicting a human male spanking a common chimpanzee (Pan troglodytes). When directly viewed, subjects develop an unusually high sense of disgust towards it. Prolonged exposure to the item leads to a minor increase in hormone production which briefly stimulates a subject's libido for approximately 20 seconds.
Date of Recovery: 09-12-██
Location of Recovery: New York City, Manhattan at an underground anart exhibit.
Current Status: In containment.

Item Description: A red composition notebook that is filled out with notes on a variety of mathematical concepts. Directly viewing the contents of the notebook causes the viewer to experience a headache and hear a voice that is requesting help.
Date of Recovery: 03-13-1976
Location of Recovery: ███████ High School, █████
Current Status: In storage at Site-13.

Item Description: A cup of hot chocolate which, while the holder is watching a copy of The Polar Express (2004), does not decrease in temperature and will automatically refill. The cup has no anomalous properties if the holder is not watching a copy of The Polar Express.
Date of Recovery: 10-30-2004
Location of Recovery: Warner Bros. headquarters.
Current Status: In Researcher Snippet's laboratory.

Item Description: A 1.016m*1.778m (40in*70in) plaque reading "Department of Abnormalities" in English. Unknown composition, visually similar to polished granite.
Date of Recovery: N/A, discovered 1-21-19██
Location of Recovery: Photosphere of the Sun.
Current Status: In original location.

Item Description: A pair of ███ █████ brand drumsticks, made of hickory and approximately 0.5 meters in length. When the electronic rock song “Radioactive” is played within a twenty (20) meter radius, the drumsticks become highly radioactive.
Date of Recovery: 06-29-2018
Location of Recovery: Saratoga Springs, New York, at an Imagine Dragons concert.
Current Status: In hazardous material storage.

Item Description: A common raven (Corvus corax) when viewed for prolonged periods cause subjects to temporarily perceive text as passages from the poem "The Raven" by American writer Edgar Allan Poe. The effect roughly lasts between 15 minutes to 1 hour.
Date of Recovery: 05-23-2016
Location of Recovery: Boston, Massachusetts
Current Status: In Site-66's aviary.

Item Description: A VHS tape with an adhesive sticker that reads "OH FIVE FOOLS" written in black marker containing an hour and twenty minutes of footage. The contents of the tape depicts former and current members of the O5 Council tied, and being tortured by robed figures wearing masks demanding to know "Where is our god?" before fading into static. The tape ends with a final still of the disemboweled corpses of the Council members and the message "Soon." Members of the Council report no unusual activity.
Date of Recovery: 12-7-1981
Location of Recovery: At Site-01
Current Status: In the possession of Mobile Task Force Alpha-1 ("Red Right Hand") to aid in an investigation ordered by the O5 Council.

Item Description: A 152mm Soviet howitzer round in mint condition. Round fires normally, however when ejected and left to itself after five minutes appears to be brand new with a new projectile and powder. Currently has the affects of a normal 152mm round when making contact after being fired.
Date of Recovery: 4-16-2004
Location of Recovery: Illuka, Estonia
Current Status: Awaiting approval by O5-█ for use in battery training for security teams at Site-██. In low-containment storage at Site-██.

Item Description: The corpse of a 57 year old man named Pedro █████. Subject spontaneously grew large amounts of teeth within the frontal lobe of their brain with some protruding from their head. The teeth resembled that of a shark (Selachi). The cause is unknown and the incident was caught on CCTV footage inside a gas station.
Date of Recovery: 4-18-2007
Location of Recovery: █████, Puerto Rico
Current Status: In cryogenic storage.

Item Description: A number of regulation basketballs, the interiors of which contain a compressed network of nervous tissue and undifferentiated stem cells. DNA analysis reveals the tissue in each ball is genetically identical to a current member of the Harlem Globetrotters. Items are otherwise non-anomalous, save for a lack of expected decay of biological material.
Date of Recovery: 07-04-1974
Location of Recovery: A disused warehouse in Atlanta, Georgia
Current Status: In Site-54's non-anomalous item storage.

Item Description: Simple quill pen that renders its owner invulnerable to any sort of cutting, piercing, slicing, stabbing, chopping, slitting, incision or any other form of sharp force damage. Owner is regularly affected by blunt force damage.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: ████████, Avon, England
Current Status: Contained in standard storage locker
Notes: Object was found on the body of ███████ ███████████, who was bludgeoned to death. A note reading "not so mightier now, eh?" was found at the scene

Item Description: A 12 cm teddy bear that when in the presence of music and at parties will start to animate. It will dance continuously until the music ceases.
Date of Recovery: 08-16-2015
Location of Recovery: At a rave in the country side of Rhode Island dancing on the stage with the DJ.
Current Status: In containment.

Item Description: A .5M by 2M mirror collection of mirror fragments of random shape that will inflict harm done to itself onto the individual who has tried to inflict the damage in the corresponding area. This effect only manifests when the person is in direct contact with the object used to harm it.
Date of Recovery: 1-7-2014
Location of discovery: Site-19 North Wing sublevel 1 Male restroom
Current Status: Destroyed during testing with firearms on █/█/██. Testing with fragments shows the same properties.
Note: Subject AI-12██ did not expire despite shooting his reflection in the forehead. Changes in knowledge have been added to the item's file.

Item Description: A Logitech brand computer mouse that has the anomalous property of turning itself off at the most inconvenient fucking times.
Date of Recovery: 7-7-2018
Location of discovery: Dr. ████'s desk.
Current Status: Stored in Dr. ████'s trashcan.
Note: ████, if you need a new mouse, tell somebody. Writing stupid entries on the LOAI doesn't get you anywhere. - Researcher █████

Item Description: A set of 12 cm wide pink earmuffs. When worn by any member of the Oryctolagus cuniculus (domestic rabbit) species, said rabbit will collapse into an infinitely small point and dissipate.
Date of Recovery: 2-14-2016
Location of Recovery: Junior Researcher █████'s apartment in Inglewood, CA
Current Status: Stored at Site-██
Note: Someone's gotta discover these things I guess… - Junior Researcher █████

Item Description: A popsicle, orange in coloration. The item has been cited to taste like a non-descript citrus fruit. When the item in question is exposed to heat past its melting point, the popsicle's surroundings will begin to liquify regardless of composition. The radius of which objects are melted around the popsicle increases over time, and the speed of which this occurs depends on the intensity of the heat. Item is not melted by heat, regardless of intensity.
Date of Recovery: 9-20-2018
Location of Recovery: A small house in █████, Florida, USA.
Current Status: Stored at Site-485 within a cryogenic freezer.

Item Description: A piece of paper. When written, every alphabet turns like rot13.
Date of Recovery: █-█-20██
Location of Recovery: A cafe in Kichijoji that seemed to collaborate with "end of century comic"
Current Status: In storage.
Notes: Except this. "I would like to fish the foundation with this paper … Is it okay? - Rot" - Ace

Item Description: Taxidermy crow on a wooden pedestal. Item gives people an urge to collect avian themed objects.
Date Of Recovery: 02-1-12
Location Of Recovery: █████████████████
Current Status: Put inside storage locker ███████
Notes: Ok, I think we just found another anomalous property of this strange item. It seems that if you write about it, it links you to many avian anomalies we have in our database. I have no clue why, we will be doing more testing on this soon. - Dr. ithurtsineedrelease

Item Description: A police-issued riot shield that screams loudly when hit, struck, or otherwise damaged.
Date of Recovery: 12-6-2008
Location of discovery: Street corner in central Athens, Greece. Object was found abandoned by police after brief contact with rioters.
Current Status: Stored in a sound-proofed containment locker at Site ██.
Note: I'm blaming researcher Heather ████ for putting a hole in it during testing. Now the damn thing just won't shut up.

Item Description: A 30 cm long, 15 cm wide, leather-bound book that has "lexicon" written on the cover in the language the subject holding it desires to learn the most. Once a subject reads the entire book they will become completely fluent in the language they desired to learn.
Date of Recovery: 19-12-2004
Location of Discovery: In a Serpent's Hand library located in Greece.
Current Status: In Site-907s ALL (Anomalous Literature Library) block. It is readily available to any personnel requesting research of sentient SCP objects speaking a language unfamiliar to them.

Item Description: A collection of 216 fountain pens. Each pen, when used to write, will deploy the user's blood in the place of ink.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Grave, The Netherlands
Current Status: Each pen has been clearly labelled, and is currently in use by the Foundation's Demonology Division.

Item Description: A folded love letter addressed to a unknown female name S█████. The top of the letter has a drawing of a depressed cartoon character greeting and it is stained with tears. Making contact with it causes a subject to begin shedding a tear. Subjects then describe a deep feeling of regret or a feeling of pity for the writer of the letter.
Date of Recovery: 8-11-2015
Location of Recovery: Los Angeles, California
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A 5kg plastic tub of ice cream labeled "Rocky Road". Bag maintains a constant internal temperature of 97 degrees Celsius, maintaining this in environments of any temperature. Ice cream removed from the bag does not show any anomalous qualities, and will quickly melt.
Date of Recovery: 4-7-1986
Location of Recovery: Pocatello, Idaho
Current Status: In storage, with caution label warning of high temperature.

Item Description: A golden German Cross, a military decoration from Nazi Germany, that will occasionally teleport itself onto any nearby individual. It will then alter their clothing to Nazi attire until removed. On every 20th of April, individuals will have a hair style and mustache resembling Adolf Hitler when it spawns.
Date of Recovery: 5-20-1999
Location of Recovery: ██████, Argentina among a cache of Nazi memorabilia.
Current Status: In containment.
Note: Can we just get rid of this thing? This is the third time it changed my clothing without me noticing and I was going to a meeting. I want to avoid a misunderstanding around here and others can agree with me. - Dr. Hadian

Item Description: A generic cafeteria mug. Whenever anyone attempts to drink from or to damage it the item teleports away to a secure location, leaving behind whatever it was filled with. The secondary property of the item makes it uncontainable, as it places itself in insuspicious locations, such as the cafeteria's cupboard, when left untouched for a prolonged period of time.
Date of Recovery: 10-15-2017
Location of Recovery: Staff break room of Site-54. Anomalous properties became appearent when its finder, Junior Researcher Summers, tried to drink coffee out of it.
Current Status: Uncontained, seemingly bound to Site-54.
Note: Just because there's the tiny chance of ending up using this darn thing, it doesn't mean that you should test the durability of every single damn mug you come across! - Frank Gardner, Resource Management

Item Description: A 50 centimeter empty space that is capable of being manipulated. Conceptually, anything within the space is considered within the borders of a non-existent country called "The Republic of Theoi Trary." Currently, Theoi Trary has one citizen, and it is a 3 month old baby named █████████ ████████████ of Pakistani descent.
Date of Recovery: 7-9-2014
Location of Recovery: Médecins Sans Frontières Medical Center, Pakistan.
Current Status: Within a low-security containment chamber in Site-551.

Item Description: A toilet with cognitohazardous properties. Individuals will uniformly be reluctant to flush the toilet, as exposed individuals have a significant suspicion that a malevolent entity of some kind might use the sound of the flush to conceal the sound of its own approach before attacking. This effect is weak enough that most individuals will dismiss it as irrational and flush the toilet. No evidence supporting the existence of any malevolent entities connected to the toilet has been found. In light of a recent experiment, the Foundation's understanding of this object is being re-evaluated.
Date of Recovery: 04-11-2017
Location of Recovery: Greenbelt, Maryland, United States.
Current Status: In storage at Anomalous Item Repository 3.

Item Description: A Renault FT light tank that when driven would automatically aim for targets and fire an infinite number of large paintballs.
Date of Recovery: 9-11-2008
Location of Recovery: ██████ Paintball and Airsoft Center, Kansas City, Missouri
Current Status: Within the Anomalous Vehicle Hangar of Area-78.
Note: The item was found with the following message which was written on a Post-it note in red pen. -Dr. Hadian

Damn cheating, Daniel.

Item Description: 37 boxes of Honey Nut Cheerios that when poured into milk turns into live honey bees (Apis).
Date of Recovery: 10-15-2008
Location of Recovery: Fresno, California
Current Status: In storage

Item Description: A Sony-brand CFD-S70 Boombox with a CD copy of "Like a G6" by the group Far East Movement anonymously stuck within its compartment. When the CD is played, gravity within ten meters of the radio instantaneously increases by six magnitudes until the song concludes. The boombox remains unaffected during this occurrence.
Date of Recovery: 6-8-2011
Location of Recovery: A demolished radio equipment store located in Los Angeles, California.
Current Status: Contained in Site-18's Low-Threat Anomalous Item Storage Vault.

Item Description: A standard Spalding-brand basketball. Any human in contact with the object is capable of consistently "dunking" it into basketball hoops up to 3.05 meters off the ground, regardless of overall physical capability.
Date of Recovery: 12-21-2012
Location of Recovery: Nursing home in Dubuque, Iowa.
Current Status: Site-21 recreation area.

Item Description: A small ornament box containing aluminum figurines depicting several animals including a chicken, cow, and pig. At random intervals, the animal figurines will emanate a sound corresponding to its species. The source of the sound is unknown.
Date of Recovery: 5-17-2010
Location of Recovery: Antiques shop in Scottsdale, Arizona.
Current Status: Stored within Site-64's C Wing.

Item Description: A plastic ruler appearing 18 inches long. When used to measure any object, the user will immediately believe that they know the exact length of the object, down to the micron level. Testing has shown the object's effects to manifest even when used by the blind. Subsequent measurement of objects measured shows no correlation between the actual length of the object and the length claimed by the user.
Date of Recovery: 8-29-2014
Location of Recovery: ████ ███████ State University
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: An apple tree that experiences the four seasons in reverse. The leaves are all green and the fruit is ripe in the winter, the leaves and fruit shrink and disappear in the spring, the tree is bare in the summer, and leaves rise up from the ground and turn green in the fall. Apples also rise up in the fall and become ripe, and they become non-ripe in the spring.
Date of Recovery: 2/1/2018.
Location of Recovery: █████ ███████ █████, an orchard in ████████, ██.
Current Status: Remains in ████████, ██. Seeds have been extracted and are currently growing at Site-19. Anomaly covered up as something done by the employees at █████ ███████ █████.

Item Description: A heavily burned corpse of a nearly hairless primate with a highly developed brain and nervous system. No RHIt marker of any encryption or RAND-tech label was found within the creature's DNA suggesting that it was either owned by and if sapient living as a Sticker Man and/or a pilot. The skull is fractures in a way not consistent with energy or siphon weaponry and thus any further research was halted.
Date of Recovery: 33 by 17 A/H (null cycle)
Location of Recovery: An above-ground heated mineral disposal device in sector-████/██ of New India.
Current Status: Determined to contain illegal implications and thud was transported to the ███████'s on-site incinerator. All in-depth and detailed records were secured in L-KON-4 level harmful media storage.

Item Description: A printed copy of SCP-682's containment procedures that when picked up produces a loud roar.
Date of Recovery: 6/17/2012
Location of Recovery: At Site-19.
Current Status: The item had been torn in half by Researcher Thompson by accident. No further anomalous activity has been produced and has been disposed of.

Item description: A standard rectangular library card, 5CM in length and 2CM in height. Its anomalous properties manifest when the card is out of date and someone tries to check a book out after its expiration date, in which it will automatically renew.
Date of recovery: 3/4/2020
Location of recovery: ████████ county public library
Current status: In low value containment locker at Site-██

Item Description: An external hard drive that, when plugged into any computer other than an IBM ThinkPad, contains only a collection of random photos of cats, and it is impossible to add files to the drive, or move, rename, copy, edit, or delete the photos. The pictures are different every time the hard drive is unplugged and plugged back in. When used with a ThinkPad, it works like a normal external hard drive and shows no anomalous properties.
Date of Recovery: 02/06/2005.
Location of Recovery: A house in San Diego, California.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A preserved rat carcass (Rattus norvegicus), wrapped in black adhesive tape and pierced by what appear to be several dozen cocktail sticks. When held, grants the holder complete and perfect knowledge of the circumstances surrounding the recent death of one Arthur Long.
Date of Recovery: 13/04/1956.
Location of Recovery: The residence of Maria Carney, fiancee of Mr. Long, also recently deceased.
Current Status: Missing.

Item Description: A wooden barrel that, when opened, manifests a capuchin monkey (Cebinae) in a clown outfit.
Date of Recovery: 09/12/2006
Location of Recovery: ██████, Missouri
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A large NASA t-shirt. The stars depicted on the shirt emit very small amounts of solar radiation and light via an anomalous manner.
Date of Recovery: 14/2/2012.
Location of Recovery: ████████, Virginia
Current Status: Researcher Caroll's office.

Item Description: A hand grenade suspended in temporal stasis, in the process of exploding at a rate of approximately 5m/year. Anomaly is movable through manipulation of the shrapnel; manipulating one piece causes the entire item to move.
Date of Recovery: 26/3/1945
Location of Recovery: Japan
Current Status: In a containment room for ballistic anomalies.
Notes: Anomaly is expected to finish exploding some time in the early 2200s.

Item Description: The word "██████", a verb which has resisted all attempts at being conjugated or otherwise modified.
Date of Recovery: 3/9/2018
Location of Recovery: A thesis paper written by a student attending ████ State University, arguing the existence of a verb in the English language that is incapable of being modified.
Current Status: As the word is constructed, knowledge of it is minimal. The original paper is in storage.

Item Description: a blue ballpoint pen, when dropped from 0.5m or above will teleport to a random area within 50m of its original placement.
Date of Recovery: 11/07/2011
Location of Recovery: ███████████ Perth WA
Current Status: Missing. Last seen on Researcher Stroud's desk.

Item Description: A block of very mature cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese with a circumference of 188.5 cm. When referred to in person, the speaker will not be able to stop saying the middle syllable of "cheese" and will say "cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…" for an infinite amount of time until hit with some form of head trauma. The anomaly will also affect text documents, where referring to the anomalous cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese causes the middle syllable to repeat for a random amount of times.
Date of Recovery: 16/07/2018
Location Of Recovery: Cheddar Gorge Caves, England
Current Status: In storage at Site-111.
Note: A hammer is available near the container of the anomaly if you accidentally say that it is an anomalous cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese. -Junior Researcher Daniel

Item Description: A drinking glass that, when held, will have any fluid within to be transmuted into urine. A urinalysis test of the urine collected from the glass revealed that the urine within will always match that of the current wielder of the anomaly.
Date of Recovery: 23/12/2018
Location Of Recovery: Site-04's cafeteria.
Current Status: Destroyed by Agent Lang after mistaking the liquid within for lemonade.
Note: Fucking disgusting. - Vanessa Lang, Senior Field Agent

Item Description: A round brilliant cut gem 3 millimeter thick and 5 millimeter in diameter. Composed of perfectly transparent material with no spectral absorption lines. Hardness and strength identical to normal borosilicate glass.
Date of Recovery: 10/10/2008
Location Of Recovery: Attached to Site-45 Director's marriage ring. The ring itself, as well as its pair, has been determined to be completely non-anomalous.
Current Status: In Site-45 low-value storage locker. Replacement glass gem has been attached to the ring.

Item Description: A 39.37in x  39.37in x 11.81in box that can only be measured with Imperial units.
Date of Recovery: 1/30/2018
Location Of Recovery: An elementary school in Boulder, Colorado, USA.
Current Status: Stored at Site-19, any further measurements are to be carried out by persons without a scientific background.

Item Description: A statue of something that cannot be seen with the naked eye, appears to be a black and white dragon statue when photographed in color, but a statue of a yak eating cheese in color when photographed in black and white.
Date of recovery: 18/7/2018
Location of recovery: a club house at ██████, Missouri
Current Status: in a standard containment locker at site-17 unknown.

Item Description: A document describing "spontaneous pattern annihilation," a phenomenon that has not been observed in reality.
Date of Recovery: 2018-06-01
Location of Recovery: Site-02 ████████████ Department.
Current Status: Destroyed.

Item Description: A pair of sunglasses, partially broken due to digestion. Despite its shape and size suggesting it to be a major choking hazard, the item can be easily and consistently swallowed whole by human beings, causing no damage to bodily functions in the process.
Date of Recovery: 2015-07-25
Location of Recovery: Mercy Hospital, Miami
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: An plastic flower-shaped birthday candle with a wax candle on each petal. When all candles are lit, the flower will spin and play the birthday song, and a cake will manifest outside the nearest individual’s line of sight. The flower will spin and play the song until the cake is eaten completely. Manifested cake is always a certain type according to the preference of the individual closest to it when the candles are lit.
Date of Recovery: 10/05/2017
Location of Recovery: Nursing home in Des Moines, Iowa.
Current Status: In storage at Site-17. Used at personnel birthday parties.

Item Description: An unmarked plastic trophy painted gold. Any person observing the trophy will immediately experience a feeling of pride or a feeling of having achieved something unbelievable despite not achieving anything of note at that time.
Date of Recovery: 16/09/2011
Location of Recovery: A landfill in ██████, England.
Current Status: On a shelf in the break room of Site-19.

Item Description: A 40 by 35cm marker board that when written or drawn on, the lines are reconfigured and will take the form of the last image uploaded to ██████████. regardless of the amount of detail, the lines are divided, change their contrast, join, etc., but will always end in shades of black and white, even if colored marker is used.
Date of Recovery: 13/05/2016
Location of Recovery: lima, Perú
Current Status: on a storage of site-17

Item Description: A cassette tape labelled 'Sex Fist; Rise of the Righteous Dead, 1992.' Cassette contains 11 low-quality musical pieces of the Doom Metal genre. No band or record of the name written have been found to exist, and the vocalist has not been identified. Upon listening to the tape, at the 33-second mark, the subjects will begin 'head-banging,' a style of rhythmic dancing involving violently shaking one's head in time to the music. This effect will persist for 38 minutes and 18 seconds, the remaining duration of the cassette, even if the music is stopped or removed from earshot.
Date of Recovery: 6/18/2018
Location of Recovery: Public library; a teenage male had received a concussion by 'head-banging' too closely to a wall when effected by the anomaly. Said individual recalled buying the cassette at a local record store. Investigation revealed no further irregularities.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A twelve-centimeter brass statue of a turtle. When touched, the object will inflict a number of consistent hallucinations, of several hundred baby turtles, several dozen seagulls and snakes which are attempting to eat said baby turtles, and a waterline. If an individual attempts to shelter the turtles from the predators and help them into the hallucinatory water, a task which inevitably results in several (hallucinatory) injuries from being pecked and bitten, then when the hallucinations cease, several gallons of sea-water will ectoentropically manifest and drench them. If, instead, the subject attempts to hinder, injure, or collect the turtles, the hallucinations will immediately cease, and a bowl of fresh, hot turtle soup will manifest.
Date of Recovery: 3/6/2018
Location of Recovery: A seagull nest on [REDACTED] Beach, Mexico
Current Status: Site-71 Break Room. Can be used to generate lunch.

Item Description: A snow-globe that, when shook, causes extreme vestibular dysfunction and vertigo. This effect seems to be a unique vestibular cognitohazard; subjects have likened it to 'being bounced around like a pin-ball' and 'being on a trampoline in an earthquake.'
Date of Recovery: 9/21/2017
Location of Recovery: Abdominal cavity of an individual who was receiving surgery to remove necrotic bowel after a blockage. Patient was interviewed, no irregularities found.
Current Status: In storage. Occasionally used as a prop in Alternate Cognitohazard Lecture 108, or for Extreme Environment Training for Mobile Task Force personnel.

Item Description: A spherical, pink-painted ceramic pig, seven centimeters in diameter, which carries a mild memetic effect. Upon making visual contact with the object, a subject will begin speaking in 'pig Latin.' The duration of this effect is dependent on the individuals natural resistance to memetic effects, with the average being two days. Extensive verbal contact with the subject in this time, or consciously deciding to communicate with the subject in pig Latin in conversation for any reason, can cause the meme to spread; however, secondary infections are much weaker, and rarely last more than two hours. Both primary and secondary infections can be cured with a dose of Class-A Amnestics.
Date of Recovery: 4/17/2018
Location of Recovery: Pottery class in the small town of Madoc, Ontario, Canada. The entire class was infected with the meme; amnestics were distributed. The creator of the pig, a 55-year old recently-divorced woman, was interviewed and her background checked; no irregularities were found.
Current Status: In low-risk memetics isolation.

Item Description: A worn dish-cloth with an effective mass of 0 grams, which is un-effected by gravitation. The composition of the cloth has been analyzed, and found to be non-anomalous fabric. The cloth can otherwise be manipulated as typical, despite acting as if it were in a microgravity environment.
Date of Recovery: 3/08/2018
Location of Recovery: SpaceX Falcon 9 Booster, post-landing. No such object was included in the flight's manifest.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A pewter cigarette case with plastic coating decorated Native American-inspired designs. Case always contains three Players Original king-size cigarettes, half of a Colt-brand black-cherry cigarillo (apparently half-smoked), and a hand-rolled marijuana cigarette. These items can personneld and consumed as normal, but t he case will continue to have the same number and type of smokeables within. It's unknown if this is a replicative effect paired with an obscuring cognitohazardous effect, or some sort of macro-scale superposition. Research is ongoing.
Date of Recovery: 7/07/2018
Location of Recovery: Jacket pocket of POI-21881, a petty thief operating in Montreal who used small-scale anomalous methods, mostly artifacts acquired via barter, to commit robberies. POI-21881 claimed in interrogation to have had the case 'as long as he could remember.' Subject remains in Foundation custody.
Current Status: In storage.
Note: Not to be used for recreational purposes. Yes, Marty, this means you. I don't care if you forgot your smokes, today; you're just going to have to have an itchy day. We don't smoke anomalies. -Dr. C. Richardson
The cigs were stale, anyway. -Researcher M. Inselmann
The jay's pretty good, though. -Anonymous

Item Description: Several pages of documentation regarding a temporal anomaly. Said document is mundane and Foundation-standard, except for as follows: all writing is mirrored; the object class of the anomaly is 'Innocuous,' which is not a presently-used classification, and seems to take the place of the Anomalous Object designation; the date on the documentation is 5/13/2022, which is presently still in the future; and the object emits high levels of tachyon radiation. The anomaly described by the documentation is the documentation itself; apparently, at some point in the near-future, said document will be recovered by the Foundation, and therefor be retroactively contained, as the object is moving through time in the opposite direction with regards to the rest of the universe. Proposals to modify the documentation to indicate a need to our predecessors to destroy it before it ages earlier than the point where the Foundation exists and therefor becomes uncontained have been denied on the basis that this may cause a temporal paradox, given that no record of the object's destruction or any alterations to the documentation exist; a proposal to create a new object class, Innocuous, in order to prevent a temporal paradox, is pending. The recovery section of the documentation is missing; research into how said document could have been created or recovered is ongoing.
Date of Recovery: 5/13/2022
Location of Recovery: Unknown.
Current Status: In Storage

Item Description: A severed mummified human foot that causes visual hallucinations at random times when observing it. Individuals will see an emaciated humanoid entity that has a large mouth for a face with multiple tongues licking the foot. Affected subjects report feeling uncomfortable or unease, and that the entity is staring at them despite it reportedly lacking eyes. The effect lasts until the subject turns away or after roughly a minute when observing it.
Date of Recovery: 5/12/1998
Location of Recovery: ██████, Peru
Current Status: In containment.

Item Description: An old Canon EOS 80D DSLR camera in which when a picture is taken the outcome is the opposite of the original or the closest to opposite that the original can get. The camera inversion focuses on most details so it does get quite complex when trying to experiment with it. People who have had their picture taken complain of no abnormal side effects. Some subjects do complain of mild dizziness but cases of this are quite rare.
Date of Recovery: 8/4/2014
Location of Recovery: Shrewsbury, UK
Current Status: In storage

Item Description: A nail used in the left hand of Researcher Christ during execution by █████ alliance against the ██████ for ███████ ████ ██ ████ that when used to puncture a human hand will cause no bleeding. The wound retains all other negative health effects.
Date of Recovery: [REDACTED]
Location of Recovery: ██████ mid-transport to ████████████ tomb.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A copy of the book █ ███████ ██ ████ that doesn’t appear on any reflective surface. If a page of this book is taken out, it does not obtain this anomalous behavior.
Date of Recovery: █/██/2015
Location of Recovery: █████, Pennsylvania.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: An orange, ███████-brand Phillips-head screwdriver that, when inserted into a screw, will always screw it outwards, regardless of the direction of twisting.
Date of Recovery: 8/6/2016
Location of Recovery: ███████, New Jersey
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A black Sharpie pen that, when used to write, instead hovers toward the nearest wall and draws upon it horizontal marks representing the heights of all humans within a ten-meter radius. Testing has proved that the marks are accurate within nanometers of error.
Date of Recovery: 8/9/2016
Location of Recovery: ███████, Oregon
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: Episode 20, "Adjusting for Inflation", of the "Henry Kissinger is Pokemon Going To Die" podcast. When a subject sneezes in the vicinity of an active recording of the episode, the hosts in the episode will be momentarily distracted from the recorded events, and will offer "Gesundheit"s or "Bless you"s until the sneezing stops, after which hosts will resume pre-recorded activity.
Date of Recovery: 2018-05-05
Location of Recovery: N/A, original distribution online.
Current Status: One recording in Foundation archives; all others deleted. H.K.I.P.G.T.D. and its hosts should be monitored for future anomalous activity.

Item Description: A common wasp (Vespula vulgaris) that is unable to be killed by conventional means, including but not limited to, blunt force, gasoline fire, anti-pest sprays, strong acid (H₂SO₄), strong base (Bleach), point-blank range shot from a .45 caliber handgun, and Consumption via frog.
Date of Recovery: 2018-7-30
Location of Recovery: Cassis, France.
Current Status: Unknown, assumed to be in vents of Site 19.
Note: Who's the rat bastard who let that thing out? I've been stung at least five times by "Osama Bin Waspen" and now every tiny noise that happens makes me clench like Dr. ██████ on New Year's Eve. -Dr. S Petrov

Item Description: A species of common oak tree that uses human blood instead of sap.
Date of Recovery: 12-12-2012
Location of Discovery: Anapolis, Maryland
Current Status: Destroyed after an automobile crashed into it.

Item Description: A highly damaged but still functional LCD television and non-functional remote that does not display any animal or fungal entities. In the location of where the humans would logically be there are humanoid masses of charred wire standing and looking upward. Humans who have touched the remote belonging to the item are instead replaced with humanoid figures of non-damaged wire wearing tattered yet clean yellow jumpsuits bearing an unknown logo with a blue square around the letter "G" written in green. Said humanoids are looking at the location where non-human animals would be and in the absence of animals looking slightly above the camera.
Date of Recovery: 3-4-20██, A class 3-KSSN "out of sync"-type year no longer located within the baseline timeline.
Location of Recovery: ███████ woods, Mexico.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A mature specimen of Eagle fern (Pteridium aquilinum) that, when supplied with sufficient oxygen levels, undergoes a process inverse to that of photosynthesis, absorbing oxygen and glucose through unknown means and producing vast quantities of carbon dioxide, water vapor, and ultraviolet-B light waves. The item is otherwise identical to an Eagle fern on a genetic and cellular level.
Date of Recovery: 07/02/2000
Location of Discovery: ████████ section of Appalachian Mountains, United States, North America.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A recipe for meatloaf which will always result in a meat-free dish, regardless of ingredients used. To date, this has included tofu, salads, and egg-free pastries.
Date of Recovery: 2/15/2007
Location of Discovery: ██████ Family Cookbook in Holmes County, Ohio
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: An unmarked 5 cm black wooden cube that vibrates at a frequency of 531 hz.
Date of Recovery: 1-3-2013
Location of Discovery: Detroit, Michigan
Current Status: Stopped vibrating after dropped by Dr. ██████. Item was cut open and found to be completely solid. Item incinerated.

Item Description: A wooden coffee table capable of instantaneously manifesting a caffeinated beverage inside any empty mug resting upon it.
Date of Recovery: 9/29/2017
Location of Discovery: Bogotá, Colombia inside of a local home brewed coffee house.
Current Status: Inside the Site-17 Cafeteria.
Note: Honestly, this thing is great. Most of the staff rely on coffee to stay awake here, and beans certainly aren't cheap. Now, we can have all you can drink coffee whenever. Or the occasional tea, that's the only drawback of this. -Dr. Alex Carter

Item Description: A photosynthetic Red-footed tortoise (Chelonoidis carbonarius).
Date of Recovery: 7/13/2017
Location of Discovery: Newark, New Jersey
Current Status: In animal containment.

Item Description: A Golden-mantled ground squirrel genetically identical to an artichoke.
Date of Recovery: 12/12/2012
Location of Discovery: Billings, Montana
Current Status: In animal containment.

Item Description: Fifteen flags, each representing one of the fifteen counties of Liberia. Any individual who views one of the flags experiences a mild headache for several minutes afterwards.
Date of Recovery: 3/4/2016
Location of Recovery: Pocatello, Idaho
Current Status: In low-security cognitohazard storage.

Item Description: A piece of coinage (originally a US Quarter) which, when flipped, will transform into a different form of coinage. This has included Canadian dollars, British pounds, Euros, tokens used in ████ █. ██████ arcades circa 1992, and doubloons.
Date of Recovery: 9/2/2016
Location of Recovery: United States Mint, Denver, Colorado
Current Status: Rendered impossible to flip upon transformation into a Rai Stone, a form of large, stone-based currency found on the island of Yap. Forms of mechanical flipping are being explored.

Item Description: A note, folded into a paper airplane, with the phrase "How to exercise while sitting still" on both sides. One side has "See front" on it, and the other side has "See back" on it. Anyone who unfolds and reads the note will be compelled to flip the paper back and forth endlessly, until the paper is forcibly removed from their hands.
Date of Recovery: █/██/20██.
Location of Recovery: ███████, ██, USA.
Current Status: Unfolded and crumpled up. Crumpled-up paper displayed no anomalous properties and was incinerated.

Item Description: A 5 ft white phone charger that connects to any android device, despite appearing to fit an iPhone. The charger functions as normal, and delivers a standard 5 watts of power to connected device when affixed to a power source.
Date of Recovery: 11/4/2015
Location of Recovery: Berlin, Germany
Current Status: In Dr. Schmidt's office, charging his phone.

Item Description: A painted portrait 50cm tall and 35 cm wide depicting a the face of a Sumatran tiger roaring. Any user to look at the portrait will immediately go into extreme distress and fear until the user looks away from the portrait.
Date Of Recovery: 04/05/2007
Location of Recovery: ███████ Art Show, Paris.
Current Status: Low Security Cognitohazard Storage.
Notes: I want this thing destroyed ASAP. This thing made me spill my coffee all over my good shirt and gave me 2nd degree burns. -Junior Researcher Stroud.

Item Description: A copy of the game Jenga. Removing any block from the tower will cause it to collapse in the direction of its box, regardless of the block removed.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: Buffalo, New York.
Current Status: In storage. Occasionally brought out by Dr. Bright for pranking other staff. Left in storage.
Notes: Make sure Bright doesn't get his hands on this thing again. -Site Director

Item Description: A digital folder holding exactly 3000 copies of a single JPG of a cartoon skeleton. The folder cannot be copied, deleted, or edited in any way. It can, however, be moved onto a hard drive. Looking at the folder causes large amounts of stress and fear for the user.
Date of Recovery: 9/13/2017
Location of Recovery: Public computer at the ████ Library in █████, Maine.
Current Status: Hard drive in Dr. ██████’s office.

Item description: A beach ball. When it is being deflated, an audible “noooo…” can be heard.
Date of recovery: 29/7/18
Location of recovery: ███████ ████, Oahu, HI
Current Status: Low-value anomalous item storage, Site 254.
Note: Just saying, the concept is hilarious. - Dr. Anton

Item Description A chair which will appear to be half a meter in front of where it actually is whenever someone tried to sit down.
Date of Recovery: 9/12/13
Location of Recovery: Wal-Mart Shopping Centre in the Housing Department, Savannah, Georgia, USA
Current Status: Low-Value Anomalous Storage, Site 17. Occasionally brought out for pranks on new researchers.
Note: Hazing new researchers is now punishable by one full day of Keter Duty. -Dr.██████

Item Description: A sombrero that, when worn, causes the wearer to be able to speak fluent Spanish, regardless of what language(s) they were able to speak before. The effect goes away when the sombrero is removed from the wearer's head.
Date of Recovery: 5/5/2018.
Location of Recovery: Mexico City, Mexico.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A whoopee cushion that has a different fart sound every time it is deflated.
Date of Recovery: 4/1/2018.
Location of Recovery: Chicago, IL, USA.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: An air conditioner that can reach sub-zero temperatures
Date of Recovery: 8/15/19
Location of Recovery: █████ ████████ ██ Cerritos, CA
Current Status: In Storage

Item Description: A variation of the Rubus strigosus (American raspberry) with a dark navy blue coloration. When consumed, a chemical reaction occurs in the epidermis causing the subject to gain a blue coloration.
Date of Recovery: 7/13/16
Location of Recovery: ████████, OH
Current Status: In Storage

Item Description: A standard "Share a Coke" Coke bottle. When picked up, the bottle will fill up with Coke if it is not already filled up and the name on the label will change to the best friend of the person who picked it up or a random person close to them.
Date of Recovery: 8/29/2018.
Location of Recovery: ████████████, PA, USA
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: Three (3) separate chocolate bars developed by ███████. The entity is capable of customizing its flavour to its consumers desire by telepathy. It has been noted to adjust ingredients.
Date of Recovery: 7/5/20██
Location of Recovery: ███████, England, UK.
Current Status: In storage.
Note: At time of writing, seventeen (17) squares are remaining.

Item Description: An earplug with a missing jack that transmits a message in Morse Code. When deciphered, it pertains to SCP-██'s date of recovery.
Date of Recovery: 12/01/1999
Location of Recovery: Vancouver, Canada
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A red balm of unknown substance contained inside an alabaster jar. Further research shows that a 3rd degree burn will appear on the skin once applied.
Date of Recovery: 04/12/09
Location of Recovery: Shanghai, China
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A medium sized white shirt that fits perfectly into the wearer's body regardless of his body size. Once worn, the wearer would have an altered perception that he was wearing nothing.
Date of Recovery: 01/23/2008
Location of Recovery: Chicago, USA
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A candy wrapped in a black foil. Once consumed, the item would recreate the taste of the subject's lunch from three days before.
Date of Recovery: 12/04/2012
Location of Recovery: Phoenix, Arizona, USA
Current Status: In containment.

Item Description: A 29 inches butterfly knife that morphs into a Rhopalocera or a common butterfly. Its physiology matches that of the species of Danaus plexippus or a Monarch Butterfly
Date of Recovery: 03/12/2003
Location of Recovery: Batangas, Philippines
Current Status: In containment.

Item Description: A 2210 Nokia cellphone capable of calling sim card numbers that were either activated or not activated yet. It was also capable of receiving calls from sim cards that were inactive and yet to be used. All calls were traced back to the location of Mariana Trenches.
Date of Recovery: 22/12/1998
Location of Recovery: Sydney, Australia
Current Status: In containment.

Item Description: An abnormally notable piece of 2x4 board. When test subjects are asked to randomly select a wood board from a set of wood boards that includes the object, the object will always be chosen. When questioned on their reasoning, subjects report a nonspecific sense of notability.
Date of Recovery: 07/12/2009
Location of Recovery: Springfield, Illinois
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A doll resembling a child, wearing a heavily damaged dark blue dress. Its arms are detached from its body, and its fingers have not been recovered. When either it or its arms are photographed, they emit small amounts of Cherenkov radiation, causing them to glow softly.
Date of Recovery: 13/7/2018
Location of Recovery: Marlowe, Ontario
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A green bottle of 550ml antiseptics of unknown brand that can heal wounds in a short period of time.
Date of Recovery: 04/02/2007
Location of Recovery: Los Alamos, New Mexico
Current Status: In storage.
NOTE: At the time of writing, the antiseptic contains 200ml remaining.

Item Description: A golden medallion with the symbol of the SCP Foundation carved on the surface. Further experiments has allowed us to learn of its purpose. Any living being who carries the medallion in his person will become unable to cease life function in situations that can cause imminent death.
Date of Recovery: 04/05/2009
Location of Recovery: Cairo, Egypt
Current Status: Missing.
NOTE: MTF Gamma-6 "Lost And Found" is immediately formed from personnel who previously belongs to MTF Omega-20 "Thought Police" for the recovery of the anomalous item.

Item Description: A black dubok which enables the wearer to be knowledgeable in all martial arts in existence. The effects will disappear once the wearer removes the dubok.
Date of Recovery: 03/07/2015
Location of Recovery: Okinawa, Japan
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A string of HTML code found in the website of ████.org. Once the script is run through a special HTML viewer, a face of a Caucasian male would appear on the screen and began communicating to the user.
Date of Recovery: 09/12/2017
Location of Recovery: Buffalo, New York, where the headquarters of ████.org is located.
Current Status: Deleted.

Item Description: A flash drive containing a video clip of a man committing suicide. When watched, the viewer will feel guilt and will attempt to commit suicide while yelling the word, 'Follow'.
Date of Recovery: 12/23/2009
Location of Recovery: Mount Gambier, Australia
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A large black hat. When worn, the wearer will feel a burning sensation on their head, regardless of temperature
Date of Recovery: 08-01-2018
Location of Recovery: Nairobi, Kenya
Current Status: Destroyed
Note: Last seen in Nairobi National Park before eaten by a lion.

Item Description: A single ████ brand black crew sock, the exact location of which is always known to the previous wearer.
Date of Recovery: 11-3-2012
Location of Recovery: ████ Walmart, Wyoming.
Current Status: Site-17 low-value containment sector, locker 38, middle shelf, under what appears to be a vintage lunchbox.
Note: If anyone knows what that lunchbox-looking thing is, please update the description. It's really bugging me. -Agent Syntagma

Item Description: A cow, the cow shows no anomalous properties other than the location of recovery
Date of Recovery: ██-██-20██
Location of Recovery: The Moon
Current Status: Remains in location of recovery
Note: The cow has been there for 9 years, WHY WON'T YOU DIE! -Extraterrestrial Creatures Researcher A████ S██████

Item Description: A jar full of brine shrimp. Each shrimp is entirely composed of human nervous tissue.
Date of Recovery: 03/20/39
Location of Recovery: ██████, Arizona
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A 3x3x3 Rubik's Cube. Anyone who attempts to use the cube will be placed under a cognitohazardous effect, causing them to be unable to solve the cube without extreme mental difficulty.
Date of Recovery: 08/11/39
Location of Recovery: ██████, Arizona
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A 60-watt incandescent light bulb that puts out EVE instead of light.
Date of Recovery: 03/20/39
Location of Recovery: ██████, Arizona
Current Status: In storage.
Note- Sadly, the output isn't enough to power anything important. -Researcher Harold Johannsen

Item Description: A silencer appearing to belong to a standard issue glock pistol. It has fit on every pistol tested. When a pistol with the silencer is fired, the firing sound is replaced with the voice of an unidentified adolescent male shouting 'Gun!'
Date of Recovery: 09/01/18
Location of Recovery: A summer camp in Wisconsin.
Current Status: Low Value Weapon Storage.
Note- Special Forces agents are advised not to confuse this item with an actual silencer as it is useless for silencing a gun. -Professor Tor

Item Description: A two liter █████ Ice Cream container. Whenever the lid for the container is placed on the tub it automatically refills the container with two liters of █████ brand mayonnaise
Date of Recovery: 12/09/18
Location of Recovery: ██████, Adelaide
Current Status: Dr. Brights office Site ██ canteen
Note- Dr. Bright is not allowed to take this item from the Site ██ canteen anymore -unanimous vote from Site-██ staff

Item Description: A heavily degraded Dumb and Dumber video cassette tape inside a cosmetically corroded JVC brand VHS player. All external wires and ports have been severed cleanly and smoothed down with markings consistent with rough grade sandpaper. The edges and corners of the player have been hammered into a semi-smooth shape.
Date of Recovery: 11/02/1997
Location of Recovery: The abdominal cavity of a maverick Bos taurus inside the ██████ Slaughterhouse in ███████, NJ, discovered during normal business hours. Records of routine examination of animal before slaughter do not detail any scars, stitches, or other surgical marks barring a missing left ear. Workers at plant given class-B amnestic, local ██████ Herald newspaper planted with a contraction statement in the following edition.
Current Status: No anomalous properties found besides location of recovery; items incinerated.

Item Description: A door made out of human tissue that appears to be constructed from wood when viewed without the aid of a special apparatus.
Date of Recovery: 12/10/10
Location of Recovery: Toronto, Canada
Current Status: In Storage.
NOTE: Obtained by Mobile Task Force Omega-20 on an operation to apprehend POI-3114.

Item Description:A ceramic mug whose bottom behaves like a sieve. No pores or holes are visible at the base or have been detected. Nothing appears to "stick" to the bottom, even substances such as paint or syrup. This only happens with liquids or substances which are composed of thousands, if not millions of individual particles, such as as sand.
Date of Recovery: 8/16/16
Location of Recovery: ███████'s Diner in Neligh, NE.
Current Status: In low-value anomalous item storage.
NOTE: The mug apparently only began to exhibit its effects when Dr. ████ put it up to his lips to drink it. Investigation into his classification as an anomaly are ongoing.

Item Description: A strainer capable of filtering all kinds of known substance regardless of composition.
Date of Recovery: 03/12/2018
Location of Recovery: A Prometheus Lab Facility located in Iceland.
Current Status: In Storage.
NOTE: Retrieved by Mobile Task Force Omega-20 ("Thought Police") as part of Operation Red Thunder.

Item Description: A cylindrical shell of considerable size constructed from an unknown metal impervious to damage from all known weapons.
Date of Recovery: 03/12/2018
Location of Recovery: A Prometheus Lab Facility located in Iceland.
Current Status: In Storage.
NOTE: Retrieved by Mobile Task Force Omega-20 ("Thought Police") as part of Operation Red Thunder.

Item Description: A black wireless optical mouse that possesses an anomalous capability of dragging physical objects in front of the user.
Date of Recovery: 03/12/2018
Location of Recovery: A Prometheus Lab Facility located in Iceland.
Current Status: In Storage.
NOTE: Retrieved by Mobile Task Force Omega-20 ("Thought Police") as part of Operation Red Thunder.

Item Description: A single double AA battery that possesses an unlimited amount of energy despite of extensive use.
Date of Recovery: 03/12/2018
Location of Recovery: A Prometheus Lab Facility located in Iceland.
Current Status: In Storage.
NOTE: Retrieved by Mobile Task Force Omega-20 ("Thought Police") as part of Operation Red Thunder.

Item Description: A blank Gameboy Advance cartridge that assimilates the user inside the device it was loaded in regardless of the fact if the device in question was anomalous or not.
Date of Recovery: 03/12/2018
Location of Recovery: A Prometheus Lab Facility located in Iceland.
Current Status: In storage at Site-17 Anomalous Objects locker.
NOTE: Retrieved by Mobile Task Force Omega-20 ("Thought Police") as part of Operation Red Thunder.

Item Description: A ██████ brand sock that makes the wearer run several times faster then normal, but if worn for over half an hour, the sock will suddenly become 300 pounds and ultimately break the wearers foot. It will return to normal if removed.
Date of Recovery: 05/10/2016
Location of Recovery: ████████, Nebraska
Current Status: Missing

Item Description: A rotten potato, at least three months spoiled at the time of recovery. Touching the potato's eyes will result in formerly resulted in the appearance of several items, including over two-hundred cooked instances of an unknown species of anglerfish, a hammer made out of a clay found in Southern Britain, and a purple and black cape bearing the image of a domino mask on its dorsal side.
Date of Recovery: 11/07/2005
Location of Recovery: Cambridge, United Kingdom
Current Status: Destroyed by rot; remains are non-anomalous.

Item Description: A plain composition notebook that is ordinary in every way, with the exception of the conversation tables in the back. The table contains conversions that are impossible in real life, such as 'Joules' to 'Decibels per Second'. When calculated in the notebook, the calculations work out in a sensible and reliable manner. When transferring to other media, the mathematics abruptly falls apart, making all of the equations false.
Date of Recovery: 09/10/2018
Location of Recovery: The engineering department office of [REDACTED] University.
Current Status: Located in the extra-dimensional research laboratory for use in calculations.

Item Description: A snowglobe that when shaken causes snow to fall within 3 meters of the user for a period of 20-30 minutes. Effects still occur in locations where snow is irregular.
Date of Recovery: 01/18/2016
Location of Recovery: ████████, Pennsylvania
Current Status: In staffroom during the holidays

Item Description: A DVD and cover for a film titled "Iron Man 2." The film itself is non-anomalous, and depicts a sequel of the commercially unsuccessful 2008 film Iron Man.
Date of Recovery: 09/28/2017
Location of Recovery: Teufel, California, in an abandoned cabin.
Current Status: In containment, available for personnel to watch.

Item Description: An unidentified chemical reaction similar to fire, but emits and can be spread by heat. Notably, [DATA EXPUNGED] can be damaged with it.
Location of Recovery: A power-plant in ███████.
Current Status: The Ethics Committee has authorized a reality reconstruction. Item now found via civilian means. [DATA EXPUNGED] is no longer capable of consuming the [DATA EXPUNGED] or committing ocular [DATA EXPUNGED]. An unknown amount of death have been attributed to the new properties of fire. Humanity preserved.

Item Description: 3 "dud" rounds of 9mm Parabellum. Any bullets or explosives that are placed near the anomalies will also turn into "duds".
Date of Recovery: 06/09/2009
Location of Recovery: ████████ Firing Range, San Diego, CA.
Current Status: Contained in Site-117 storage lock-box.
Note: When item in transit, guards and officers are to use airguns loaded with ricin-laced pellets.

Item Description: Barett 50BMG M82 anti-material rifle. the magazine can be chambered in any round with ease and will consistently fire 50BMG projectiles.
Date of Recovery: 04/02/2014
Location of Recovery: texas, USA
Current Status: currently in short term storage
Note: applied for use in MTF operations. 05 approval pending

Item Description: A box of unlabeled paperclips that are unable to be bent and automatically link together when placed in clumps.
Date of Recovery: 03/26/2005
Location of Recovery: Abandoned Staples shipping crate in Sacramento, California.
Current Status: In separate storage sites.
Note: As of 03/31/2005, the paperclips should be stored separately.

Item Description: A queen-size bed. Anyone who lays on it instantly falls asleep and wakes up 8 hours later with no recollection of the lost time. To observers, anyone on the bed is completely frozen in time.
Date of Recovery: 09/10/2018.
Location of Recovery: ███████, ██, USA.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A bathtub. When used, the user experiences time at a much faster rate than normal, with a month passing by every minute. The user's body, however, does not have any adverse effects that would normally be associated with spending months in the bathtub. To people outside of the bathtub, the user is extremely slow.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/2016.
Location of Recovery: █████████, ██, USA.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: Due to the nature of this object it must be recorded on this page. A unseen entity that has the power to manipulate objects. It seems to be hostile to foundation staff and draws power from attention paid to it. The more you fear and acknowledge it the more it can manipulate objects.
Date of Recovery: Null
Location of Recovery: Null
Current Status: uncontained. Resides around the site 15 area.

Item Description: A trampoline that has a gravitational pull equal to that of the Moon. Anyone using it will jump much higher than normal.
Date of Recovery: 9/1/2018.
Location of Recovery: ████████, VA.
Current Status: Outside of Site-77 for personnel to use.

Item Description: A yellow umbrella that manifests in the event two subjects are alone together in the rain. Should one or both of the subjects be without an umbrella, the item will manifest in a nearby location between the two of them. Item often demanifests after the encounter.
Date of Discovery: 09/23/2018.
Location of Discovery: Domfront, France.
Current Status: Uncontained.

Item Description: A Nokia phone most commonly known as a (Nokia Brick) that can only call one number, a pizza delivery place. When dialed and an order has been placed as soon as the call is ended a pizza slice identical to the order will appear in the user's mouth.
Date of Discovery: █/█/2000
Location of Discovery: New ████, ███
Current Status: Inside Site ██'s Cafeteria for communal use.

Item Description: A crater that has a gravitational pull equal to that of Earth. How far this effect extends upwards is unknown.
Date of Recovery: 1/9/2018
Location of Recovery: Earth's Moon.
Current Status: Fenced off with signs explaining its status.

Item Description: A pair of electronic toy bongos made by ██████-█████, that when turned on, never stops playing music until turned off.
Date of Recovery: 9/24/2018
Location of Recovery: Onalaska, Washington
Current Status: Has been playing music for █ years.

Item Description: An unlabeled blueberry scented marker that causes anyone that smells it to cough.
Date of Recovery: 9/21/2018
Location of Recovery: Foundation Whiteboard at Site-██.
Current Status: Incinerated
Note: Object incinerated after it was found out to be non-anomalous. Site-██ had a minor outbreak of the common cold.

Item Description: A collection of 23 bricks that will secrete a sticky green liquid on the fifth day of every month at 10:24 am to 11:26 p.m. These bricks conduct 350,000 volts of static electricity every 21st of April at 11:43 a.m. to 11:47 a.m. as well.
Date of Recovery: 04-07-2018
Location of Recovery: Lebanon, New Hampshire, USA
Current Status: In storage at Site-13

Item Description: A Colt Single Action Army revolver that when shot at a target with a perfect hit, the shooter will hear "You're pretty good" to the right.
Date of Recovery: 9/21/2018
Location of Recovery: In a ravine at ██████
Current Status: In shooting range for practice.

Item Description: A 1993 Talking Heads album titled "Speaking In Tongues" that when played will only allow the listener to speak or write in lyrics to the most recent song played for two days
Date of Recovery: 09-20-1996
Location of Recovery: Nampa, Idaho, USA
Current Status: Stored in Site-117

Item Description: A titanium container with the label "Every Game". When a person holding it requests to play a board game and opens the lid it will contain a rule book, board, and all components necessary to play the requested game. If a player requests a board game, but doesn't specify a title, the game is randomly generated – often ones that do not currently exist. If the container is opened without the person requesting a game it will be empty.
Date of Recovery: 09/23/2018
Location of Recovery: A library in Austin, Texas
Current Status: Stored in the break room at Site-109.

Item Description: A pair of glasses with no brand name, however there is a Yin symbol printed on it. When a subject wears the object they are unable to blink until the glasses are taken off.
Date of Recovery: 4/5/2007
Location of Recovery: Site-117, found on Dr.██████ head, when staff in break room reported him winning every staring contest.
Current Status: Stored in Site-177
Note: "Anybody else considering using these to recontain SCP-173 in the case of a containment breach?" - Senior Researcher Alexander

Item Description: A pair of glasses with no brand name, however there is a Yang Symbol printed on it. When a subject wears the object they are unable to open their eyes until the glasses are removed.
Date of Recovery: 4/6/2007
Location of Recovery: Site-117, found in storage next to a pair of anomalous glasses with a Yin symbol printed on them.
Current Status: Stored in Site-177, next to the Anomalous Yin glasses.
Note: Assumed to be the counter-part to the Anomalous Yin glasses.

Item Description: A paintbrush that has the capability of creating a construct based on the user's choice of color.
Date of Recovery: 10/4/2018
Location of Recovery: A Chaos Insurgency Facility in Africa.
Current Status: In Storage.
NOTE: Retrieved by Mobile Task Force Omega-20 ("Thought Police") as part of Operation Twilight Void.

Item Description: A handkerchief that could not be measured through any means. All attempt to do so simply yielded no result.
Date of Recovery: 10/4/2018
Location of Recovery: A Chaos Insurgency Facility in Africa.
Current Status: In Storage.
NOTE: Retrieved by Mobile Task Force Omega-20 ("Thought Police") as part of Operation Twilight Void.

Item Description: A typewriter that has the capability of recreating anything that the subject typed.
Date of Recovery: 10/4/2018
Location of Recovery: A Chaos Insurgency Facility in Africa.
Current Status: In Storage.
NOTE: Retrieved by Mobile Task Force Omega-20 ("Thought Police") as part of Operation Twilight Void.

Item Description: A 17th-century iron maiden that plays "Iron Maiden" from Iron Maiden's debut album Iron Maiden at approximately 100 decibels when closed. This sound is only audible within the device itself.
Date of Recovery: 6/9/2017
Location of Recovery: The cargo hold of Iron Maiden's private jet "Ed Force One," upon landing at an airport in █████████, North Carolina.
Current Status: In storage.
NOTE: The members of Iron Maiden professed no knowledge of the item's existence, but agreed that it was "Pretty fucking metal."

Item Description: A Caucasian Male human that does not appear on any public records, and legally seems to not exist. If information about it is added to any government database, the information will be deleted instantaneously. A tattoo is present on the right leg of the entity, which reads "Mr. Not On The Lists, by Gamers Against Weed". The entity has claimed to have a list of "Misters Against Weed" , but when asked to produced said list was unable to and claimed to have lost it.
Date of Recovery: 9/31/2017
Location of Recovery: An apartment in London, England.
Current Status: Living in low-threat humanoid containment at Site-713.

Item Description: A 1965 copy of the Russian Propaganda newspaper, "Pravda," which upon reading causes the reader to hallucinate and think they are a Red Army soldier for varying amounts of time, depending on how long the reader looks at the paper.
Date of Recovery: 4/25/2011
Location of Recovery: A dumpster near St. Basil's Cathedral in Moscow, Russia.
Current Status: In storage.
NOTE: One class D subject was terminated after reading the object and attempting to kill several guards, saying, "die capitalist pigs!"

Item Description: A Texas Instrument brand calculator that has been found to be programmed by engineer ████ ██████ to be able to divide by 0. The foundation hypothesizes it can cause a ZK end-of-reality scenario if the equation is punched in.
Date of Recovery: 11/3/2017
Location of Recovery: Inside the garage of ████ ██████, the engineer of the product.
Current Status: In a high security, double air-locked chamber, with a reinforced steel door. Item is located inside of a reinforced steel plated safe with fireproof material. Chamber and safe code only accessible by the O5 council. ████ ██████ is under foundation custody.
NOTE: "We probably just wasted a lot of resources on this containment chamber, but we're not taking any fucking chances here." - Dr. Carver

Item Description: A thin paintbrush that will cause any paint that touches the hairs to transform into luminescent paint.
Date of Recovery: 4/19/1995
Location of Recovery: In the home of Jason █████, who claimed to have found it on the ground of a recreational center.
Current Status: Located in Site-19 break room, with paint, for any personnel who want to use it.

Item Description: an autographed copy of Attack of the Deranged Killer Mutant Monster Snow Goons, a compilation of "Calvin and Hobbes" comic strips by Bill Watterson (autograph has been confirmed as false). Subjects who read more than two pages of the comic strips will, for a period of 4-6 hours, perceive all stuffed animals as "Hobbes-form" human-sized anthropomorphic variants of themselves. Hobbes-form specimens are perceived to blink and breathe, and to exhibit pulse, body temperature, and pupillary dilation, but are not otherwise responsive. Results of surgical exploration of Hobbes-form specimens are only perceivable by affected subjects, and only for the duration of the anomalous effect.
Date of Recovery: 10/22/2011
Site of Recovery: Home of Agent [REDACTED], who had purchased it at [REDACTED] Comic Book Convention
Current Status: Kept in low-value item storage locker #47

Item Description: an █████ branded Dash Cam that records car accidents every 5 to 10 minutes of recording. Car accidents are reported to be fictional, present only inside the recorded video files and to have never happened during recording while driving. Car collision reported to be a yellow Lada Niva against a white Volkswagen Golf, no matter the place of recording.
Date of Recovery: 10/27/2016
Site of Recovery: Inside a car in Kalinigrad Oblast, Russian Federation.
Current Status: Kept in low-value item storage locker #47
NOTE: "If I catch any of you to use this dash cam just to make videos for Youtube I swear I will [REDACTED]" -Dr. Unread

Item Description: A wooden log. The item has been reported to make people to compulsively refer to the wooden log as anomalous, thus being in recorded on this list.
Date of Recovery: 02/04/1997
Site of Recovery Outside Site-███ located in Pavia, Italy.
Current Status: Kept in low-value item storage locker #47 Incinerated after further investigations lead to the item not having any cognitohazard of any kind whatsoever.
NOTE: "Okay, do you think this is a funny joke?" -Dr. Unread

Item Description: A framed photograph of Erik Weisz, a.k.a. Harry Houdini. When placed in any form of confinement, captivity, or security, it will appear outside of it the moment it is not being actively observed (i.e., put it in a locked box, turn around, turn back, it'll be sitting right front of the box).
Date of Recovery: 10-12-1963
Location of Recovery: Appleton, Wisconsin, Temple Zion & School
Current Status: In Dr. █████'s locker, in seventeen boxes, each padlocked and filled with water. For now.

Item Description: A USB containing a video titled "Alright Alright Alright Alright Alright Alright Alright Alright" that contains the music video Hey Ya by Outkast, except only the part where he's saying "alright alright alright" on repeat. The video will loop until the computer dies.
Date of Recovery: 1-14-2011
Location of Recovery: Palo Alto High School, Palo Alto, California
Current Status: On a personal computer formerly registered to Agent [DATA EXPUNGED]. Video has been running for 3 years, 6 months, and 25 days at the time of writing.

Item Description: A Canon Brand Pixon Bluetooth Printer. Printer will never run out of ink, even if ink cartridges are removed.
Date of Recovery:1-19-2018
Location of Recovery: Brooks, Alberta, ███████ Office Building
Current Status: In Researcher Montag's office, for convenience purposes.

Item Description: A basketball hoop that cannot, by any means, have an object be passed through it. Attempts are always prevented by unnatural events, the extremity of which increase with the probability of the success of any given attempt. The object came to the Foundation's attention after noting the high number of injuries sustained near the object and the consistent nil score of a particular team in a game involving the object.
Date of Recovery: █/█/199█
Location of Recovery: ██████ High School, Canada.
Current Status: Site-██, in a Safe-class containment locker.
Notes: I've tried this thing, it'd give Michael Jordan a run for his money.

Item Description: A washing machine that, upon starting a cycle, becomes transparent for the entirety of the cycle.
Date of Recovery: █/█/20██
Location of Recovery: █████████, Virginia
Current Status: In storage
Notes: Stop using it for your laundry -Dr. Lowell

Item Description: A fish of the species Carassius auratus (goldfish) Viewers will always describe it as ‘cute’, even when the object is not visible. This is presumed to be a memetic effect, due to comparison with other digital images of fish via neural networks revealing that it is only of average cuteness.
Date of Recovery: █/██/20██
Location of Recovery: ███, South Korea
Current Status: In the office of Site-███ Director Cho.

Item Description: A *microp*hone t*hat af*fect*s desc*ripti*ons of* itse*lf. Des*cripti*ons i*n text* form wi*ll *have a*steris*ks ra*ndoml*y inse*rted *into t*hem. Descr*ipti*ons in spe*ech f*orm* will b*e in*terru*pted *rand*oml*y by st*atic* no*ise. Ph*otos *and dr*awing*s wil*l be* parti*ally ob*struct*ed by sh*apes s*imil*ar to in*k blot*che*s.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20█*█
Location of Recovery: Seoul, South Korea
Current Status: In S*ite-███ ano*malo*us i*tem sto*ra*ge lo*cker ███.

Item Description: A paintbrush that is hydrophobic and will always result in the user to become mildly frustrated.
Date of Recovery: 3/21/20██
Location of Recovery: █████, Arizona
Current Status: Item incinerated.

Item Description: A button with a print of cow skin. Pressing the button will summon green humanoid entities within a 10m radius, similar to the appearance of classic film "aliens."
Date of Recovery: 1/14/2018
Location of Recovery: Found floating around on the Mare Imbrium of the moon, 2 kilometers away from Area-32.
Current Status: In a Standard Secure Locker in Area-32.

Item Description: A piece of software made for converting video files (including .flv, .wmv, and .mp4) into a file format known as .ory. Files in a .ory format can be accessed and viewed in dreams, provided a device storing a file of this format is within five meters of the sleeper.
Date of Recovery: 10/10/2005
Location of Recovery: A Staples store in Wisconsin, where it was marketed as "Dreamware". Sold for approximately $500USD.
Current Status: In use by oneroilogists at Site-45 as a lucid dreaming aid.

Item Description: 17 apples in which anyone who bites into one will lose all of his/her teeth or make their teeth grow twice their size.
Date of Recovery: 1/1/2016
Location of Recovery: ███████, Ukraine
Current Status: Items given to SCP-682. given to █████.

Item Description: Oxford dictionary that after reading causes reader to make grammatical mistakes, altough the effect weakens over time.
Date of Recovery:27/██/20██
Location of Recovery:Outskirts of Dover, England
Current Status: In possession of Foundations library
Notes: Even if it is funny stop using it for jokes- Dr.██████

Item Description: A copy of the first █████ ████ █ ███ comic, which always features the content of the newest copy of ██████ █████ █ ███.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/19██
Location of Discovery: A safe within the office of ██████ █████ "████" ██████.
Current Status: Accessible at the site library of Site-██.
Notes: "If it hadn't been for the misleading cover, he could have made milions off of this." -Agent █████

Item Description: Clarinet that when attempted to be played, will not produce sound, despite having the proper parts. It instead forces any creature capable of speech within ~2 meters to only be able to speak in squeaks equivalent to that of the instrument. Anomalous effects last 5-10 minutes after exposure.
Date of Recovery: 01/██20██
Location of Discovery: Abandoned unnamed music store in ██████, Norway.
Current Status: In possession of Agent ███ In storage.
Notes: "Man, it was fun to hear Dr. ████ squeak at me to get back to work while it lasted. Oh well."- Agent ███

Item Description: A Green wool sweater that when observed, will cause the one to believe that the object is red. Observers will also attempt to convince others of its apparent red-ness, and will become violent if the belief is challenged. All cognitohazardous effects wear off exactly one hour after exposure, and leaves the subjects with no recollection of the event.
Date of Recovery: 12/22/1998
Location of Discovery: ████ West Middle school, Arkansas. Retrieved by recovery agents after a brawl involving forty (40) students.
Current Status: In Site-██ Cognitohazard storage locker.
Notes: "It's Red" -Dr. Castle

Item Description: A small locket in the form of a oval, all objects within 1.5 cm of its center ages approximately 5 % slower.
Date of Recovery: 5-26-200█
Location of Recovery: █████████ school, Norway.
Current Status: In a standard secureity locker Site-██.

Item Description: A compass that always points to the closest human with B-positive blood type
Date of Recovery: 6/5/198█
Location of Recovery: A hospital in ███████, Oklahoma
Current Status: In Site-██ infirmary

Item Description: A CD that has "Play Me" written in sharpie on it. When played by a married individual, it will produce a still image of the subject's spouse engaging in coitus with an unknown male dressed as a cowboy, and wearing a clown mask. Various songs play over the image indefinitely until the disc is ejected from the player.
Date of Recovery: 11-6-2018
Location of Recovery: In the possession of a Chaos Insurgency operative, which was used for black mail.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A large mortar that would hover 6 centimeters off the ground at random intervals. It is cracked and inside is an unknown symbol carved on the side. When recovered, it had a broken broom, and a scythe placed within. A long strand of black hair was also found within, and testing of it has been inconclusive.
Date of Recovery: ██-██-████
Location of Recovery: Eastern Siberia
Current Status: In storage

Item Description: An AOL free trial CD that constantly emits the sound of a dial-up modem.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████.
Location of Recovery: New York, NY, USA.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A crayon which turns everything written about it red.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: ██████ Primary School, California, CA, USA.
Current Status: Kept in a secure storage locker in Site-19.

Item Description: An ice cube which never melts, regardless of the heat around the ice cube or how hot any object that touching it is. It should be noted that the ice cube will give off water when heated as though it is melting.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/20██
Location of Recovery: ██████, Canada
Current Status: In Site-██ Break room for recreational use.
Notes: Great for keeping drinks cold. Junior Researcher ████████

Item Description: A standard Australian Government Passport. Upon holding, the passport details will automatically be of the holders details.
Date of Recovery: 06/12/2003
Location of Recovery: Sydney Airport, International Terminal, NSW, Australia.
Current Status: In a standard containment locker at Site-45.
Notes: This is will make great emergency travel arrangements- Agent Travis

Item Description: A chrysanthemum blossom that instantly turns to iron when touched. Object returns to organic form when released.
Date of Recovery: 09/17/2013
Location of Recovery: An apartment in Los Angeles, California.
Current Status: In a vase at the Site-19 break room.
Notes: Most new agents are startled by the chrysanthemum and start to believe they themselves are an SCP.

Item Description: A 32 (now 23) pack of expandable water toys. When placed into water, the toy expands normally before expanding near-instantly into a full-grown animal resembling the expanded toy within █-██ minutes. Produced animals have included a humpback whale, a Quetzalcoatlus northropi, a sloth lemur of genus M. dolichobrachion and [DATA EXPUNGED].
Date of Recovery: 12-29-1994
Location of Recovery: A formerly existing house in Yarmouth, Nova Scotia, Canada
Current Status: In storage at Area-12.
Notes: Following Incident AO-14389-█, testing has been suspended indefinitely- O5-█

Item Description: A titled "Meta" (a reference to an internet meme originating from )
Date of Recovery: 12-30-2018
Location of Recovery: Redwood City, California
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A glass pitcher that converts any liquid inside to iced tea.
Date of Recovery: 02/18/2019
Location of Recovery: Wellington, New Zealand
Current Status: Site-42 cafeteria.
Note: Refreshing. - Dr. Brown

Item Description: A white plastic trash bin that constantly refills itself with garbage, even if being taken out only minutes prior.
Date of Recovery: 01/06/2018
Location of Recovery: El Dorado Hills, California
Current Status: In Storage.
Note: Are we even sure it was ever taken out in the first place? - Dr. ████

Item Description: The corpse of Agent Joseph Barton, former field commander of Mobile Task Force Tau-8 "Marionette Owls". Exhibits a mild tactile cognitohazard: individuals coming into contact with soft tissues without appropriate inoculation will perceive them as having the texture of bone; bones, teeth and other hard structures are percieved as having the texture of human skin.
Date of Recovery: 12/15/2010
Location of Recovery: Kielder Forest, England.
Current Status: Buried in the cemetery of the Joint Armed Facility in [PRECISE LOCATION REDACTED], Scotland.
Notes: Staff at the JAF with database editing priveleges are to cease adding unnecessary content to this entry, as it has had to be edited back to its original form several times. Any details regarding Barton's life, service record and desertion are irrelevant to the purpose of this this entry. This is the log of anomalous items, and the current anomalous properties of the body only manifested after his death. - JAF Director Ramsey Hellman

Item Description: A harmless red wooden cube that, upon observation, causes whoever views it to believe it is dangerous.
Date of Recovery: 09/05/███
Location of Recovery: ███, Kansas
Current Status: Incinerated
Notes: That thing was evil! It just pretended to be a cube but.. It was planning to kill us all! - Dr. Einen

Item Description: A non-anomalous number 4 graphite pencil that cannot be perceived, described, or understood as anomalous.
Date of Recovery: 04/04/2005
Location of Recovery: Site Director August's desk.
Current Status: As it is non-anomalous, it remains in Site Director August's desk.
Note: Wait, what? - Site Director August

Item Description: A 460ml Coca-Cola glass that converts water into Coca-Cola brand drink. Drinking the liquid causes the organisms kidneys to decay and fail. The process takes approximately 10 minutes.
Date of Recovery: ██/11/2018
Location of Recovery: Bristol, UK.
Current Status: In Storage in Site-██

Item Description: An otherwise non-anomalous USB drive containing a version of popular web browser Google Chrome (gchrome.exe) with the ability to speed up any live stream on twitch.tv or youtube.com. Attempts to view the source code yield source code for a non-anomalous version of Google Chrome.
Date of Recovery: 07/22/2017
Location of Recovery: Perth, Australia.
Current Status: In Storage at Site-33.

Item Description: A plant-like organism that does not resemble any known terrestrial species. Does not have any other anomalous properties until fully grown. When fully grown, it asexually produces a seed pod. The seed pod starts as a small ball of dough and grows to bloom into a pizza with a diameter of 30 centimeters. Pizza has no anomalous effects when consumed. Pepperoni is present on the upward side of the pizza. The pepperoni function as seeds.
Date of Recovery: 10/2/2016
Location of Recovery: Lexington, Kentucky.
Current Status: Seeds stored in Class-VI Long-Term Cryogenic Storage. Wild instances confirmed neutralized.

Item Description: An indestructible Westley Richards Double Rifle chambered for .577 Nitro Express. When the gun is fired, the round is instantaneously replaced with a newborn African elephant of random gender and weight traveling at the same velocity immediately upon leaving the barrel. As momentum is conserved in the form of recoil, this is typically fatal to the firer.
Date of Recovery: 5/4/1961
Location of Recovery: Bulawayo, Central African Federation.
Current Status: In storage at Site-76.

Item Description: Two (2) digital wall clocks. One clock (AI#59267-1) automatically changes time displayed to local accepted time. The other clock (AI#59267-2) changes to a random time every five (5) minutes. Main anomalous effects show when the clocks are placed above two doors in the same room. Entering the room has no anomalous effects. But leaving the room through the door under AI#59267-2 will temporally displace the individual until AI#59267-1 reads a time identical to the time read by AI #59267-2 when the individual left the room
Date of Recovery: █-█-201█
Location of Recovery: ███████ High School, ██████, Kansas
Current Status: In storage at Site-17

Item Description: A Taco Bell brand Taco Supreme that will turn into a solid metallic sphere if microwaved for over sixty (60) seconds. It will turn back into it's taco form if left untouched for roughly 5 months.
Date of Recovery: 02/06/2018
Location of Recovery: Taco Bell, Brighton, England
Current Status: In unmarked refridgerator at Site-21, labelled to avoid accidental consumption

Item Description: A Henry All Weather chambered in .45-70, that when fired, produces the sound of a loud whoop and a playback of a random song by Western musician Marty Robbins at 110 Db in a radius of 1500m.
Date of Recovery: 05/07/2018
Location of Recovery: El Paso, TX, after neighbors complained of the noise.
Current Status: In Anomalous Weapons Locker at Site-21.
Note: Agent ██████ is not to be allowed access. I'm sorry, but no one wants to hear country music all day. - Dr. Maheris.

Item Description: A white T-shirt. By no means whatsoever is the wearer able to be injured or die as long as they are wearing the item. Pain is still percieved.
Date of Recovery: 02/05/19██
Location of Recovery: █████████, WI
Current Status: In Site-██ armory for use in recontainment.

Item Description: An iphone 5 that will automatically delete any apps downloaded onto it.
Date of Recovery: 03/23/2014
Location of Recovery: ████, Virginia
Current Status: In storage

Item Description: A champagne bottle whose cork fired at 4.78c when opened. Initial takeoff resulted in the destruction of Sub-Site B, deaths of 23 Foundation personnel, and the neutralization of 3 anomalous objects. Cork stopped decelerating when it reached 1c.
Date of Recovery: 11/2/2000.
Location of Recovery: Sub-Site B.
Current Status: Bottle and contents vaporized during takeoff. Cork split into subatomic fragments after repeatedly colliding with objects in space. Cork fragments have yet to decelerate beyond 1c.

Item Description An ant that is very influential among the 1% in Three Portlands.
Date of Recovery 4/16/2019.
Location of Recovery Extra dimensional space Three Portlands, sitting upon a throne made out of the wealthy.
Current Status Contained in a lavish 30 meter octogonal terrarium in Site-██'s anomalous flora and fauna wing.

Item Description A button-up shirt that causes the wearer to hallucinate random SCP objects.
Date of Recovery 04/09/19██
Location of Recovery Site-██
Current Status Destroyed with gunfire to prevent a containment breach after D-43904 hallucinated SCP-096's face.
Note: We did find out it prevents 173 from moving before that happened though. -Dr. O'Ryan
Note: I am surrounded by morons, it seems. Couldn't you have figured out what'd happen when you started to understand what happens? -Assistant Researcher Jackson

Item Description: A pillow that feels soft, but when you lay your head on it, it is always uncomfortable no matter what position it's in.
Date of Recovery 03/29/2020
Location of Recovery Site-12 Barracks
Current State In Storage
Note: Good god █████, I know the barracks pillows can be uncomfortable but by no means does that make them anomalous. -Dr. Aster
Note: Upon further review, the anomalous properties of this item have been confirmed. Item has been returned to storage. -Dr. Aster

Item Description: A remote control whose mute button can affect anything its pointed at, turning on or off their ability to make noise.
Date of Recovery: 02/19/2023
Location of Recovery: ████ ████ st, Maryland
Current State: In Armory at Site-33
Note: This item has proven an invaluable asset during stealth assignments.

Item Description: A ten piece puzzle. Viewers will always state it is impossible to put together, despite being made of only ten pieces.
Date of Recovery: 2/7/1985
Location of Recovery:A house in ████, TX.
Current Status: In storage.
Note: I Am telling you, it is impossible.
-Agent Dustin

Item Description: A red colored peaked cap. The cap has been set on fire in 2010 and has been burning since then, without damaging the item. The cap has been reported to not to burn anything that comes in contact with, does not produce heat and cannot be turned off by any mean.
Date of Recovery: 9/30/2010
Location of Recovery:Inside the burned down home of the deceased Mr. ████ ███ in Carlsbad, NM.
Current Status: In storage in site-45.
Note: The peaked cap was found by agent Karen Caddy while on her duty to track down SCP-████. Is unclear if the location of recovery was burned down by such SCP. Anomalous item contained for analysis.
This hat is not to be worn while on-duty, especially during missions. And no, not even if you are the captain of an MTF unit. -Dr. Unread

Item Description: A RT-80S, of which will play Christmas carols and other such music all throughout the month of December, despite not being connected to a power source. The anomaly cannot be used during any other time of year (even when connected to a power source).
Date of Recovery: 12/24/1999
Location of Recovery: Within Dr. ████'s quarters, of which they began attempting to [REDACTED].
Current Status: In low-threat storage in Site-64.

Item Description: A flat bill hat that, when put on, won't block any sunlight at all.
Date of Recovery: 6/28/18
Location of Recovery: Inside of a baseball stadium after a fan complained about not being able to see anything because of the sun despite said fan having the hat on.
Current Status: In storage at site-45

Item Description: A camera that when taking a picture in front of a mirror appears to be a random electronic device.
Date of Recovery: 12/13/18
Location of Recovery: A small camera shop located in ████ ███████, Missouri.
Current Status: In possession of Agent ██████

Item Description: [REDACTED] Brand Shampoo that will wipe the memories of anyone who applies it to their scalp.
Date of Recovery: █/█/1978
Location of Recovery: A bathhouse in [DATA EXPUNGED], Japan.
Current Status:Undergoing synthesis at Site-█ to discover its amnestic agent. Plans to use it as a commercial amnestic in field use are being considered.

Item Description: One (1) Malboro Menthol cigarette carton, of which contains one-hundred ninety-eight (198) cigarettes. Upon using one (1) cigarette, the user will immediately contract severe lung cancer. Upon unfolding the wrapping, they will read "Don't [expletive] smoke cigarettes."
Date of Recovery: 08/24/2001
Location of Recovery: [REDACTED], a convenience store in [REDACTED].
Current Status: In medium-threat storage in Site-45.

Item Description: A radio produced in the 1990s, which when turned on will refuse to produce a sound up until 10:30 AM on Sundays. During this time the object will play a recording of a 2 hour long audio of a church (with 50-150 people present) worshipping a god. To date all recordings produced by the radio are unique.
Date of Recovery: 12/06/2007
Location of Recovery: An old electronical storage facility.
Current Status: Gathering dust on the shelf of Dr. Crow.

Item Description: A horse (equus ferus caballus), named "Regret" by staff members (after a Kentucky Derby winning horse of the same name). When drawn, sculpted, or recreated in any other way, the individual responsible for said recreation will express disappointment regarding their creation.
Date of Recovery: 01/03/2016
Location of Recovery: Melbourne, Australia
Current Status: Kept in a stable in Site-65 with three (3) other horses.
Note: Dr. Ford's request to test Regret's anomalous effects on reality-warping entities has been denied.

Item Description: A compact disk bearing the letters 'BRW'. When the CD is played, a middle-aged female begins to sing. The lyrics contain vivid details about the listeners childhood. The CD only works with 1 individual in hearing range.
Date of Recovery: 12/05/1997
Location of Recovery: Chepstow, UK.
Current Status: In Storage.

Item Description: A mask made from plastic, people who are within 5 meters of the mask are compelled to put it on, but once they put it on, they are compelled to take it off.
Date of Recovery: 3/24/1996
Location of Recovery: Tokyo, JP
Current Status: Incinerated due to excessive chain reactions.

Item Description: A book which can only be viewed by the blind.
Date of Recovery: 28-12-20██
Location of Recovery: A Libary in ███████, Glasgow
Current Status: Within Site-17's Medical wing Libary
Note: Is Useful when preparing D-Class for testing with SCP-173. Dr. █████

Item Description: Hair gel that when Applied to a person's hair will permanently change the color of that person's hair.
Date of Recovery: 7/21/2013
Location of Recovery: Hair Salon in Portland, Maine
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: Smiley face button which causes all digital descriptions of it to insert emoji at random intervals.
Date of Recovery: 12/17/2017
Location of Recovery: Goodwill shop in New York City, New York, England
Current Status: Destroyed in testing. Effect did not persist after termination.
Note: Does anyone else find it concerning that we have so many items which affect descriptions of them? It seems quite clear to me that someone is experimenting with this effect, to unknown ends. If we're not careful, then one day we're going to end up with a superweapon that's impossible to tell anyone about. -Dr. Quay

Item Description: A cube made of a red, metallic substance similar to darmstadtium, one inch on a side. If cut, both pieces will regenerate.
Date of Recovery: 12/17/2018
Location of Recovery: Barrie, ON, Canada
Current Status: 192 in storage, available as requested. Unknown if there are instances still uncontained.

Item Description: A violet cushion that causes permanent hypersexuality when observed by any gender. Subjects will often carry out sexual crimes upon viewing the cushion.
Date of Recovery: 14/02/2014
Location of Recovery: Margate, UK.
Current Status: Incinerated.

Item Description: A white blanket which causes severe tactile hallucinations when worn by individuals aged 12-29.
Date of Recovery: 22/01/2005
Location of Recovery: Central London, UK.
Current Status: In Storage. Accessible to Level 2 personnel or above.

Item Description: A 100 bead abacus which significantly increases mathematical ability when interacted with. Subjects which have answered 100 questions have shown a 100% pass rate. The effect lasts for 2 months before ceasing.
Date of Recovery: 16/04/201▋
Location of Recovery: Clacton, UK.
Current Status: In Storage.

Item Description: A ███████ brand GPS which, when used for over a duration of ten (10) minutes, will create a sense of confusion in the user, as if they are lost. Preliminary tests show that this feeling will continue even if the user is at a place familiar to them.
Date of Recovery: 08/11/200█
Location of Recovery: Berlin, Germany.
Current Status: In Storage.

Item Description: A metallic folding chair which slides backwards when a human is trying to sit on it, thus making the victim fall on their rear. There is no detectable means of the chair's movement.
Date of Recovery: 09/15/199█
Location of Recovery: ██████ High school, Columbus, Ohio.
Current Status: In Storage.

Item Description: A crowbar that gives the user prostate cancer and turns their skin inside out while also making the cornea's of the user fall out.
Date of Recovery: 02/23/198█
Location of Recovery: Cleveland, Ohio.
Current Status: Missing

Item Description: A diary with no name on the covers or pages, which reveals a seemingly endless amount of pages if attempted to be flipped to the previous page. Each diary entry gets increasingly ambigous the more the reader flips the pages backwards. Longest recorded run is 7███ pages, where it states "Day ████. I have done it. It shall take us. all of us" Research about the ambigous messages is currently ongoing.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: A home in ██████, Pennyslvania. The item was found on a desk in the inhabiting family's home. Memories of the recovery purged.
Current Status: In Testing.

Item Description: A generic ███mart brand night light, which when plugged into any energy source screams until it is unplugged. The cadence, tone, and volume of the scream seems to change randomly each time the item is turned on and off again.
Date of Recovery: 11/7/2███
Location of Recovery: ████ ██████'s home for the deaf, Portland, ██.
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: A bluetooth keyboard that when referred to in any typed document, will change and rearrange text formatting and style in a seemingly random pattern.
12/5/201█: Date of Recovery
Location of Recovery: A computer repair shop in Germany, Berlin.
Status Currently: Dr. ████'s office.

Item Description: Jeans that will teleport the users legs and sexual organs to the nearest active blender.
Date of Recovery: 22/11/2███
Location of Recovery: ██████'s snazzy jeans.
Current Status: Destroyed when put inside out.

Item Description: A black Adidas Tracksuit that when worn will make the wearer fluent in Russian. Wearer is also immune to most intoxicants such as alcohol.
Date of Recovery: 1/1/199█
Location of Recovery: Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant, Ukraine.
Current Status: Currently being utilized in field ops in Russia and Ukraine.

Item Description: An extremely low-quality VHS copy of the 1982 made-for-TV special Christmas Comes to Pac-Land that causes the viewer's voice to become permanently more distorted and unrecognizable the further they watch it. An unidentified sixth ghost character has also been seen in multiple playbacks of the tape, although it does not interact with the other characters in the film.
Date of Recovery: 12/25/2002
Location of Recovery: Suburban residence in Albany, New York.
Current Status: Filed under Tape Storage Facility 2.

Item Description: A smooth piece of obsidian, strongly resembles a computer mouse in shape and size. Analysis revealed no internal machinery or mechanisms. It is solid rock all through. It works like a real mouse to the nearest computer.
Date of Recovery: 11-03-2018
Location of Recovery: Computer room in ██████ Highschool in Seoul, Korea.
Current Status: In possession of Dr. Rook

Item Description: A large stereotypical wooden sign that points in the direction of an object/person that the closest human to the sign is thinking about. It will display the name of the object/person while underneath displaying the exact distance (in a random form of measurement) away from the object/person.
Date of Recovery: 02/10/04
Location of Recovery: Abandoned barn in Edinburgh, Scotland
Current Status: in Site-14 Security Station (for location of personnel during emergencies.)

Item Description: An opening in a basement wall which connected to an alternate but largely similar version of reality. The homeowner contacted local authorities after witnessing a person from the other reality exit through the wall. Local Foundation agents intercepted the call and dispatched a containment team.
Date of Recovery: 08/27/18
Location of Recovery: A single-family home in Lexington, Kentucky
Current Status: Neutralized

Item Description: A ████ brand soap bar which possesses a corrosive effect when used on human skin. The item has no effect on non-biological objects. The item also has no effect on domesticated animals.
Date of Recovery 23/10/20██
Location of Recovery ██████, UK.
Current Status: In Storage.

Item Description:A ████ microwave that causes anyone near it to put the nearest non-living object inside of it. Destroyed after Agent ███ placed a hand grenade inside of it.
Date of Recovery:13/5/18
Location of Recovery:██████, United States of America
Current Status:Neutralized
Note: Probably wasn't a good idea to transport this past the armory. -Dr. ██

Item Description: A water bottle which doesn't allow any of its contents to exit the bottle. This effect applies even when numerous holes are made in different areas of the object.
Date of Recovery: 12/24/17
Location of Recovery: Site-██ vending machine
Current Status: In testing, where it was completely separated in two, yet still keeping its contents inside of the bottle.
Note: Someone was trying to drink from this for several minutes before they found out about its anomalous properties. Poor guy. -Dr. ████

Item Description: A copy of the video game Super Smash Brothers: Ultimate for the Nintendo Switch in which the playable character Ness (from the Mother series of video games) has been entirely replaced by Sans, a character from the video game Undertale, who has an entirely separate set of moves and abilities. Additionally, should the copy be inserted into a Nintendo Switch console also with Undertale installed and Undertale be launched, the reverse will have occurred, with Sans being replaced by Ness in every sense, including entirely new dialogue and story events to account for Ness' presence rather than Sans', as well as an entirely new boss fight.
Date of Recovery: 26/12/2018
Location of Recovery: A GameStop store in Atlanta, Georgia.
Current Status: In the Site-77 break room for recreational use.
Note: You would not believe how many subreddits I could throw into chaos with this thing. -Jr. Researcher Jacob Hernandez

Item Description: A toilet that gives the urge to sit on it when viewed. Whilst being sat on, it is described as 'similar to that British Harry guy.' (No matter what language they speak).
Date of Recovery: 14/02/1999
Location of Recovery: An outhouse in ██████, Scotland.
Current Status: Contained in site ██ staff toilets
Note: It is currently unknown which British Harry it is referring to.

Item Description: A scented candle that, when lit, gives off a different and random scent.
Date of Recovery: 11/20/18
Location of Recovery: Bloomington, Minnesota
Current Status: In Storage.

Item Description: A vacuum cleaner with an infinite dust capacity.
Date of Recovery: 9/10/2011
Location of Recovery: Site-██ janitorial closet
Current Status: Used by Site-██ Janitor █████
Note: While it would be interesting to figure out what mechanism this device uses, the custodians refuse to let me borrow it. - Professor Tor

Item Description: A cartridge of the Nintendo Switch game Splatoon 2. Any individual who plays it will be anomalously compelled to ignore or otherwise refuse to obey the command "This way!" from any source, including the game, during play.
Date of Recovery: 8/9/2018
Location of Recovery: A used video game retail store in S███████, California.
Current Status: In storage.
Note: This must be the version of the game all my teammates had. -Researcher ████

Item Description: A ███ █████ █ themed Moon Bounce which, when inflated and entered, faithfully replicates the gravitational and atmospheric conditions of the moon itself.
Date of Recovery: ██/█/████
Location of Recovery: Birthday party in Cape Canaveral, Florida. All attendees were successfully resuscitated and amnesticized.
Current Status: In storage in its deflated state.

Date of Recovery: 10/10/2011
Location of Recovery: A stationery shop in Eastbourne, England.
Note: [EXPLETIVE] THIS BLOODY PEN!!!! -Researcher ████

Item Description: A wiki containing an exact record of Foundation data and activities. The website is not anomalous except for the security breach it represents.
Date of Recovery: N/A
Location of Recovery: N/A
Current Status: Still online
Note: This site may actually help us by providing evidence to disprove rumors. - Professor Tor

Item Description: An anomalous log describing how a wiki contains an exact record of Foundation data and activities. The log is not anomalous as it explains how the website is not anomalous except for the security breach it represents.
Date of Recovery: N/A
Location of Recovery: N/A
Current Status: Still online
Note: Do we have a Professor Tor in the Foundation? - Dr. Unread

Item Description: A standard police ballistic vest which causes any projectile that hits it to "bounce" off of it in a random direction. Due to this, the vest and the wearer will remain unharmed. The size or speed of the projectile has no effect on the objects anomalous property, up to and including an A-10 Thunderbolt 30mm chain gun. The use of tank shells during testing is to be approved.
Date of Recovery: 10/23/20██
Location of Recovery: ███████ Police station, ████.
Current Status: in testing
Note: The word "projectile" doesn't mean "knife". I will find the jackass who cut a hole in it and end them. - Dr. █████

Item Description: A red pencil that produces blood when used to write.
Date of Recovery: 1/6/2019
Location of Recovery: Tokyo, Japan
Current Status: In storage.

Item Description: An unmarked box containing two dozen spools of nylon sutures for stitching wounds. The sutures are absorbed by the skin exactly like catgut sutures despite being entirely synthetic.
Date of Recovery: 1/12/18
Location of Recovery: An immediate care center in █████, Illinois
Current Status: In the medical bay at Site ██ for use by technicians.

Item Description: A piece of P. ponderosa bark which, when held by a sapient being within the 1 meter radius of a living oak tree, will spontaneously be engraved with the message "Welcome to the Segorium Clupita Pentoc. The Children of the Night await you" in the native language of the holder. The engravings will disappear if brought outside the 1 meter radius.
Date of Recovery: 22/05/1958
Location of Recovery: Portland, Oregon
Current Status: In storage. Investigation into the Segorium Clupita Pentoc and its relation with SCP-1000 is underway.

Item Description: A copy of the 1996 animated Disney film //The Hunchback of Notre Dame", which, when viewed, will ignite fireplaces within a 10-meter radius and cause viewers to feel as if they are committing a great sin unless praying to the Virgin Mary. The effect is most intense during the song "Hellfire", at which point all non-atheistic viewers so far have begun praying to Mary regardless of prior religious views.
Date of Recovery: 13/02/1997
Location of Recovery: The home of Researcher █████
Current Status: In storage at Site-17. Site staff may watch it on request.

Item Description: A Magnum brand ice-cream which will melt all ice-cream off it should anyone attempt to bite it. Approximately 5-6 minutes later the ice-cream will reappear.
Date of Recovery: 27/6/2005
Location of Recovery: Glasgow, Scotland
Current Status: In cold storage at Site-██

Item Description: A standard microwave that, when used to heat up food, plays the sound of a defense siren instead of the usual whirring. Also, instead of a beep when the food is done cooking, the sound of a nuclear explosion is heard, accompanied by a mushroom cloud visible inside of the compartment where the food is placed into. Both sounds are played at the usual decibel levels of a non-anomalous microwave, and no damage is done to the microwave or the food, with the exception of nuclear fallout that is also visible on the food after it is cooked, and the food also gives radiation poisoning to anyone within a 5-meter radius. Careful examination of the microwave has revealed nothing abnormal about the components.
Date of Recovery: ██/██/████
Location of Recovery: ███ ██████, ██, USA.
Current Status: In Storage.
Note: To avoid radiation poisoning as well as personnel falsely believing that the on-site nuclear warheads are being detonated, this microwave is not to be used by any personnel. Although, it does take the term "nuking" when used to describe the act of microwaving food to a whole new level! -Dr. █████.

Item Description: A ████ brand computer monitor which plays live video feed of Scp-096, regardless of its position. There was no possible way to stop the footage outside of destroying the monitor. During recovery, the object was stained with large amounts of dried blood and filth.
Date of Recovery: 23/09/19██.
Location of Recovery: An 'abandoned' home in █████████, Ohio.
Current Status: Accidentally smashed during recovery and was subsequently incinerated.
Note: Luckily the thing wasn't facing towards the 'camera' or whatever is looking at it when they found the thing. Could've been a hell of a containment breach. I'm glad that Corporal ████ accidentally dropped it down the stairs of the house and broke it. He prevented a disaster which could potentially end humanity, and i applaud him for that. - Dr. Y

Item Description: An unusually hard large coffee mug which causes anyone holding it to use it to strike the closest person to them in a 5 meter radius. Its anomalous properties were uncovered when Dr. Y accidentally smashed Professor ████ over the head using the mug during a conversation. Professor ████ was rendered unconscious.
Date of Recovery: 02/03/20██
Location of Recovery: Dr. Y's desk
Current Status: Broken. Remains were incinerated
Note: Why did they fucking cremate my mug. It was perfectly normal - Dr. Y
Note: It wasn't. - Prof. ████

Item Description: An airsoft gun which fires projectiles that gradually increase in size and mass when fired.
Date of Recovery: 06/06/2019
Location of Recovery: An abandoned airsoft course.
Current Status: Jammed. Fired twice.

-- Item Description: A █████ brand mechanical watch that, when a bipedal animal of any species, has a line of sight of it, will vomit.
Date of Recovery: 04/10/20██.
Location of Recovery: ██████, Canada.
Current Status: A non see-through box in storage, may be used for testing if authorized by level 2+ personnel.

Item Description: An unopened 2 litre Coke bottle in which any attempt to open it would lead to the subject failling to, and refuse any sort of nutrition.
Date of Recovery: 02/23/█████.
Location of Recovery: A refrigerator in Southern ██████████, Wales.
Current Status: Locked in a small vault.

Item Description: A copy of the book “The Bad Beginning” from the series called “A series of unfortunate events.” Anybody who attempts to read it will get a phone call saying “Your house just burnt down and you’re the only survivor,” after 15 minutes of reading the book.
Date of Recovery: 05/08/2017
Location of Recovery: A middle school library in ███████, Oklahoma.
Current Status: Destroyed in a fire when Dr. Tamsen read it inside his home.

Item Description: An implementation of jQuery, a common JavaScript library, with the addition of the function "$.egg". It takes no parameters, and when passed, a cold hard-boiled egg will manifest within the vicinity of whoever wrote the code, typically on a nearby table.
Date of Recovery: 10/22/2019
Location of Recovery: ██████.n████████.org/lib/js/jquery-min.js
Current Status: File deleted. Copies of the file do not exhibit the anomaly, however, the code of the function appears to consist of a singular 4. Whenever implemented, error handling does not appear to notice any syntax error; the function simply does nothing.

Item Description: An abnormally large paridae with a height of 42 meters, that has a stapled on picture of Bella Goth from the Sims 4. All attempts of removing the picture have failed. People who climb on top of it will also think they have a romantic relationship.
Date of Recovery: 01/07/2020
Location of Recovery: Wacky Fun Zoo in ████████, Detroit.
Current status: Inside a 50 by 50 meter room. Chained up.
Note: It’s a big titty goth gf -Dr. Tamsen.

Item Description: A Dreamworks' Shrek Chia Pet that, if any chia sprouts are damaged, will spontaneously restore damaged sprouts to optimal condition. It does not appear to require sunlight or water.
Date of Recovery: 01/12/2019
Location of Recovery: Residential home in ███ ████, Minnesota.
Current status: In Dr. ██████'s office.

Item Description: A wooden stick, when measured in yards shows 2.1 yards of length. When measured in metres, shows 1 metre of length. This is theoretically impossible.
Date of Recovery: 02/25/2011
Location of Recovery: ██████, Germany
Current status: In storage.
Note: All measuring equipment has been double-checked. -Dr. █████

Item Description: A █████ brand security system that makes humans invisible while being detected by the camera.
Date of Recovery: 12/25/20██
Location of Recovery:██████, Britain
Current Status: Currently being used by the military.
Note: Poor guy who owned this got robbed and there’s no evidence for who did it since the robbers weren’t on camera. -Dr. ███████

Item Description: A can of Pringles®, which when an object is placed inside, generates chips of the flavor of the object placed inside.
Date of Recovery: 07/31/20██
Location of Recovery: █████████, Australia
Current status: In staff break room at site ██.
Note: Please only put food items in the damn thing -Dr. █████

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