Dr. Dentick's Personnel File

Name: Dr. Patrick Dentick

Security Clearance: L-2//AFT/OV

Current Position: Junior Researcher at Site-22.

Duties: Spreadsheet maintenance, caffeine procurement, and sustenance delivery.

Qualifications:

  • B.A. (Quantitative Astrology,) University of Georgia,1 2004.
  • M.A. (Applied Linguistics, Puns,) University of Atlantis,2 2007.
  • Ph.D. (Conventional Metaphysics,) University of Hell,3 2011.

Biographical Summary: The child of two Foundation researchers, Dr. Dentick was originally marked as a potential future asset under the Bright Eyes, Bright Minds program. Sinking grades and an increased interest in playing in Minor League Baseball disqualified him from the main watchlists for much of his early adult life. The publication of his dissertation Ontological Obtuseness: Why Existing is More Complicated Than You Think again drew the interest of recruiters despite the paper's panning in academic circles.

Documented SCPs:

SCP-3599: A place where the sweat of a man's brow is used to fuel a manufacturing process so vast as to defy human comprehension. Yes, of course it's in Detroit.

SCP-3442: A deep dive into enhancing corporate synergy to better employ core competency in incentivizing bleeding edge movements of "the needle."

SCP-3791: An anomaly so trivial that it practically contains itself. Don't worry about it too much. Don't worry about November 3rd either.

SCP-910: A alert keeps flickering at the corner of your vision, but it can wait.

SCP-3985: Nothing tells Bob in the next cubicle down to shut his mouth quite like hot death from the sky.

SCP-3649: It's the atmosphere, stupid.

Tales:

Forgetting the Number of Dead Stars: It's rare to find a company with memory replacement as part of its retirement package, but even then you never get cool new ones.

Thirty Pieces of Silver, Plus Inflationary Costs: Fiat currency really complicates bribery attempts, but cognitohazards help grease the wheels of the negotiation process.

Under a Baleful Sky: It's just not safe to go on long drives anymore. Or to pick up packages outside your house. Or to live in a city at all. Or to enjoy the wilderness.

Quarterly Performance Review: Weaponized mindfulness is difficult to list on a resume, but it's hard to dispute its worth.

In the Manner of a Bad Apple: Oh, worms?

Thousand-Tooth Rat Trap: It really kills one rat, or kills a bunch of them just a bit less intensely.

Salt the Slug, Sheepdog: Read the title in the tone of "Get in the fucking robot, Shinji."

Abject Blue Insomnia: Everything ends eventually.

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