Welcome to this installment of site news, where we celebrate a brand new year of SCPs!
This is a series showing off news from the site, articles from the past month, and fan-content for you to check out and discover! Be sure to leave a comment with your thoughts!
- The featured articles for this month are SCP-2944 ("An Anomalous Haircut") by Cavalry and Re: Promotion by OverThinking. One's about a peculiar pompadour, and the other's about a rather dysfunctional family. Check them out!
- The featured articles for January were SCP-1175 ("Bovine Icon and Guards") by ChazzK and Sparks of Creativity by Freudian. One's about guard bulls, and the other's about a newly-formed excited AI. Check them out!
New in 2017, we've decided to focus each month's featured articles around a theme! This month's theme was performance!
- In SCP-2960 ("The Show Must Go On"), by Jacob Conwell, one high school's production of Urinetown went horribly awry…
- In SCP-764 ("The Obscene Show"), by Heiden, Punch and Judy enjoyed some gallows humor…
- And in SCP-1834 ("Uriel Fishbones"), by DrBerggren, the titular circus performer gave his viewers an eyeful…
Rest of the News
- Make sure to read and vote on all the entries for the History Contest!
To celebrate the new year and the tenth anniversary of the SCP Wiki, we hosted the History Contest and challenged our authors to explore history - in the real world, the Foundation universe, and every place in between. The winners will be announced on February 6; be sure to read and vote on your favorite entries before then!
Week of January 1st:
Cocaine made of demons should not be snorted if you are pregnant.
- SCP-2453 ("Pregnancy Test") - Some people who are mothers shouldn't be. Some people who aren't should. This test rectifies those issues. Administered by gishface and Zyn.
- SCP-2381 ("Call of the Hyphae") - My spores, my fibers twitch in pride. Soon it will be stalks, and not the detritus of the floor that towers above the stalkless! Tell me, do you hear the call of your brothers and sisters who I first gave life to above? Written by DrBleep.
- SCP-2781 ("Bodhisattva of the High Seas") - Upon reaching enlightenment, one may choose to ascend or remain on Earth to save his fellow man. Agent Trip Kata made the ultimate sacrifice. Written by MrWrong.
- SCP-2786 ("You Tried") - Sometimes all you need to discipline a monster is a firm voice. Written by TL333s.
- SCP-2738 ("Anticapitalist POS System") - Developed by Marxism-Leninism Software LLC. Programmed by Cyantreuse.
- SCP-237 ("Self-Made Man") - When he got dissatisfied with one of us, he'd mash them down into the goop, and then start over. That's what happened to Dog, and Clown, and Nun, and Princess… they're just gone. Written by DrClef, rewritten by Voct.
- SCP-2385 ("Somewhere in the Between") - Life finds a way. Written by Shaggydredlocks.
- Hypervelocity - Active ingredients of a bank heist include a quarter-kilogram of demons snorted, popped, and injected directly into one's veins. Inactive ingredients include low moral fiber and avarice. Cooked up by A Random Day.
- Where They Kept Their Copies - Did you know that world renowned author Stephen King once promoted Star Signals on live TV? Just something to consider. Hosted by Jacob Conwell.
- A + D - This land is our land. A monument to our love. Planted by Shaggydredlocks.
- The Manistique Broadcast - Most of those searching for the Manistique Broadcast agree, based on descriptions of those that claim to have seen the original broadcast, that the person depicted in the footage is Elizabeth Ekdahl, a woman reported missing to federal authorities in 1975. Recorded by Kalinin.
- Preliminary Report of J. C. Randall Upon His Party's Efforts to Catalogue the Multiverse - In 1927, Doctor John Carver Randall led a team of experts on an expedition to explore the multiverse. They never returned. Catalogued by GreenWolf.
Week of January 7th:
Bringing a new meaning to master-slave configuration…
- SCP-2876 ("Dream a Little Dream") - Unsatisfied with your current life? Take a trip through the headspace of someone else, courtesy of the Oneiroi Collective. Written by Roget.
- SCP-2726 ("Post Ghost") - On the internet, nobody knows that you're a ghost hired to mimic someone's dead friend. Posted by Communism will win.
- SCP-2791 ("Fauste Bank plc") - If you want a loan, you're going to have to provide your soul as collateral. Deposited by Buttfranklin.
- SCP-2758 ("Self-Containment Processes") - I know you're out there. I know you're containing me. Written by Cyantreuse.
- SCP-2897 ("The Bard of Analytics") - What do you do with an AI capable of thinking that it doesn't think at all? The Department of Analytics thinks it has the answer. Trained by GreenWolf.
- SCP-2832 ("Hubris") - Whether it was an accident of design, pure misfortune, or… Hell, maybe we inadvertently summoned some kind of demon. There's no way to know. Regardless, SCP-2832 is our mistake, our burden, our mess to clean up. Created by TL333s.
- No Good Deed - As Vincent Anderson, CEO of Anderson Robotics, seeks to make amends for past wrongs, he finds some damage cannot be repaired, regardless as to how much money, robots, and charm you throw at it. Written by Jacob Conwell.
- What Passes as Normal in the Digital Age - It's tough being the only normie in your group of friends. Especially when your friends are Gamers Against Weed. Written by kinchtheknifeblade.
- Nothing to See Here - He turned his head, his eyes moving to a picture above David’s bed. A boy strapped in a chair, blood dripping from empty sockets. “But maybe there’s still something I can do.” Written by TheDuckman.
- A Billion Brilliant Colors and a Spirit Less Than Human - In the distant future, buried under the dirt and filth and plants and trees and pain of a land closer to normal than your soul would have wanted, you awaken at freezing temperatures. Awoken by Cyantreuse.
- Deliverance and Damnation - The saga of Harold Maine finally comes to its twisted close. Written by Wils.
- Art Exchange Hub - Since 2012, the SCP Wiki has hosted an annual Christmas Gift Exchange, where writers, songwriters, artists, voice actors, and more come together to give each other presents in a giant site-wide Secret Santa. Check out all the gifts that have been given since the Exchange's inception! Created by Gaffney.
Week of January 15th:
Need a new cybernetic hand? Want some fairy dust in your coffee? Trying to track down an art terrorist? Stop by Three Portlands!
- SCP-2492 ("Soul Beacon") - All I’ve ever wanted was to be by your side. Was that too much to ask? Written by Penton.
- SCP-2952 ("Conveyance of Regional Gwerin Internationally") - C.O.R.G.I is not responsible for any lost items or deific condemnation that may come from the use of C.O.R.G.I. Solstace-long passes are now available. Unlimited rides for the low low price of dew off a child’s favorite toy! Written by AbsentmindedNihilist.
- SCP-2542 ("Grinds Exceeding Small") - Look man, I’ve got the hook up for some really excellent ████. This dude’s practically giving it away! And I bet he wouldn’t mind if he took a little extra for ourselves… snagged by kinchtheknifeblade.
- SCP-2562 ("RTFM") - SCP-2562: Evoking meaning through writing can be difficult. The balancing act between subtlety and direct conveyance of intention is one that can take a lifetime to master. / BOTTOM TEXT by Communism will win.
- SCP-2419 ("Cross-stitch") - These are some gifts from grandma that you don’t have to fake being excited about. Originally by Dr Harrington and rewritten by Shaggydredlocks.
- SCP-604-J ("The Queen") - Look, her name is possibly. Her number is 604. I'm just as confused as you are. Written by Doctor Cimmerian.
- Endless Hunt Part Seven: ... And Whenever They Catch You, They Will Kill You... - Amy journeys into the deepest regions of the Library in her attempt to reunite with her family. But she isn’t safe yet… Part Seven of a series by rumetzen.
- Dull Ache Hand - █████’s plans continue. Heads are removed from bodies. Hilarious misunderstandings are made, which will surely be forgiven by everyone. Cut off by Randomini.
- UIU Location Dossier - Three Portlands - Three Portlands finally gets its own hub page, and it's in the form of an Unusual Incidents Unit dossier of the city. Compiled by GreenWolf.
- Mobile Task Forces Hub, Personnel and Character Dossier, and Groups of Interest - Two long standing pages get major content updates, while a third is added to round them out. Looking to add or write about some Mobile Task Forces, characters, and/or Groups of Interest? Learn about them all here! Created and updated by WrongJohnSilver, Roget, and Sirens!
Week of January 22nd-31st
Change is gonna come…
- SCP-1168 ("A Highly Immature and Completely Unofficial Parody") - Art about art critiquing art about art… or maybe it isn’t art? What it is, it’s definitely not gonna be tolerating any fucking weed near it. Written by DolphinSlugchugger.
- SCP-2871 ("The Cat With No Ass") - What could be more perfect than a regular cat? How about a cat that randomly teleports everywhere and eats literally everything! Wait, let me see that dictionary again. Written by ianofdoom2.
- SCP-2732 ("《缢王本纪》") - And so we descended upon the king and consumed him, making his blood our blood, his flesh our flesh, so that all who came after would know his crimes. Written by SunnyClockwork.
- Permanent Waves - Two UIU agents and a chain-smoker search for a bomb that might not exist in the weirdest city not on this Earth. Just another week in Three Portlands. Written by GreenWolf.
- Incident Zero - Part Three - In Part Three of Incident Zero, Yellowstone Volcano continues its path to eruption as the rest of reality erupts around it. Written by DrClef.
- Giving Bad People Good Ideas, I Want To Tell You, The Man Who Sold the World, Change in the House of the Flies, Why? Where? What?, God Am, But Life Goes On: Secrets never stay secrets for long. And the sins of the past always cut both ways. By rumetzen.
- Decisions We Make - After hunting down the elusive Mister Anderson, Agent Sasha Merlo finds herself at a crossroads. When given the chance to change everything you have, do you run or plunge yourself into the unknown? Written by Jacob Conwell.
- Will you come with me, for fellowship? - One day you’ll wake up and realize all you are is a weapon. Written by A Vacuum.
- Preface to Practical Logopsychology (1998) (2nd ed.) by ████ Thorn and █████ Włonsky - Memetics are still a poorly understood field, and our knowledge of them changes almost daily. Presented here is an in-depth guide to current memetic research and where it may be going. Authored by Makta.
- The Greatest American Tradition - What’s better than murder to warm the patriotic cockles of your heart? Ordered by A Vacuum.
- Photoshopping Your SCP: Ever wanted to use a picture for your article but couldn’t find the perfect one? Why not make your own? Check out this handy guide to image creation through Photoshop by Faminepulse!
What's been going on in the community aside from our site? Well…
- A Random Day diligently scoured the web for all manner of fan art, but if you know of something he missed, let him or rumetzen, or know!
- Check out Zhange's Artwork for some fantastic watercolor work by Zhange!
- Stop by Maal's Art Page to see the twisted artwork of Maal, one of the minds behind Secure, Contain, Pls No!
Thanks for tuning in again, folks! If you're unsatisfied with the blurb(s) provided for the article(s) you wrote, feel free to change it. Of course, you could just avoid that problem entirely by sending A Random Day or rumetzen a blurb for your article. We may or may not use it (if we can think of something more attention-getting, though we can try to stick with one you give us) but we'd really would just like them in order to make the process easier for making these. This is a community thing, and we want authors to give their blurbs to sell these articles much easier. It reduces the workload we have to do, and helps the news come out that much earlier!
Thank you all for continuing to be an excellent community <3