News For April 2016

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No, you're two weeks late! Welcome to this installment of site news, the only news outlet that cares enough to listen to you drunkenly ramble at 3AM! This is a series showing off news from the site, articles from the past month, and fan-content for you to check out and discover! Be sure to leave a comment with your thoughts!

On-Site News

Featured Articles

  • The featured articles for this month are SCP-2985 ("Anart, Author of the Scream") by TyGentlyTyGently, and Exploration Log 2474-1 by minminminmin! One's about the struggle to maintain artistic integrity in a world that wants you to fail, and the other is about a task force daring to explore a desolate planet. Check them out!
  • The featured articles from last month were SCP-1340 ("The Fraternal Order of the Cave Mantas") by LurkDLurkD, SCP-245 ("SCP-RPG") by Doctor CimmerianDoctor Cimmerian, SCP-2875 ("The Town That Got Fucked By Bears") by djkaktusdjkaktus, and I Hope That I Get Old Before I Die by RogetRoget. One's about a conglomerate of talking sea animals, the second's about an entity that needs someone to play it, the third is about a goddamn bear-arena, and the fourth is about coming to terms with a relative slowly fading. Check them out if you missed it!

Rest of the News

  • March Madness has concluded! It was a long, hard tournament. But eventually SCP-777-J, SCP-2776 and SCP-1569 stood victorious amongst the rabble. Give them a hand! Also give a hand to the real winners, Hercules Rockefeller, and Jacob Conwell!

As always, here's everything that was posted during the month of April, with the best* pithy summaries money can buy.

Week of April 1st

The week of April 1st began tragically when #site19 was involved in a horrible kicking spree. Pray for all who were lost.


  • SCP-2435 ("Empty Space") - Don’t touch the box. Nothing will happen, and it’ll hurt like hell. Researched by TheSapientOneTheSapientOne.
  • SCP-2862 ("Beholder") - This is how Alfred Hitchcock movies start. Cataloged by FaminepulseFaminepulse
  • SCP-2806 ("We Have the Technology") - Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology… in a limited stage of pre-development. Product testing by Jacob ConwellJacob Conwell.
  • SCP-2645 ("Through the Looking Glass") - Sometime the looking glass doesn’t want you to come through. ribby97ribby97 gazed long into the abyss.
  • SCP-2308 ("Futures Trading") - As it turns out, time travel isn't a safe investment strategy after all. Prime financial advice by GreenWolfGreenWolf.


Volume 03.17-L-02 1. The Mother and Maker gazed upon the world.
2. They knew only one could prosper.
3. And the owner would be decided by steel.

- Transcribed by SunnyClockworkSunnyClockwork

GoI Formats


Week of April 8th

Apparently they're giving out free drinks at the Site 23 break room. You better hurry, Bright's starting to make a mess of things.


  • SCP-2696 ("The Haunted Victorian Mansion of Dark Peak") - A father does what he must to preserve all that’s left of his family. Recounted by minminminmin.
  • SCP-2457 ("母を見たい") - Being unable to conceive a child can be a distressing thought. Some people come up with more creative solutions than others. Medical exam performed by MrWrongMrWrong.
  • SCP-2243 ("Peep Peepers") - If a finch could speak, we could not understand him. But NibarlanNibarlan gives it a shot.
  • SCP-2934 ("The Tower and the Pit") - production will continue until the final product has been developed. production must not be halted. do not fear the results of production. granted at request of djkaktusdjkaktus.
  • SCP-2241 ("Cameron The Crusader") - What room for heroes is there in worlds such as these? Tuomey TombstoneTuomey Tombstone tries to answer.
  • SCP-2910 ("That Only a Mother") - Congratulations to the possible mother of a healthy affront to God! Delivered by A Random DayA Random Day.


GoI Formats

  • SC-95/347-00/723 - The deal has been successfully concluded with satisfaction from both parties, though the horde expressed disappointment in the idea that there would be no unicorns. Orchestrated by MrWrongMrWrong.


  • Oneiroi Collective Hub - There are many contemporary organizations with members participating in Oneiroi, and a few of them are even aware of it. There are many negative consequences to these and your interactions with the Collective. If you suffer from its grasp, that sounds bad. In 2014, the Oneiroi Collective was nominated for the 121st annual 'GCCX' Award given for absolute fucking pointlessness. Dreamt up by RogetRoget.

Week of April 15th

The middle of the month doesn't slow down! There's tons of tales to take a look at, and a big canon has finally resurrected…


  • SCP-2743 ("Nadia") - A girl danced her way into a prestigious school, which caught on fire, burnt down, and was abandoned. The ballerina lost her legs, her father begs, and then her dance grew deadly. One heart, one mind, forever to dance, may one day be together. Written by MoenennbysMoenennbys.
  • SCP-847 ("The Mannequin") - She'll do anything you want… just please don't leave her. Originally written by an unknown author, rewritten by WrongJohnSilverWrongJohnSilver.
  • SCP-2704 ("Ancient Petrospheres") - Shh… do you hear that? When the planets align, these stones come together to produce the music of the spheres. Composed by onetruegentlemanonetruegentleman.


  • Ties That Bind - After reflecting on its tumultuous past, Anderson Robotics' co-founder decides to retire - but this is easier said than done. Built by Jacob ConwellJacob Conwell.
  • Too Slow - Dr. Clef goes toe-to-toe with a member of the Broken Church - but they're both going to have to step it up. Written by daveyoufooldaveyoufool.
  • Ball Gags and Scrambled Eggs - In the latest installment of the Resurrection canon, Dietrich Lurk and Django Bridge make some new friends - and so does Lurk's not-so-imaginary friend. Written by LurkDLurkD and DrClefDrClef.
  • In Harm's Way - Not everybody is a fan of Alpha-9. So when petitions don't cut it, you've got to cut right to the source - and then cut a hole in them. Put back together by Sophia LightSophia Light, DrClefDrClef, thedeadlymoosethedeadlymoose, and Doctor CimmerianDoctor Cimmerian.


  • Adventurous Archival! Hub - "BEING, in its form, a record of a certain Archival Department's ad—(or, as it may be, mis—)adventures occurring over a certain, if not undefined, period of time… Archived by JekeledJekeled. Also, Parts Three, Four, and Five.

Week of April 22nd - 30th

This week, there's plenty of SCPs to wade through. In tales this week, artificial intelligence clashes with artificial stupidity while some of us say adios.


  • SCP-2392 ("Human Daisy Train") - There's something a bit spooky about this patch of land… something's got to be underneath it all. Dug up by Jack IkeJack Ike.
  • SCP-2130-J ("But seriously, folks…") - This is no laughing matter. Now, Kimmy's stand-up? That's something to laugh about. Written by psulpsul.
  • SCP-2918 ("A Post-Traumatic Predator") - Sometimes your conscience won't let you take a life - even if you're a natural born predator. Written by EadsEads.
  • SCP-2923 ("X-Men Syndrome") - As thanks for your patronage, you get first dibs on Dr. Wondertainment's Protein POWER-UP BarsTM. Packaged by ShaggydredlocksShaggydredlocks.
  • SCP-231-J ("0.453592 Kilograms of Flesh") - "At this time, you currently owe us about a jillion dollars, a jillion souls, and a jillion ponies. We're kidding! Now it's two jillion ponies. Pay to the order of daveyoufooldaveyoufool.
  • SCP-2714 ("Billions of Blue Blistering") - Ten thousand thundering typhoons and tentacles torment until artistic thought is dead. Written by LordStonefishLordStonefish.
  • SCP-2765 ("Caveat Dei") - Sometimes even a god needs to buy something - or trade. Traveled by SteeltitanSteeltitan.
  • SCP-2478 ("Ordinary Japanese People") - An eta is worth 1/7 of a person. Therefore, seven etas divide into person. Do seven people divide into one eta? Metaphysical mathematics by MrWrongMrWrong.
  • SCP-2563 ("Bones of Contention") - If it died in here, then it's got a bone to pick with you. Written by Dr SoloDr Solo.


Fandom Stuff

What's been going on in the community aside from our site? Well…


  • Peep this awesome drawing of 076 by Tumblr user Kaoru222.
  • In which Chicken0215 actually makes 999 cute enough for me to like.
  • Surumerume presents: The Day of Liars!
  • Kibadori makes 666-J way more fucking badass than I ever imagined it could be. They also drew this awesome drawing of SCP-811 by Pig Catapult!

That's a wrap for this month folks! Again, apologies for the lateness, and expect to see Decibelle back in her normal position next month. I hope you all have a great month, and wish you the best of luck with your endeavors.

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