News for March 2018

Welcome to this installment of site news, where Madness reigns!

This is a series showing off news from the site, articles from the past month1, and fan-content for you to check out and discover! Be sure to leave a comment with your thoughts!

Big thanks to BillithBillith for contributing some tasty blurbs! Go team!!!!

Featured Articles

Event Featured Articles

The theme for the month of March was satellite!

  • In SCP-1778 (Valor) by Dr ReachDr Reach, a cosmonaut is thrown through the loop when his mission doesn't go exactly as planned.
  • In SCP-364 (Ionian Drop Point) by QuikngruvnQuikngruvn, waste management becomes a major point of concern for the Foundation.

Week of March 1st:

SCPs

  • SCP-3340 ("You Think, Therefore We Are") - "As you walk on by/Will you call my name?" Written by Dr AersDr Aers.
  • SCP-3421 ("Cell Phone Trees") - Psht! Who needs a Lorax? Written by glewmieglewmie.
  • SCP-3787 ("The Horse Meme") - The house of Inconsistent Horses (double or otherwise)… Written by FloppyPhoenixFloppyPhoenix.
  • SCP-3852 ("Small Town Justice") - "SCP-3852-1 refers to a set of adult, male corpses…" Written by NataKilarNataKilar.
  • SCP-3231 ("10,000,000 People Can't Be Wrong") - "It's time to bring our ██████ back to us." Written by TL333sTL333s.
  • SCP-3149 ("Monkey Business") - Neither the monkeys nor the typewriters are infinite. That just means they need to work extra hard. Written by apes TanhonyTanhony.
  • SCP-1763-EX ("How To Write An SCP") - Remember everyone, it's just a story. Written by MaliceAforethoughtMaliceAforethought.
  • SCP-3601 ("A Cautionary Tale") - History is written by the creative. Judged by ratsyratsy.
  • SCP-3218 ("Animals in Boxes") - 50% off! Written by TzuvembiTzuvembi.
  • SCP-3393 ("For Your Eyes Only") - You are SCP-3393. Written by Captain KirbyCaptain Kirby.
  • SCP-3315 ("p e r s e v e r a n c e") - "O wanderer, struck forth on heaven's eye, what mysteries do yonder frozen ridges hide?" Served on the rocks by BillithBillith.
  • SCP-3465 ("Better Safe Than Sorry") - Wilson's Wildlife Solutions and the SCP Foundation have a kerfuffle over some turtles. Written by DarkStuffDarkStuff.
  • SCP-3385 ("Equine Mondegreen") - "My pony plays the mamba, listen to the radio…" Written by Nyka.
  • SCP-3936 ("Working as Intended") - Welcome to the new normal. Written by TanhonyTanhony.
  • SCP-3298 ("Miss Connection") - We all have the right to be forgotten. What if we didn't have a choice? Envisioned by ModernMajorGeneralModernMajorGeneral.
  • SCP-3856 ("Researcher Lloyd, Destroyer of Worlds") - Outlive everyone with this one weird trick! Multi-universal councils hate him! Written by MaliceAforethoughtMaliceAforethoughts everywhere.
  • SCP-3789 ("Abyssal Basalt 'Jellyfish'") - 95% of the ocean is unexplored, and we've barely even scratched the crust. Written by WerylliumWeryllium.
  • SCP-3415 ("Employee of The Month, Every Month") - A model employee who most certainly did not murder anyone. Nope! No siree. Written by BlooperBlooper.
  • SCP-3713 ("All the World’s a Stage") - "Sit back, relax, and enjoy the show~!" Written by DarkStuffDarkStuff and VaraxousVaraxous.
  • SCP-3320 ("Ethical Relativity") - "The Foundation's mission is to secure, contain and protect, with 'destroy' being antithetical to these principles." Written by ModernMajorGeneralModernMajorGeneral.
  • SCP-3291 ("Flowers of Solomon") - "Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot sweep it away. If one were to give all the wealth of one's house for love, it would be utterly scorned." Written by ClockworkKittenClockworkKitten.
  • SCP-3168 ("House Chickens") - Baba Yaga-themed matryoshka. Nested by VoctVoct.
  • SCP-3595 ("Einheit") - "There is shining sun/There is shining sun." Written by ObserverSeptemberObserverSeptember.
  • SCP-3627 ("Dreamy Jasters") - "Subjects who experience dreams invoked by SCP-3627 will lose any prior attachments to the inserted object, as well as any personal or abstract concepts associated with said object." Written by Wildman8Wildman8.

Tales

GoI-Formats:

Misc

Week of March 8th:

SCPs

  • SCP-2700-EX ("What I Did For Love ") - Don't. Cry. Don't. Cry… damnit. Written by TheeShermTheeSherm.
  • SCP-3181 ("Lemme Get It Boneless") - "Within the confines of SCP-3181, the concept of "boneless" is distinct from the lack of bones" Written by Communism will winCommunism will win.
  • SCP-3347 ("They Grow Up So Fast") - "No signs of Dr. Lavinson were found within SCP-3347-2." Written by Wildman8Wildman8.
  • SCP-3504 ("And how will we know you are one of us?") - Two researchers chug several gallons of tree sap and go spelunking with a demigod. Written by OthellotheCatOthellotheCat and RimpleRimple.
  • SCP-3894 ("Our Sorrow") - Do you accept the burden? Written by CadaverCommanderCadaverCommander.
  • SCP-3895 ("Our Unrest") - SCP-3895 is a Category 4 hostile hyperphysical entity which has successfully achieved corporeal manifestation within conventional reality. Assimilated by CadaverCommanderCadaverCommander.
  • SCP-3151 ("Movie in a Bottle") - Easily-digested entertainment. Packaged by TanhonyTanhony.
  • SCP-3276 ("Young Successful Independent Self-Employed CEOs") - The Healing Company is not responsible for infinitely-gestating fetuses. Written by TieflingTiefling.
  • SCP-3981 ("[UNTITLED UFO]") - Of course you don't believe me! It's like, a coverup, man! Sheeple herded by kingpogankingpogan.
  • SCP-3244 ("Mountain Dew: Code Red") - And now for an ice cold deargodwhatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuuuuuuuu… Written by Doctor CimmerianDoctor Cimmerian.
  • SCP-3605 ("The blue is so beautiful") - "Starshine above me" Written by ObserverSeptemberObserverSeptember.
  • SCP-3383 ("A Lake with a Snake") - Good snek. Snek protec. Written by ZynZyn.
  • SCP-3160 ("There Are Wasps Inside Your Microwave, And They're Stinging You Right Now") - Let's not kick the conceptual hornets nest. Written by TanhonyTanhony.
  • SCP-3515 ("Unearth") - Start digging. Exhumed by psulpsul.
  • SCP-3730 ("Eagerly Awaiting Takeoff") - I'm not like the other flight simulators. Written by 9Volt9Volt.
  • SCP-3179 ("The Seed") - When someone asks you if you're a god, you say yes! Written by TanhonyTanhony.
  • SCP-3633 ("I'm Right Behind Me") - "/I hear the screaming and singing and sirens and wet noises/" Written by Captain KirbyCaptain Kirby and DarkStuffDarkStuff.
  • SCP-3902 ("Darling, Dearest, Dead") - "We'll meet again/don't know where, don't know when/but I know we'll meet again, some sunny day" Written by spicaterriblespicaterrible.
  • SCP-3184 ("I'm sick of bugs getting stuck in my god damn bathroom light") - A rather illuminating creature-feature. Written by yhudoyhudo.
  • SCP-3588 ("Cheers") - You don't have to go home but you can't stay here. Patronized by CadaverCommanderCadaverCommander.
  • SCP-3939 ("[NUMBER RESERVED; AWAITING RESEARCHER]") - Dropped from Class 4 right into the deep end of menial work, you get to choose whether to do your job or ruin everyone's day. Written by CroquemboucheCroquembouche.
  • SCP-3270 ("The Painting That Makes You A Furry") - It's err… Exactly What it Says on the Tin. Written by JanitorCakeworthJanitorCakeworth.

Tales

GoI-Formats:

  • LTE-0851-Cetus - [Global Occult Coalition] The Coalition hunts a crocodilian kraken (somewhat successfully). Written by stormbreathstormbreath.

Week of March 15th:

SCPs

  • SCP-3182 ("The Grocery Store") - I'm going to get out of this place one day, you'll see. Written by TanhonyTanhony.
  • SCP-3388 ("Cacthulhu") - "i am poky" Written by Captain KirbyCaptain Kirby and MendelssohnMendelssohn.
  • SCP-3196 ("The Adventures of Rex Dangerly") - "If the dead could read, I would write for them." Written by Toa_VineToa_Vine.
  • SCP-3855 ("Antimemetic Speakeasy") - Obligatory fight club reference. Written by ObserverSeptemberObserverSeptember.
  • SCP-3186 ("These Words Of Ours, Written So Deftly Across The Sky") - Shouldn't've hit "Send". Written by TanhonyTanhony.
  • SCP-3172 ("A Field Of Unfortunate Flowers") - "WE DONT KNOW HOW YOU CAN HELP US. COLD, DARK, CAN'T SEE. MUD?" Written by TanhonyTanhony.
  • SCP-3797 ("The Once and Future Gun") - "At some point in the future, SCP-3797 will have been used to save the world in the past." Written by stormbreathstormbreath.
  • SCP-3845 ("Buddy") - Best way to an anomaly's heart is with a box of Rice CrispiesTM. Written by MrBazzleMrBazzle.
  • SCP-3194 ("Divine Presence") - "At last we can begin again." Written by CharlesDoucetCharlesDoucet.
  • SCP-3660 ("The Zoo Zipper") - Release your inner animal. Written by VeiedhimaedhrVeiedhimaedhr.
  • SCP-3890 ("Forget-Me-Not") - "SCP-3890 is a potentially extradimensional or extraterrestrial space which I, Doctor Elizabeth Graham, was somehow transported to from Site-22 on 02/17/16." Written by TanhonyTanhony.
  • SCP-3564 ("The Immortal Bard, Act Ⅱ: Return of Shakespeare") - "The entity exhibits unusually high levels of muscle mass, tumorous growths in multiple limbs and organs, and appears to have been grown via anomalous means from the remains of William Shakespeare." Penned by MaliceAforethoughtMaliceAforethought.
  • SCP-3885 ("The High-Octane Full-Throttle Adventures of the Exploding Zombie Gearheads") - Yes. It is exactly as badass as the title implies. Written by CadaverCommanderCadaverCommander.
  • SCP-3719 ("Your Friendly Neighbourhood Lawnmower") - "Wouldn't you like to share my skin too?" Written by FloppyPhoenixFloppyPhoenix.
  • SCP-3379 ("D-11424 and the Arctic Meat Hole of Infinite Wonders") - One man's epic journey into realms of walruses, Vikings, and meat. Cowritten by WerylliumWeryllium and DarkStuffDarkStuff.
  • SCP-3689 ("The Seat of Criticism") - "Protect the Priority Seat with our blood and strength! Long live the Priority Seat! May the Priority Seat punish those who are unworthy of sitting!" Written by H F DummieH F Dummie.
  • SCP-3445 ("Grave Insights") - "When their inevitable conviction meets your uncertain mind, there is only one certain outcome." Written by ObserverSeptemberObserverSeptember.
  • SCP-3485 ("Omega Messier") - "STAR LOBSTER!" Written by not_a_seagullnot_a_seagull.
  • SCP-3175 ("A Wish Granted") - What would you give up for a fresh start? Written by CharlesDoucetCharlesDoucet.
  • SCP-3265 ("It's Good") - *lights cigarette* Brought to climax by DmatixDmatix.
  • SCP-3467 ("Anomoalous, Moa Less") - MTF Phi-2 is CONFUSED! It hurt itself in its CONFUSION! Written by WerylliumWeryllium.
  • SCP-3577 ("Pack To The Future") - Retroactive… coyotes? Written by BlooperBlooper.

Tales

Misc

Week of March 22nd:

SCPs

  • SCP-3533 ("Metaphysiclean!") - Conceptual recursion, applied vigorously by BillithBillith.
  • SCP-3262 ("Fire of Unknown Origin") - Germinate. Detonate. Procreate. Grown by Communism will winCommunism will win.
  • SCP-2651 ("Gazing Upon a Failed Future") - "The not-god(?) lied here. Entrance is treason to the Koru-teusa and the Fourth World." Written by 9Volt9Volt.
  • SCP-1661 ("Gremlins") - Rewritten by ShaggydredlocksShaggydredlocks.
  • SCP-3411 ("THE NEW YORK'S GLORIOUS CHILDREN'S BATALLION") - REGRETTABLY THE WAR CONTINUES/THERE IS NO TIME FOR CHANGE drafted by TanhonyTanhony.
  • SCP-3269 ("Pop Culture") - Ew. Exfoliated by Communism will winCommunism will win.
  • SCP-3254 ("Grant's Mama Bear") - Half robot. Half bear. All lover. Written by trettertretter.
  • SCP-3253 ("A Prison of Ink and Flesh") - The tattoo artist giveth, the tattoo artist taketh away. Written by TzuvembiTzuvembi.
  • SCP-3528 ("Witch Hunter") - Nazis weren't known for a good batting average. Written by WerylliumWeryllium.
  • SCP-3527 ("Incompetent Rap-Loving Bodysnatchers") - "Dumb bitch. I Tupac." assumed by DrCarollDrCaroll.
  • SCP-3273 ("Self-Performed Brain Editing Manual") - No pain, no gain. Written by Blibby_BlobfishBlibby_Blobfish.
  • SCP-3886 ("The Necromancer’s Saddle") -"I fear this is what Mr. Fuller had always intended." Written by Ember16Ember16.

Tales

GoI-Formats:

Misc

  • Jude's Bizarre Adventure - "Jude's Bizarre Adventure is about a jobless trans man who murders fourteen people and makes friends with a Jewish lesbian and a grandpa-loving twink, all the while trying to get revenge on a Critic for not being there when he was murdering people." Written by kinchtheknifebladekinchtheknifeblade.

Fandom Stuff

Folks over at the SCPDeclassified sub produced wonderful analysis of both CODE NAME: Roget - Keter Duty and Tau-5/Samsara!!! Check 'em out and subscibe!

Dr. Cimmerian gives a rundown of Marshal, Carter, and Dark in Episode 10 of "The Foundation" podcast!

Fanart

The wonderful Zhange has graced the winners of the 72-Hour Jamcon Contest with commissioned SCP artwork!!! Bodacious!

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