Miss Lohner's Sandbox

Canon Mass Orientation Tool

In Character: New administrative staff with sufficient security clearance may use this tool to more efficiently familiarize themselves with the information in the SCP database. For security and data-integrity purposes, this form of access is read-only.

Out of character: It's a tool that makes it easier to go on an archive binge. You can use the Canon Mass Orientation Tool a lot or you can just be a CMOT Dabbler, it's totally up to you.

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SCP-4800-J rating: 59
rating: +40+x

A meme posted on Dr. Will's Instagram account. Believed to be a depiction of SCP-4800, subconsciously planted into Dr. Will's mind.

Item #: SCP-4800

Object Class: Fruity

Containment Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: Once per day, an adult rhinoceros loyal to the Foundation is to be tranquilized in order to attack SCP-4800, thus keeping it occupied so it does not interact with Foundation personnel. This is to be repeated until SCP-4800 leaves the Noosphere.

Description: SCP-4800 is a memetic entity currently residing within the Noosphere. When viewed, SCP-4800 takes the form of a banana with anthropomorphic arms, legs, and facial features. This is not SCP-4800's true form, and is believed to be the human mind's attempt to rationalize what is an imperceptible entity.

SCP-4800 will normally appear in the dreams of Foundation personnel, interacting in ways meant to disturb or otherwise interfere with the mental state of the dreamer. Quotes from Foundation personnel regarding SCP-4800 are listed below.

I was having a dream where I was playing baseball with my kid, and he said "I love you dad" and hugged me. Then he asked me if I was truly fulfilled with my life, and when I opened my eyes I saw the banana man hugging me again. - Researcher Calvin

In my dream, I was filling out my Form 1040. SCP-4800 repeatedly tried to force me to understate my income, thus committing tax fraud. - Dr. Gears

So there was this dream, where I was in a padded room with him, and he described the details on the inside of my intenstines for three hours straight. To be honest, I kind of liked it. - Agent Albert

He pissed on my fucking wife; I saw the banana man rip out his massive banana dick and take a massive piss on her. A rhino isn't enough; do you think we can shove SCP-4975 in the dream world? - Dr. Gregory

I think I saw him kill God. - Dr. Barney

It is believed that SCP-4800 originates from beyond our timeline; possibly in some alternate universe where bananas evolved to become the Earth's dominant species instead of man.


ah fuck it's happening again

Event Designation EE-4800

Date of Occurrence: October 10th, 2019

Event Description: At 16:20 PM PST, the Moon began to emit an intense yellow light. SCP-4800 was visible in the moon's reflection. The entirety of humanity began to undergo intense structural transformations and grew peel-like structures from their back. Entities experienced growth of cell walls and development of potassium glands.

MTF Beta-7 ("Literal Sentient Bananas") has now been assigned to the containment of SCP-4800.

After EE-4800 occurred as described above, personnel at Site-05 received the following message.

My work here is done. I am going to banana split out of here.

Shortly after, Foundation personnel stationed on the Moon were suddenly transmitted an image file. The following image has been described as "extremely disturbing" and "the reason why bad things happen".

« Join the Bunch | Team Banana | Tales of the Automaton: The Big Bananacalypse »

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Something to remember about ideas for new site tools, no matter how neat or useful they might seem:


So don't be like me. Ask a mod first, then try to implement it.

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