News for May 2017

Welcome to this installment of site news, where we may have written up more than we can review!

This is a series showing off news from the site, articles from the past month1, and fan-content for you to check out and discover! Be sure to leave a comment with your thoughts!

Featured Articles

Event Featured Articles

The theme for the month of May was paradox!

  • In SCP-1505 ("Paradoxical Avian Propagation"), by LurkDLurkD, Hitchcock is one-upped by a raven in a time loop…
  • In SCP-2508 ("The Long Wait"), by EekiumEekium, the Aleph Null series kicks off with something abducting Foundation personnel…
  • And in SCP-711 (Paradoxical Insurance Policy), by PhotosyntheticPhotosynthetic, the Foundation postpones Armageddon by stubbornly refusing to text itself…

Rest of the News

  • It's the tenth anniversary of the one that started it all - that's right, SCP-173 turns ten this year! To celebrate, Dexanote is hosting the 10 Years Birthday SCParty! Check it out!
  • Kate McTirissKate McTiriss has returned from inactivity and has reclaimed her position on Operational Staff. Welcome back, Kate!

Missing out on articles? Enjoy a recap on the articles from the past month. This month's blurbs were created by ShaggydredlocksShaggydredlocks and trettertretter. Great work, you two!

Week of May 1st:

160 articles this month! Who is sleep?

SCPs

  • SCP-3715 ("Not So Subtlє Teα") - Some ghosts wanna spook ya, some wanna kill ya; this one just wants to share a lovely cup of tea! Served by NoktigoNoktigo.
  • SCP-3099 ("High Impact Sexual Violence") - Proving once again that vintage porn isn't the best educational tool. Directed by minminminmin.
  • SCP-3233 ("Smells Like Tenrec Spirit") - She's one bad spine day away from sparking the tenrec sexual revolution. Written by WerylliumWeryllium.
  • SCP-3215 ("Delicious Anemone") - The thousands of stinging nematocysts is what gives it that extra kick! Served by HaydenheadHaydenhead.
  • SCP-3011 ("Loose Lips Skink Ships") - Bale out me skinks ye so hearty and free/le's bare down the storm or be lost to the sea! Captained by BlarothBlaroth.
  • SCP-3294 ("A Severe Case of Soulnesia") - "Forged by the dwarves of Norse mythology, Tyrfing was a sword enchanted to never miss, never age, and cut through anything with ease. But it was given a terrible curse; whenever unsheathed, it would always, always, kill someone." Unsheathed by Jack IkeJack Ike
  • SCP-3429 ("Just The Way It Is Now") - "In a postmodern world, is change still possible? Or are we doomed to repeat the actions of ourselves and others?" Written by Jack IkeJack Ike
  • SCP-3492 ("A Totleigh unBÄRable existence") - "is YOU bored at gaming 3imensions? Get NEWER Totleighsoft™ PSYSICS! NEW design with reality, TotleighSoft PSYSICS™ let you GREATER game! Try MORE dimemensions for MUCHER experience. Confines are NONE but MIND! TotleighSoft BECAUSE COMPUTERS!" Coded by Jack IkeJack Ike.
  • Cimmerian-Kaktus Proposal ("The Broke God") Hey, man. I know I just hit you for some scratch last week, but like, you gotta hear me out on this. - by Doctor CimmerianDoctor Cimmerian and djkaktusdjkaktus
  • SCP-3463 ("Flawless Objective Perception") - Of course it's an antique cigar box, what did Jones say it was? A tennis ball? I already knew it was a tennis ball, you didn't have to tell me that. Conceived by SpookyPizzaSpookyPizza.
  • SCP-3555 ("Attempted Suicide") - "Photographs corrected for this distortion show SCP-3555, apparently normal and alert, with an expression personnel have characterized as "relieved."" Written by atomicthumbsatomicthumbs.
  • SCP-3609 ("Hati Hróðvitnisson") - Damn moon wizards ruining our eschatology. Written by MrWrongMrWrong
  • SCP-3232 ("Bug Pillow") - A pillow full of bugs? Or is it a bug-pillow? A pillow for bugs? Infested by MrMcKonzMrMcKonz.
  • SCP-3500 ("Instructions Unclear, Got Dick Stuck In Roget") - Authorial wankery collapsing the narrative fabric of reality? That's what you get for writing so damn much! The Pataphysics Department has their work cut out for them. Coauthored by DrBleepDrBleep and RimpleRimple.
  • SCP-3115 ("99.7 Cognitohazard FM") - We now return you to our regularly scheduled [REDACTED]. Broadcast by ResearcherKatashResearcherKatash.
  • SCP-3033 ("A Human Weapon") - We can rebuild him. We can make him faster, stronger…do away with all that 'free will' nonsense. Lazar LyusternikLazar Lyusternik may be pulling the strings.
  • SCP-3012 ("Smoke the Reefer, Meet the Reaper") - "♪ All our times have come. ♪" kinchtheknifebladekinchtheknifeblade goes full spooky scary.
  • SCP-3941 ("The Major Occultation") - The Twelfth Imam has revealed himself to the world…I think? Written by TuftoTufto
  • SCP-2514 ("Wondertainment's Make-The-Tears-Go-Away Pony") - A gift that never arrived, for a life that couldn't thrive. Written by mlistermlister.
  • SCP-3008 ("A Perfectly Normal, Regular Old IKEA") - The only place where 'The store will be closing in five minutes.' could be considered a threat. Written by MortosMortos.
  • SCP-Jaguar-J ("Junior Researcher Hutchins' Incredible Automobile") - …and my other car is a Porsche! Written by RogetRoget.
  • SCP-3125 ("The Escapee") - Come see the aftermath of the 'There Is No Antimemetics Division' series of Tales by qntmqntm. This marks the beginning of the 'Five Five Five Five Five' series.
  • SCP-3113 ("In My Way") - An unstoppable force meets an immovab— No, fuck that noise. Move. Pushed aside by Communism will winCommunism will win.
  • SCP-2754 ("How To Put 110% Into Everything") - Step one: Buy my book! Written by DeathrayDeathray.
  • SCP-3050 ("Ogden") - You're going to have to stay after class. Permanently. Written by DrGravesDrGraves.
  • SCP-3400 ("Rorqual Infection") - I've had something strange swimming through my mind as of late… Written by Sterbai Sterbai .
  • SCP-3104 ("Cops Magnet") - All the kings horses and all the king's men…chased a brick of cocaine through Florida? Written by atomicthumbsatomicthumbs.
  • SCP-3310 ("The Old Man of the Lake") - Merely a finger in a god-sized dam. Written by stormbreathstormbreath.
  • SCP-3141 ("Anomalous Theorem") - X=Death. Solved by Dead SpectraDead Spectra.
  • SCP-3600 ("Documenting Doomsday") - I know how this all ends - over 847 ways, in fact. Believe me when I say this is the easy way out. Prophesied by MortosMortos.
  • SCP-3052 ("Disturbed") - What you did cannot be forgiven, and I'll never let you forget that. Tormented by WitrysoWitryso.
  • SCP-2672 ("Baby Monitor") - And if it was your own child? Would you care then? Designed by gishfacegishface.

Tales

GOI Formats

  • SPC-682 - If only we could get our 682 to beat the snot out of itself… Pummeled by sirpuddingsirpudding
  • SPC-1258 - Dolphinately the best course of action. Whale get along just fine. Tactically fisticuff'd by kenneth1221kenneth1221.

Hubs

  • IJAMEA Hub - The Imperial Japanese Anomalous Matters Examination Agency now has its own GOI hub! Check it out! Coauthored by Dr SoloDr Solo and MrWrongMrWrong.

Author's Pages

Week of May 8th:

♪ Awrrrooooooooo! Werewolves in WiFi ♪

SCPs

  • SCP-3025 ("Lucidity") - It's light as a feather - and will leave you stiffer than a board. Written by BentuBentu.
  • SCP-2967 ("Sapient Cephalopods") - Y'know what? Sure. You're cute enough to take over the Earth. It's been a blast! Written by RecursiveRecursionRecursiveRecursion.
  • SCP-3032 ("Ballistic Trees") - If a tree is armed in the forest, does it possess a launch code? LegoLabLegoLab prepares us for the tamarack attack.
  • SCP-3040 ("Give Her A Hand") - No, really. She seems to have misplaced her own. Written by EhksidianEhksidian.
  • SCP-3009 ("Wise-Cracking Alien") - Straddling the fine line between 'harsh critique' and 'being a dick'. Eh, it's probably for your own good. by deku_linkdeku_link.
  • SCP-3960 ("Best Friends Forever") - "♪ For the things you do, endear you to me ♪" by Jacob ConwellJacob Conwell
  • SCP-660 ("Earthen Womb") - Approximate gestation time: 6,600 years. Originally by MelWong and rewritten by Communism will winCommunism will win.
  • SCP-3015 ("A Story Concerning Self-Doubt, Slight Disillusionment, and Frustration, As Told By the Lucky Member of a Group Whose Relatable Works Are Loved Internationally") - <— What she said. Merrily made by DecibellesDecibelles
  • SCP-3281 ("[REDACTED BY AARS538]") - I'm afraid you can't know that, Dave. Written by MonkeyskyMonkeysky
  • SCP-3024 ("The Doxx Ghost") - "Holy Heck! You've just found yourself your very own Mr. Deadly Sins by Gamers Against Weed!" Written by Communism will winCommunism will win.
  • SCP-2879 ("Spot the Discrepancy") - "When boredom is your enemy, pick up and play Spot the Discrepancy!" Written by FrankWest2FrankWest2.
  • SCP-2674 ("An Ancient, Submerged Burial Ground") - Man, those Sarkic cultists are really scraping the bottom of the barrel. Written by ShioShio.
  • SCP-3900 ("The Internet of Things That Are Wolves") - Because you see the internet is a series of tubes, which makes it perfect for transmitting lycanthropy. Bitten by TyGentlyTyGently, who then bites a…
  • SCP-2593 ("Donut Jimmy") - Let's see: frosted, original, Bavarian creme, arsenic, cyanide, and jelly. Wait a minute, back up! There's no sprinkles on these! Half-baked by DrMagnusDrMagnus.
  • SCP-3061 ("Fear Contacts") - Don't blink. They use that time to creep closer. Written by TheToxic8TheToxic8.
  • SCP-2576 ("Cryonic Tea Party [CLEANUP NEEDED]") - The SCPF and the GOC are in the middle of a war over an anomaly. An EDIT WAR! That doesn't sound Boeing at all! Written by Authored by Created by Screw it. JekeledJekeled did it.
  • SCP-3800 ("Many Grandparents Ago") - "Following initial manifestation, instances will walk to shore and begin establishing a colony." Written by hi im stelhi im stel.
  • SCP-3101 ("Kinky Infohazard") - For once, something that actually wants to be contained…maybe a little too much? Detained by CyantreuseCyantreuse.
  • SCP-1-800-J ("SUPPLIES ARE LIMITED") - NOT AVAILABLE IN STORES! ACT NOW!!! Pitched by WitrysoWitryso.
  • SCP-3013 ("An Expression of Mourning") - Wow, it's practically leaping off the canvas! Written by TuftoTufto.
  • SCP-1933-EX ("Lake ███████ Monster") - Once they see this, they'll have no choice but to believe it!!! Yarn spun by RecursiveRecursionRecursiveRecursion.
  • SCP-3388 ("Too Many Wolves") - How many wolves is too many wolves? All of the wolves? Yea, that does seem like a little much. AndarielHaloAndarielHalo could go for a lone wolf right about now.
  • SCP-3993 ("")2- "Free super-fast Wi-Fi. And that's just the beginning." Written by adrianhonadrianhon.

Tales

  • What a Pleasant Town - Part three of the 'Above All, Stand I' series. Written by EsheterEsheter.
  • Kirche - After the Allies firebomb Dresden, Foundation Platoon Baker-66 is deployed to the city to investigate fresh spectral activity, and find a new consequence of war. Written by IhpIhp.
  • The exciting conclusion to the long-awaited Incident Zero arc from the Resurrection Canon is finally here! Be sure to check out parts 4 and 5! - Written by DrClefDrClef.

Hubs

  • Above All, Stand I. - A series revolving around one William Cranford: Foundation accountant and resident puppet-master. Written by EsheterEsheter.

Author's Pages

Week of May 15th:

They know how to swim…

SCPs

  • SCP-3302 ("Took the Wrong Left Turn") - Was it a left at The Great Abyss? Or maybe we should've taken that first right before R'lyeh? This is the last time we let PedantiquePedantique navigate!
  • SCP-3075 ("A Day At The Beach Is All It Takes") - "The foetus was found to be covered in a polymer textile resembling a full-body bathing suit." Written by Kid FKid F.
  • SCP-3700 ("Tides Of War") - A kaiju showdown for the ages! Should we be choosing sides? Written by DrBleepDrBleep.
  • SCP-3850 ("I Can't Drown My Demons") - He's trapped out there, face-down on the lake, lost in the fog… Written by A Random DayA Random Day.
  • SCP-2687 ("Instant Organs") - Just add people! Written by LarpnochezLarpnochez.
  • SCP-2654 ("1001 Arabian Snacks") - He'll tell you the secrets of the universe - right after he gets his grub on. How is this any different from your typical pothead, again? Whatever. He can crash at trettertretter's place.
  • SCP-3022 ("Hooked on a Feeling") - In case of emergency, head to the nearest restroom. Written by Communism will winCommunism will win.
  • SCP-3420 ("Too Many Ghosts") - Just keep telling yourself they deserved it. Written by kinchtheknifebladekinchtheknifeblade.
  • SCP-3034 ("The Counting Station") - Tell her 'All is well', and for the love of God, DON'T LET HER FINISH! Written by The Great HippoThe Great Hippo.
  • SCP-3750 ("A White Fish") - Backseat gamers are literally the worst, aren't they? Written by junkmail-ltjunkmail-lt.
  • SCP-3624 ("Crazy Chimera Lady") - "SCP-3624 is a thaumaturgic ritual consisting of a number of rites and gestures." Written by kemoT01kemoT01.
  • SCP-3370 ("Dead Air") - "Sydney Airport reminds passengers to stay hydrated and well-ventilated owing to complaints made by pilots of spontaneous combustion mid-flight." Written by Aiden EldritchAiden Eldritch.
  • SCP-3111 ("Fingerball ") - Written by WitrysoWitryso. Yup, it certainly wasn't written by FINGERBAAALLL!!!!!
  • SCP-3875 ("Heartly Changes") - Some march to the beat of their own ventricle. Written by TatatosTatatos.
  • SCP-2571 ("God's Away on Business") - One must imagine him miserable. Written by trettertretter.
  • SCP-3035 ("Science Bugs") - Cockroach see, cockroach do. Let's hope The Great HippoThe Great Hippo brought pesticide.
  • SCP-2639 ("Doctors Luther and Dumas") - Life and Death and Cards. I'm rooting for the one that won't kill me! Written by trettertretter.
  • SCP-3222 ("A Very Real Pencil") - "This pencil is all that's keeping me alive. I am dead. I am the dying." Written by CannedBreadCannedBread.
  • SCP-3872 ("Consult an Alchemist") - "SCP-3872 is William Henry Seward, US Secretary of State from 1861 to 1869, and appears to be biologically immortal." Written by DrMagnusDrMagnus.
  • SCP-3016 ("Perpetual Motion Run Amok") - You spin my head right round, right round round round round roundroundroundroundroundroundroundroundround. Written by GeometryPrimeGeometryPrime.
  • SCP-3026 ("Fashionable Neurovore") - Everything about this is so full of wrong. Originally by StarwarsbananaStarwarsbanana and rewritten by Communism will winCommunism will win.
  • SCP-3599 ("A Hard Day at Work") - You think your boss sucks? Pfft!!! Written by PedantiquePedantique.

Tales

GOI Formats

Author's Pages

Week of May 22nd:

HUT ONE HUT PI HUT i

SCPs

  • SCP-3480 ("Olympus Mons") - Every myth has a grain of truth. Every legend started somewhere. It's possible that the mythology of an entire culture started here. Sacrificed to the gods by Modern_ErasmusModern_Erasmus.
  • SCP-3072 ("They're Trading Away Our Lives Out There") - Making sure your company makes the most out of its money is an important part of any business. Kate McTirissKate McTiriss found this while buying stock in Envelope Logistics.
  • SCP-3027 ("Strong Language") - Speaking another language can change the entire way you view the world around you. This language wants you to see it a specific way. Spoken clearly by CannedBreadCannedBread.
  • SCP-2759 ("Reality Bent") - If a person can bend reality to their will, doesn't it stand to reason that reality can bend a person to its will? Believed into existence by trettertretter.
  • SCP-3973 ("Would you like to re-roll?") - It's not uncommon for tabletop gamers to accuse their dice of trying to kill them, but maybe it's not the dice they should be yelling at. A natural crit, rolled by Sly161Sly161.
  • SCP-2684 ("Sid Meier and Cleopatra") - Civilization is a great series. A great series for losing friends that is, provided you have the blood, sweat, tears, and heart to put into it. MoenennbysMoenennbys found this in the dust of a city razed by Raging Barbarians.
  • SCP-027-J ("Schrödinger's Remote") - A couple's argument spills into official documentation. Written by DrMagnusDrMagnus as he was looking for the remote to his TV.
  • SCP-2683 ("Proboscidea Pilgrimage") - Elephants have a very long memory. Sometimes their memories last for so long, they transcend death itself. Sterbai Sterbai found a water hole and was inspired.
  • Daveyoufool's Proposal (""KEEP CALM AND APOLLY ON"") - "APOLLY ON! APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE APOLLY!" Screamed into the void by daveyoufooldaveyoufool.
  • SCP-3199 ("Humans, Refuted") - Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Either way, it's terrifying. Hatched by bittermixinbittermixin.
  • SCP-3018 ("France & the Tale of the Well-Intentioned Understudies") - "Honor the fallen." A simple message, and one that these insects have taken to well. Caught from a bug net by DarkStuffDarkStuff, while they were wandering a forest.
  • SCP-3150 ("The Caravanserai at the End of the World") - "Come, weary traveller, and take a drink of coffee or a swig of wine at the inn on the roadside of time. Rub shoulders with the poets, warriors and fallen kings who litter these shifting sands. And find a greater truth in this oasis of wit and wisdom." Written by TuftoTufto.
  • SCP-3055 ("Yes, And") - People say the world is a stage and life is a play, but that can be a nightmare if it's always that way. Improvised by CannedBreadCannedBread.
  • SCP-3665 ("Instant Demon, Just Add Blood!") - "Asmodeus Labs is a company hell-bent on making the powers of darkness easy for the whole family to access." And they do just that. Summoned by RecursiveRecursionRecursiveRecursion.
  • SCP-3616 ("Writer's Block") - Everyone has a muse or inspiration, something that motivates them to write. Those muses don't always have the best intentions. Written with inspiration by kemoT01kemoT01.
  • SCP-3275 ("Excuse me, this is the wrong pizza.") - 'No, seriously, I'm allergic to pineapple and the delivery boy's lack of personal hygiene was haunting!' Coauthored by Scented_ShadowScented_Shadow and ZynZyn.
  • SCP-3021 ("Q=") - Changing a person's fundamental view of humanity is difficult. But what if that change could be completed artificially? Written by Communism will winCommunism will win.
  • SCP-2651 ("Gazers") -"If you're going to do a ritual, make sure everyone is aiming for the same goal. Chanted into existence by 9Volt9Volt.
  • SCP-3038 ("A Starseer") - You ever have that feeling like there's something in your eye, but no matter what you do you can't get it out? Written by MarcusJuniusBrutusMarcusJuniusBrutus.

Tales

Author's Pages

Week of May 29th:

How do you even fit this many SCPs into three days???

SCPs

  • SCP-3212 ("Non-Euclidean Euclid") - An SCP about a mass of tentacles that can mold the internal dimensions and space of a room, provided no one watches it. Maybe its just nervous. Written by Tanzanite423Tanzanite423.
  • SCP-2753 ("Psychic Residue") - Sometimes those thoughts you lock away see the light, sometimes only when you're dead. Written by MoenennbysMoenennbys.
  • SCP-3058 ("Concavity") - A small jar of black ink. Those who use it are visited by a strange apparition and strange dreams. Written by BentuBentu.
  • SCP-3076 ("Avidity") - Artistic skills, like anything else, can be improved through constant practice. This little bird will help you with that, giving the encouragement to constantly get better and better. It may encourage you to get too good though… Written by BentuBentu.
  • SCP-3066 ("Absurdity") - An SCP about a cabin in the woods that's definitely not your typical cabin in the woods. After all normal cabins don't have boreholes in the cellar that spew propaganda telling people to visit the place. Written by BentuBentu.
  • SCP-3803 ("Order Now, Before Supplies Perish!") - A satellite in orbit that occasionally sends advertisements to earth. "Order now, and increase your chance of spawning offspring tenfold!". Written as advertised by PedantiquePedantique.
  • SCP-3334 ("Literally a Billion Memes") - What if you could teach a machine to recognize and contain memetic hazards? This concept is explored in this very well thought out article. Machine taught by PandoraNukerPandoraNuker.
  • SCP-3028 ("The Nightmares We Love") - Good dreams are the ones you hang on to and that's a sentiment this small stuffed pig tries to invoke. It might not be the best idea to dwell on the past however. Dreamed up by QwagsQwags.
  • SCP-3569 ("Buuny Butler") - A friendly wooden rabbit statue that loves to help kids learn about, and maybe replace, their possessions. Found at a thrift shop by TheDigiZooTheDigiZoo.
  • SCP-3330 ("Etudes for the Universe") - There is a beauty to nature, isn't there? So many see it as the ultimate beauty, and John Milton Cage Jr. allowed that beauty to transcend into music, with a nice dose of fifthism at least. Conducted by TheBillithTheBillith
  • SCP-3037 ("A Model City") - "Cities have arms and legs, a whole body. And they fit inside rooms. That is simply what cities do." Written by CannedBreadCannedBread.
  • SCP-3042 ("Dog Is Love") - Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy? Ok, could you stop being such a good boy? Please? People are dying. PsyshadePsyshade loves dogs, and this one loves people.
  • SCP-3023 ("And then it decided to be an angry spider") - You probably don't have arachnophobia going into this, but you will coming out. The most unexpected objects turn into arachnoid monsters, and they don't like you. Communism will winCommunism will win while hanging upside down from a spiderweb.
  • SCP-3847 ("If only I could talk with birds") - The birds have a kind message for those patient enough to listen. The serpents do not. Transcribed from birdsongs by SunnyClockworkSunnyClockwork .
  • SCP-3110 ("One Man's Trash…") - A very charitable dumpster who loves to spread the wealth to the less fortunate. It may be a bit too generous though. Written by Ba55Ba55.
  • SCP-3910 ("A Comedy") - Nine pieces of chalk, nine symbols, nine doors, and nine dimensions. How are they all connected? Written by Sly161Sly161.

Tales

Author's Pages


Fandom Stuff

Fanart


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