Miss Lohner's Sandbox

Canon Mass Orientation Tool

In Character: New administrative staff with sufficient security clearance may use this tool to more efficiently familiarize themselves with the information in the SCP database. For security and data-integrity purposes, this form of access is read-only.

Out of character: It's a tool that makes it easier to go on an archive binge. You can use the Canon Mass Orientation Tool a lot or you can just be a CMOT Dabbler, it's totally up to you.


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SCP-2912 rating: 3
rating: +22+x

Item #: SCP-2912

Object Class: Safe Neutralized

Special Containment Procedures: The remains of SCP-2912-1, SCP-2912-2, and SCP-2912-3 are to remain preserved within individual cryogenic storage units at Biological Containment Site-66.

Description: SCP-2912 designates three roughly humanoid organisms resembling typical circus clowns: SCP-2912-1, SCP-2912-2, and SCP-2912-3. Genetically close to human (all instances sharing a relatively recent common ancestor in Homo sapiens sapiens), SCP-2912 entities have/had undergone severe and varied corporeal and psychological augmentation(s). All contained instances of SCP-2912 were abruptly neutralized on 11/16/1998 - the incident determined to be entirely accidental with blame placed on PoI-4569's failure to communicate relevant information to Foundation personnel.

SCP-2912-1 Overview:

  • An almost entirely spherical body.
  • A complete lack of a skeletal system.
  • While its legs, arms, and head did exist, they were found to be vestigial and heavily atrophied.
  • Closely resembling an air-filled balloon, SCP-2912-1 was able to transport itself through the air via an internal gas bladder (created from the left lung, so grossly enlarged that it occupied the majority of internal space) and modified anal sphincter.
  • Black and white skin, forming horizontal stripes around its body.
  • Capable of extending a long black tongue - the act producing a vocalization similar to the sound produced by "party horns"3.
  • Although its level of intelligence could not be ascertained, it was at least capable of understanding several English words (mostly in the form of commands).

SCP-2912-2 Overview:

  • An unusually tall (2.56 meters) and spindly (with the exception of its left hand and abdomen, which both appear bloated) humanoid organism
  • Capable of producing music from its asymmetrical and disjointed body.
  • Vertebra are comparatively large and oddly shaped, producing sound similar to a xylophone in use (with 'songs' appearing to differ in correlation with the present angle of SCP-2912-2's spine). How it was able to create these sounds without directly striking individual veterbrae was never deduced.
  • The left hand was large and flat and used to strike its bloated abdomen - the resulting sound similar to those produced by bass drums.
  • Its face lacked eyes, had a bulbous red nose, (capable of honking despite being entirely organic) and was primarily dominated by a large mouth (devoid of lips).
  • Yellow skin covered in red 'polka dots'.
  • Vocalizations failed to correspond with any known musical instrument but has been described as resembling an accordion crossed with an ondes Martenot4 by Foundation musicologists.
  • Potentially higher intelligence than other SCP-2912 entities, as it was able to compose unique music when commanded to do so.
  • Music produced by SCP-2912-2 triggered strong emotional responses among listeners - it remains unknown whether this reaction was anomalous or simply an explainable psychological response.

SCP-2912-3 Overview:

  • Resembled a biological human more closely than SCP-2912-1 or SCP-2912-2. The appearance of face-paint is part of its natural appearance.
  • Laughter was apparently its only form of vocalization. This noise represented a cognitohazard and triggered uncontrollable laughter among its listeners, lasting for 6 to 32 hours.
  • An ability to create cream pies seemingly out of thin air. It is speculated that nearby matter was transmuted and teleported to SCP-2912-3 in the form of cream pies.
  • [DATA EXPUNGED]

These anomalies were discovered on 10/05/1998 after a raid on a fair ground that had hosted Herman Fuller's Circus of the Disquieting only minutes before the arrival of Foundation operatives. One small tent was left behind, the others having vanished as operatives approached. Inside were SCP-2912-1, SCP-2912-2, SCP-2912-3, and PoI-4569.

On 11/16/1998, all SCP-2912 entities self-terminated between 0400 and 0600. Video revealed no changes in behavior prior to the neutralization event, when SCP-2912 instances abruptly exploded - their containment units coated in blood, viscera, confetti, and a viscous black liquid of uncertain purpose. When confronted about this incident, PoI-4569 stated (verbatim): "You fucking shit-eaters forgot to milk the clowns, didn't you? Way to ruin a decade of work, you cunts."

Addendum: An incident occurred on 12/25/1998, when video surveillance within PoI-4569's cell showed the door opening (while external video depicted the door as closed and no alarm was triggered). During this time, the faint sound of calliope music became audible within the cell and PoI-4569 proceeds to converse with an unidentified individual:

Unidentified Individual: [voice is notably deep and atonal but words are muffled and inaudible]

PoI-4569: 'Bout time you got here! Is that a smile or a frown? I can never tell with you.

Unidentified Individual: [inaudible]

PoI-4569: A liability? Come on, I'm the best fucking clown breeder ya got and Mr. Fuller knows it.

The unidentified individual then briefly entered the cell - they appear muscular but further details are obscured by a cloud of what appears to be smoke, which permeates the cell via the anomalous doorway. PoI-4569 cried for help but security personnel were unable to reach him in time. An autopsy revealed that his cause of death was acute myocardial infarction (more commonly known as a heart attack).

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