News for April 2018

The dynamic nature of this wiki means that linked pages might get moved, renamed, deleted, or replaced. Old news pages remain as time capsules and are not updated to account for these changes.

Welcome to Spring, and of course, to April's site news!

This is a series showing off news from the site, articles from the past month1, and fan-content for you to check out and discover! Be sure to leave a comment with your thoughts!

Featured Articles

  • The featured articles for April were SCP-2409 ("Lost Precinct) by Michael Atreus, Ethics by Fieldstone , and The Lord of Endowments by Sirpudding. In the first the Foundation has to worry about an out of control building, in the second a man must confront all of his sins, and in the third we see a divine being obsessed with the ascension of humanity.

Event Featured Articles

The theme for the month of April was currency!

  • In SCP-2190 ("Phone calls from Mom") by Peppersghost, a mother doesn't know when to stop, even in death.
  • In SCP-2855 ("Mr. Money") by TyGently, a person can be transferred for goods or services.
  • In SCP-1442 ("Incorporated") by Meserach, corporate America gets a mind of its own.

Week of April 1st:

SCPs

  • SCP-3615 ("Depressed Divine Demon of Diptera & Diarrhea") - "In a Type-H Event, SCP-3615 will emit an aerosol of fecal matter, ignite, and materialize SCP-3615-1." Written by mlister.
  • SCP-3884 ("Gunmetal Gary Puts the Peddle to the Metal") - "NOW YOU CAN DEFEND YOURSELF AND YOUR LOVED ONES WITH THESE EXCELLENT SHOOTERS AND BLOWEMUPS!" Written by CadaverCommander.
  • SPC-2935 - "♩Eeeeverything you know is shark! Man is fish, land is sea, and light is dark!♩" Written by Shaggydredlocks.
  • SCP-3775 ("Evobasa Woleb") - But who is the erased and who is the eraser? Written by ObserverSeptember.
  • SCP-V1L3-J ("A VILE Machine") - Object Class: (Not) Safe (For Work) Written by Stallmantic.
  • SCP-3441 ("Probability Trees") - "Probabilitea" Written by Dr Aers.
  • SCP-2958 ("Marooned") - Life is an ocean, full of different roads. Written by Penton.
  • SCP-3944 ("Memory Is Fleeting") - Just on the tip of my tongue. Written by Electro_Daddy.
  • SCP-3676 ("The Multiversal Megapede") - "SCP-3676 is an abnormally large specimen of Harpaphe haydeniana, or cyanide millipede, estimated to be at least 1.5 kilometres in length and around 5 metres in diameter." Written by MaliceAforethought.
  • SCP-3502 ("The Kangaroo Sign") - Kangaroo Jack has really gotten out of hand. Written by TheManhattenProject, rewritten by Zyn.
  • SCP-3540 ("Don't Queer the Reaper") - Who would have guessed the grim reapers could make such good chicken Parmesan. Written by tretter.
  • SCP-3189 ("For The Man Who Has Everything") - What is money to the man who becomes a god? Written by DrChandra.
  • SCP-3926 (No Title) - “SCP-3926 is an anomalous TV talk show dubbed Saturday Evenings with your host, Tyal'k'nec! hosted by a reptilian humanoid, referred to as Tyal'k'nec.” Written by Krag-Jorgensen.
  • SCP-3949 ("Welcome to the Internet") - The first time that MTF made up of obsessive internet nerds actually came in handy. Written by Weryllium.
  • SCP-3447 ("Trumpets of Jericho") - I think the G is a little out of tune. Written by J E S T E R.
  • SCP-3714 ("Jiangshi's Ring") - A rather irritated possessing ring. Written by DrMagnus.
  • SCP-3369 ("A Living Joke") - Some jokes just want a little company. Written by Jim North and Aleph-Null
  • SCP-3373 ("Our Whole Universe was in a Hot Dense State") - “We're all dead here, bazinga boy. Dead and trapped. So dance for me.” Written by Rimple.
  • SCP-3551 ("Dr. Wondertainment's Inflatable Invasion") - "Well, now you can! You can take part in the conquest of Earth with Dr. Wondertainment's Inflatable Invasion pack!" Written by Baronjoe.
  • SCP-3243 ("The Green Warden") - All the world on the back of one slug. Written by Bardeen and Zyn.
  • SCP-3832 ("Surprise Pillow Fight") - The greatest pillow fighter of all time. Written by Veiedhimaedhr.
  • SCP-3975 ("Save the Oreos") - "SCP-3975 is an anomalous phenomenon that manifests within the territory of Canada, centered around a nonexistent government department referred to as the "Department of Oreo Conservation"." Written by ObserverSeptember.
  • SCP-3853 ("Imperium") - The sun will never set on the Roman Empire. Written by ch00bakka.
  • SCP-3247 ("A Magic Mime and his Mighty Morphin' Method Acting Spider Kids") - Silent and deadly. Written by Shaggydredlocks.

Tales

  • Interviews with Prospective Groups of Interest - "The SCP Foundation is looking for prospective Groups of Interest, which can attempt to oppose the SCP Foundation and emphasise the obvious superiority of the SCP Foundation." Written by MrWrong.
  • The Warrior And The… Clown? - "First, he had to punch his way through three solid cubits of titanium." Written by DrChandra.
  • A Thin Dangerous Line - You will always be loyal to the Foundation, even in death. Written by sirpudding.
  • Anima Ex Machina - ""That's it! I remember where I know you from. I pulled you out from inside me in exchange for a back scratcher."" Written by djkaktus.
  • Everybody Needs Somebody - The old dogs of the Foundation, and of course, their old dogs. Written by ratsy.
  • Table Salt - "And I have never wanted quite so desperately to be somebody’s poison." Written by Zachary Maxwell.
  • Atzak III - Even the forgotten do not go quietly. Written by djkaktus.
  • Volatile Memory - "The image of Vincent Anderson screaming bloody murder while being dragged through a portal by several spectral robots played out on a screen before her. " Written by Jacob Conwell.
  • This is Where it Begins - All beginnings must start with an end. Written by Salems.
  • August 19, 2035 - And what do we believe in when all meaning is lost? Written by Toa_Vine.
  • Ash and Maple ~ Part 2 - "I died when the metal beast hit me. In the instants before the flame ate this body, you attached me to this seedling. Thank you. But I am dead. Do the dead have names?" Written by SifSeeker.

Misc

Week of April 8th:

SCPs

  • SCP-3951 ("Doggone It") - "SCP-3951: (SCP-3951 removes its paw and addresses the Golden Retriever.) You let them castrate you!? They were supposed to be your snacks!" Written by AbsentmindedNihilist.
  • SCP-3543 ("One, Two, Four") - When you need more people to do basic tasks, just clone yourself! No way that can go wrong, right? Written by Illyrias_Acolyte.
  • SCP-3955 ("Fit…for a bit.") - "SCP-3955 was approximately twelve meters from the entrance of the chamber when it stumbled; video feed showed an onset of aging, apparent death, and rapid decomposition over 0.084 seconds." Written by Apoplexic.
  • SCP-3246 ("A Nice Old Lady") - AKA: 'Wholesome Nana Crosstest '. Written by Shaggydredlocks.
  • SCP-3929 ("boner pill by dado") - "hevens to betsy i just want to nut" Written by djkaktus.
  • SCP-3701 ("All the Time in the World") - Travel through time with the turn of a clock. Written by JimmyJoJR.
  • SCP-3862 ("Portrait of a Princess with a Pistol") - Sometimes, even paintings get tired of the Foundation's shit. Written by AquaBlack.
  • SCP-3264 ("Causeless Effect") - The echo of a person who shouldn't be there. Written by CyrusFiredawn.
  • SCP-3672 ("Why are there so many songs about rainbows?") - I am just tired and simply wish to fade. Written by LordStonefish.
  • SCP-3724 ("Guard Puppies") - Death by puppies. Written by Freece.
  • Site-3408 ("Welcome to Site-3408") - "Site-3408 is the latest resort, day-spa, and containment facility to be opened by the fine people of the SCP Foundation." Written by Jim North.
  • SCP-3967 ("Paul the Living Balloon") - "SCP-3967 is an animate, humanoid-shaped balloon standing at approximately 1.4 meters and is matte black in color." Written by LosVider.
  • SCP-3491 ("[UNTITLED TSURU]") - "Within five centimeters, the charge generated between an approaching object and SCP-3491 becomes strong enough to result in the complete dissolution of matter." Written by dalopon.
  • SCP-3449 ("The Things Left Unsaid") - "" Captain Kirby.
  • SCP-3309 ("Where We Go When We Fade, Fade Away") - How to get banned from the SCP Wiki. Written by floppyphoenix and PhamtomGuy.
  • SCP-2128046979-J ("You don't know her, she works at a different Site!") - "Failure to reaffirm belief in SCP-2128046979-J might result in an EXGF-Class End Of Relationship scenario for Junior Researcher Jimmy." Written by Tiefling.
  • SCP-3208 ("YKHN") - Somehow, sleep paralysis is made worse. Written by Doctor Cimmerian and djkaktus.

Tales

GOI Formats

  • Critter Profile: Caddy! - [Wilson's Wildlife] " So what does Caddy do to stay off the menu? When she feels threatened, she clusters all her fish together to form a giant sea monster!" Written by RecursiveRecursion.

Misc

Week of April 15th:

SCPs

  • SCP-3826 ("The Definition of Technophobia") - "The civilization within SCP-3826 centers around the consistency of a hatred of technology. Instances of SCP-3826-1 will violently attack any individuals who have exhibited using technology developed after the year 1870."Written by DrCaroll.
  • SCP-3211 ("There is No Canon") - You have six minutes of truth and after that, only confusion. Written by Croquembouche.
  • SCP-3563 ("Lemonabe, 25¢!") - Selling lemonade is a slippery slope to the organ trade market. Written by whomstdveWorm.
  • SCP-3503 ("Panic is Pure, Trauma is True, Suffering is Sweet, and Death's a Delight") - "In stage 2, infected individuals begin to develop a positive opinion of their PTSD." Written by Zzuxon.
  • SCP-3241 ("The SS Sommerfeld") - "The SRA is a tiger that we use to tame monsters. We think we've domesticated it. We think it's our pet. But a pet tiger is still a tiger." Written by The Great Hippo.
  • SCP-3259 ("Verminous Ark") - "But his torso, neck to waist, was a hole. He was hollow. Some rats were still inside him, squirming around." Written by MegalomaniacInchworm.
  • SCP-3641 ("Remember Apollo-99 Nased") - Sorry Elon, but it seems the journey to mars has a few anomalous bumps. Written by DrCaroll.
  • SCP-3598 ("Bishop's Glen Memorial Park") - The leaves are pretty but the park is empty. Written by Toa_Vine.
  • SCP-3258 ("God Killers") - Phagocytosis of the divine. Written by Wildman8.
  • SCP-3295 ("Thank You For Smoking") - I know some people like smoking, but is the installation of physics bending smoke rooms really necessary? Written by ObserverSeptember.
  • SCP-3216 ("Three Buildings in New York City") - 'Three rooms contained equipment most likely used for surgical procedures. The four remaining each contained five cots, three containers of an unknown red liquid, and eight human skeletons." Written by rumetzen.
  • SCP-3312 ("OwO what's this?") - "ATF's current interests have become involved with the anthropomorphic animal enthusiast community, more commonly referred to as the "furry fandom". Written by Dog Teeth.
  • SCP-3927 ("The Fancy Mouse") - "SCP-3927 is a taxidermied house mouse (Mus musculus, also known as "fancy mouse") wearing a top hat, a monocle over the left eye, and black polished shoes." Written by DaveyTheDuck and Zyn.
  • SCP-3327 ("Soviet Bunker(s)") - Repeat something long enough and it grows strange to the tongue. Written by DrMorris.
  • SCP-3425 ("The Joy of Creation") - What the state of the body matters not, only the mind. Written by ShoesMafia.
  • SCP-3761 ("The War of the Squirrels") - No amount of preparation can prepare you for the insanuty that will occur here. Written by Westrin.
  • SCP-3219 ("This Sour Earth") - Secrets lay buried, just beneath the ground. Written by The Great Hippo.
  • SCP-3473 ("The Son of the Sun") - A misshapen star trapped upon our world. Written by Yohan-Gas-Mask.
  • SCP-3822 (No Title.) - "SCP-3822 designates a political and militant organization believed to be of extraterrestrial or extradimensional origin." Written by kingpogan.
  • SCP-3924 ("Silent Honour Ark") - A submarine of some sort, which appears to be quite territorial. Written by Jack Ike.
  • SCP-2983 ("Stars, We Are") - A buddha head and Saturn, love in its purest form. Written by Sir Baubius.

Tales

  • Second Date - "It’s hemorrhoids, thinks Alto Clef from where he’s standing outside the bathroom door in Benjamin Kondraki’s apartment, I’m calling it right fucking now, he cancelled our date because of hemorrhoids." Written by thefriendlyvandal.
  • Traffic Resumes - It gets boring sometimes, for both the Foundation and the anomalies. Written by ObserverSeptember.
  • April 9th, 2690 - "The primary cause behind this interstellar expansion was the destruction of Earth by SCP-094." Written by J E S T E R.
  • So You Can Live In The Light - To kill a man you must kill the soul. Written by Doctor Cimmerian.
  • Do Not Collect $200 - Monopoly: anomalous or non-anomalous? Written by SeptemberJackal.
  • On The Road Again - "The "Holy Cocaine" was split into five lines and distributed among the congregation, in an attempt to bring them closer to the Starfish." Written by Stallmantic.

Misc

Week of April 22nd:

SCPs

  • SCP-3594 ("Genesis Ulcer") - " SCP-3594 is an entity that claims to be a wart located on the back of an adult male Ceratophrys, henceforth designated as SCP-3594-A." Written by whomstdveWorm.
  • SCP-3363 ("The Citizen Kane of Lightning-induced Reality TV") - A Thousand Ways to Die Special: Featuring YOU! Written by Mortos.
  • SCP-3716 ("Boned Beyond Belief") - The power to deglove my entire body is not a power I want at all. Written by MaliceAforethought.
  • SCP-1094-EX ("Playground of the Lost") - Space has its eye on us. Written by MrBazzle.
  • SCP-3893 ("I'm Going to Have a Motherfucking Meltdown") - As it turns out, using a radioactive human as a nuclear fuel source isn't the best of ideas. Written by CadaverCommander.
  • SCP-3573 ("The Rubedo Reserve Oinopoeic Sublimator") - The Alagaddan champaign has always been celebrated for its excellence. Written by ch00bakka.
  • SCP-3815 ("Elena the Ever-Present") - "SCP-3815 is an entity whose immediate location is solely dependent upon being in the sightline of the nearest human being, disregarding itself." Written by DrRosencrantz.
  • SCP-3881 ("A Disregarded Proposal") - "Not a 001" Written by Dr Aers.
  • SCP-3589 ("Second Amendment") - Better keep this one at arm's length. Written by Weryllium.
  • SCP-3696 ("The Greatest Attractor") - "Measurements taken of SCP-3696 suggest that it is a highly localized concentration of mass many thousands of times more massive than the Milky Way galaxy." Written by Doctor Cullmann.
  • SCP-3708 ("Crows Unanswered") - Waiting for a response which will never be. Written by Dr Vaughn.
  • SCP-3353 ("Secrets for Sweets") - The truth is sweeter than pastries, but nearly as tasty. Written by Zyn.
  • SCP-3767 ("Additional Baggage Fee") - "Once the sky has changed colors entirely, the plane stops all translational movement, and enters a slowed free fall. " Written by Captain Kirby.
  • SCP-3498 ("Brebauenitis") - "SCP-3498 will begin to transform internal organs into miniaturized structures of Ptolemaic Egyptian architecture." Written by Moenennbys.
  • SCP-3292 ("The Land Before Time, For All of Time") - A record of the before times, left untouched by modern evils. Written by whomstdveWorm.
  • SCP-3328 ("Where Dead Men Grow") - The thing which lies just beyond the trenches. Written by Blibby_Blobfish.
  • URA-9611 ("The Ozymandias Effect") - Look upon my works, ye mighty, and despair. Written by MaliceAforethought.
  • SCP-3840 ("We Stand On Guard For Thee") - "Mercier begins profusely coughing and gasping for air until a burnt phone battery is ejected from their mouth, which collides with the ceiling and lands on the table." Written by 9Volt.
  • SCP-3157 ("The Second Castle") - The ride never ends. Written by Whitecastle.
  • SCP-3239 ("When Death Comes Calling") - You can't but help to pick up. Written by The Shrimp.
  • SCP-3693 ("Postscript - Through A Glass, Darkly") - "SCP-3693 can only be seen by observers when their eyes are closed." Written by djkaktus and The Great Hippo

Tales

  • Programmed to Receive - ""So, what, you've got a whole fleet of Roombas?" Janice asked sarcastically." Written by Jim North.
  • End of Line - "A spectral Taita unit was in hot pursuit, its numerous legs crawling after her." Written by Jacob Conwell.
  • Consent Form 3436-A - "They could only tell me one thing; Jim was someone to be very proud of." Written by scpcrnp.
  • Mobile Task Furries - "It's twelve A.M., and we're the guys they called to take down an anomalous furry." Written by Dog Teeth.
  • Do You Wish You Could Disappear? - The Foundation can do anything to ensure continued containment. The Foundation will do anything to ensure continued containment. Written by Cyantreuse.
  • Gor'dun the Consumer - "The alien, clinical words brought a rare gaze of bewilderment forth from Gor'dun the Consumer as he watched the messenger depart his throne room." Written by kingpogan.

GOI Formats

  • GRU-P casefile "SQUID ISPOLIN" - [GRU-P] "If the Americans were forced to deploy a nuclear weapon against themselves, it would be truly devastating for morale, and would not be easily traced back to the Soviet Union." Written by stormbreath.
  • Carroll #332: The Snitch Dungeons - [Chicago Spirit] "In 1930, we had a snitch problem." Written by ObserverSeptember.
  • SPC-2922 - [SPC] "SPC-2922 consists of a single component: Marine Fighting Team ARMÁ ORÚN, an army-sized battalion comprised of nearly every deceased individual who professed loyalty to the Centre prior to their deaths." Written by stormbreath.

Misc


Fandom Stuff

Fancontent!

Unless otherwise stated, the content of this page is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 License