Canon Mass Orientation Tool
In Character: New administrative staff with sufficient security clearance may use this tool to more efficiently familiarize themselves with the information in the SCP database. For security and data-integrity purposes, this form of access is read-only.
Out of character: It's a tool that makes it easier to go on an archive binge. You can use the Canon Mass Orientation Tool a lot or you can just be a CMOT Dabbler, it's totally up to you.
Item #: SCP-2912
Object Class: Safe Neutralized
Special Containment Procedures: The remains of SCP-2912-1, SCP-2912-2, and SCP-2912-3 are to remain preserved within individual cryogenic storage units at Biological Containment Site-66.
Description: SCP-2912 designates three roughly humanoid organisms resembling typical circus clowns: SCP-2912-1, SCP-2912-2, and SCP-2912-3. Genetically close to human (all instances sharing a relatively recent common ancestor in Homo sapiens sapiens), SCP-2912 entities have/had undergone severe and varied corporeal and psychological augmentation(s). All contained instances of SCP-2912 were abruptly neutralized on 11/16/1998 - the incident determined to be entirely accidental with blame placed on PoI-4569's failure to communicate relevant information to Foundation personnel.
These anomalies were discovered on 10/05/1998 after a raid on a fair ground that had hosted Herman Fuller's Circus of the Disquieting only minutes before the arrival of Foundation operatives. One small tent was left behind, the others having vanished as operatives approached. Inside were SCP-2912-1, SCP-2912-2, SCP-2912-3, and PoI-4569.
On 11/16/1998, all SCP-2912 entities self-terminated between 0400 and 0600. Video revealed no changes in behavior prior to the neutralization event, when SCP-2912 instances abruptly exploded - their containment units coated in blood, viscera, confetti, and a viscous black liquid of uncertain purpose. When confronted about this incident, PoI-4569 stated (verbatim): "You fucking shit-eaters forgot to milk the clowns, didn't you? Way to ruin a decade of work, you cunts."
Addendum: An incident occurred on 12/25/1998, when video surveillance within PoI-4569's cell showed the door opening (while external video depicted the door as closed and no alarm was triggered). During this time, the faint sound of calliope music became audible within the cell and PoI-4569 proceeds to converse with an unidentified individual:
The unidentified individual then briefly entered the cell - they appear muscular but further details are obscured by a cloud of what appears to be smoke, which permeates the cell via the anomalous doorway. PoI-4569 cried for help but security personnel were unable to reach him in time. An autopsy revealed that his cause of death was acute myocardial infarction (more commonly known as a heart attack).
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Something to remember about ideas for new site tools, no matter how neat or useful they might seem:
So don't be like me. Ask a mod first, then try to implement it.
Also, anyone who wants to is free to use the above image.